


The Way You Make Me Feel

by speedgriffon



Series: The Way You Make Me Feel [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bad Puns, Best Friends, Comedy, Cuddling, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Other, Sexual Content, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, now with art!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:50:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 88,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3891838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speedgriffon/pseuds/speedgriffon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair and Evelyn Cousland are childhood friends who are reunited after spending their college years apart. They have a special bond--a friendship that many in their inner circle say verges on the romantic. They claim there is nothing there; that all they are is best friends. As time passes however, the two are suddenly faced with the realization that there is something more.</p><p>Currently working on a remaster [1/18] completed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're the One For Me

_Alistair struggles to watch her as she places the final box of belongings into the trunk of her car. It still doesn’t seem real that she is leaving. After spending the last ten years of his life with her—growing up together—he isn’t quite ready to let go. She turns to him after slamming the truck closed. He glances up but can’t lift his head to properly meet her gaze. Alistair knows he looks pathetic but he can’t force himself to smile even for her. She is leaving but all he wants is for her to stay._

_“Puppy dog pouts won’t work on me,” she tries to tease him as she steps closer, and dips her head so he is forced to look her in the eye. “Alistair?”_

_He sighs and straightens but feels his heart sink even more as they embrace. He squeezes her tight to his chest, resting his chin on the top of her head as she holds him just as close. “What would make you stay?” Alistair mumbles into her hair. He knows his question is futile._

_She doesn’t respond and he tries to pull away but she keeps him right were he was. Her eyes are glazed over with tears, expression straining to stay cheerful despite the situation. She shakes her head and wraps her arms around his neck, pressing on her toes so it is easier to press a kiss to his cheek._

_"Wait for me,” she sighs against his ear and Alistair nods into the crook of her neck as they hug one last time. “Don’t grow up too fast or forget about me.”_

_“Perish the thought,” he attempts to inject some humor into his tone but his voice cracks and his own tears pool in the corners of his eyes. A few trickle over the edge and down his cheeks. “I’ll miss you Couscous.”_

_She pulls away from him with a soft smile. “I’ll miss you, Alibear.”_

* * *

 

_Present day_

“I don’t understand why you insisted on coming with me.”

Alistair glances to his friend as they stroll along the aisle of the grocery store and smirks at his permanent frown. _Cullen Rutherford_ —a friend he met in college, a friend turned roommate after graduation and a friend that was about to break the holy bonds of ‘bromance’ by moving out to live with his girlfriend.

“Aurelie is my friend too. It’s only fair I help with the party,” Alistair pauses to grab a few bundles of paper plates from a shelf. “I’m also trying to convince you that you’re making a _huge_ mistake. What does Aurelie have that _I_ don’t?” he asks, semi-jokingly. “Don’t you like living with me?”

His pout only earns him an overly dramatic eye-roll. Cullen sighs, shaking his head as he pushes the cart along. Alistair chuckles at how easy it is to tease his friend. He understands that Cullen wants to take the next step in his relationship with Aurelie but wonders if his hesitation comes from a place of jealousy. It isn’t like Alistair has experienced that kind of love in his life…yet. The thought of Cullen moving out after four years also makes Alistair melancholy—a mood he isn’t fond of. Why does everybody always end up leaving him?

“What if she doesn’t cook you breakfast like I do?” Alistair continues to tease, trying to keep the mood light.

Cullen shakes his head in protest. “You don’t cook breakfast for me,” he comments, ignoring Alistair as he moves down another aisle. “Matter of fact, you don’t cook _at all_.”

Alistair narrows his eyes and pouts as if he is insulted. “I cook…sometimes,” he counters. “You know, grilled cheese _is_ a meal.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Theirin,” Cullen laughs.

Alistair shakes his head—he will miss his friend’s levelheaded nature, there to keep him in check everyday. The apartment is sure to decay into a state of chaos if Alistair is left alone. Maybe the solution is finding a domestic partner, just as Cullen has done. Then again, Alistair thinks, Cullen and Aurelie dated all through college—they have time and a well-built relationship on their side.

A thought crosses his mind as he connects the dots.

“Sooo…” he sings, perking up his brows at his friend. Cullen regards him with his usual unimpressed expression. “You’re moving in with her…” Alistair trails off.

“ _Yes_ ,” Cullen answers. “We’ve been over this, I’m not stay—”

“Oh! No, no,” Alistair laughs. “I’m not pouting about _that_ again. Not _now_ anyways,” he eyes Cullen carefully. “I’m _won-der-ing_ when Miss Trevelyan will become Mrs. _Rutherford_ —when do you plan on popping the big question?”

Cullen flinches, eyebrows jumping up in alarm as he flounders for a response. “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“ _Oooh_!” Alistair reaches over to smack the middle of Cullen’s back. The poor man has never been any good at keeping a straight face under pressure, regardless of his stiff demeanor. “So you _do_ plan to propose. Kind of cheesy to do so on her birthday, don’t you think?” he ignores Cullen’s irritated glare and sings, “ _first comes love, then comes marriage_ —”

“She’s not pregnant,” Cullen counters, cutting off Alistair and causing him to gasp in mock offense.

“ _What_? I wasn’t suggesting _that_ ,” he winks at Cullen. “Sly dog, you. You _are_ planning to ask her tonight.” Alistair turns to Cullen. “Knowing you, you already have a speech planned out and everything.”

“Something sappy like— _your eyes are like sapphires_ —am I right?” he asks. Cullen smacks Alistair in the arm but it hardly stops him. “You _do_ have a ring, right? You know there are three rings to marriage…”

“ _Alistair_ —” Cullen groans, either in warning or in annoyance of a joke he probably already knows.

“A wedding ring, obviously, then the endu­- _ring_ and finally suffe—” Alistair breaks off as he turns his attention away from Cullen for a brief second.

His whole body freezes at the sight of the familiar woman at the end of the aisle, save for his heart that feels like it might burst from his chest. It takes a moment for his mind to catch up to the moment and he lets go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “— _ring_ ,” Alistair finishes with a whisper.

“What? Never seen a pretty woman before, Alistair?” Cullen attempts to tease, but it goes straight through Alistair.

He blinks, waiting on bated breath for the woman to turn towards him. Her figure and profile is instantly recognizable but he won’t believe it until he sees her face. Warmth crashes over Alistair when she finally turns and he sees the familiar curve of her face. It’s like a dream come true—it’s her, it’s—

“Evelyn?” Alistair clears his throat when she flinches in surprise, looking up to see who called her name. There is no doubt now when he sees the sparkling green of her eyes and the small smile he wants to see turn into a grin. “ _Evelyn_!”

“Alistair!”

She starts to laugh as he practically runs to her. His smile widens as he meets her, wrapping his arms tight around her torso and lifting her up into a hug. Evelyn giggles as he spins her around a few times before placing her right back on the ground but she automatically wraps her arms around his neck for a proper embrace. Alistair holds her tight, taking in a deep breath to calm the excitement in his heart. It feels like ages since he last saw her— _held_ her.

Alistair rocks her back and forth in his arms as she chuckles and when he finally, reluctantly, pulls away he glances down at Evelyn. “Oh wow. _Look_ at you!” he is taken aback by how much she has changed since he last saw her. “You’re _beautiful_.”

A faint blush dusts her cheeks and Alistair pulls away in alarm when he hears Cullen cough behind him. With a smile he steps away from Evelyn but moves to grasp her hand in his. Cullen eyes the action, brow raised high in curiosity.

“Cullen!” Alistair is beaming. “You remember Evelyn Cousland, I hope,” he pauses when Cullen purses his lips in thought. Evelyn has been absent from his life for the last few years but she did visit their dorm room in college a few times. “My friend from grade school?”

“Oh!” Cullen’s eyes light up as he studies her face a little more carefully. “Evelyn. Of course,” he offers his hand to her and Alistair rolls his eyes at Cullen’s polite ways.

“It’s nice to see you again,” Evelyn shakes Cullen’s hand, glancing between the two.

Alistair hates how foreign her voice sounds and feels guilty for going so long without hearing her voice. He finds himself distracted looking over her features, familiarizing himself with what she looks like. Her dark hair is shorter than he remembers, but he is delighted to see her bangs grown out like the style she had growing up. She’s thinner, but her body has matured in more ways than one, filling out her pencil skirt and blouse. Time has been incredibly kind to her.

“Wait,” he swallows hard, nerves flaring under his skin. “Are you back in town? Or just visiting?” Alistair doesn’t mean to sound so desperate but it wasn’t until now that he realizes just how much he misses her.

Evelyn’s smile falters. “Just visiting, I’m afraid—”

“For how long?” Alistair asks, cutting her off. Her eyes shine when she widens them in surprise but she doesn’t seem _too_ alarmed by his eagerness. All the while Cullen is watching them interact and Alistair can feel his friend’s gaze burning into the back of his skull.

“A few days and then I’m…going back,” Evelyn explains with a shrug.

Alistair can’t hide his disappointment. _Highever_ —miles away from the capitol of Denerim where they grew up, miles away from where he lives in town. Before he can even stop himself he feels excitement course through him. He takes one fleeting look at Cullen before tugging on Evelyn’s hand.

“Do you remember Cullen’s ladylove Aurelie?” Evelyn nods and Alistair ignores the way Cullen is shaking his head. “We’re having a birthday party tomorrow night for her,” he wiggles his eyebrows up and down. “I’m sure it will be _engaging_.”

“Ugh,” Cullen groans, one hand covering his face in embarrassment. Evelyn softly laughs, glancing at Cullen.

“Is that alright with you?” she asks Cullen in a gracious tone.

Alistair smiles at her words—what he lacks in manners she makes up for tenfold. After a moment Cullen nods but gives Alistair a long look before pushing the cart forward to give them some privacy. Alistair takes the hint but finds himself reluctant to pull away from his long-lost friend, not after all this time apart.

“So…you’ll come to the party?” he asks her, sighing when she squeezes his hand before pulling away to pick up her shopping basket again. “I can give you directions to the apartment…you still have the same number, right?”

Evelyn smiles and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear when she nods. His heart soars when she speaks. “Don’t worry Alistair, I’ll be there.”

She reaches up and he is surprised but delighted when she adjusts the collar of his jacket so it isn’t as ruffled. Alistair can’t help but grin at the prospect of catching up but there is a lingering sadness that she isn’t in Denerim to stay. He leans in close and narrows his eyes in a playful sneer.

“You promise, _Couscous_?” she laughs and playfully pushes at his chest, still embarrassed by his life-long nickname for her.

“ _Yes_ , I promise,” she sticks her tongue out in retort. “ _Alibear_.”

They embrace one last time and Alistair watches as she leaves, his lips settling into a content smile. Long after she is gone he turns to find Cullen waiting for him at the end of the aisle with an amused expression.

“What was all that about?” Cullen asks, giving Alistair a suspicious glance-over. “ _Alibear_ ,” he teases with a short laugh. Alistair doesn’t let it bother him and continues to walk with a small skip in his step. Nothing will bring his mood down, not even Cullen.

He shrugs, over-exaggerating his mock confusion. “I don’t know what you mean!”

“All that… _hugging_ and—” Cullen sighs as he knits his eyebrows together in confusion. “It just seems like you two are _close_.”

“We are!” Alistair doesn’t understand what Cullen in insinuating. He and Evelyn are close friends, have been for as long as he can remember. What is the harm in showing affection for a friend he holds so dearly? When Cullen tilts his head to the side with a knowing smirk, Alistair widens his eyes in realization. “ _Oh_. Oh! No, no! Nothing like _that_.”

“Really,” Cullen doesn’t seem convinced and Alistair crosses his arms over his chest in frustration.

It seems Cullen is just like all the others who gave him and Evelyn a hard time about their _intimate_ friendship. They had shared a lot through their childhood and Alistair grew sick of explaining and defending the right to be so close, even now when they had been separated for years.

“Yes _really_. I thought I explained all this before,” Alistair huffs. He doesn’t enjoy the amused expression Cullen holds. “Evelyn and I grew up together, here in Denerim. Went to school together and were— _are_ —best friends.”

“Uh-huh,” Cullen nods. It seems like he’s made up his mind, regardless of Alistair’s arguments. “Best friends with benefits? I’m surprised I didn’t notice this back in college when she visited.”

“That’s because you were _distracted_ ,” Alistair counters, hinting at Aurelie. The two had just started dating back then. “Plus, I think she had a boyfriend at the time—” Alistair grumbles at Cullen’s persistent smirk. “We’ve never even kissed” he yelps.

“It’s—it’s not like that with her, okay?” Alistair pouts.

“Alright,” Cullen finally relents, ending his line of questioning but Alistair can still see the glint of uncertainty in his eyes. He sighs, knowing he’ll never hear the end of it. Still, Alistair smiles. It will be worth it—if only to spend a few hours with his long lost best friend.


	2. Feeling Extra Good

Even if Evelyn had forgotten which apartment was Alistair’s she would have been able to  _hear_  her way to the right building. It was well past the official start-time of the party when she walked up towards the building, pausing to take in the sight of the people that had spilled out onto the front patio.

If Evelyn was being honest with herself, she almost didn’t make it to the party—too caught up in her anxiety of what might happen. She was so happy to have run into Alistair; their relationship had been touch-and-go while they attended college and she had only visited her hometown on occasion over the past four years. Yet when Alistair saw her he had acted as if no time had passed at all. It made her heart soar knowing she still had a reason to come home after all.

Still, she was worried about attending a party where the only person she truly knew was Alistair. Sure, they had many mutual friends but they were people she had not seen since  _grade school_. Her nerves only became worse as she entered the apartment, struggling to find a familiar face, or at least somebody familiar enough to talk to. Then again the whole place was crowded with people, and Evelyn had to squeeze herself through a throng of drunkards just to find a safe place to stand.

She stood along the kitchen island-bar, eyeing the room for a familiar head of dusty blonde. Instead she saw several other recognizable faces on the other side of the apartment; Leliana and Zevran from grade school and Josephine—the later somebody she had met briefly at one of Alistair’s college parties years past. Usually Evelyn had more confidence than she was feeling at the moment and instead of walking over she turned around, busying herself with mixing a drink from the collection of liquor bottles.

A pair of arms slithered around her waist as she was suddenly pulled into an embrace. Evelyn would have shrieked if she didn’t recognize Alistair out of the corner of her eye as he leaned forward, resting his chin across her shoulder.

“Boo!” He laughed and she couldn’t help but smile as he loosened his grip, giving her the room to spin around in his arms. Alistair hugged her in greeting and Evelyn carefully balanced her drink in one hand as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Alistair squeezed her tight to his chest for a moment and she savored the warmth while it lasted. When he pulled away he was grinning. “You made it.”

She quickly glanced over his appearance, still unable to believe how much he had grown and changed over the years. He was much taller than she remembered, and with each hug she wondered when he had started working out—there was no way his shoulders were that broad when they were younger. Even his face was different, but when he laughed she could still see his boyish charms shining through.

“I hope I’m not too late.” Evelyn finally responded but Alistair shook his head in earnest.

“You’re right on time, actually.” Alistair exclaimed before reaching down to grasp her hand in his. “Come on, I need a partner for the beer-pong game.”

“Wait-wait.” Evelyn laughed, keeping Alistair from dragging her away so quickly. “Beer pong? And here I thought we were  _adults_.” She teased, watching as Alistair rolled his eyes dramatically.

“But being an adult is  _bor-ring_.” He sang and finally she relented, following him as he continued to hold her hand.

When they arrived at the table set-up she took notice of Cullen and the woman standing next to him. They were standing close and while it took her a moment  Evelyn finally recognized the brunette as Aurelie Trevelyan. Alistair brought Evelyn closer to the couple, his arm wrapped around her shoulder as he waved a hand in their direction.

“You remember Cullen? My roommate—I mean  _ex-_ roommate.” Alistair corrected himself, playfully glaring in Cullen’s direction. The other man rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arm around Aurelie in a similar manner.

“I haven’t moved out  _yet_.” He clarified. Aurelie was smiling at Evelyn and cut off Alistair before he could say anything.

“Evelyn, right?” Aurelie asked, reaching out her hand in greeting. Evelyn took the offer, shaking her hand for a moment as she nodded. “It’s good to see you again.” She paused, her eyes flicking from Alistair to his hand on Evelyn’s shoulder. “I wasn’t aware the two of you—”

“ _Aren’t_.” Cullen cut in and Evelyn was confused for a moment until Alistair sighed, shaking his head and pointing at Cullen in an accusatory manner.

“Hey now, what did I tell you before?” His arm fell from her shoulder and she politely smiled, realizing what was being insinuated. This was common; many people loved to assume her and Alistair’s closeness equaled a romantic relationship.

“So you aren’t?” Aurelie asked in clarification. Alistair and Evelyn shook their heads at the same time.

“No.” They spoke in unison. When an awkward silence threatened to fall upon them, Evelyn eyed the table and the already set-up cups.

“Are we going to play, or what?” She asked, making sure her tone was playfully competitive. Alistair was quick to join her, chuckling as he moved to one end of the table.

“Yeah  _Curly_ , ready to admit defeat in the face of the beer-pong master?” Alistair taunted, to which Cullen only sighed before moving to the opposite end. Aurelie joined him and Evelyn moved to Alistair’s side where he was grinning. “We’re team  _Ali-eve_.” He spoke.

“Ali-eve?” Cullen questioned. “Isn’t that…a pain reliever— _oh._ ”

“They’re trying to be clever.” Aurelie explained. Alistair only put on an arrogant expression, causing Evelyn to laugh.

“Yes. Because you’ll be needing one in the morning after all the drinking you’ll be doing tonight.” Alistair threatened playfully.

“Is that so?”

It was. Evelyn wasn’t surprised that Alistair was still good at the silly game, but she was surprised at her own abilities. She hadn’t played the game in years and yet with every toss, she sunk the tiny ball into a cup. It was best two-out-out-of-three, and it was the third round that would determine the winner. Evelyn could feel the soft buzz of alcohol in the back of her head but she grew more comfortable and confident as the night rolled on.

All the while Alistair and Evelyn were laughing, creating distractions for Cullen and Aurelie to fall victim to while they focused on their shots. One elaborate diversion included Alistair threatening a strip tease while Evelyn stuffed dollar bills into his jeans. When it came down to the final shot there was one cup left on each side. Alistair held the ping-pong ball, steadying his breathing as he aimed.

“A kiss for luck?” He joked, and Evelyn rolled her eyes before pressing her lips to his cheek.

Alistair winked in her direction before finally tossing the small ball and Evelyn held her breath as it first bounced off the edge of the cup before landing into the amber liquid. Instantly she was swept up in Alistair’s arms as he cheered in excitement, the audible grumbling coming from the opposite side of the table only encouraging his excitement.

“Alright, Theirin, you win.” Cullen admitted, trying to calm his friend’s over the top enthusiasm at sinking the final shot.

Finally, Alistair rested Evelyn back on her feet and she watched in amusement as he gathered up the remaining full cups, pouring them into one for Cullen to drink from. Alistair handed it over to his friend but hesitated for a moment as guests looked on. After a moment Cullen chuckled before glancing down to Aurelie. Evelyn raised a curious brow and grew even more confused as Alistair let out a small squeal of excitement. What was going on?

“I better do this while I’m still sober enough.” Cullen mumbled and Aurelie gave him a puzzled look when he placed his drink back on the table.

Alistair seemed to grow even more excited as Cullen dug into his pockets, the whole crowd of onlookers falling silent as he pulled out a small velvet box. Aurelie’s eyes widened and her hands flew to her mouth as he shifted to one knee. The sight surprised Evelyn as well before she remembered that Alistair had hinted to this in a small way at the market. To think he had kept it a secret for more than 24 hours amused her. It was hard for her to hear Cullen’s words to Aurelie over Alistair’s giggling next to her, but before the man had even finished the other woman was nodding her head.

“ _Yes_! Yes!” Aurelie exclaimed, and the whole room erupted in applause. Cullen jumped from the ground to gather her in an embrace, the two kissing rather passionately as the throng of people descended to congratulate them. Alistair seemed eager to approach but Evelyn tugged on his arm, giving him a warning glance.

“Let them have their moment Alistair. You’ll be able to embarrass them at the wedding in no time.” She reminded him.

“You know just what to say.” Alistair replied. After a moment he grabbed at her hand again, moving them towards the small balcony.

“What are we doing?” Evelyn asked, chuckling a bit as Alistair paused to grab the drink from the table.

“Catching up! While I do Cullen a  _fa-vor_.” He regarded the cup of beer and Evelyn followed him, shivering slightly at the chill of the night air on her skin as they stepped outside.

There was nobody else out on the balcony at the time, giving the two a moment to glance over another. Evelyn had to wonder if  _she_  looked just as different to him as he did to her. She had cut her hair—though it had always been this short through grade school. She had lost weight as well, but that was a different story all together. Alistair continued to stare at her with a soft smile until finally she couldn’t take it any longer, his gaze causing her cheeks to heat up.

“What?” She laughed. Alistair shook his head.

“I can’t believe you’re back…” His tone softened and Evelyn frowned for a moment.

“For now.” She reminded before shaking her head; she didn’t want the conversation to become melancholy so soon. “What have you been up to, Alistair? I assume you graduated?”

Alistair blinked a few times before catching onto her more optimistic approach. “Oh. Yes. That.  _Gradu-ating_.” He sighed. “I did. Can’t say I’ve done anything with it though.”

“What do you mean?” Evelyn asked next. “Last I knew you wanted to follow your father’s steps and try for a political career.”

“Yes well…” Alistair frowned before chuckling to himself, his free hand rubbing his neck nervously. “It hasn’t been easy—all the government jobs I’m either not qualified for, or are internships with no pay.” He shrugged. “ _Kinda_  need the paying job.”

Evelyn nodded, encouraging him to continue. “Where are you working now? Not that security job I hope?”

“Noooo- _yes_.” Alistair sighed and Evelyn smirked, knowing he could never lie; especially to her. She felt bad for bad-mouthing his job, but Alistair’s expression lit up a tiny bit. “I was actually promoted! You’re looking at  _head_  of security for the Denerim District Mall.”

“Is that why you’ve buffed up?” Evelyn had to ask and could only giggle as Alistair’s eyes widened before his eyebrows started to wiggle in a suggestive gesture.

“ _Oh_ , like what you see Miss Cousland?” Alistair teased as he moved his arms to pose, flexing beneath his hooded sweater. Evelyn played along, shrugging.

“Hard to see beneath all those layers.” She winked, and Alistair scoffed in mock offense before placing his drink down. Quickly he pulled off his hoodie, handing it to her before repeating his earlier actions.

“Go on, touch my arm.” He smirked. “I know you want to.”

Evelyn rolled her eyes before obliging; reaching out to rest her palm along his somewhat exposed bicep. He had definitely toned-up, no longer the stick-boy she remembered growing up with. He was fit back then, but  _now_ —she had to admit it was attractive on him.

“Why did you feel the need to work out so much?” She joked, squeezing once as he momentarily relaxed his arms.

“Gotta be tough for the punks that loiter the mall.” Alistair teased, flexing his arm again as her fingers worked over the muscle. She giggled, but crinkled up her nose—a sure sign she was about to tease him.

“Going around punching teenagers, Alibear?” He laughed with her until she patted his arm one last time. “It’s a good look. Has it given you better luck with the  _ladies_?”

“No...” Alistair’s cheeks heated in embarrassment. Evelyn perked up a brow and he sighed. “Not as much as I’d like.”

“Don’t worry.” Evelyn encouraged, and Alistair hummed his approval when she reached up to give his cheek a quick pinch. “I’m sure I can help you find somebody that can see past the corny jokes and pick-up lines.”

“ _Heyyy_.” Alistair whined and Evelyn only laughed as he pouted.

Alistair continued to smile as they chatted, his eyes dancing across her features as she told more stories of the past four years. Her adventures in Highever, traveling abroad in Orlais for a summer—she wondered how  _he_ had missed out on this knowledge until now. While she didn’t know it, he was silently vowing to never let time or circumstances keep them apart ever again.

When his drink was finally empty, his eyes grew too heavy for his own good. Evelyn took notice and stopped talking, much to Alistair’s obvious disappointment; “ _I could listen to your sweet voice for ages_.” Evelyn blushed at his words but shuffled him back inside. It quickly became apparent as they entered the apartment once more that the party had dwindled and died hours ago, the only patrons left being Cullen and Aurelie sitting on the couch near the balcony.

“We were wondering when, if ever, you’d return to us.” Cullen teased. Aurelie held a similar smug smile as she sat snuggled into his embrace, though Evelyn could tell the woman was moments away from sleep. Alistair scoffed but leaned on Evelyn for support. She wondered if he realized how drunk he really was.

“Shh.” Alistair responded, pressing one of his fingers to his lips. “Did I mention how  _happy_  I am for you two?”

Cullen gave Evelyn a look and she nodded, wrapping her arm around Alistair’s waist to support his weight. “Come along now Alistair. I think it’s time we got you to bed.”

“Bed?” He asked, turning his head to look at her. She moved his arm around her neck before smiling softly at the newly engaged couple, silently bidding them a good night. Cullen seemed intent on watching her somewhat carry Alistair away, his gaze almost accusatory as she pushed Alistair through to his bedroom.

Once inside Alistair seemed content to fall away from her, almost tripping as he toppled onto his bed. Evelyn snickered for a moment at the way his legs hung off the side of the bed, closing the door behind her before advancing to where he was.

“Alibear?” Evelyn cooed, trying to comfort him as she worked to make sure he wasn’t  _too_  drunk. She wasn’t about to leave him in a state that could lead to something bad. His only response was a muffling of words into the sheets and she had to push at his shoulder to roll him onto his side. “Are you here Alistair?”

“ _Here_.” He sang, a lopsided grin on his lips as he lazily opened his eyes. She helped him sit up on the edge of the bed and he caught on quickly though she found herself turning away as he reached down to undress himself. “What? It’s not like you haven’t—”Alistair hiccupped, and Evelyn glanced back down to find his jeans in a pool at his feet, his hands now busy tugging at his socks.

“Will you be ok if I leave?” She asked and Alistair shot his head up, the action nearly causing him to fall back into bed. He shook his head, a frown on his lips this time.

“You’re  _leaving_?” His tone was childish, but then again Evelyn didn’t really expect anything less. “No, no.  _Stay_.” With a soft laugh, she shook her head.

“I don’t have anything to sleep in!” She pondered her words and his reaction before adding; “I don’t think its…appropriate timing.”

“Why?” Alistair blinked at her, his hands now tugging at the hem of his shirt to bring it over his head, exposing his naked chest. Evelyn tried not to stare for too long and couldn’t come up with a good enough argument. Their actions tonight had already proved that any time apart couldn’t put a wedge between their close bonds. With a sigh, she shook her head again before prompting him to lie down in bed.

“If I stay—”

“I have some spare clothes in the top drawer.” Alistair hummed, his voice quieting as he shuffled the blankets around in preparation. “I’ll close my eyes like a good boy.”

Evelyn continued to be amused by the man she called her best friend. As soon as she confirmed that his eyes were closed she grabbed the clothes from the dresser. Upon closer inspection, she recognized them as clothes she had left years ago. They would be a little baggy on her, but she was more shocked to find them exactly where she remembered leaving them.

“Is it alright if we  _ca-boo-dle_?” Alistair was barely able to get the last word out as his speech slurred with sleep.

Evelyn couldn’t help but grin as he reached out for her, his arms crossing the span of the bed towards where she stood at the edge. His eyes were still closed as she finished changing, placing her clothes in a small pile on a nearby chair. Slowly she crawled into the space next to him before squealing out as he suddenly grabbed her about the waist and pulled her onto the mattress. In one fluid movement Alistair had wrapped the blankets tight around them creating a cocoon of warmth, his arms wrapped tight around her waist as he pressed her back to his chest.

“Just keep your hands to yourself, or I’ll have to tie you up.” Evelyn teased. Alistair only squeezed her closer, shifting so his legs tangled with her own.

“I might like that, you know.” Alistair responded, humor in his tone. “I’m a  _bad, bad_  man.” He pinched her belly then and she yelped in mild pain, smacking at his hands across her waist.

“ _Alistair_!”

He chuckled into the back of her head, his breath fanning out across her neck in a slight tingle. He readjusted his arms, moving the one against the mattress up so it was tucked beneath the pillows and his other so it still tucked around her waist. Evelyn sighed before snuggling herself closer, remembering all the times they had done this in the past on cold nights or when they simply wanted the comfort of company. She closed her eyes, smiling when he pressed a kiss to her temple before relaxing his body completely. Truly, she had missed  _this_ —had missed Alistair.


	3. I'm a Nobody Too

Alistair wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not when he awoke the next morning. He wasn’t one to sleep though the night and yet he had no clear memory of waking up even once. He wanted to blame it on the amount of alcohol he had consumed the night before but as soon as he peeked open his eyes he changed his mind. Evelyn was still there in his bed, in his arms. She had rolled over as she slept, her arms curled up against his chest as she used his bicep as a pillow. Alistair kept his arms around her waist, making sure to stay as still as possible to allow her to sleep a while longer.

It had been years now since they had shared a bed like this and yet it hadn’t taken them very long to find comfort in one another. It bothered Alistair to think that Evelyn would only be in town for a short time and struggled to come up with a valid excuse for her to stay. There was so much about her sudden arrival in town he didn’t know about. As she continued to sleep Alistair held her close, suddenly afraid to lose her once more. Then again, he was also berating himself for losing contact as they attended college. At least it seemed that their bond hadn’t been broken.

When Evelyn started to shift in his arms Alistair glanced down to snort in laughter at the way her face was pressed against his arm. Her lips were wedged against his skin, partly open as she lightly drooled. His mild laughter roused her even more and she hummed in annoyance, turning her body so she was curled  _that_  much closer to him. He had to remind himself she was never the best at waking up in the morning.

“You’re staring at me.” She grumbled, her eyes barely peeking open as she tilted her head up to look at him. Alistair chuckled softly, reaching his free hand to wipe at her mouth.

“You’re  _drooling_  on me.” Alistair teased. Evelyn’s face flushed in realization and she nearly flinched away in embarrassment as Alistair wiped his hand against the sheet surrounding them. “ _Some_ -body slept well.”

Evelyn smiled, nodding her head as she moved her own hand to wipe at her mouth. Alistair was content in the silence that followed, satisfied with snuggling as they pulled themselves out of their slumber. Her eyes shifted away from his face and down his neck before landing on his shoulder, her hand following her line of vision. Alistair glanced down as her fingers ghosted over his skin, causing gooseflesh to follow in the wake of her touch.

“Do you like what you see?” Alistair joked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. Evelyn’s expression flattened, unimpressed with his teasing as she pressed her forefinger against his collarbone. Suddenly he realized she wasn’t staring at his  _physique_  but at the faded silver scar that stretched from his shoulder across his collar before fading above a pectoral.

“Where did you get this?” Evelyn asked, tracing the line before resting her palm over it. Alistair shifted a little as he craned his head down to look at the mark as if he had never seen it before. Honestly, he had forgotten about the scar, considering how long ago he had received it.

“My first few months as security—I was reckless, which isn’t surprising.” He laughed when Evelyn nodded in agreement. Her finger drew over the scar once more and he sighed. “Robbery suspect: it’s still the worst thing that’s ever happened to me on the job.”

“Is that why you decided to…beef up?” Evelyn asked next, her lips curling up in a small smile as her fingers pinched at his bicep. “I can’t imagine  _skinny_  Alistair putting up much of a fight.”

“ _Heyyy._ ” Alistair whined, puffing out his cheeks. “I’ll have you know that since  _beefing up_ , I’ve handled myself fairly well. I’m more intimidating than you think.”

“Sure.” Evelyn quickly quipped, her lips curling in as she held back her laughter. “Alistair and intimidating are words that do not belong in the same sentence.”

Alistair struggled for a moment to calm his own amusement, trying to put on a face of disappointment and authority; an expression similar to one he wore when he was on duty. When all the response he got was more laughing, he changed his tactics. Before she realized what he was doing he shifted his hands to her sides, waiting until she steadied her laughter before wiggling his fingers along her waist as he tickled her. Evelyn shrieked, her head snapping back as she tried to pull away from him, only for Alistair to move her so that she was pinned beneath him as he continued his assault.

“Are you ready to apologize?” Alistair asked, leaning himself over her as she pushed against his chest, her back arching away from his touch. She was laughing, gasping for air—his tickling was known to be relentless. “I’m stronger than you now, Couscous. I can tickle you for  _days_.”

“ _Maker_!” Evelyn turned her head sharply when he lowered his face close to hers to continue his teasing, her nose scrunching up as she pushed at his shoulders again. “Alistair, your breath!”

Alistair frowned before leaning back to kneel between her legs, his hands going still along her waist. He brought one up to his mouth, breathing out to check for himself before making a similar disgusted noise.

“How much did I drink last night? I smell like stale beer.” He commented, glancing down to find Evelyn calming her breathing after their little bout of playful teasing.

She pushed up onto her elbows, smiling up at him. “Go brush your teeth like an adult, Alibear.” Evelyn’s expression was too sweet to say no to but Alistair was still reluctant to leave, even if it was for a few moments. “We’ll talk more after that.”

With that promise he finally pushed himself from the bed, grabbing his discarded shirt from the night before and pulling it over his head as he exited his room, closing the door behind him. Alistair was set to walk across the hall to the bathroom when he heard a throat clearing nearby. He turned to find Cullen standing at the end of the hall, his eyebrow arched and expression questioning.

“ _Yeeesss_?”

“You lied.” Cullen accused. Alistair widened his eyes, caught off guard by his friend’s words. “About Evelyn.” He continued.

Alistair only knitted his eyebrows together in confusion as he stepped closer to Cullen, moving away from his bedroom door. “What are you talking about?”

“You  _slept_  with her.” Cullen spoke. “Doesn’t seem like  _just friends_  behavior to me.”

“Yes. I did sleep with her. What of it?” Alistair prompted in return and Cullen simply raised his eyebrows in shock. Alistair suddenly realized what he was hinting at and let his expression relax, even though he felt mildly irritated at Cullen’s judgment. Why was he so interested in what he was doing with Evelyn? “Oh, you mean in the  _naughty_  way.”

“Is there a difference?” Cullen asked.

“The  _naughty_ way includes naked bits flying about.” Alistair could only laugh at the bewildered expression Cullen flashed next. “The  _caboodle_  way is friends just snuggling with most of their clothes on.”

“Right.” Cullen still didn’t seem convinced. “And all that giggling I just heard?”

“Platonic tickling.”

Cullen only seemed more confused, sighing as he shook his head in disbelief. “I only came over here to let you know Aurelie and I are leaving—we’ll be back in the afternoon to pick up the rest of my boxes.”

“Ooo!” Alistair was suddenly reminded that he would soon be without a roommate. He didn’t mean to sound  _so_  excited just then, but the idea that struck him had him eager to get back to his bedroom. “Hey, what if I ask Evelyn to move in?”

“What?” Cullen asked flatly. “That’s ridiculous. You’ve only just—”

“ _No_ , it’s perfect.” Alistair argued, feeling joy at the thought of his best friend living with him after spending so many years apart. “I’m going to ask her.”

It seemed Cullen had nothing else to say but his expression told Alistair there would be more discussion later. Without another word Cullen left the apartment, only offering Alistair a small wave of the hand. Thrilled at the idea he had come up with Alistair forgot about the reason he had left his bedroom and jolted right back through the door, only to freeze in his tracks as he caught Evelyn re-dressing.

“ _Alistair_!” Evelyn scolded him as he sharply turned away, his face heating in embarrassment at seeing her in her bra and panties. “Maker, have you forgotten how to knock first?”

“But this is  _my_ room!” Alistair teased, waiting until he heard the shuffling of clothes to turn around. “And…I’ve seen you in  _less_.”

Evelyn held back her smile, faking a shocked and offended expression as she grabbed the nearest pillow to toss in his direction. He caught it effortlessly, laughing at how  _she_  was now the embarrassed one.

“Don’t start.” She warned, her lips quivering as she finally broke down and joined him in laughter. After a few moments he crossed over, sitting down on the edge of the bed to watch her gather her belongings. “The last thing I want to do is put a frown on that adorable face of yours…”

When she trailed Alistair felt his joyful expression faltering at what she was hinting at. “ _But_ …” He dragged the word out and Evelyn sighed, her smile softening to offer compassion.

“I have to leave soon. Drive back to Highever.” She paused, her lips pursing in thought as if she was thinking about telling him more. “I have some problems to resolve.”

“Like what?” Alistair asked, hugging the pillow she had tossed to his chest. Evelyn breathed out, her eyes lowering away from his gaze.

“Okay, so…” She twisted her lips in thought. “The only reason I came back to Denerim was because…this guy I was dating, we broke up. We were living together, so I wanted to get away before something bad happened.”

“Bad?” Alistair interrupted. “Maker, Evelyn don’t tell me he—”

“No!” Evelyn nearly shouted. “I mean…we’ve been on and off for the last four years and this time I want to be  _off_. For good.”

Alistair nodded, understanding what she meant. He wasn’t sure if he knew the boyfriend she was talking about—Evelyn had dated just as frequently as he had over the years but had never seen her with somebody when she showed up at a college party. The look on her face told him not to ask just yet; she would tell him when she was ready.

“Anyways. It’s been a few days and I figured it’s time to go and collect my things.” Evelyn seemed completely dejected now, her smile replaced with a small frown. “Fergus is going to put me up until I can find a place to—”

“OH!” Alistair leapt from the bed, the pillow dropping to the floor as he reached out in alarm. Evelyn flinched, startled by his sudden movement but allowed him to grab her shoulders as his expression lit up. “Why don’t you live with  _me_?”

“W—what?” Evelyn blinked a few times, completely caught off guard. After a moment Alistair nodded and slowly Evelyn’s smile returned, even if she still seemed skeptical. “Alistair, are you sure?”

“Sure as cheese is cheese!” He responded only for Evelyn to nearly sputter as she laughed out at his words. “I mean, Cullen is leaving and…talk about a convenient coincidence!” Evelyn nodded first before wrapping her arms around his waist to hug him. Alistair returned the embrace but was quick to pull away to read her expression. “ _So_? Couscous and Alibear—back together?”

“Well… when you put it  _that_  way.” Evelyn yelped as Alistair lifted her up in another tight hug, twirling her around in a circle. “You’ll have to come with me to Highever to help.” She spoke when he finally placed her back down on the ground.

“Anything you need.” Alistair said, his heart still racing in excitement. “You’ve made me a happy man.”

Evelyn seemed to be surprised by his words, her eyes shining with something he had not seen before. It disappeared as she grinned at him, joining in his excitement. Alistair was still surprised at her sudden reappearance in his life but couldn’t wait to start a new chapter in their friendship. As he hugged her again he realized he had missed her more than he initially thought and was grateful she was back—he wouldn’t be letting go anytime soon.

* * *

 

A few hours later (and after Alistair had brushed his teeth), they departed from the apartment on the long drive to Highever. It would take them the rest of the day to make the trip, collect her belongings and drive back, but Evelyn knew it would be worth it. Every time Alistair glanced over at her in the passenger seat he was grinning, seemingly in disbelief she was still there. Evelyn couldn’t believe it either—how quickly her life was changing in the matter of days.

As they drove her phone continued to buzz in her lap as a flood of text messages came in. While she would rather talk with Alistair she found herself distracted with answering the messages that were only souring her mood. Alistair seemed to pick up on her change in mood, his hand reaching over to rest over hers in a sign of support. She appreciated the gesture, but as soon as his hand met hers she moved it back to the steering wheel.

“Both hands.” She commented and he gulped, hopefully understanding her worry. “We can talk without you looking at me.” Evelyn changed her tone so that it was teasing, relaxing Alistair.

“Who are you texting, anyways?” He asked. Right on cue, another buzz lit up her phone screen. For a moment she was unsure if she should tell Alistair the truth but knew she couldn’t lie either—he was always good at telling when she wasn’t being honest. “ _Couscous_.”

At his playful warning Evelyn sighed. “You aren’t going to be happy.” She mumbled, turning to face him. She could tell Alistair was struggling to keep his vision forward as she had requested. “It’s…my ex. I’m trying to convince him not to be at the apartment when we arrive.”

“He keeps insisting that he be there to help, because  _boxes are heavy_  and I shouldn’t do it alone.” Evelyn continued.

“Does he not know that strong man Alistair is helping you?” He asked. Evelyn paused again; swallowing the nerves she felt crawling up her throat.

“I—I don’t want there to be a…confrontation.” She paused when Alistair’s eyebrows arched up in confusion. “Because you know each other.”

“I know a lot of people.” Alistair joked before sighing as Evelyn made a sound of disapproval. “Who is it?”

“You aren’t going to be happy.” Evelyn repeated. Alistair nodded as he stared ahead at the road.

“You said that. Is it somebody I won’t like? I tend to like  _everybody_ …well, except for—”

“Nate.” She cut him off before he could say it first and flinched back slightly when Alistair’s head snapped in her direction. His eyebrows were arched high and she knew that behind his sunglasses his eyes were wide. After a few moments she waved at the front window so that he’d keep his attention  _there_  instead. Still, Alistair seemed distraught.

“Nate?” He yelped. “As in  _Howe_?” Alistair’s cheeks puffed out as his irritation grew. “ _Maker_ , Evelyn! He—he’s…” His words trailed into a scoff, one that told Evelyn he was disappointed. She frowned, turning away from him as she glanced back down at her phone.

“I told you; you weren’t going to be happy.” She mumbled. This time when Alistair’s hand crossed over to hers she didn’t immediately push him away. “I know you don’t like him, but it wasn’t his fault.”

“But he’s—” He fumbled, mouth agape. “He’s the worst and you—you  _dated_ him?  _Slept_  with him?” Alistair stopped short as soon as Evelyn gave him a warning glance.

She understood his reasons for being upset; ever since they were young the two hadn’t gotten along, and the situation was only made worse when her parents died. Nathaniel wasn’t involved—but his  _father_  was; something Alistair couldn’t seem to differentiate between. Evelyn knew Alistair meant well, but sometimes his fierce loyalty to her made him blind to her relationships with other people; especially men.

Their friends never believed them at first when Evelyn and Alistair would tell them they had known each other their whole lives, growing up together in Denerim. Their parents were friends, so it was only natural that their children would become friends—she was sure nobody expected them to form a relationship that would be hard to break or damage in any way. When they were just entering their later teenage years tragedy would only strengthen their bond.

It was the reason Alistair seemed to harbor some resentment towards Nathaniel. Her parents had died in a car crash; something that could’ve been avoided if Rendon Howe hadn’t gotten behind the wheel after a long night of drinking. Nate’s father perished that night as well but it was Evelyn that had barely made it out alive. She still had the scar from the impact of the door caving in on her side. Nathaniel made her guilt over surviving worse and whatever friendship they had before was laid to waste. It took her months to recover but Alistair was by her side the entire time and had been instructed by her brother Fergus to watch over her. Alistair’s parents even took her in when Fergus couldn’t and for the rest of her teenaged years she lived in Denerim with Alistair.

It wasn’t until she moved back to Highever for University that she even saw Nathaniel again. He had grown up, and well, so had she. Apologies were made and somewhere along the line a relationship blossomed. It wasn’t always perfect and over four years they had broken up more times than she could remember. A small part of her felt guilty for never mentioning it to Alistair, but while she was away in Highever, their friendship seemed to pause. Now that she was back she was ready to be honest and leave her  _old_  life behind.

“Sorry.” Alistair’s apology surprised her; sometimes he was too stubborn to realize when his words had gone too far. Evelyn offered him a small smile and pushed back the anxious feelings long enough for her hand to squeeze his.

The rest of the drive was spent in small talk—Alistair asking about her college life and her major, and what she planned to do in Denerim as far as a job. Evelyn had studied law, but still needed to pass the bar in order to actually  _work_  as a lawyer. Alistair seemed impressed with her success and almost sheepish that his life hadn’t turned out as glamorous—Evelyn had to remind him that  _she_  was the unemployed one.

When they finally arrived in Highever it was a quick drive to the University campus where she had shared an apartment with Nate. Alistair seemed to grow tense as they pulled up out front and Evelyn was relieved not to see Nate’s car anywhere in sight. Alistair trailed behind her as she walked the familiar path towards the building only to freeze as she approached the staircase that led up to the apartment door. Alistair followed her line of sight, and immediately reacted.

“I’m going to kill him.”

On the doorstep were several boxes and trash bags of what Evelyn could only assume were her belongings. The worst part was that sitting on the top step without a care in the world was her ever-loyal marabi Bruce. She knew he couldn’t have been sitting there long—she had just been texting Nate and knew he had left just before they arrived. Still, the nerve he had to leave the dog outside had her blood boiling.

When Bruce saw her he barked before pouncing down the steps, jumping in circles around her as he yelped in excitement. Evelyn couldn’t help but feel emotional at the sight of her  _other_  life-long companion, sinking to her knees so that she could properly greet Bruce. He jumped to place his paws on her shoulders in a dog-hug, licking the side of her face as he continued to bark.

“Oh Bruce, I missed you.” She reached up to pat his back, tears prickling her vision as she felt a small pang of guilt for having left him for a few days. “I’m so sorry.”

Bruce only shifted his attention to Alistair, the marabi sniffing his feet before sitting down to stare up at him. Alistair seemed to calm his irritation long enough to smile at Bruce and wave.

“We meet again, Bruce.” His tone was just playful enough and instantly Bruce recognized him—it seemed even her dog had trouble believing it was the  _same_ Alistair from years ago. “I missed you too, boy.” Alistair was quick to respond to Bruce’s jumps of joy around him, scrubbing his neck and head in a display of affection. When he was done Bruce darted back to Evelyn, picking up on her distress as he whined.

“I’m ok.” She whispered before slowly standing up. Alistair raised his hand to stop her from walking up the steps.

“Let me.” His expression was firm, yet sympathetic. “I’m here for  _you_ , Evelyn. You don’t deserve this _._ ” Alistair’s nose scrunched up in disgust before he sighed. “I’ll bring down the boxes and bags and you can wait in the car.”

“Alistair I can’t let you—”

“I  _want_  to.” Alistair insisted, flashing a small smile as he lifted his arm in a slight flexing gesture. “Besides, we can’t let all these muscles go to waste, can we?”

Evelyn was slightly amused and appreciated Alistair’s humor, and she finally agreed to his offer. For a moment she watched him gather up a few boxes in his arms, walking back with him to the car and helping him load them into the trunk. Evelyn stayed in the car when Alistair insisted, starting the engine for air and the soft sounds of the radio. It took Alistair a half-hour to bring down all the bags and boxes, but with every trip he would flash her a smile that helped to lighten her mood.

Evelyn didn’t mind the weight of Bruce on her lap in the passenger seat of her car, the dog still whining as she hugged him close. It was as if she could understand his frustration and in turn he could understand her disappointment. Alistair was still offering a small smile when he finally climbed back into the driver’s seat, the trunk of her car and most of the backseat filled with her belongings. As soon as he was settled she pushed Bruce a little so he’d climb into the space set for him in the backseat.

“Are you going to be ok, Evelyn?” Alistair’s voice was soft and comforting and everything she needed in that moment. She couldn’t respond with words right away, instead leaning over the small middle console to rest her head against his shoulder. Alistair shifted to wrap his arm around her in a side-ways hug, his head turning to press a kiss to her temple. “I’m here for you.”

“I know.” Evelyn responded to his reminder. Alistair was  _always_  there for her. After a few more moments she pulled away and pushed a small smile to her lips as she looked at him. “Let’s go  _home_.”


	4. Tender Love and Care

Evelyn settled in over the next month, her transition to living in Denerim seamless. It was as if the four-year absence had been no more than a few days. Her relationship with Alistair only strengthened as days went by and she relied on his constant support to help her adjust to the new direction her life was heading in.

She didn’t know what to think about not hearing from Nate after collecting her belongings but took it as a blessing in disguise; she would rather not talk to him, not when she was happier now in Denerim. Evelyn knew Alistair still had questions about her relationship with Nathaniel Howe but didn’t ask them yet, knowing she would tell him about it when she was ready.

Even Bruce seemingly forgot all about his life in Highever, his personality shining through more and more as he took in his new residence. It helped that he knew Alistair and as more time passed Evelyn wondered if the dog loved her friend more than he loved her. A few nights out of the week she would wake to find him sleeping in Alistair’s bed instead of hers, not that she truly minded—the sight of a grown man spooning a large mabari was far too amusing.

Alistair made sure that Evelyn was welcomed into his circle of friends, many of whom were familiar faces from grade school. Others she was just meeting for the first time and yet nobody treated her with any distrust. If anything, Alistair’s group of friends wondered where she had been in recent years and pointed out the change in Alistair’s personality. Many pointed out that he was happier now than they ever knew him to be, as if a piece of who he was had been missing and now found.

Evelyn connected the most with Aurelie, Cullen’s  _fiancé_. She had spent the most time with Alistair considering her boyfriend had been Alistair’s roommate all throughout college. Evelyn wanted Aurelie to let her in on anything she had missed. It wasn’t that Alistair hadn’t told her but sometimes his excitement led to him omitting the finer details. It was from Aurelie that Evelyn learned how Alistair had been Cullen’s wingman and was the main driving force between Aurelie and Cullen ever becoming a couple. Aurelie considered Alistair a close friend as well but marveled in the special bond Evelyn shared with the man.

Even though her social life seemed to flourish Evelyn struggled to find a job that suited her needs. For weeks she felt like a vagrant; mooching off of Alistair’s good will until finally she landed a mediocre desk job at a local law firm. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted after spending four years studying to be  _more_  than a file clerk but it would make ends meet and give her a taste of her future career. Already she was working overtime to help sort through case files if only to show her boss she was capable of something more.

That afternoon she had been called in and would need to spend the evening sorting through relevant paperwork for an upcoming trial. Evelyn knew it was their way of testing her and didn’t want to miss her opportunity but knew it meant sacrificing spending time with Alistair. That night they were going to binge-watch movies to kick off the weekend and celebrate her official one-month in Denerim—it was something she hated to cancel.

On her way to work she stopped by the mall Alistair ran security for, wanting to tell him in person about the change of plans. To help her combat the eventual pouting he would use against her she brought a bagged lunch for him; grilled cheese and a thermos of tomato soup. Admittedly she didn’t know where exactly to find Alistair in the large mall and instead of spending what little time she had searching for him she headed for the main security desk at guest services. There, she saw another familiar face one that was smiling as she approached.

“Ah, my dearest Evelyn. What brings you here?” Zevran was as charming as ever, his sideways grin making Evelyn softly laugh as she neared the desk. “Let me guess—you’re here for a charming man in uniform, no?”

Evelyn shook her head at his joking. “Well, I’ve already found a charming man in uniform. Now I’m looking for Alistair.” Zevran grinned at her words. “If he’s not too busy?”

“Oh that man is never too busy for _you_ , mi amore.” Zevran sighed as he picked up his headset, tuning it to the right frequency. “Alistair, there is a delightful creature of sin standing here—she says she wishes to see you?”

Evelyn held back her laughter as Zevran spoke into the headset, his teasing words flattering but a bit over-the-top. She listened as Alistair responded in a confused tone.

“A  _what_?” The radio crackled a bit. “Zevran are you playing another prank?”

“A prank? What would ever make you think that of me?” Zevran was struggling to contain his own laughter as Alistair groaned in response. “No, no. It is simply the woman you love and adore and worship and—”

“…Evelyn’s there?”

She couldn’t help but flush at Alistair’s reaction, stunned into silence at Zevran’s description of her. The radio went silent after Alistair claimed to be on his way and Evelyn only felt the warmth on her cheeks worsen as Zevran flashed her a playful smile.

“So there  _is_  something you aren’t telling us?” He asked.

Evelyn puffed out her cheeks in irritation—it was the only thing about their circle of friends that bothered her. No matter how many times she and Alistair would explicitly state they were simply  _friends_  it seemed so very little of their group believed them. Since she arrived there had been questions about their past and the ‘true’ nature of their relationship and while their friends claimed to simply be teasing the accusations felt relentless. She was about to respond when she heard fast steps approaching, turning just in time to see Alistair practically running towards her with a huge grin.

“Couscous!” He greeted her with a large hug, his arms squeezing around her frame for a moment before he pulled away to look down at her. Evelyn was fully aware of the curious gaze Zevran was giving them but chose to ignore it as she lifted up the small lunch bag for Alistair.

“I wanted to bring you something to eat.” Evelyn explained as Alistair plucked the bag from her grasp so that he might open it to see what was inside. Instantly his eyes lit up and she briefly laughed, loving how easy it was to please him with simple gestures involving food— _especially_  cheese.

“My  _favorite_.”  He beamed before eyeing her once more. “Did you come to have lunch with me?”

Evelyn didn’t mean to frown so suddenly but her change in demeanor prompted Alistair to curb his enthusiasm. “Well, no. I have to go into work and I might be there all night.” She glanced up to see his lips pursed in thought, as he no doubt realized it meant their plans would be pushed aside. “I’m sorry Alistair.”

“No need, my dear.” He quickly responded, lifting his hand to pat the top of her head affectionately. Evelyn only smiled when Alistair did and she knew it was genuine. “Just let me know when you’re on your way home tonight and I’ll whip up some desert?”

“Please  _no_.” Evelyn chuckled when Alistair frowned. “The last time you touched that oven you nearly set the kitchen on fire.” She paused as he shook his head, ready to argue with her. “I’ll bring something home, ok?”

“But I wanted to repay you for cheesies.” He lifted up the bag to remind her. Evelyn shook her head and finally Alistair sighed, nodding in agreement. She made to leave but found his arms swiftly wrapping around her once more for a goodbye hug. “Thank you Couscous.” He mumbled between kissing the top of her head. Evelyn smiled to herself as she departed, offering him one final wave.

“Text you later, Alibear.”

Alistair found himself watching her as she walked away, his smile lingering long after she had turned a corner and faded from view. His mind was filled with thoughts of what he could do to repay her when Zevran made a low whistling sound, prompting Alistair to turn on his heel towards his coworker.

“That is the look of a man in too deep.” Zevran’s haughty grin had Alistair feeling self-conscious.

“W—what do you mean?” He asked, distracting himself by opening the bag again to pull out the foil wrapped sandwich.

It was still warm and Alistair smiled before moving around to sit in the vacant chair as he set up his meal. Zevran watched him with a curious eye as Alistair took a large bite from the grilled cheese, his eyes almost rolling back at the satisfaction of eating his favorite meal—only Evelyn seemed to know how to cook the simple sandwich  _just_  right.

“You are a lucky, lucky man.” Zevran continued before leaning back in his chair. “To have such a wonderful woman—”

“She’s not my—”

“That you’ve made well aware my friend.” Zevran sighed, shrugging slightly. “I only mean to remind you what you  _could_  be.”

Alistair decided to ignore his friend and colleague, instead focusing on his lunch. As he ate, he was reminded of just how often Evelyn had been showing him this type of kindness since moving in. She had cleaned the apartment from floor to ceiling and even now with a job to keep her busy she maintained the bulk of the chores. Alistair felt guilty for being so lazy with housekeeping but after a long shift in the mall the last thing he wanted to do was the dishes.

Truth be told, all he wanted to do was spend time with his friend. Even though it seemed as though no time had passed since they were last together, there was still so much catching up to do and Alistair wanted every opportunity to share stories with her. Still, he knew she had gone out of her way numerous times now to make him happy when her mere presence alone did just that.

When he could tell Zevran was still silently teasing him with a suggestive grin Alistair quickly finished his meal, holding onto the warm thermos as he began a new patrol around the mall. He would be there late as well, but wondered if Evelyn would miraculously get away from her job at a reasonable time; he was determined to prepare some kind of desert—perhaps lemon bars, which he knew were her favorite. Towards the end of his shift his phone buzzed, and he couldn’t help but frown at the text.

_I’ll be late—you don’t have to wait up for me and I’ll make it up to you this weekend._

Evelyn seemed just as determined to keep to her word and it was something that had Alistair’s mind racing the rest of the night. He had stopped to buy pre-made snacks, but didn’t think it was enough. Even as he arrived back to the apartment he was convinced he had to do something to surprise her when she arrived, even if it was hours from now.

Alistair did the first thing that came to mind and moved quickly, gathering the blankets from his bed and the spare ones from the hallway closet before dumping them in a heap on the living room floor. He brought all the pillows he could find before pulling the cushions from the couch as well. He turned the couch around with minimal effort, dragging chairs from the breakfast nook and setting them up a few feet opposite from the couch.

It had been years since Alistair had set up a blanket fort and he struggled for a while to get the set-up right. He had to dig around for clothespins and used the Swiffer Evelyn had bought to prop up the center of the makeshift tent. He scooted the coffee table to the side to make room before fanning out the blankets to create a space for sleeping. What seemed like hours later he was finally finished, admiring his work when he heard the door jingling open.

Quickly Alistair ran to his bedroom, replacing his work-clothes with his pajamas before dashing back out to greet Evelyn. She was standing in the entranceway, her eyes wide as she took in the sight before her. Alistair had dimmed the lighting and it gave the room a special kind of mood. She turned to him as she set down her belongings on the kitchen island, her lips curling into a small smile.

“Alistair, what is all this?” She asked softly. He only grinned as he urged her towards her room.

“Fort Couscous and Alibear.” He replied. “Now go change. We have some cuddling to do.”

Alistair smiled when Evelyn reappeared in the living room dressed for sleep, clutching her pillow and blanket as she crossed over to where the large tent of blankets was set up. He lifted up the blanket that acted as an entrance, and waited for her to crawl in before following her inside. Evelyn seemed surprised by the set-up and laughed when she noticed his laptop sitting on the small table and the plate of lemon squares.

“Dinner and a show?” She asked as she made herself comfortable, leaning up against the pile of pillows and cushions. Alistair joined her, leaning over to bring the plate between them before pressing a few keys on his laptop. It was a cheesy romantic comedy, one that had Evelyn laughing out as she read the title but Alistair knew they would most likely talk throughout the whole film rather than watch it. She was already finishing up her first lemon treat when Alistair settled next to her, her body shifting so she could rest her head against his shoulder.

“Thank you Alistair. This is just what I needed after today…” Her voice trailed and Alistair only moved his arm to circle around her shoulders so she could rest against his chest instead.

Having her close was a comfort he couldn’t describe and for a brief moment he wondered if Zevran and all this other friends were right in wondering if Alistair wanted more from her. He shook the thought away as Evelyn laughed at a terrible joke from the film and he joined her in laughter, stealing a lemon bar for himself.

“Anything for you, Couscous.”

* * *

 

Evelyn didn’t really remember falling asleep or know how many hours she had even gotten before loud knocking startled her awake. She couldn’t tell what time it was at all from the darkness of the blankets surrounding her and when she tried to move to exit from the fort she found herself grounded by the arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Alistair was still deeply asleep beside her, his soft snores echoing around her ear as he adjusted his arms so that she was pressed closer against him. Evelyn tried to turn in his embrace but struggled, opting to crank her neck back to try and look at him.

“Alistair!” She hissed, wiggling a little bit in an effort to wake him up. He only grumbled, shifting his head so his face became buried in her hair. Evelyn moved her hand and reached back to his side, giving a small pinch before yelping when Alistair nearly crushed her beneath him as he jolted awake in surprise.

“ _Maker_!” He pushed himself up from her so most of his weight rested on his arms but she could still feel the pressure of his legs and hips resting against her own. “What was  _that_  for?” Alistair asked, his eyes wide in alarm as he evened out his breathing.

Evelyn blinked up at him, her face flushed red at the feeling of his morning arousal brushing against her thigh. Alistair seemed to notice and immediately rolled off of her, laughing even as his face turned beet red.

“Well it looks like you’ve succeeded in  _hardening_ me.”

“Alistair!” Evelyn playfully smacked at him as he continued to laugh, his breathing ragged as he rolled onto his back. “Stop laughing!” It was infectious and soon Evelyn was joining him in a fit of giggles, Alistair reaching back over to wiggle his fingers along her sides.

“I can’t help it!” He managed through sputters for air. “It’s only  _natural_.”

They continued, Evelyn forgetting all about the reason she had woken him up until the blankets that acted like an entrance to the fort shifted open, a sliver of light shining into the space they laid in. Evelyn found herself amused at the sight of Alistair’s tousled hair, it sticking up from sleep before becoming alarmed at the sound of a throat clearing. Alistair seemed equally as surprised, mild fear etched into his features as he rolled over her once more as if to block her body with his.

“We can hear you giggling like children in there.” It was Cullen. “Aurelie and I have been out here knocking for a while now so we let ourselves in.”  

After a moment, Evelyn heard Aurelie softly laughing and relaxed only to widen her eyes as Alistair reached to pull the blankets open some more. She reached out to stop him and he gave her a confused stare.

“Why don’t the two of you join us? There’s plenty of room in the blanket fort!” Alistair suggested even as Evelyn shook her head. Cullen made a small sound of disapproval.

“Are you two…decent?”

Evelyn knew what he was hinting at and was almost offended before realizing she was rather underdressed, not to mention Alistair’s… _situation_. The two shared similar glances of embarrassment before Alistair sighed, shifting to sit up.

“Would you give us a moment?” Alistair asked and Evelyn hid her smile as she snapped her eyes away after catching a quick glance at his lap.

Alistair seemed to turn a new shade of pink before grabbing a pillow and covering himself up. Evelyn took the time to adjust her sleep-clothes, tugging a blanket over her lap before tossing Alistair his shirt—when he had discarded it in the night she didn’t know. Alistair adjusted his hair after tugging his clothes back into place before reaching over to tuck a few strands of Evelyn’s hair back behind her ear. She offered a silent thank you as he cleared his throat, fingers grasping the blanket to open the fort up to the living room. Aurelie and Cullen both leaned over before kneeling to glance in.

“Can’t we speak like normal adults?” Cullen asked even as Aurelie moved to crawl inside to sit next to Evelyn. Alistair smiled as Cullen rolled his eyes.

“Where’s your sense of fun, Rutherford?” Alistair asked. “Just because you are getting married doesn’t mean you get to turn into a cranky old man so soon.”

When Aurelie laughed Cullen widened his eyes and quickly joined the group inside the makeshift tent, his eyes darting between their close proximity. Evelyn wasn’t about to let him make another ‘observation’ about her and Alistair’s relationship and waved her hand between him and Aurelie.

“So…to what do we owe this visit?” She asked. Alistair nodded in agreement and Cullen cleared his throat.

“Well…as much as I hate to admit it, Alistair, you are one of my closest friends.”

“You came to flatter me?” Alistair grinned and leaned over to hug his friend only for Cullen to push him away as the girls shared a small laugh. Cullen looked over at his fiancé.

“Are you sure about all this?” He asked quietly and Alistair arched his brows up, curious as Aurelie nodded. Cullen sighed before turning his attention back to Alistair.

“As I was saying.” He paused to lace his fingers with Aurelie’s, bringing their hands towards his chest. “We were talking about the wedding and have made some…important decisions.” Cullen paused to offer a small smile. “I was wondering if you’d be my best man?”

“ _What_?” Alistair yelped as he jumped up in excitement, nearly knocking the fort over as his head pressed against the supporters holding the blankets up. He settled back down only to stare wide-eyed at his friend. “Is that a serious question?  _Yes_! Of course—I mean if you trust me…”

“As much grief as I give you…” Cullen trailed as Alistair simply radiated happiness. “I don’t trust anybody else nearly as much as you with this task.”

Evelyn smiled when Alistair seemingly squealed in delight, happy for his newfound responsibility. Truly, he deserved it, if only to show the devotion he held towards his friends. She thought the conversation was over until a hand met hers and she turned to find Aurelie leaning over slightly as she offered a similar smile. Evelyn felt her expression go flat as she realized what was happening.

“I wanted to ask you the same, Evelyn.” Aurelie’s smile grew as Evelyn’s shock settled in. “We’ve become such close friends and…I want you to be my maid of honor.”

Evelyn was overwhelmed, and wasn’t sure how to respond considering the short amount of time she had known Aurelie and Cullen. She trusted Alistair would do a better job at  _both_  roles than she ever could. After a moment, Alistair nudged her and she found him giving her a look of encouragement. Finally she let out a nervous chuckle as she nodded in agreement.

“Of course. I’d be…honored.” Evelyn spoke and Aurelie smiled wide, her hands tugging Evelyn close for a tight hug.

Alistair clapped in excitement, wigging in excitement before teasing Evelyn. “The Maid of Honor is  _honored_!”

The group settled into a light conversation about the date of the wedding in the late fall but already Alistair seemed anxious to help in any way he could with planning. The more Evelyn thought on the new responsibility the more excited she grew. A part of her knew that it would be fun, especially when she knew she’d have Alistair to work with and be her support. The future seemed that much brighter.


	5. Never Look Back

Over the next month wedding plans kicked into high gear. Sure, the wedding wasn’t for another season but as Aurelie and Cullen soon realized—planning a wedding within the same  _year_  could be a nightmare. They struggled to find a venue they liked with an available date they had picked and if it wasn’t for Alistair’s  _enthusiasm_  they would have no venue at all.

After picking a downtown chateau as their dream venue, Alistair did everything in his power to secure the date for his friends—he sent the owner roses and upon learning it was a man he paid numerous visits to plead with the owner to accept Cullen and Aurelie’s offer.

Evelyn had joked with Alistair that he was showing her up and was more deserving of ‘the maid of honor’ than she was with all the hard work he was doing. Alistair argued that he had to have more responsibility than holding onto rings (that hadn’t been purchased yet) and planning a bachelor party (that Cullen insisted he didn’t want). Alistair had even gifted Aurelie with a stack of bridal magazines, insisting that she needed to pick out a dress as soon as possible if she wanted it to be perfect.

That was when Evelyn took over and convinced Aurelie that they take a day to go shopping for her dream dress. They would meet with their mutual friend Leliana who had connections with the best dressmakers in Denerim and while the redhead would have rather made the trip to Orlais, Aurelie insisted on staying in town. When the time came to depart Alistair only assumed he would be tagging along; after all, he had been part of all the previous planning and expected to be part of  _this_  very vital moment.

“You can’t go with us! You’re a groomsman!” Evelyn argued, though she laughed as Alistair smugly grinned.

“Ah  _yes_ , see? Grooms _man_.” He winked at the two women. “I’m not  _the_  groom. Nothing wrong about me seeing the dress.” Alistair shrugged a little, focusing his attention on Aurelie. “Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to have a man’s opinion right? I think I know what Cullen likes.”

“I think  _I_ know what Cullen likes too.” Aurelie retorted, her smirk causing Alistair to flounder for a moment as he thought of better excuse. When he failed to form a coherent sentence and opted for a frown instead the two women exchanged humorous expressions before Evelyn sighed, reaching out her hand to Alistair.

“ _Fine_ , you can come with us Alibear.” He excitedly jumped from the couch, gripping her hand tightly as they left the apartment. Evelyn turned to warm him one last time. “But no teasing or shenanigans.”

“Perish the thought!”

The group spent half the morning traveling from shop to shop and even as hours passed Aurelie was still without a dress. It wasn’t that she was picky or flippant but that the places Leliana had taken them to were too far out of her price range. Even when they arrived at a boutique that had dresses she could afford Aurelie was hesitant to enter. She gripped Evelyn’s hand with a scheming smile.

“I’m so sick and tired of trying on dresses.” She commented and Evelyn watched with a raised eyebrow as she removed her engagement ring only to slide it around Evelyn’s ring finger. Leliana giggled as she noticed the action.

“Oh yes, let’s have a bit of fun.” She suggested before ushering the group inside the shop. Alistair could only hold back the urge to tease her as fantastic images of Evelyn in over-the top cheesy wedding dresses entered his mind. The shopkeeper gave skeptical glances their way the moment they entered.

“Who is the lucky bride?”

Evelyn almost forgot to answer, raising her hand slightly. Alistair noticed the look of embarrassment that was already forming—the other women were making this too easy for him to use as blackmail later on. The shopkeeper glanced to Alistair.

“How  _against_  tradition to bring the groom!” She commented and Alistair rose up his eyebrows as Aurelie shook her head, patting Alistair on the shoulder.

“Oh no, this is the  _maid of honor_.” She grinned and Alistair could tell she was struggling to hold back her laughter. He only flashed a smile at the shopkeeper.

“That’s  _me_.”

Alistair couldn’t help but notice Evelyn’s apprehension to the whole game the group was playing but went along with Aurelie’s encouragement as they gathered a selection of dresses for her to try on. Evelyn disappeared to the dressing rooms but not without a last minute pick from Alistair—he  _was_  the maid of honor after all. Aurelie and Leliana continued to browse dresses, Aurelie pointing out dresses that  _she_  liked as well for herself. After several minutes, Leliana went to the changing rooms to figure out what was taking Evelyn so long.

“She’s embarrassed. Cold feet?” She suggested when the shopkeeper listened in. “Overwhelming I suppose.”

“Leave this to me.” Alistair chuckled under his breath as he played the role perfectly, disappearing into the back area where changing rooms were set up. Alistair was giggling as he approached the closed door, knocking once before jiggling the handle. “Couscous are you decent? Leliana says you’re  _afraid_  of coming out!”

“I look ridiculous.” Evelyn mumbled and after a pause Alistair finally moved to enter.

“I’m sure you don’t look  _that_ —”

Alistair froze in the doorway as he entered, his eyes landing on Evelyn’s form in the center of the room as she stared ahead at the large mirror. She was wearing the wedding dress he had picked out and it was one that fit her body and soul. In the reflection he could see the sweetheart neckline that showed off  _just_  enough with the help of a built in bodice before falling into a simple tulle skirt. It had a tied corset in the back and he noticed she fit the sample size rather wonderfully. It was nothing extravagant or ‘poofy’ like the other dresses the women had picked out and held enough lace details for Alistair to realize it suited her personality perfectly.

“Alistair?” Evelyn prompted him as she turned around to face him and the action had his heart racing; mind clouding with thoughts he had never dreamed of having.

“Maker’s breath Evelyn.” He breathed and gripped the doorknob tight as he felt himself go weak in the knees at the sight of her. “You’re beautiful.”

Evelyn’s eyes widened a little at his words, her expression sheepish as she blushed and avoided his stare. The longer he stared at her the more his heart raced in excitement and the more his head was filled with the realization that his best friend was…well, a sight to behold. He had never seen her like this, or at least had never  _felt_ this way upon seeing her in this way. In his eyes, Evelyn was always beautiful but in a context that was strictly platonic.

Now, Alistair was questioning if it was wrong to be thinking about crossing the distance towards Evelyn to sweep her up into his arms and kiss her—surely his sudden fantasy of watching her walk down the aisle towards him in that same dress had to be inappropriate. What that dress would feel like under his hands and what it might look like on the floor of their honeymoon suite…

Alistair blinked hard, his face heating in embarrassment at his vivid imagination. Evelyn was still looking at him nervously, her eyes searching his face as she chewed on her bottom lip. Even as he calmed his breathing and felt his heartbeat return to normal his mind continued to race and mull over the sudden burst of feelings. Evelyn; his best friend for nearly all his life and somebody he cherished with all his heart. He supposed it only made sense that he loved her and wondered why it had taken him so long to realize it.

“Maker Alistair.” Evelyn laughed under her breath as she turned away a little. “You act like you’ve never seen me in a dress before.”

He knew she was deflecting and while he wanted nothing more than to just  _tell_  her, he held it back for the moment. He still had a lot to consider—what if…she didn’t feel the same? The thought had him frowning until Evelyn glanced back at him and he flashed a smile.

“Well…not a  _wedding_  dress.” Alistair swallowed down the anxiety rushing through him as Evelyn shuffled closer to him, one of her eyebrows raised inquisitively.

“Do you really think I look beautiful?”

“Would I lie to you?” He whispered, glancing down at her as he felt his heart wedge into his throat as Evelyn’s cheeks turned pink once again.

He wanted to touch her, offer a friendly and supportive and  _typical_  gesture but felt that in that moment he would struggle to hold himself back from anything else.  _Maker_ , he was in deep and he was only just realizing it. Evelyn’s hand met his chest and Alistair jumped from his spot, the feeling stronger than he anticipated.

“Now, unless you have anything  _else_  to say…” Evelyn pushed at him and he finally got the hint that she wanted him to leave. “I think we should get back to finding the  _real_  bride’s dress.”

Alistair stood outside the door for a moment even as she closed it, struggling to wrap his mind around what had just happened. Since she had arrived back in his life he had been so adamant about the nature of their relationship to others when all the while he was lying to himself. If he had been blind before, now he could see—he was in love with Evelyn.

* * *

 

Evelyn was exhausted by the time Aurelie and Leliana decided the hunt for wedding dresses was over and their red-headed friend departed. Evelyn considered it a bust and apologized to Aurelie for not being an attentive maid of honor but Aurelie argued there would be another opportunity to go shopping. The two agreed they would have to sneak away by themselves in order to find something  _Aurelie_  wanted.

It was still bright out and the weather was warm without being too hot. When Cullen called asking how things were going Aurelie suggested the group spend some time at the beach before the upcoming summer months brought in heat waves and humidity. Evelyn didn’t mind but she was suddenly worried about Alistair who seemed to be in a world of his own.

Ever since leaving the wedding boutique he was uncharacteristically quiet and more than once Evelyn would turn to find him staring at her with a hard to read expression. Even when they made a quick stop at home to gather their beach-gear Alistair offered no explanation, fumbling over his words when Evelyn prompted him. It wasn’t until they actually arrived back at the beach with the others that he seemed to relax, stepping away with Cullen for a moment and leaving Aurelie with Evelyn.

“Is Alistair acting strangely or is it just me?” Evelyn pondered as she fanned out her beach blanket beside a large parasol that would give her shade.

Aurelie shrugged as she undressed, revealing a blue bikini. Evelyn tried not to be jealous of the other woman’s physique as she did the same, revealing her own green two-piece. Even though it was a quick glance, Evelyn knew Aurelie had stolen a look at her hip and stomach and she instinctively reached to cover up the faded scar that lingered there.

“He does seem to be…thoughtful?” Aurelie commented before laughing as the men approached once more, tossing their clothes onto the blanket. Evelyn couldn’t help but admire the way Alistair looked in his trunks, his physique still a sight to behold after years of him being stick skinny. When he winked at her she rolled her eyes and watched as Aurelie and Cullen stepped away towards the water.

“Oh yes, the water is  _that_  way.” Alistair joked, flexing his arms as he pointed to the waves crashing in. Evelyn laughed at him and felt a little overwhelmed as he kneeled on the ground next to her. “Do you want me to rub your back?”

His question confused her for a moment before he picked up the bottle of sunblock and Evelyn nodded, shifting so he could sit behind her. “Be thorough.” She commented.

“I’m  _always_  thorough.” Alistair chuckled and Evelyn sighed—it seemed the old Alistair was back after a moment of reflection. She still wondered what had him so quiet earlier and how a talk with Cullen had brought him back to his usual self. “Did I comment on how  _lovely_  you look in this bikini?”

Evelyn felt her heart flutter a little at the compliment, but skirted around the subject. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

Alistair laughed, his hands squeezing the flesh of her back momentarily as he rubbed the lotion in. A moment of silence fell between them and after a moment, Evelyn could feel his hands drifting lower across her back before he paused completely.

“Couscous…you still have…” Alistair commented and Evelyn flinched as his fingers trailed softly across her side, ghosting over the scar that dipped below her bikini bottoms. It was a large but faded scar, one that trailed along her side and abdomen before disappearing down towards her groin. It was from the car accident  _years_  ago, and had never fully healed even with skin ointments; it seemed she was cursed with the reminder for the rest of her days.

“Don’t—touch it.” Evelyn commented, reaching down to push Alistair’s hand away. He frowned but nodded, continuing his task of rubbing lotion across her back. It was quiet between the two of them until a Frisbee landed nearby. A child approached and nervously pointed at it before Alistair plucked it from the ground.

Evelyn smiled to herself as she watched Alistair chase after the young child in the sand, the little boy seemingly enjoying the attention as they threw the Frisbee back and forth. It wasn’t until the mother took notice that Alistair’s friend was taken away leaving the grown man with a frown. With nothing better to do he flopped down onto the beach blanket that Evelyn occupied, rolling over once to enter the shade of her large umbrella.

“Children are adorable, aren’t they?” He mused, turning his head to stare up at her. Evelyn gave a little shrug as Alistair leaned up on his elbows to watch as the family nearby packed up to leave. “Honestly, I can’t wait to have some of my own one day.”

Evelyn smirked at his admission and noted the way his cheeks had flushed with color. She wondered if it was from exhaustion or from something else but was amused by the sideways grin he held. Alistair would be a wonderful father. He leaned to nudge her with his shoulder and she raised a curious eyebrow at him.

“Do…do  _you_  want children, Couscous?” He asked with a small glimmer in his eye.

The question made her nervous about telling the truth,  _especially_  to Alistair. Even though they were close and had shared a lifetime of secrets, there were some things she had kept to herself. Sure, she wanted children one day just as he did—she just wasn’t sure how easy it would be to do so. Instead of worrying Alistair with her personal problems and the truth she simply smiled and nodded down at him.

“I need to find the right guy first, don’t you think?” She asked with a joking tone. Alistair pursed his lips in thought as he pushed himself up to sit properly. Evelyn noticed the way his expression became more serious and her smile faltered.

“We could…make a pact?” Alistair offered a hopeful glance as he spoke softly and Evelyn felt her heart rate pick up. “Just like old times.”

The comment had Evelyn nervous and her mind racing with memories of their childhood. All throughout grade school they had made little pacts—promises to one another over various subjects. Over all the years they had known each other, there were some  _serious_  ones as well. Before she could argue or say  _anything_ , Alistair was beaming at her.

“Let’s say if we aren’t married and don’t have children within the next five years we’ll just get married ourselves!” He seemed far too delighted by his own suggestion, eyes wide in anticipation for Evelyn’s response. “We can have a few babies and…” Alistair trailed off and Evelyn noticed the way his eyes were scanning her face. “How does that sound?”

“Alistair, I…” Evelyn could only stare at him wide eyed and noticed that Aurelie and Cullen were approaching them. “I don’t think that kind of pact is…”

She couldn’t find the right words to say, watching as Alistair pushed his lips to the side in a smirk. “All our other pacts we stood by.”

Alistair wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Evelyn widened her eyes in fear as their conversation stopped being private. Cullen and Aurelie shared similar glances of amusement as Alistair silently teased Evelyn, her hands reaching over to try and cover his mouth with his hand. Sometimes Alistair’s mouth didn’t know when to stop.

“Remember the  _virginity_ pact?” Alistair’s tone was thick with suggestion and Evelyn was mortified, she didn’t think before smacking him across the face. She swallowed hard as Alistair flinched away from her, his hand reaching up to rub at his face before noticing Cullen and Aurelie standing in front of them with worried expressions.

“What’s going on?” Cullen asked, glancing between the two of them before glaring at Alistair.

“What’s this about a…pact?” Aurelie questioned.

“It’s none of your business.” Evelyn cut in, her heart racing and face heating in embarrassment.

It was a secret that was supposed to stay between the two of them and it seemed Alistair had forgotten what  _secret_  meant. She struggled to understand what he was even bringing it up for and any plausible answer made her uncomfortable. She couldn’t even think straight as she stood up, gathering her belongings and tugging on her cover-up.

It was an awkward trip home and Evelyn ignored the questioning glances from both Cullen and Aurelie and didn’t even bother looking in Alistair’s direction. She knew he would be sorry and that his lips would be tucked into a frown but she also knew that if she stared at it long enough she would have to forgive him. A large part of her wanted him to feel guilty for a little while longer. Some things needed to stay between them, regardless of their friend’s curiosity.

Inside their apartment Evelyn made a dash towards her room and almost felt bad about slamming the door on Alistair’s face as he followed. She leaned against the door, listening as he tried the doorknob.

“Evelyn, I’m sorry.” Alistair mumbled through her closed door and she could almost hear his pouting as well. “ _Please_  forgive me. I—I’m not thinking straight today and…I’m  _sorry_.”

Evelyn sighed, but stood her ground as she secured the lock on her door before turning off the lights. “I’ll talk to you in the morning. When you’ve had some time to think about what you’ve done.”

Truth be told, she had a lot to think about as well.


	6. Flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW and contains sexual content.

They were seventeen when the subject had come up in conversation. A few years had passed since Evelyn’s parents had been killed in a car crash and she had moved in with Alistair and his family. She had her own room but it wasn’t unusual for the two to sneak to each other’s room for her comfort—she suffered from nightmares of the event and every time it stormed it only made it harder for her to sleep.

That night she had slipped into his bed in the middle of the night, not bothering to wake him up as she tugged the comforter around her. It was the dead of winter and that year had brought in freezing temperatures along with thunderstorms. Alistair understood her fear; it was storming when the accident happened and it always triggered something within her to be afraid, even when she was in the safety of his or her bed.

As the thunder clashed she flinched, one of her feet kicking back and hitting Alistair, waking him. He was groggy, his eyes heavy as he turned his head to see her curled form beneath the sheets, her back to him. It was a school night, but Alistair didn’t really care about losing sleep if it meant comforting her. He rolled over onto his side, reaching over to rub comforting circles along her back with his hand.

“Thank you…” She whispered and Alistair hummed in response, shaking his head into the pillow even though she couldn’t see.

“No need to tha—” He cut himself off with a yawn and sleepily watched as Evelyn shifted herself to face him, his hand moving to rest along her side.

Lightening filled the room and Alistair caught glimpse of her expression; her eyes were red, cheeks puffy from crying.  _Now_ he was concerned and he forced himself to wake up so that he could properly comfort her. When the thunder crashed around them a moment later he pulled Evelyn closer, her hands reaching up to rest against his chest as her fingers clutched at his t-shirt.

“Did you have a nightmare?” He asked hesitantly, knowing she wasn’t always willing to speak about her troubles. For as close as they were and how much they shared over the years Evelyn still had a habit of holding in her emotions. Surprisingly, Evelyn lightly laughed under her breath as she shook her head.

“No.” She paused, her face easier to see now that she was closer. Alistair blinked to further adjust his eyes to the darkness and watched as her lips fell into a deep frown. “Remember that…guy I was sort of dating?”

“Of course. I recall you being close to  _doing the deed_.” Alistair tried to lighten the mood as he wiggled his eyebrows though he stopped when Evelyn didn’t smile, her gaze shifting away as she took in a shaky breath.

“We broke up.” Evelyn mumbled and shifted slightly in his arms. Alistair frowned as a pang of guilt washed over him.

“What happened?” He offered a small smile when Evelyn finally looked back at him. “I mean, if you  _want_ to talk about it.”

Evelyn seemed to relax a little, pursing her lips in thought. “My top came off and he…saw the scar.”

Alistair widened his eyes and felt anger grip him for a moment—the accident had left her with a scar that was still healing and had barely begun to fade. Evelyn was understandably self-conscious of it and it bothered him to know that somebody, a boy she liked and had invested time with had denied her for it. She deserved better.

“You know you’re beautiful, right Couscous?” Alistair spoke, calming himself down as Evelyn glanced away bashfully.

“If you say so…” She mumbled before recoiling as thunder shook his window. Alistair brought her closer, her head tucking beneath his chin and arms wrapping around his torso.

“Well at least you got close…” Alistair felt his cheeks heat up as he offered the joke to lighten the mood. He smiled as Evelyn softly giggled against his chest, her arms tightening around him. “I’m convinced I’m never going to… _you know_ …I’m going to be a virgin  _forever_.”

“We’re still  _young_ , Alistair.” She spoke, her words slightly muffled by his shirt. “You’ll find the right girl.” Evelyn pulled away a little to tilt her head up and steal a glance. “Hopefully in time for Prom.”

“Don’t  _remind_  me.” Alistair groaned before remembering something they had discussed at the start of the school year. “I thought we were going to go together?” He asked, trying not to look too disappointed if she changed her mind.

Evelyn smirked. “I thought you were asking me as a last resort.”

“What?” Alistair yelped, half offended she would think so. “ _Never_ ” They both laughed and Alistair noted the way Evelyn’s expression became sheepish again as she avoided his gaze. “What is it?”

“I was thinking…” Evelyn brought her lower lip between her teeth for a moment before her eyes darted back to his. “And…I don’t want you to make a joke.”

Alistair couldn’t resist grinning at her. “ _Me_? Make a joke?”

“ _Alistair_.” Her warning tone had him calming his features. After a moment Evelyn continued. “If, and  _only_  if we both can’t find dates of our own…”

“Likely—for me that is.” Alistair interrupted before pressing his lips shut as she shot him a glare.

“As I was  _saying_.” Evelyn swallowed and Alistair wondered why she seemed so nervous. “If we don’t have our own dates we can take each other like you said.”

“And?” Alistair asked when she offered nothing else, nothing new. Evelyn took in a shaky breath and he felt one of her hands tremble as she moved it along his back.

“After Prom. We…” Her eyes scanned his face and he raised a curious eyebrow. “I don’t know about  _you_  but I don’t want to go to college a… _virgin_.”

It took Alistair a moment to realize what she was suggesting. “Do you mean…?”

“I mean that…we should just do it. Have sex.” Evelyn’s eyes went wide as she spoke the words before she snapped her gaze away. “Get it over with, I suppose.”

Alistair felt his heart skip a beat and he grew nervous, his mind clouding as he thought about what she just said. Sleep…with Evelyn? The thought of having sex with  _anybody_  was enough to make him feel anxious but this—this was  _Evelyn_ ; his best friend and…he tried to imagine what it might be like but closed his eyes tight to shake away the image of her naked in his bed. Surely she wasn’t serious.

“I—I mean only if you’re okay with it.” Evelyn was mumbling and Alistair peeked open his eyes to find her shifting away slightly, a frown on her lips. “Forget I said anything. I’m sorry.”

“No, no—” Alistair gulped, tightening his arms around her waist and offering a shaky smile as Evelyn flicked her gaze back up to him. His heart was pounding in his chest and he wondered if she could feel it from her close proximity. “I think I… _understand_  what you mean.” He nervously laughed and felt his face heat up. “But…are you sure? With me? You  _do_  remember who I am right?”

“Yes.” Evelyn smiled then and Alistair stopped his rambling to catch the way her eyes shined in the darkness. “I…wouldn’t ask anybody else Alistair. You’re my best friend.” She paused and their eyes met, leaving Alistair speechless. He was sure he had never seen her so  _sure_ , so serious. “I trust you and I love you.”

Alistair honestly didn’t know what to think or how to respond in a way that didn’t sound… _lecherous_. Of course he wanted to—he was a teenaged boy on the brink of adulthood with no first-hand experience when it came to sex. Still, he was concerned about hurting their friendship in anyway; he wasn’t sure  _he_  was what she deserved.

“Do you...trust me?” Evelyn asked and Alistair realized he had been silent for too long. The storm seemed long forgotten as she lay still in his embrace and he wondered if this was an appropriate setting for what they were discussing. He briefly thought about suggesting doing it  _now_  when Evelyn’s smile faltered and he nodded his head.

“Of course!” He didn’t mean to say it so loud, but he had to convince her. Alistair sighed when she raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I trust you Evelyn, I just want to make sure…” He could only flash his signature sideways grin, something she blushed at. “That you won’t call me a pervert for agreeing.”

“ _I_  suggested it!” She argued. Alistair nodded, bringing her close to his chest once more.

“Then  _you’re_  the pervert.” He joked. Evelyn fought to keep her head tilted away so she could keep staring at him. Alistair allowed the space, tilting his head down and tried not to overly react to the way their noses brushed together. The conversation topic mixed with their close contact was giving his body mixed signals that was hard to stifle. “So…we’re really doing this?”

Evelyn nodded before snuggling back against the crook of his neck, her arms hugging him tightly. “ _If_  we don’t get dates.” She reminded after a moment.

Alistair ran a hand down her back, resting his chin on top of her head as he willed his heart to calm itself. As silence fell around them and Evelyn fell asleep he was suddenly hit with the realization that he  _did_  want her to be his first; it seemed only natural. He only hoped now that he didn’t find a date.

* * *

 

Alistair fidgeted with his hair in the mirror of the men’s bathroom, swallowing down his nerves as he took a moment to collect his thoughts. The night was dwindling down, the dance nearly over and already many couples were leaving to find their own secret hideaways. Somewhere in the dance hall he had left Evelyn with a mutual friend so he could calm himself down. For all the excitement he thought he would feel all he felt was his stomach churning and lungs burning with each breath.

Evelyn should’ve gone with somebody else and left their pact forgotten and him alone at home—he never would’ve gone if it weren’t for her being his date and he was  _still_  surprised they had ended up going together. It was all bittersweet as earlier in the month she had also come to him with news of a more sobering nature. She had been accepted into Highever University—which meant she would be moving away for college,  _soon_. They wouldn’t have much more time to spend together before their future took them apart. Alistair quickly splashed water across his face as he heard the DJ’s voice echoing through the room, signaling the last song—a slow dance.

“May I have this dance?”

Alistair flinched when he heard Evelyn’s voice as he exited the bathroom and felt his breath leave him again at the sight of her. Her dark hair was swept away from her face in soft curls that were pinned into a loose bun.  She wore a long emerald gown, one that was cinched at the waist with a silk black tie and accentuated her hips. The straps hung slightly off her shoulders and the dip of the fabric along her front only teased at what was beneath.

“ _Hey_ yy.” Alistair whined, flashing a smile as she stepped closer, offering her hand and he smiled at the corsage wrapped around her wrist. “I was supposed to ask  _you_.”

“I was afraid you were going to stay in there the whole night.” Evelyn nodded towards the bathroom and Alistair took in a deep breath to calm his erratic heart.

“And miss the final dance with you?” He curled his fingers around hers, leading her towards the dance floor as the song started. “ _Perish the thought_.”

Alistair realized quickly they wouldn’t be dancing in the traditional sense as Evelyn wrapped her arms around his neck, keeping a slight distance so she could stare up at him. He rested his hands on her waist, one curling around to hold the small of her back.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” Alistair mused, smiling to himself as a small blush appeared on Evelyn’s cheeks.

“Yes.” She nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing it more than once.”

They would be leaving after this last song and Alistair knew the two of them were struggling with when to bring up the subject. It was on the forefront of his mind and yet neither had mentioned the pact since they made it. He wondered if she remembered or even had the intention of going through with it. The longer he stared at her, the more she flushed, giving him a small answer—she was just as nervous. As the song faded, she tugged herself closer, resting her cheek against his chest as they swayed.

 _All I needed was the love you gave_  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew  
Only you

Alistair’s palms began to sweat as he drove home, the silence between them killing him slowly. His hands shook as he unlocked the door to the house they shared and he grew even more anxious as he realized his parents and brother seemed to be absent for the evening. He wondered if they knew something he didn’t. Evelyn walked ahead of him up the stairs and it was on the landing that she finally turned to him, her hand reaching for his.

“Do you remember what we…talked about?”

Alistair could barely hear her and focused on her mouth as if he could read lips. When she paused he raised his gaze to her eyes and felt his lips fall open at the dreamy look in her eyes. He nodded and Evelyn squeezed his hand a little as she tugged him closer, taking a step backwards towards his room.

“W— _wait_.” Alistair breathed and he cringed as Evelyn widened her eyes at him, her expression faltering. He raised his free hand to cup the side of her face, brushing a thumb across her cheek. “Are you sure Evelyn? I mean—that was a while ago and…”

“I am.” Evelyn nodded even as her breath came out in a shaky sigh. “Are you? We don’t have to actually follow a silly pact.”

Alistair shifted slightly and felt his lips tremble a little as he flashed a smile. “It’s not so silly. And…yes. I’m sure.”

Evelyn led him lead them into his room and he was sure to secure the lock—even if they were alone in the house he was still afraid of any surprises. It was when he turned back to her that the moment became surreal. Even in the dim lighting of his room he could see her flushed cheeks. Evelyn stared at him in anticipation, playing with her fingers as she bit her lip. He stepped back to stand in front of her and hesitated before resting his hands on her waist. She reacted in a similar way before her hands met his chest, a few fingers playing with the fabric of his tie.

“How does this work exactly?” Alistair asked and felt his face heat up in embarrassment. He figured it would be difficult  _not_  to feel awkward about all this. “I mean I know  _how_  to do… _it_.” He closed his eyes and groaned at his naivety. “ _Maker_.”

“I’m…nervous too. It’s okay.” Evelyn assured him and he opened his eyes to see her eyes shining up at him. “Clothes first. Let’s start there.”

“Right.” Alistair nodded before pausing to steal a glance at her lips. “What about…kissing? Would that help?” He felt a strange sense of want rush over him at the idea—he had never kissed  _anybody_ , let alone Evelyn.

“I know it sounds silly but—” Evelyn seemed to recoil a bit. “I…don’t think we should…”

Alistair shook his head; he didn’t want to discomfort her even if he found it rather strange himself. If she was so dead-set on everything  _else_ , why couldn’t he kiss her? He distracted himself with reaching up a hand to her arm before inching his fingers across to pull at the straps of her dress. Evelyn began loosening his tie before pushing against his suit jacket. He paused to tug it off, cursing under his breath as his hand got stuck in the sleeve. Awkward fumbling was  _not_  what he needed now.

When he finally tossed it to the ground he reached around to Evelyn’s back, his fingers finding the zipper to her dress. After a moment of struggling she chuckled softly under her breath and Alistair felt mortified when he realized the zipper was stuck. She turned around and he fidgeted with it for another moment before it came free.

“Let me…” Evelyn’s gaze fell away as she pursed her lips in thought. “I’ll get ready… _undressed_  in the bathroom.” Alistair arched up his eyebrows in confusion but considered it a blessing; he wasn’t sure if he could continue without tripping over his own shoes. “You…wait here.”

As soon as the door to his bathroom closed, Alistair tugged at his tie before tossing it to the floor and starting on the buttons of his dress shirt. He undressed quickly, unsure of how long it would take Evelyn to come back out. His clothes were a jumbled mess on the floor of his room, but he didn’t really care and instead focused on the door as he crawled into his bed. He adjusted the pillows so they had something to sit against before sitting down on the edge of the bed in his boxers. He was fumbling with the details as the bathroom door creaked open, revealing Evelyn.

Alistair truly believed his heart had stopped and he had entered a dream as Evelyn stepped out of the doorway, her body illuminated by the moonlight spilling in from his window. She had stripped down to her underwear; a matching set of black lace and satin bra and panties.

“Maker’s breath, Evelyn.” He sighed, nearly choking on the way his breath wedged in his throat. He couldn’t help but tease her, even now. “I—I’ve never seen  _those_  in the laundry before.”

“I bought them for tonight…” She admitted, her embarrassment easy to see even in the darkness. Alistair couldn’t help but fell a slight sense of arrogance.

“For  _me_?”

Evelyn didn’t respond, though Alistair swallowed his words as she glanced back at him with a coy expression. She walked slowly across the room to the side of the bed and Alistair struggled to keep his eyes on her face even though the rest of her seemed so inviting. Finally he stood up but froze, unsure of how to continue. Evelyn’s hand found his and he glanced down at the way she ran a thumb over his knuckles.

“Do you want to…touch me?” Her voice was soft and Alistair nodded, clearing his throat before speaking.

“Yes. If that’s ok.” He answered, watching as Evelyn lifted his hand before pressing it to her chest.

She guided him a few more inches before taking away her hand, allowing Alistair to curl his palm around one of her breasts. Evelyn arched a little into his touch; a soft gasp halting him for a moment before he realized it was a  _good_  reaction. He repeated the action with his other hand before giving each breast a gentle squeeze. Alistair made sure to meet her gaze before inching his fingers around to the clasp. She nodded and he flicked at the troublesome hook, breathing a sigh of relief as it came undone easily. Evelyn’s hands came up to hold the fabric to her chest, the two sharing wide-eyed stares for a moment until she finally let it fall to the floor.

Alistair didn’t dare look down until Evelyn nodded, her hands guiding his own back to her chest. He could feel a heat wash over him at her naked breasts, curiosity getting the better of him as he flicked a thumb over a nipple. Evelyn hissed and he almost panicked before he noted the way her eyes glazed over with something wildly new and different—desire. It encouraged him to repeat the action, only this time he added a little more pressure before cupping her breasts and rolling them in his hands.

The urge to kiss her— _anywhere_  on her skin grew as she titled her head back, exposing her neck. Alistair was tempted to lean forward and taste the skin there but held back, thankful for the sudden distraction of her hands holding tight to his sides as he fondled her chest. The feeling of her fingers had his arousal growing and with each sigh and gasp from her lips he could feel himself yearning for her touch and to see  _all_  of her.

He slid his hands further down, running his fingers along her sides in soothing circles as Evelyn lifted her head to gaze at him. “Can I?” He asked this time as his hands met the edge of her panties, a few of his fingers hesitantly dipping beneath the band to feel the flesh of her hips.

Evelyn nodded and her hands moved to rest on his shoulders as he tugged at the fabric until it was lose enough to fall down her legs. She shuffled out of her panties, kicking them off to the side and Alistair noted how the action had her avoiding his stare. He raised a hand to her face, cupping her chin as she turned back to look at him. Evelyn blushed, her bottom lip wedged between her teeth as he looked at her.

“You are beautiful.” He wanted to make sure she believed it. Evelyn smiled, though she still struggled to meet his gaze, which he understood in the moment. Still, her hand continued to guide his, this time towards the juncture between her legs. Alistair widened his eyes a little as his fingers brushed against the soft flesh of her thigh.

Evelyn nodded before he could confirm it was okay to touch her. Slowly, he inched his fingers closer, Evelyn parting her legs a little more so it was easier for him. Simultaneously their breaths hitched as a few of his fingers met her heat and when she nodded again he ran a single digit against her slit, opening her to him. Evelyn moaned slightly and her hands dug at his shoulders, only encouraging him to curl his finger along her once more, his heart racing at the wet sensation running along his fingers. He knew what it meant, and it only had him wanting to continue.

“Keep going.” Evelyn encouraged and Alistair obliged, this time pressing his finger past her folds to tease and find her entrance.

He could feel the heat on his ears and cheeks as she moaned again, knowing  _he_  was the one giving her that pleasure. He pulled away as she pressed herself closer, her abdomen pressing hard against his groin and erection. Alistair gasped as Evelyn’s hands snapped down to his boxers, her fingers brushing over the front to feel at his growth. A moment later and she was tugging his underwear down and away and in a moment of bravery Alistair tugged her down into his lap as he sat down on the bed. After a moment of fumbling and hands blindly searching, Evelyn pulled away to flash a sheepish smile.

“My turn?” She whispered and Alistair nearly squeaked at the suggestion as they shifted along the bed. He rested his back against the pillows, focusing his attention on the way Evelyn moved to straddle his legs.

Alistair closed his eyes tight as Evelyn’s hand moved between them, her fingers delicately brushing over his length. There was a slight tremble to her touch but after a moment she finally gripped him, her palm warm and inviting. Alistair couldn’t help himself from thrusting into her hand, the sudden movement of his hips nearly sending her flying from his lap.

“Alistair…” Evelyn’s voice circled around his ear, the sensation causing a spark to be sent down his spine. “Does that…am I doing it right?”

Her hand moved soft and slow; much different than any rhythm he could create for himself. Alistair nodded into her shoulder, his fingers clenching the bed sheets as she gripped him a little tighter.

“I saw— _read,_  that…” When Evelyn paused, Alistair finally willed himself to peek open his eyes to look at her. Her cheeks were bright with color, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. “I should…take you…in my mouth?”

Alistair felt a warmth wash over him and his heart rate pick up. He was sure Evelyn didn’t mean to but her hand moved in just the right way then, her thumb brushing against his sensitive tip. “O— _oh_?” He flushed as his voice cracked and Evelyn nodded.

“To help warm you up.” She shifted in his lap and it wasn’t until Alistair realized she was leaning down that he snapped his hands to her sides to stop her. While the idea of  _that_  sounded nice he wasn’t sure he could handle the intensity right now; not if it was Evelyn doing it. He glanced down at her as she arched her eyebrows up in surprise.

“I’m…good.” Alistair swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m  _warm_ enough.”

Evelyn smiled and Alistair evened his breathing as she readjusted, her hand moving away from him as she straddled him again. This time was different from before and Alistair couldn’t help but glance down at the close proximity of her heat to his erection. He struggled to keep the primal side of him down, even though it was screaming for him to take her right then.

“Alistair do you…?” Evelyn’s voice had him refocusing on her face and he breathed out as she shifted just a fraction closer. “Do you have something?”

“Hmm?” It took him a moment to realize what she was asking, blinking hard as he reached towards his nightstand. “ _Oh_ , yes. Right. Wouldn’t want little Alistair’s running around now do we?”

Evelyn held back her laughter, pressing a hand to her lips as she grinned. He breathed out; thankful they could still have a moment of humor and normality amidst the rather intimate moment. Alistair found the condom quickly, silently thanking his father for buying him some; embarrassing as it had been at the time. Evelyn watched as he struggled for a moment and he would’ve given up if it weren’t for her encouraging touches to his arms and chest, her hand working with his to slide the protection on.

“Are you ready?” He asked, his gaze locking onto her shining emerald eyes. Evelyn nodded as she lifted herself up slightly and Alistair snapped his hands to her sides to stop her as she hovered above him. “I need to hear you say it, Evelyn.”

“Yes.” She answered immediately before reaching between them, Alistair closing his eyes as she gripped him to help guide him to her entrance.

He pressed up before letting his lips fall apart in a gasp at the heat that surrounded him as she slowly enveloped him. Evelyn took in a sharp breath, her fingers gripping his shoulders tight as she paused for a moment. Alistair could feel the slight resistance, the tightness of her around him as he stretched her.

“It doesn’t hurt, does it?” Alistair asked, gritting his teeth as he watched her expression for any signs of pain. Evelyn paused, biting her lip hard as she nodded once before sliding a little further down. He gripped her hips to stop her even as his body yearned to go deeper.

“We—we can stop. If it’s—”

“ _Alistair_.” Evelyn breathed out before shaking her head. “It’s ok. Please.”

He hesitated until Evelyn leaned forward a little, wrapping her arms tighter around his neck as she pressed a kiss to his temple. Alistair glanced down, the sight of him entering her almost driving him to the edge right then. Inch by inch he filled her until she was flush against him, her legs shaky as she adjusted in his lap. He didn’t dare move without her prompting and instead slid his hands to hold her back. It was hard not to focus on the pure warmth of her, the way she pulsed around him in a delightful way. He knew he wouldn’t last like this.

Evelyn took a moment to adjust before he felt her hips raise a fraction away from his, the movement causing his stomach to coil up and a familiar warmth rush over him. He panicked; not about to let this end so soon. Evelyn rolled her hips once more before Alistair gripped her side, pulling away a fraction to steal a glance. Her eyes were half-lidded, lips parted as she softly panted.

“How does it feel?” She asked, her voice husky, nearly sending Alistair wild. He rested his head against her shoulder again, closing his eyes tight as he willed himself to last at least past this moment.

“G—good.  _Great_.” Alistair breathed nervously, laughing as Evelyn clutched him closer. “You’re…amazing, Evelyn.” She responded by pressing herself closer and Alistair groaned out. “Just—” Evelyn pulled away and he met her confused gaze. “I don’t think…you on top is going to…”

“Huh?”

“Too much.” Alistair simplified before the two shared a breathless smile.

Evelyn nodded and he hissed as she pulled herself away, the loss of her warmth leaving him aching. He wondered if they should’ve started a different way before realizing that  _nobody_  was perfect on their first time. He shifted with her along the bed, propping himself up on an elbow as she stretched out beneath him, her hair spilling out like a dark halo above her head on the pillow. She lifted her knees to frame his thighs and as he lowered himself to her he felt her hands curl around to hold his sides.

“Ready?” He asked again and Evelyn smiled as she nodded, glancing down as he guided himself back towards her entrance.

Alistair made sure to go just as slow as before, focusing on Evelyn’s expression as he slid carefully inside of her. The new angle was different and he could tell immediately he wasn’t causing too much pressure or pain for her. After a moment Evelyn tugged him closer, her arms wrapping tight around his back as he withdrew before sliding in again at a slow pace. It took a moment for Alistair to find the right rhythm, listening to the way she breathed and sighed against his ear. He made sure to go slow yet steady—both for her  _and_  himself. Even as he focused on  _her_ pleasure he could feel his own end fast approaching and felt tears sting the corner of his eyes as his body betrayed him. Evelyn deserved more.

“Alistair…it’s ok to let go.” Evelyn encouraged him, her hips rising to meet his thrusts as they became uneven and out of time. He shook his head, pausing to lean back slightly so he could see her face. She was breathing deeply, her eyes glazed with emotion as she ran her hands up and down his arms.

“I want…to make sure you…” He wasn’t sure how to phrase it without sounding  _strange_. Evelyn seemed to understand and he slowed almost to a halt as she took his hand again, guiding it between them. He leaned back a little on his knees and gasped at the sensation as he plunged a little deeper within her.

“Touch me.” Evelyn pressed his thumb against a bundle of nerves and as he added pressure she arched to his touch and moaned in a way he hadn’t heard before. “Right  _there_.”

It was all the encouragement he needed before he found his pace once again, staying back on his knees as he gripped her hip in one hand, his other focused on circling around the sensitive nub she had exposed him to. He circled it in time with his thrusts and watched in amazement as Evelyn arched her body up to meet his movements, her head thrown to the side as she gasped out her pleasure.

He moved faster, biting down on his lip as he felt his climax approaching, the familiar tingle running along his spine and building in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly, Evelyn’s hands were tugging on his arms and he fell forward across her, barely catching himself from crushing her as he continued, though losing the rhythm he had established.

“I—I’m…” Evelyn breathed and he saw the way her cheeks flushed with color as she held him close, her body writhing against his in a way he had never seen. Instinct told him it was ok to let go and it was a few thrusts later that he met her, groaning out her name as he came.

Alistair struggled to catch his breath as he came down from his high and he turned his head to find Evelyn staring at him with wide eyes, her lips quivering as she panted heavily. They stayed like that for a moment, just staring at each other in shock before exhaustion nearly had his body crushing hers. The two whimpered as he withdrew from her, and he frowned for a moment as he registered that he would have to clean up. The last thing he wanted to do was leave her alone in his bed. He wanted to hold her and make sure she was ok—that  _they_  were ok.

Evelyn’s small smile encouraged him to finally remove himself from the bed and he stole a quick glance at her before rushing to the bathroom to clean himself up. His heart was racing as he washed a damp towel across his body, wiping at his legs and at the sweat across his chest. Alistair couldn’t help but feel a rush of anxiety as he wondered if Evelyn would regret this—he didn’t and would  _never_  unless she did. It was more than he could’ve ever wished for and he was eternally grateful that it was with Evelyn…somebody he cherished and…loved.

He calmed down his emotions, not wanting to get carried away as he found a clean pair of boxers in the closet attached to his bathroom, dressing quickly so he could get back to Evelyn in his room. When Alistair emerged from the bathroom he was amazed to find Evelyn still in his bed, albeit changed into one of his sleep shirts and what looked like a pair of clean boxers. She was smiling softly, her hands busy with combing her hair back into place. He took in a shaky breath as he crossed the distance, his eyes never leaving hers as he crawled back into bed, sitting down next to her under the sheets.

“You’ll stay?” Alistair asked nervously, bringing up the sheets around his waist. Even with underwear on he felt naked next to her. She nodded before moving to lay down beside him.

“Of course.”

Alistair rolled onto his side as she faced away from him, tucking an arm around her waist. As she shifted closer to him he wiggled his other arm around her, tucking her close against his chest. Evelyn snaked their legs together before exhaling, pressing her head into the pillow. As calming as the silence was, Alistair’s mind continued to race with emotions.

“Do…do you really have to leave?” Alistair whispered, reaching up to tug back her hair so he could see the side of her face. “For Highever, that is.” He felt Evelyn tense in his embrace, her hands moving to rest over his. She linked her fingers with his before sighing.

“Yes.” She didn’t seem very glad about the idea either. “I’m sorry Alistair but—”

“Forget I mentioned it.” He cut her off, not wanting the night to be spoiled by his wistful thinking.

He was embarrassed for even thinking there might be a chance they could do  _this_  again. Alistair swallowed down his feelings, blaming them on getting lost in the moment. Evelyn would be leaving for college in a few weeks and… _no_  he wouldn’t risk their friendship for anything more than what they already had. He would be lucky to even stay in her life after she moved.

“Evelyn?” Alistair prompted her when she remained silent, lifting his head a fraction to try and steal a glance at her profile. She offered a smile but he could tell it didn’t reach her eyes. He cursed himself for upsetting her and watched as she settled back down. He took solace in the fact she seemed content to sleep in his bed, in his arms for the night.

“I love you Alistair.” Evelyn’s sudden words startled him and he widened his eyes as his heart stopped. Was she…? “You’re my best friend. You’ll  _always_  be…”

As she trailed his heart sank and he swallowed down the emotions welling inside him. Of course she wasn’t offering anything more—Alistair grew confused wondering why he assumed she would. Instead of thinking on the subject any longer, he closed his eyes and held her close, willing himself to remember how much he valued her friendship and how much he wanted,  _needed_ it.

“You’re  _my_  best friend.” Alistair whispered. “I…love you too.”


	7. Came Back To Me

_Present day_

Days passed without much more than a handful of words from Evelyn. She was upset and over those few days Alistair had time to reflect and realize that she had good reason to be. His big mouth had gotten him into trouble  _again_  but this time with somebody he didn’t want to hurt. What he had been meant to be a joke or at the very least teasing from his end had spiraled into Alistair having to explain what he meant to Aurelie and Cullen—if only so they understood  _why_  Evelyn had reacted the way she did. They were  _shocked_  at the revelation, which was to be expected but they didn’t ask  _too_  many questions, not wanting to upset Evelyn any further.  

“Thanks again, Alistair.” Cullen spoke. “I didn’t think you’d make it considering…your mood.”

“Hmm?” Alistair hummed, perking up a curious eyebrow at his friend. Cullen was offering a sympathetic smile that only made Alistair frown. “Oh,  _that_  mood.”

Even with all the  _personal_  issues he was facing at home Alistair still had his duty as best man to uphold, which meant going with Cullen to shop for wedding bands. While his heavy heart left him in a solemn mood, he wasn’t about to let that get in the way of his friend’s happiness.

“Still getting the silent treatment?” Cullen asked as they stood at the counter. “I’m not entirely sure I understand the situation.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Alistair reached to scratch the side of his head, knitting his brows together in thought as his eyes scanned over the various items of jewelry. “I was nervous and was just trying to…”

After a moment Cullen arched up an eyebrow. “Trying to what?”

Alistair fumbled over the words in his head and the emotions coursing through him. In these types of situations he usually turned to Evelyn for advice, but given the situation, she was the  _last_ person he could turn to for help. Cullen had been a supportive friend through college but Alistair wondered if he admitted his feelings if he would only get a scolding on why it wasn’t a good idea. As much as he valued Cullen’s friendship and advice, the other man tended to be a little pragmatic at times.

“Alright. I’m just going to come out and say it and I don’t want you to  _judge_  me or lecture me about how  _immature_  I am.” Alistair rambled, frowning a little at the way Cullen stared at him with an expression stuck between amusement and confusion. “I…I think I love Evelyn. Rather, I think I’m  _in_ love with her.”

Alistair avoided looking at Cullen and instead focused on the case of jewelry again, his eyes instantly finding a ring with diamond and emeralds on the band. He couldn’t help but be reminded of Evelyn’s dark green stare and the way she had looked in the wedding dress the previous week. Alistair’s imagination got the best of him as he thought about what that ring might look like on her finger and what her reaction might be when he got down on one knee to give it to her. Immediately Alistair shook his head, frowning at the fact Evelyn wasn’t even speaking to him at the moment— _proposing_  was probably not the wisest decision.

“You… _think_?” Cullen finally prompted and Alistair hesitantly glanced up and over at his friend. Cullen had his head tilted to the side in thought and Alistair was relieved to see his relaxed expression and the small smile he held. “What happened to  _just friends_?”

Alistair rolled his eyes as Cullen mocked his voice. Since Evelyn had come back into his life he  _had_  denied anything between them, brushing away Cullen’s suspicions and suggestions that they shared something more. Alistair figured he deserved the teasing now that he was admitting something completely different.

“I’m sure  _she_  thinks we are just friends.” Alistair sighed, shifting uncomfortably under Cullen’s scrutiny. “I don’t know what happened, I just…was  _hit_  with these emotions and…” Alistair shook his head but finally looked at his friend, pouting. “I’m afraid to ask what you think I should do.”

Cullen seemed alarmed. “You’re asking  _my_  opinion?”

“As much as I go on about Evelyn being my best friend, you are my friend too.” Alistair pushed a smile to his face when Cullen grew a little flustered. “I respect what you have to say.”

“What if it isn’t what you want to hear?” It took a moment for Alistair to realize Cullen was teasing him, his friend chuckling for a moment before resting a supportive hand on his shoulder. “You two are close and you have shared a lifetime of memories already.” Cullen continued. “I don’t think it came out of nowhere.” Cullen explained and Alistair widened his eyes at him, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you didn’t just fall in love with her out of the blue. You’ve probably felt that way longer than you realize.” Cullen nodded as Alistair shook his head in denial. “It’s so obvious, Alistair. To me, to Aurelie…to so many of our friends.”

“Really?” Alistair frowned, wondering just how ridiculous he sounded and appeared. “Then…Evelyn probably knows too, huh?”

“Maybe.” Cullen shrugged and Alistair watched as his attention fell to the set of rings before them once more. “Maybe not. You’ll never know unless you ask her.”

“So…I should just tell her how I feel?” Alistair asked, biting back laughter as Cullen finally knitted his eyebrows together in mild frustration before shaking his head.

“What?  _No_.” Cullen waved his hands in disagreement. “Don’t just… _tell her_.”

“Why not?” Alistair crossed his arms over his chest. Cullen’s expression flattened as if Alistair should know the answer already.

“You’ve been friends for nearly all your life—do you honestly think coming out of the blue and telling her you  _love_  her is the smartest decision?” Cullen asked, his eyebrows arched up and Alistair mulled over the question in his mind.

The optimistic, hopeless romantic side of him wanted to believe Evelyn would accept him without any questions; that she loved him back. But deep down, he knew her and the reservations she held against  _any_  type of romantic relationship let alone any kind of intimacy with  _him_.

Cullen seemed flustered as he glanced at the case again. “You know Aurelie was love at first sight for me—but I didn’t tell her until I was sure she felt the same way.”

“How did you know?” Alistair asked. Cullen didn’t respond right away, as he seemed to focus in on a particular ring. The clerk came over, bringing the rings for them to see and Cullen plucked a silver band with three diamonds from the display. He seemed to already know it was the one he wanted for Aurelie.

“You’ll know.”

The two men finished up their business in the jewelry shop and despite the anxiety it gave him, Alistair gladly took the rings for safe keeping until the wedding. He reminded himself to hand them over to Evelyn so she could actually uphold that promise. Alistair figured their talk was over as they exited the store until Cullen regarded Alistair’s solemn expression.

“Take things slow. She only just came back to you…” Cullen placed his hand on Alistair’s shoulder again, squeezing it in a supportive way. “Talk to her. Flowers maybe. That’s a good start.”

Alistair felt a surge of confidence fill him as he thought about seeing Evelyn once more—he needed to apologize for his behavior and perhaps if he was brave enough, hint at his reasoning.  _Slow_  he reminded himself but he couldn’t help but feel excited about what could come next. He needed to see her as soon as possible.

* * *

 

Stacks and stacks of endless paperwork littered Evelyn’s desk and she sighed as she filed away yet another thick envelope of information. So far her promising job at the law office had given her nothing but busy work; filing and fetching paperwork. It was something beneath her education and experience, but even she knew she couldn’t afford to be picky. She was grateful for the job, but every time she was sent away to perform a menial task, she wished she had an opportunity to prove her worth.

The repetitive task had her lost in her thoughts—something she desperately wanted to avoid. Something,  _anything_ , would keep her mind busy and off the subject of her frustration. Evelyn had defaulted to what she knew best by ignoring the situation and in the meantime had inadvertently led Alistair to believe she was outright ignoring  _him_  as well. She was upset, but the more she thought about the problem the more she wondered if she was over-reacting. It was hard to be the bigger person and admit she was wrong for being angry but at the same time, Alistair had revealed a secret she thought he’d carry to his grave.

Evelyn had been cornered into telling Aurelie the truth when her friend confronted her and in doing so unearthed a multitude of questions; why they had formed the pact, why keep it a secret and  _why_  nothing more had come from sleeping together. Evelyn liked to pretend it was because she moved away but deep down something was stirring, making her chest ache and mind stir with unanswered questions.

When the filing could no longer distract her, Evelyn pushed herself away from her desk, pressing her palms to her eyes as she clenched her jaw tightly. Needing a break she snuck away from the offices, making for the outside plaza where she could clear her head and grab a cup of coffee. She wasn’t paying attention when she pushed through the glass doors, grunting lightly as a stranger bumped into her, nearly pushing her to the ground. Their hands grabbed at her arms to keep her upright and it took Evelyn a few moments to realize the touch was  _familiar_.

“Evelyn.” Her blood ran cold as she glanced up to find Nathaniel, his face too close for comfort. She pulled her hands out of his grip and cursed the way his presence had her momentarily speechless. He was the  _last_  person she wanted to see.

“ _Nathaniel_.” Evelyn responded before moving to walk past him back outside. He quickly followed and even as she rounded the building to the courtyard she could hear his footsteps behind her. Finally she whipped around, glaring at him as he stopped closely in front of her. “Why are you here? You seemed to make it perfectly clear you never wanted to see me again after  _dumping_  my belongings outside the apartment.”

“That was cruel. I’m sorry.” He responded but she saw through his so-called apology.

“Tell that to  _Bruce_.” She spat and made to move again when Nathaniel’s hand reached to cup her elbow, keeping her in place. “Don’t touch me.” She said through gritted teeth and he widened his eyes before letting go.

“I  _came_  here to make sure you were alright. That you had a place to stay.” As soon as Nathaniel said it, she knew he was lying. He didn’t show up after one of their breakups unless there was some ulterior motive which usually meant the two of them getting back together.

“If you  _cared_  you would’ve showed up a month ago.” Evelyn grumbled, crossing her arms as she steadied her breathing. “Or at least given me time to find my own place before kicking me to the curb.” She shook her head as he rolled his eyes, silently denying the harshness of her words. “I got lucky and found a place quickly.”

“So I heard…” Nathaniel trailed and the way he looked at her with suspicion made Evelyn realize he probably knew her place of residence all along. After a moment he sighed, his expression softening and Evelyn felt her stomach churn with emotions. She was angry and lonely and in a vulnerable state—something Nathaniel had taken advantage of before.

“You can guess by now that I actually came here to try and patch things up.” His hand tentatively reached out again to rest on her upper arm and while Evelyn tensed, she did not brush him away. “I’d hate for us to end on such a sour note.”

“There is no  _us_.” Evelyn reminded and wondered if she could snap her jaw in two from how hard she was clenching her teeth in irritation. “I’d rather be angry at you.”

Nathaniel arched up a brow and she glanced away as he flashed a sly smile. “Are you  _sure_  about that?”

“Yes.” Evelyn answered immediately before turning on her heel, forgoing the main reason she had left the office to begin with. At least her mind was now muddled for a different reason but her heart was slowly dissolving in the pit of her stomach as she rushed back to the building. Nathaniel followed and every time his fingers brushed against her to try and stop her she’d only walk faster until she was nearly sprinting away from him.

“ _Eve_  stop. We need to talk about this.” His nickname made her skin crawl and for a moment she thought about turning and stopping if only to shove him down the stone steps of the building. Instead she powered through the glass doors, her eyes set forward and away from him.

Evelyn froze as she entered the building, not expecting to find Alistair standing at the receptionist’s desk and cursing the fact Nathaniel had followed her. Alistair’s back was to them and she thought it provided a perfect opportunity to sneak away before he noticed them. Nathaniel was still rambling when he bumped into her and she struggled to silence him as she turned away, trying to push him back out the door.

“ _Evelyn_?”

She closed her eyes tight as she took a steady breath, unsure of how this situation would unravel. Nathaniel seemed to tense at Alistair’s voice and when she glanced up she found a scowl on his face. When Evelyn turned around her breath left her in a gasp as she noticed the large bouquet of red roses Alistair held in his hands and her heart ached at the way his face fell into a frown.

“Alistair? What are you—”

“I wanted to surprise you at work. Apologize and uhm…” Alistair didn’t meet her gaze as she neared but he extended his arms so she could take the flowers from him.

As she did their fingers brushed and finally his hazel eyes met hers and she couldn’t help but feel guilty at the sadness she saw shining there. It wasn’t his usual puppy-dog stare that he fabricated but instead true  _hurt_  and she knew the reason was the man standing behind her. She tried to ignore it, tilting her head down to smell the fresh roses.

“Thank you. I…” She stopped as Alistair glanced up, his eyebrows knitting together as he glared at Nathaniel. Suddenly Evelyn became very aware that she was literally in the middle of the two men. They continued to silently stare each other down until Nathaniel scoffed lightly.

“Theirin.”

“ _Howe_.”

Evelyn didn’t quite understand their disdain for each other, especially when she had worked so hard to keep things civil—they had no reason to hate each other when she was a friend to both. Yes she was closer to Alistair and had been for all her life, but she had shared a different part of her being with Nathaniel; something she thought the two understood. After a moment, Alistair seemed to notice her discomfort and shifted, raising a closed hand to his mouth as he cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry if I interrupted…something.” Alistair spoke, his voice quiet as he nervously glanced at Evelyn. His demeanor confused her but before she could ask he offered a small, shaky smile. “We can talk when you get home, right?”

“Of course.” Evelyn answered quickly and almost reached out to grip his arm as he passed her, heading for the exit. Instead she watched him leave, his shoulders seemingly slumped over in defeat. Nathaniel smirked and she snapped her eyes to him, glaring at the way his lips were curled up in a smirk. “Do you have something to say?” Evelyn asked, not caring about the harshness in her tone. Nathaniel knitted his brows together as he stared down at her.

“Now I understand why you’re so hesitant to move back.” He started and it took Evelyn a moment to realize what he was hinting at. “I always know you were one for rebounding but… _Alistair_?”

“I’m not—”

“I guess it was only a matter of time. He was always sniffing after you like a lost Mabari.” Nathaniel’s words stung her as juvenile as his insult was. “I’m sure it was easy for you to lure him in and  _fuck_ —”

Evelyn didn’t let him finish before she reached up to smack his cheek, her palm stinging as she brought her hand back to her side. Her chest was aching with every breath, her eyes wide as she scowled at the man she once called her lover.

“Don’t  _ever_  talk about Alistair like that.” She hissed. “He is my  _friend_. Something you’ll  _never_  be.”

Nathaniel didn’t seem too bothered by her words but it felt good to say them. He could say an infinite amount of terrible things about her and she wouldn’t care but moment he brought Alistair into his delusions, it crossed a line. It only solidified her earlier decision to deny Nathaniel and push him away. She didn’t need him anymore; not his touch, not his affection and certainly not the toxic way in which they used each other. No, what she needed was  _happiness_ , something she was starting to realize she had all along in Alistair.  _Maker_  she had a lot to explain when she got home—that and an apology of her own.

* * *

 

Alistair was nervously standing in the kitchen when he heard the fumble of the lock on the apartment door and yet he waited for it to open and then close before he turned away from the stove to glance over the kitchen island. Evelyn was standing at the counter, hands clutching the bouquet of roses and he frowned as he noticed her solemn expression. He could tell she had been crying and there was a poor attempt made to hide it with makeup.

“Hi.” She meekly greeted, her eyes falling to the ground as she shifted slightly, stepping closer to the kitchen.

Alistair fumbled for a moment before grabbing a nearby glass, filling it with water and setting it where she could place the flowers into it. As soon as they were settled in their makeshift vase he turned to face her, eyes scanning over her form and the way she wrung her hands in front of her.

“Hi.” He repeated, offering a small smile as she finally met his gaze. “I hope you don’t mind but I went ahead and…cooked dinner.” Alistair motioned to the pots on the stove; pasta in one and sauce in another. It was simple but something  _he_  could do.

Evelyn’s eyes glanced behind him before looking to his chest and Alistair raised a brow as her lips curved up slightly in a small smile. He was confused for a moment before he looked down and remembered the apron he was wearing;  _Kiss the Cook_. Alistair was relieved by the moment of amusement and was about to take the opportunity to say something when Evelyn took a short step closer to him.

“I—I’m sorry, Alistair.” She seemed anxious, her fingers still fidgeting as she struggled to keep eye contact with him. “For how I reacted and—”

“Maker  _no_.” Alistair cut her off and hesitantly reached out to grip her hands in his own. “If anybody should be sorry it’s  _me_.” He made sure her eyes met his again before continuing. “My mouth has a mind of its own and sometimes I say things without thinking and…” He snapped his mouth shut when he realized he was rambling but breathed out as Evelyn’s smile only grew.

“Alistair. It’s ok.” She ran her thumbs over his fingers that were clutching hers. “I forgive you.” After a moment she looked at him with a worried expression. “About what happened earlier…”

“Oh.” Alistair blinked and remembered the awkwardness he felt at seeing her with Nathaniel. As far as he was concerned, Evelyn never wanted to see her ex again and in that moment he was worried she was going back to him. “Is everything ok?”

“No.” She answered before shrugging and sighing. “I don’t know. He wants to get back together but…”

“You  _won’t_ , will you?” Alistair tried not to sound so panicked and frowned when Evelyn gave him a bewildered look. “Evelyn, he’s no good for you.”

“I  _know_.” Evelyn responded. “And I won’t. I promise.”

When silence fell over them, Evelyn pulled her hands away before reaching to adjust the flowers on the countertop so they were centered, a few of her fingertips trailing over the petals.

“I meant to thank you for these. They are beautiful.” She commented and Alistair felt his chest expand as he grew hopeful.

“Well…beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl.” Alistair faltered a little. “Woman.  _Wo-man_. Roses too. Grown up and—”

“ _Alibear_.” Evelyn’s hand flew over her mouth when she laughed, moving to close the distance between them. Alistair felt his heart wedge into his throat as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing up on her toes to hug him. He quickly tucked his arms around her waist, squeezing her for a moment as her nose nuzzled against his neck. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 _Me either_. Alistair wanted to continue holding her, but as the smell of food hit his nose, Evelyn simultaneously pulled away, her head tilting as she glanced over his shoulder at the stove. Alistair cleared his throat, laughing nervously.

“Nothing major. Just pasta and marinara…you know I can’t cook anything with more than five directions.” He teased himself and Evelyn laughed, shaking her head in agreement.

The two served themselves and ate at the small dinner table, laughing about random things and making small conversation. After dinner they migrated back to the kitchen, Evelyn adamant to help Alistair clean up and do her part after he had provided the meal. She rolled up her sleeves and turned the sink on, pouring dish-soap along the sponge before she started washing the dishes. Alistair folded away his apron and turned back to help as well. Once she was done rinsing the dish, Alistair plucked it from her hands, smiling as he dried it with a nearby towel.

“I’ve been meaning to ask…” Alistair swallowed down his nerves, eyeing Evelyn carefully as she glanced up from washing the plate. “Since you mentioned it. Well—since  _everybody_  mentioned it.”

“Why didn’t we?” Alistair continued and felt his heart rate speed up in a way that left his chest aching. “What I  _mean_  to say is why we…never…got  _to-geth-er_ after…”

“Oh.” Evelyn interrupted him and the blush on her cheeks told him she understood where his rambling sentence was going. She glanced away as she handed him the plate to dry. “That’s…a hell of a question, Alistair.”

“You don’t have to answer it.” He quickly announced, wiping the towel over the drops of water. Evelyn eyed him for a moment before bringing her bottom lip between her teeth.

“Considering how terrible my love life was in college…” Evelyn sighed and Alistair found himself leaning over slightly as she frowned. “I would’ve only hurt you.”

Alistair was surprised by what she said and creased his eyebrows together in worry when she continued to avoid his stare. Hesitantly he reached over, making sure his open palm came into her view. She snapped her head up and he offered a smile as she stared at him in confusion. After drying her hand on the nearby towel she placed one of her hands in his and he sighed as he curled his fingers around her own, thumb running over her knuckles.

“I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.” Alistair paused to gather the right words—he was struggling to follow Cullen’s advice to take things slow, to not burst out with an admission that would only startle her. “You couldn’t possibly know that.”

“And what do you think?” Evelyn asked, her lips twitching nervously. “If…I stayed and if… _something_  happened between…”

Alistair softly smiled at her as he squeezed her hand tighter. “I don’t think your love life would’ve been so terrible.”

A moment of silence fell over them as the red on her cheeks started to fade and Alistair focused on the way her fingers squeezed his before pulling away to dip her hands back into the sink.

“What prompted you to ask…about all this?” Evelyn returned her focus to the remaining dishes and Alistair quickly continued his task of drying, thankful his hands were being kept busy because all he wanted was to keep holding her hand.

“Oh well, after what happened at the beach…” Alistair gulped when Evelyn shot him a quick glance, her lips flattening in disappointment. “Which I’ll be  _forever_  sorry for, I might add.” He apologized again and waited until she nodded, her expression relaxing. “Cullen had questions. I didn’t…have any answers.”

“I think that’s a good thing.” Evelyn chuckled under her breath, shaking her head as she handed him the last dish. “They are our friends but…they don’t need to swoop into our privacy like that.”

“Yes.” Alistair chuckled, putting the dishes away as Evelyn dried her hands, rolling her sleeves back down in the process. “ _Swooping_  is bad.” His heart began to race as his thoughts clouded together. As determined as he was to follow Cullen’s advice, he couldn’t help but test the waters.

“He brought up a point though.” Alistair continued. “Haven’t you had the same questions from friends?”

“ _Maker_ , yes.” Evelyn groaned, lifting her hand to comb strands of her hair away from her face and Alistair felt relieved at the sight of her soft smile. “Aurelie was shocked to learn we’ve never kissed.”

“I imagine she’s even more shocked  _now_.” Alistair’s remarked and her smile faltered for a moment as she realized what he meant. Before he could stop himself he asked. “What’s the harm in  _one_  kiss?”

Alistair swallowed the bundle of nerves that settled in his throat as Evelyn pressed herself against the counter opposite of him, her hands resting behind her back. She pursed her lips in thought, her eyes not meeting his. For a moment Alistair thought he had crossed over the boundary Evelyn had set  _years_  ago.

“I mean—”  _Humor, Alistair_. “I’m a  _great_  kisser. Too bad you’ll never know without first hand proof.”

Finally Evelyn let out a small laugh, her eyes lifting to meet his gaze.  _Maker_  his heart was racing, panicked he had ruined the mood. He pushed himself from the opposite counter but paused as she flinched in her spot, eyes going wide as a small gasp left her. Alistair stood still, struggling to regain a steady heartbeat as he searched her expression, watching her eyes do the same to him. The last thing he meant to do was startle her or make her think he would just  _do_ that without asking her. He watched as her throat tightened as she gulped, lips trembling as she parted them to speak.

“I suppose…” She swallowed again and Alistair felt his heart leap out of his chest, propelling him a few steps closer to her. She tilted her head up and it was obvious to see the nerves trembling along her skin. “ _One_  kiss couldn’t hurt…”

Alistair let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, the world falling away from him as Evelyn came into full focus. He stepped closer, eyes silently asking permission for him to continue. Her hands came from behind her back, but still gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. Slowly Alistair raised one of his hands, his fingers holding a slight tremor as he cupped her cheek.

He met her gaze again as another almost silent gasp left her, wondering if she was really ok with this situation. It had come out of  _nowhere_ —out of a simple conversation he would’ve never guessed could lead to this. For him it was a dream come true—all he had ever wanted was to kiss her, to be  _worthy_  of kissing her, and it was amazing to realize he had probably wanted this as long as he knew her. It was an intimacy he knew she didn’t share with just anybody and it had his stomach in knots, his heart threatening to burst from his chest. Alistair settled his other hand on her waist, sighing softly at the warmth that was radiating through her clothes.

“Evelyn.” He whispered her name, his breath fanning over her lips as he dipped his head down, unable to close his eyes until the last moment as his lips hovered over hers.

Soft—that’s what her mouth was and warm too; inviting and…it felt like home. It was familiar and new all at once; he had kissed her a million times in his dreams, even before he realized his love but nothing could’ve prepared him for the  _real thing._  Alistair hummed slightly at the immediate way his heartbeat increased, a thousand fireworks going off in his mind as he kissed her. Chaste at first, for her sake, adding a little more pressure when her mouth twitched, allowing his lips to wrap around her bottom lip. His fingers curled around the back of her head, pressing softly so that she’d tilt her head, giving him a better angle to gently sweep his tongue between her lips if just for a small taste. His free hand gripped her waist a little tighter as her tongue briefly met his, a small sound of approval echoing in her throat.

Reluctantly he pulled away, his eyes half-lidded as he caught her gaze. Her eyes were sparkling, darting across his face as her lips hung open, a darker shade of pink from his kiss. Her face began to flush with color as they stared at each other, her hands twitching along the kitchen counter. Evelyn was speechless and he knew it, the fact only making him feel even more anxious. Alistair couldn’t help but smirk, sliding his hand through her hair as he held her cheek once more.

“ _See_? I’m a good kiss—”

Alistair gasped out his last words as Evelyn’s hands were suddenly at the collar of his hoodie, tugging him back down as her lips crashed into his, the kiss immediately more passionate than before. Stunned, his hands fell away from her for a moment before he gripped her hips tightly, softly groaning as her tongue molded around his, her fingers quickly making their way to his neck and the back of his head to pull him closer. He stepped closer without thought, the motion pressing Evelyn against the counter and startling her out of the kiss. Alistair dipped his head down to continue, pressing himself against her as his body reacted to the heated kiss.

“W—wait.” Evelyn’s voice was soft, a quiet call that barely caused him to pause to glance at her through his heavy gaze.

He noted the mix of emotions on her expression before blinking hard, holding his breath as her hands slid away from his face and to his chest, her eyes dropping away from his. Alistair eased away from her but stayed close, unsure of what was happening—had he acted foolishly?  _Maker_  what was he thinking? Evelyn’s lips started to fall into a frown and Alistair defaulted to what he knew best.

“ _One_  kiss, Evelyn. You do remember how to count, right?” He teased, loosening his grip on her waist as he offered her a small smile and a way out. Yes, she had kissed him back, but he didn’t want to corner her or pressure her into anything else—especially without telling her his feelings; something he wasn’t sure he was ready to admit in that moment after their dinner conversation. Evelyn eyed him for a moment before rolling her eyes at him as she smiled, her cheeks still bright with color as she playfully pushed him away. “Or did that kiss  _blow your mind_?”

“Don’t start.” Evelyn laughed and Alistair felt a little more confident that he hadn’t screwed up  _too_  much. “I’ll regret it if you turn this into some joke.”

Alistair knew she was joking but he couldn’t help but feel the underlying threat and he felt his heart get wedged in his throat. That was the  _last_ thing he wanted her to feel about their kiss. “I won’t.”

Evelyn’s gaze met his and for a brief moment the laughter died away, leaving an unanswered question hanging over their heads. Alistair knew  _his_  emotions but he had no idea how she felt—about him or about the kiss. What would this mean for them? Could he kiss her like this again whenever he wished?  _No_  he answered, that would mean…

The more he questioned himself the more he realized he may have acted prematurely and had nobody to turn to; there was no way he could tell Cullen about this and seek advice on what to do next. Alistair glanced to Evelyn’s lips again and spoke the words silently on his tongue— _I love you. I’m in love with you_. What would she think?

“Alistair?” Evelyn’s voice brought him out of his thoughts as he blinked hard before refocusing on her shining eyes. Emeralds; just like he had seen in the jewelry store that morning Her lips curled into a teasing grin and for once he breathed a sigh of relief. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so silent before. Are you sure  _your_  mind hasn’t been blown away?”

“Maybe it has.” He sighed before laughing and pulling himself away, watching the way Evelyn’s hands hung in the air where he had been for a moment before she blinked and copied his laugh. “It’s late. You have work in the morning?”

Evelyn seemed slightly confused by his change in subject but glanced down at the watch on her wrist. “Yes. I…” She shifted awkwardly, eyeing her bedroom. “Thank you for dinner and…”

Alistair raised a curious eyebrow, threatening to tease her as he curled his lips into a smirk. Evelyn gave a flustered huff before stepping away though he caught the glimmer of her grin as she walked towards her room.

“Goodnight Couscous.” He spoke, relaxing as her voice called back.

“Goodnight Alibear.”

Alistair was about to doze off when he heard his door squeak open and the soft click as it closed again. He blinked; adjusting his eyes to the darkness of the room before realizing it was Evelyn who was now standing with her hands behind her pressed to his door.

“Evelyn?” He cleared his throat, pressing himself onto his forearms as she took a few steps closer to his bed. His heart was instantly racing and all the nerves he had gone to bed with were racing back to tighten his throat. It was hard to read her expression in the dark, and he contemplated ripping open his curtains to allow the light of the moon in.

“Back for more?” Alistair was already cursing his mind for jumping straight for the  _worst_  thing he could say in this situation.

Evelyn wordlessly slid beneath the covers, waving her hand to prompt him to lie back down. Once he was settled she stretched out beside him, her head resting on the curve of his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. Her hand rested on his chest and he breathed in, holding back from saying anything else that might ruin the mood. His heart was pounding and he knew she could hear it but was thankful for her not mentioning anything. Instead, she quickly fell asleep, her breath warm as it swept across his chin. Alistair brought her closer into his embrace before closing his eyes; it was the first time they had shared a bed since he discovered his feelings for her and it was more difficult than he realized. To know he loved the woman in his arms more than anything else but unable to say anything about it to her tore his insides apart. He didn’t want to risk their friendship; not without some kind of proof she felt the same way. Alistair knew from that point on nothing would ever be the same.


	8. Relations

For next few weeks all Evelyn could think about was  _the kiss_ —every time she saw Alistair her lips tingled and her mind ran wild with thoughts of kissing him again. She wasn’t really sure  _why_  she had agreed to the intimate act to begin with; not that they hadn’t done anything  _more_  intimate in the past. Kissing wasn’t something she took lightly and for all their lives she had never let him, not on the mouth. Yet that night she had pushed all her reservations away and was almost eager to feel what his lips would be like pressed against her own. It didn’t help that Alistair wasn’t lying; he was a  _great_  kisser.

Evelyn found herself battling a slew of emotions after that; jealousy over the other women he had kissed and practiced the act with before feeling ashamed for being envious of something she never had and never wanted, at least in the past. She became conflicted over what she wanted  _now_  in terms of a relationship with Alistair. He was her closest and dearest friend and while she would be lying if she said she never thought about anything more his friendship was something she didn’t want to jeopardize.

Romantic love for her wasn’t easy and the thought of breaking his heart when she inevitably couldn’t commit made her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. No matter how perfect it seemed in her head Evelyn knew herself better—her heart was damaged, far beyond saving even from Alistair. She convinced herself quickly it would be best to ignore the feelings that would creep up on her when they were alone and hope that eventually it would be behind them; a joke they could laugh about later on.

Alistair seemed to act as if nothing had changed between them, though his behavior at times was a little sporadic. She would come home to a clean house, dinner and more than once a new bouquet of roses had been sent to her office. Alistair told her it was to keep her spirits up and to do his part but a part of her wondered if he meant something more by it and secretly she hoped he did. It left her confused and frustrated but instead of facing the situation head on the two seemed to distract themselves with work and planning Cullen and Aurelie’s wedding.

With the wedding only a few months away Aurelie was turning a little frantic with her dress fittings, picking out bridesmaid dresses and flower arrangements she liked. At every appointment Evelyn was there to help, even if it meant working late at her job to compensate. It left her exhausted at the end of the day, but at least sleeping helped cloud her brain from any  _other_  distracting thoughts.

It was supposed to be just another typical day for Evelyn;  _Tuesday_ —she was supposed to get up early to meet Aurelie for breakfast to discuss hair and makeup for the wedding before working a ten hour shift at the office. There was a big case and while she was still not invited to help it meant a lot of filing and busy work for her to catch up on. Though when she woke up that morning she felt like the void itself had tried to come and capture her. Her head ached, throbbing in a way that had her eyes burning. When she went to inhale she found her nose stuffed and attempting to breathe through her mouth didn’t fare any better. Evelyn frowned as she realized internalizing her stress had probably made her sick and groaned as she pushed herself onto her side, cursing the way her body ached.

Evelyn closed her eyes, tears stinging the corner of her eyes as she tried to mentally push herself to get up. There was no way she could let Aurelie down and missing work would only make her seem unreliable. She clutched the sheets closer to her body, clenching her teeth out of frustration when her body refused to respond or move in the way she wanted. Bruce seemed to notice her discomfort and shifted to lie across her pillows, curling his body around her head and resting his muzzle across her temple.

“Thank you Bruce…” She whispered, swallowing hard at the roughness of her throat and wincing at how it hurt to do so.

The Mabari whined slightly and Evelyn smiled as his breath fanned out over her cheek. The alarm on her phone went off once more prompting her to open her eyes to watch it buzz and ring out an obnoxious tone across her nightstand. Between Bruce keeping her head pinned and the way her entire body ached she gave up any hope on reaching out for it. It continued for a few minutes before Bruce finally started to chuff, lifting his head to softly bark at the noise. Just as Evelyn tried to move again towards the annoyance her door squeaked open and she lifted up one eyelid to make out the blurry form of Alistair making his way into her room.

“Some _body_ ’s a sleepyhead.” He teased in a singsong voice.

The closer he came the easier it was for Evelyn to make out his disheveled hair and the fact he had yet to change into his work uniform. In fact, he was still in his usual sleeping attire of boxers and an undershirt, which had her running warm for a completely different reason. If she were in a better state she would reprimand him for running late. Instead she only made a sound of discomfort, closing her eyes as she pulled the blankets higher towards her face. The sound from her phone fell silent and she heard Alistair moving before her bed sank with extra weight as he sat near her legs. The back of his hand met her forehead and while she would’ve preferred to have his touch linger, it was only there for a moment.

“Maker Couscous, you’re on fire!” Alistair remarked, shifting again on the mattress. Bruce moved back to his perch at the end of the bed and Evelyn slowly opened her eyes to find Alistair pushing back the blankets in an effort to slide in next to her.

“W— _what_  are you…” Evelyn clamped her lips together hard to avoid coughing in his face, her cheeks puffing up as she inadvertently caused herself more pain. “I need to get up.” With her chest aching she reached up a hand to stop him and he flashed her a concerned expression.

“You’re sick. You need to  _rest_.” Alistair was now beneath the covers with her, his legs moving to intertwine with her own as his arm wrapped around her middle to bring her close. “You need comfort and some pampering too. I’ll stay home and take care of you today.”

Even though the thought of Alistair doting over her sounded nice she frowned and tried unsuccessfully to pull away from his embrace. “Work is…important.” She had to pause to cough, bringing up one of her hands to cover her mouth.

“Not as important as your health.” Alistair maintained, his head tilting back so he could lock eyes with her. “I can make you breakfast in bed? Chicken noodle soup for lunch and because that’s the extent of my talent in the kitchen we can order something else for dinner.” Alistair leaned in close and Evelyn froze, her eyes widening a little at the close proximity of his mouth to hers. “Or we can just snuggle like this until you feel better.”

Evelyn gulped, the pain of swallowing causing her to cringe and she closed her eyes. She could practically  _feel_  Alistair’s lips just mere inches from hers and even though he was trying to comfort her it only had her heart racing and mind muddled with conflicting emotions.

“You’ll get sick.” She commented, raising her hand to wipe at her nose and using the motion to pull her head further away from his.

Alistair didn’t seem phased, pulling her back so her head rested against his shoulder and his arm was draped across her waist. Hesitantly Evelyn rested her hand on his side, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. While she wasn’t about to ruin the current moment she thought about forbidding this type of physical actions for the foreseeable future at least while her feelings were so conflicted.

“For a sick person, you certainly smell nice.” Her hair muffled Alistair’s voice as he nuzzled the top of her head. Evelyn giggled, pausing to clear her throat as she felt a cough get wedged there.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” She barely got the words out as she realized her voice was failing. Alistair’s arm shifted and his hand rested on her back before running slow circles along her spine.

“Does that?” He asked, repeating the action and adding a little bit of pressure between her shoulder blades. Evelyn nodded her head against his chest, closing her eyes as he continued the soothing action. Alistair’s nose pressed against her forehead and she smiled to herself as he inhaled deeply. “What kind of soap is that?”

“Kiwi-strawberry.” Evelyn responded, hesitantly leaning her head back to stare at Alistair and his half-lidded stare. Either he was half-asleep already or was mesmerized by her scent. “It’s just some fruity stuff from a beauty store.”

“Can you buy me some?”

“Are you sure?” Evelyn softly laughed as Alistair raised his other hand to brush her hair away from her face. “I can buy some manlier scented soap for you if you like.”

“I think I’d rather smell like you.” Alistair’s cheeky smile had her wanting to hide her face again so he couldn’t see her blush. The close proximity still had her worried that he would think it was ok to kiss her and she was afraid that if he did, she wouldn’t stop him. “Speaking of  _buying me something_.”

“Hmm?” Evelyn prompted, feeling her own eyes droop from exhaustion. Though she was thankful for Alistair changing the subject. His hand continued to rub down her back and she sighed, finally content with his earlier suggestion of staying in bed all day.

“A  _gift_ , you know…” Alistair trailed and Evelyn was confused, knitting her eyebrows together as his hand stilled. She peeked open her eyes to find his expression hopeful. “For my birthday?”

Evelyn blanched. “B— _birthday_?” She blinked hard before feeling embarrassment creep across her mind at forgetting such an important date. Considering how busy she was it wasn’t surprising that she’d forget  _something_ but to forget her best friend’s birthday was horrifying.

“You didn’t forget did you?” Alistair pouted and Evelyn skewed her lips to the side as she avoided his stare.

“No…” Evelyn reminded herself what day it was before realizing his birthday was the following day. There was no way between her sudden illness and the amount of work she’d have to catch up on that she could plan something on such short notice. The weekend, maybe but now she felt like she was letting Alistair down in a whole new way. “Ok maybe.”

Evelyn was surprised to find Alistair’s expression teasing instead of disappointed. “Looks like you lost your mind after all…”

It took her a moment to understand what he was referencing, her face heating as she was hit with the sudden and very recent memory of them kissing. Evelyn floundered a little over a response and instead pushed her hand at his chest, groaning as Alistair only swayed and laughed at her poor attempt.

“You won’t get anything now.” Evelyn warned, trying to keep the mood playful as Alistair settled next to her again, his hand sliding across her back and finding the previous calming rhythm.

“Don’t worry.” Alistair assured, tucking her body next to his. “You’re all I need.”

She was hesitant to relax in his embrace, but soon her exhaustion won the battle over what she thought was right. It was starting to feel to her that she was leading him on, promising him something she couldn’t deliver if he asked. Of course Evelyn would plan some kind of party for him and she would find the perfect gift too; but only because he was her friend and had treated her better, kinder than any other person she knew. She couldn’t help but frown as she reminded herself that should be the extent of their relationship. Just as she was falling back to sleep she wrapped her arm around his middle, holding him close as she could, wondering if this would be the last time she’d allow him into her bed.

* * *

 

Alistair’s actual birthday had been low-key even though he had the day off from work and the freedom to do what he wanted, he stayed at the apartment caring for a still sick Evelyn. She had gotten a little better with medicine and all the food he brought for her, but beneath her sickness he couldn’t help but note that something else was bothering her. Every time he got close to her she would freeze in place and Alistair  _knew_  deep down it was because of what had happened a few weeks ago.

He was stuck between a feeling of hopefulness and regret—the kiss was something he thought about daily and while he hoped and wished he could kiss her again he also wondered if he had acted on his feelings too soon. Alistair tried to show her that nothing had changed by acting as he did before but it seemed that Evelyn was slightly uncomfortable with his touch. It was something that horrified him; scaring her away was the last thing he wanted.

With so much on his mind Alistair told Evelyn he didn’t mind not celebrating and forgave her for somewhat forgetting. He didn’t blame her; she was busy with work and her duties as maid of honor. She returned to work just before the weekend, her illness still present but muted enough that she could function. That night she came home with a large sheet cake with buttercream frosting,  _Happy Birthday Alibear_  scribbled along the top in icing. The two shared a few slices before going to sleep and it took all of Alistair’s willpower not to sneak to her bed in the night. He had to work the next morning; even though it was a weekend and regretted being unable to be home to care for Evelyn as she took the time off from her job to relax.

In hindsight, the distance allowed Alistair to reflect and think about all that had transpired and how his life had changed since he reunited with Evelyn. The surge of emotions running through him wasn’t something he was used to; sure he’d had a few girlfriends over the years, but none of them had ever made him feel the way he did about Evelyn. He cursed his wild imagination; every time he thought about her he couldn’t help envisioning what a relationship with her would be like and it was bordering on consuming him heart and soul. With every day that passed it was becoming increasingly difficult to simply stay her friend.

It had been a busy Saturday morning for Alistair at the mall. There had been numerous calls to security to break up fights all over the premises and when he wasn’t hauling away teenagers for disturbing the peace he was chasing after shoplifters. If he had to be honest with himself he wasn’t really thinking about work at all. It wasn’t until late afternoon towards the end of his shift that things quieted down and Alistair was able to catch his breath at the main security desk. He tried to distract himself with reports and paperwork but ended up scribbling circles and hearts along the margin of his notebook, embarrassed by his own love-struck actions.

“And Evelyn didn’t believe me when I said you look like a lost mabari.”

Alistair was confused for a moment before he recognized the voice, glancing up before becoming startled at the sight of Nathaniel Howe. He was standing on the other side of the desk, his expression taunting as his arms crossed over his chest. Alistair stood quickly, slamming his hands on the desk in an attempt to startle Nathaniel—it didn’t work.

“Go. Away.” Alistair said sharply, annoyed that Nathaniel would even show his face after what had happened at Evelyn’s work. From what she had told him, she had cut Nathaniel off completely; choosing to ignore his pleas so she wouldn’t get sucked back in. Nathaniel only smirked, eyeing the space around him.

“This is a public establishment, is it not?” The sarcasm in his tone had Alistair rolling his eyes. “I am not committing any crimes am I… _officer_?”

Alistair hesitantly gave in, watching Nathaniel with judgmental eyes. “What do you want?” It still came out harsh but Alistair hardly cared. Nathaniel’s expression seemed to soften just a little.

“Evelyn isn’t returning my calls and I only wanted to—”

“ _No_.” Alistair nearly growled, his teeth clenched as he glared at the man before him. The audacity Nathaniel had to show up at  _his_  job asking after Evelyn. She was a grown woman, capable of making her own decisions and yet Nathaniel didn’t seem to want to respect her wishes. “If Evelyn doesn’t want to talk to you, neither do I.” Alistair turned away from him, thinking that if he had to stare at Nathaniel’s smug face for another moment he would punch it and get himself fired. “You’re no good for her.”

“And you are?” Nathaniel asked immediately. “Are you threatened by me?” Nathaniel suddenly asked and it had Alistair turning on his heel to stare wide-eyed at the other man. “Jealous even? Of what I had with Evelyn?” He continued. “That I was able to love her when you couldn’t even get her to kiss you?”

Alistair found the irony in his statement but decided to stay mute on the subject; he had learned his lesson. He then felt rage at Nathaniel’s accusation; Alistair wasn’t  _jealous_  of the relationship Nathaniel had with Evelyn. As far as he could tell, as much as Evelyn had told him, they had broken up and gotten back together a handful of times and each time was more toxic and frustrating than the last. She wasn’t happy with him or without him but, in her own words, she didn’t know any better.

“That isn’t  _love_.” Alistair argued. “Lust, maybe but Evelyn doesn’t  _love_ you.”

“Does she love  _you_?” Nathaniel questioned and Alistair could tell by his tone that he believed it to not be true. Of course Evelyn didn’t love Alistair, at least not in the way he loved her. Alistair could feel his expression falter but stood his ground.

“ _I_  love  _her_.” Alistair admitted before feeling his emotions wash over him like a tidal wave. “I’m in love with her. I don’t care if she doesn’t love me, doesn’t want me  _romantically_  because we are friends first.” He stepped closer wanting to make sure Nathaniel got the message. “ _Best_ friends. This is no competition but that’s something  _you_  never were and never will be to Evelyn.”

Nathaniel seemed to be processing what he said before pursing his lips in thought. “Have you given any thought on what Evelyn wants?” He asked. “What if she decides to go back to what she knows?” Alistair knew Nathaniel was referencing himself.

“I highly doubt she’d ever go crawling back to you.” Alistair hissed before shaking his head. “She told me, she doesn’t want you anymore. She wants to be  _happy_.”

“I guess we’ll have to see about that.” Nathaniel’s words verged on the ominous but Alistair was done talking to him and continued to glare as the other man finally walked away.

With an exasperated sigh Alistair glanced back down at his desk only to see that it was now well past the end of his shift. How long had he been sitting there before Nathaniel talked to him and furthermore, how long had the two talked? His mind was still racing with thoughts; fear that Evelyn  _would_  take Nathaniel back and the fear that he’d be left alone again. Still lingering behind those darker emotions was the hope that one day he’d be able to tell her he loved her and that she’d feel the same way.

Alistair almost didn’t make it back to the apartment. He tried calling Cullen for advice but when there was no answer Alistair had no choice but to go home. He was afraid for a multitude of reasons but mostly because he was on the verge of spilling his guts to her. If he had to deal with one more night of tension between them he was sure he would just lean over and kiss her again, this time without asking. But Alistair didn’t want that; he wouldn’t  _take_  without asking, without knowing that it was what she wanted. He wouldn’t act without first  _telling_  her.

He debated with himself as he parked, running scenarios in his head of how the conversation could go. Alistair knew he was being optimistic when he imagined Evelyn accepting him in every fantasy when in reality he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. This was  _Evelyn_  and the thought of being rejected by her…he didn’t even know what his reaction would be. Alistair decided that he would just trust his instincts; if the first thought that came to mind when he saw her was to tell her his feelings, he would.

His hands were shaking as he unlocked the apartment door, his heart hammering against his ribcage in anticipation as he slowly entered the dark apartment. Alistair struggled to adjust his eyes as he reached towards the hallway light, wondering why the lights were off to begin with.

“ _SURPRISE_!”

Alistair nearly fell over in shock as he widened his eyes, finding a large group of his friends squished into the living area and kitchen. His eyes glanced over them until he found Evelyn near the front, her smile bright as she looked at him expectantly. He floundered a bit, knowing his face was heating up in mild embarrassment.

“Happy Birthday, Alistair.” Evelyn announced and he felt his mood dramatically change.

He would’ve never expected something like this when he arrived home and felt his emotions soaring;  _Evelyn_  had done this for him. Alistair took a moment to gather his bearings as the party swung into action, a few of his friends swooping in to greet him before he could dash to Evelyn’s side. He didn’t recall what any of them said as he focused on her standing near the couch, smiling as she talked to Aurelie and Cullen. Occasionally their eyes would meet and it only encouraged Alistair to move towards where she was so he could thank her.

“Couscous.” He knew he was smiling like a madman as he approached her, and he could still feel his hands shaking as she greeted him with a hug.

“Sorry it’s a bit belated but—”

“ _No_. It’s perfect.” Alistair breathed against her ear before pulling away. Evelyn’s eyes were shining and for a moment he hated the fact that nearly the entire room was watching. All he wanted to do was kiss her and make sure she knew the extent of how grateful he was. “Thank you.”

Before he could stop himself he leaned forward only to find Evelyn’s fingers pressing against his chin, her face turning just in time for his lips to graze her cheek. He pulled away to find Evelyn slightly frowning and Alistair felt as if he had overstepped his boundaries. Her hand pushed at his shoulder a bit to give some distance and reluctantly he pulled away. Before he could say anything else, he felt a tap to his shoulder.

“Alistair?”

It was a girl he had seen around in his circle of friends before, somebody he wasn’t sure he knew the name of. A tall blonde woman with curly hair and an athletic build, it reminded Alistair of the girls he  _used_  to chase in college. She was smiling at him bashfully, her eyes holding a sultry look as she looked at him.

“Erm…yes?” He squeaked.

“I hope I’m not being too forward but…” The other girl leaned forward, her lips ghosting near his ear. “I’ve always had a crush on you and…well…I have a  _special_  birthday present for you, if you’re interested.”

Alistair felt the very  _male_  part of him respond, his imagination conjuring up images of what she could mean. Before he could respond the girl flicked out her tongue to lick his earlobe and he froze in place as she pulled away with a devilish grin. The blonde slowly stepped away and he couldn’t help but notice the way she lingered by his bedroom door. When he glanced back at Evelyn her expression was hard to read. She seemed surprised but behind that was a lingering suspicion of the other woman. After a moment however she smiled, nodding in the blonde’s direction.

“She seems to like you.” Evelyn poked his side and he flinched a little.

Alistair frowned as he nodded. “Yeah, she does.”

“Why don’t you go after her?” Evelyn slowly asked and Alistair widened his eyes at Evelyn. Was she…actually suggesting he take the stranger’s offer? He wasn’t sure how to respond, his heartbeat slowing as he realized something. “You go on about how hard of a time with the ladies you have and yet here one is practically throwing herself at you.”

Evelyn didn’t seem too upset and Alistair was hit with the realization that,  _no_ , she did not want her relationship with him to be anything but friendship. She wouldn’t be encouraging him to be with another woman if she felt any other way, would she? Alistair felt confused, his mind and body torn apart. What he wanted was Evelyn but if she didn’t want him, did he honestly believe he could go the rest of his life without ever  _touching_  another woman?

“I…” Alistair swallowed hard, flicking his gaze back to where the other girl was shyly waving at him from the other side of the room.

He looked around to find many of his friends engrossed in their own conversations seemingly unaware that he was being lured away. He continued to hesitate; this wasn’t what he wanted but couldn’t provide a good excuse to Evelyn as to  _why_  he wasn’t jumping at the chance. Alistair swayed a little as Evelyn pushed at his back, glancing back to find her holding a small grin.

“Go on, Alistair.”

His heart was heavy as he pulled away from her but tried not to look so upset; he was foolish to ever think that their friendship would ever become something more and now he was faced with the fact he would have to get over her. Alistair swallowed down his anxiety as he approached the other woman, pushing a smile to his lips as she silently grabbed his hands and moved them to his bedroom. What better way to start the process of forgetting his emotions than distracting himself with another girl?

As soon as his bedroom door closed behind them the girl was on him, her arms thrown around his neck as her lips pressed against his, her tongue quickly seeking to part his mouth. Alistair parted his lips but winced at the rough assault of the stranger’s tongue against his. She was moaning, her hands roaming across his body wildly as his jacket was discarded and thrown to the ground.

Alistair’s mind struggled to keep up; just moments ago he was about ready to confess his feelings to Evelyn and now he was kissing another woman in his bedroom. He didn’t want to think about what could follow, even as the girl’s fingers made quick work of his belt, her hand sliding down between his slacks and boxers to grip him. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine it was somebody else; that it was Evelyn touching him but nothing worked. This wasn’t what he wanted.

“Aren’t you going to touch me?” The voice was seductive but Alistair ignored it, his hands grabbing hers to stop her movements. He glanced down to find her looking at him with a questioning expression, her lips parted in a pout. “I thought you—”

“I’m sorry.” Alistair voiced, pushing her hands to her sides before reaching down to adjust his clothing. He wiped at his mouth, still uncomfortable with the taste that lingered. The woman seemed to grow annoyed. “I shouldn’t… I  _can’t_  do this.”

Understandably the woman huffed, rolling her eyes as she quickly departed from his room. Alistair took a moment to steady himself before following, feeling ashamed of himself for even allowing that brief encounter to happen. The woman left the party and Alistair scanned the room to find Evelyn. There was no holding back now; he  _had_  to say something. When she was nowhere in sight he slowly moved to where Cullen and Aurelie were standing near the kitchen bar.

“Have you seen Evelyn?” Alistair asked Cullen, trying to hide his desperation. If Cullen knew what Alistair planned to say to Evelyn his friend would lock him back in his room until he ‘came to his senses’. Cullen didn’t even offer a suspicious expression and instead frowned and Alistair flicked his gaze to Aurelie who was similarly somber. “ _What_?”

“She…she went to her room with…Nate.” Aurelie finally explained after Cullen seemingly refused to admit it. Alistair felt like he had fallen into some sort of nightmare; he was already displeased Howe had shown up at the party uninvited but seemed content to leave Evelyn alone. It seemed all it took for him to strike was for Alistair to become distracted and he felt guilty for leaving Evelyn alone while he…

“Alistair?” Cullen prompted and Alistair blinked, slowly lifting his gaze to look at his friends.

Their expressions were sympathetic but Alistair didn’t want it. He should’ve never let himself be talked into  _distracting_  himself with another woman—it was a moment of weakness in the belief that he might be able to get over his feelings for Evelyn but he was kidding himself. Alistair was already in too deep; he  _loved_  Evelyn. It showed in the way he couldn’t even kiss or touch another woman without feeling as if he was betraying her even though Evelyn’s feelings towards him were unknown. Now, he was certain that Evelyn didn’t think of him as anything but her friend and any hope he had been feeling since they kissed was just wishful thinking. While he loathed the fact she had gone back to  _Nathaniel_  of all people, Alistair swallowed his pride; as long as Evelyn was happy he could learn to be happy for her.

Alistair wanted to stay in the main room and enjoy the party Evelyn had put together but with every glance at the door to her bedroom his heart sank further and further until he wasn’t sure it was beating at all. The guests were having fun without him anyways so he briefly said goodnight to Cullen and Aurelie before slipping back into his room. He rested against the door, exhaling as he closed his eyes tight, bringing a hand up to run over his face.

Try as he might he couldn’t help but think about what was happening on the other side of the apartment; why would Evelyn allow Nathaniel inside her room? Even if he wanted to believe that they were simply  _talking_  he hardly believed that was the case. Alistair didn’t want to be jealous; Nathaniel and Evelyn’s relationship wasn’t one founded on  _love_  and yet all Alistair wanted was to be in the other man’s shoes right now. He wanted to hold Evelyn close, kiss her and whisper sweet-nothings to her as they made love. He regretted not telling her sooner before or after they kissed. Maybe then he wouldn’t be in this situation, feeling as hopeless as he did.

He struggled to get relaxed in his own bed, cursing the way his sheets smelled like Evelyn and the fact he had gotten so used to sharing the space with her. Alistair couldn’t help but think he’d never sleep comfortably again so long as she wasn’t there. He realized as he hugged a spare pillow close to his chest that it didn’t matter what he felt anymore. Alistair would have to push down his feelings like he did all those years ago. It would be harder to do with seeing her everyday, but he knew it would be for the best even if it hurt him in the process. Evelyn’s happiness was all that mattered.

* * *

 

At first Evelyn had found the situation humorous. The girl had seemed so keen on Alistair’s attention that she went along with it, encouraging Alistair to say something to her. She would’ve never said anything if she knew it would lead to him disappearing into his room with the giggling woman in tow. The sight made Evelyn more upset than she anticipated, her chest aching with a pain she was unfamiliar with. Jealousy?  _No_ —she had never been jealous of the women Alistair dated in the past…but now things were different. Had she been too hopeful in thinking more would come of their relationship after the kiss?

Her body started to pulse with want, with the need to fill the emptiness she started to feel creep up on her. For a moment Evelyn thought about storming into Alistair’s room and throwing herself at him but knew she wasn’t brave enough for an action like that. She wasn’t even sure of her emotions and what she would say if she suddenly interrupted Alistair. She knew it had been a long time since he had successfully  _gotten lucky_  and wasn’t about to ruin it for him no matter how terrible it made her feel.

She continued to linger at the kitchen bar, her eyes focused on Alistair’s door as she tried to push the thoughts of what might be happening beyond it away. Evelyn gulped at her drink, wincing at the burn of the tequila. Under any other circumstance she would throw the drink out and re-mix it to be sweeter but for once she needed the sour taste to distract her mind.

“Evelyn.” She turned at the sound of her name, raising a brow as Nathaniel approached her. While she knew she should’ve been displeased to see him in her home without being invited, for once she didn’t care. He stepped closer when she made no effort to move away or discourage him. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Then talk.” Evelyn voiced, not bothering to show any kindness. Nathaniel seemed annoyed for a moment before he sighed and glanced to her bedroom.

“In private.” He added and Evelyn felt nervous for a moment before chugging the rest of her drink.

Nathaniel watched her with wide eyes but relaxed as she gripped his arm and led the way to her room. Beyond the door Bruce was sleeping in her bed and was instantly alerted when Nathaniel stepped in behind her. The dog moved quickly to growl and circle around them but Evelyn shooed him away until he was sitting by the door. Nathaniel eyed the Marabi suspiciously before clearing his throat.

“I had a conversation with… _somebody_  earlier today.” Nathaniel sighed, finally focusing on Evelyn. “Made me think—”

She didn’t want to listen to Nathaniel anymore. Without much thought she gripped his shoulders, pulling him close until their lips smashed together in a heated and sloppy kiss. Nathaniel seemed surprised for a moment before his hands were gripping her hips, tugging her body close to his as they kissed in a frenzy. Evelyn gasped as his teeth grazed her bottom lip but only wrapped her arms tight around his shoulders as she stepped backwards towards her bed. All she wanted, all she needed was to feel something,  _anything_  to know she was wanted and needed by another person.

“Please.” Evelyn whispered as Nathaniel’s lips trailed away and down her throat, his hands already busy with tugging at her blouse so it rode up and exposed her stomach. “ _Please_. I want to forget.”

Nathaniel faltered, his actions slowing and setting off a panic within Evelyn. She frantically moved her hands to his jeans, fingers desperately trying to unbuckle his belt before his hands covered hers and brought them away. Still Evelyn tried to keep the moment alive, her desperation peaking as she pressed herself tight against him, her mouth hot as she kissed him again. His hands gripped her sides in an attempt to peel her away but she stood firmly knowing that he couldn’t resist her for much longer.

“Evelyn!” Nathaniel finally pushed her away with a short shove and she gasped as she bounced along the mattress. “Just— _no_.” His voice was firm and Evelyn had to blink several times to realize that he was denying her. She wasn’t sure  _what_  to think; any other time and Nathaniel would be ravaging her, making her forget why she was so upset.

Breathless, she looked up at him as he adjusted his clothes. “I don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t.” Nathaniel sighed, frowning as he ran a hand through his hair. “It took some…convincing but I’m not going to fall into  _this_ again.”

Evelyn watched as he moved further away from her, pausing to glance down at Bruce who was still glaring at him as he guarded the door.

“You were right all along, we’re toxic and you…deserve better.” Nathaniel’s words struck a chord with her—what did  _he_ know? “I just hope you realize that too.”

She was unable to form a coherent thought before he slipped out of her room and back into the noise of the party. Evelyn took in a shaky breath as she felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach, her mind swimming with emotions that varied from jealousy to rejection. First, Alistair and now Nathaniel; she felt unwanted, unneeded and broken as her feelings finally burst from her in a sob.

Bruce was at her side as she brought up her knees to her chest, hugging herself tightly as she buried her face away to muffle her cries. It would only embarrass herself further if somebody discovered her crying alone in her room while the party continued. Even if she wanted to she couldn’t face any of her friends without her true emotions surfacing and to be honest the only person she wanted to see was busy with somebody else.

The thought of Alistair kissing another woman unsettled Evelyn but the thought of him undressing the other woman, him worshiping another’s body had her shaking with envy. She could barely remember what his intimate touches felt like as teenagers; she was sure he had plenty of experience  _now_  that whatever she did remember didn’t matter. As she continued to cry she finally admitted that what she wanted wasn’t for Alistair to find a distraction, she didn’t want to ignore the feelings that were growing in her heart even if they still confused her. All she wanted in that moment was his arms around her, his lips on hers and for her to  _feel_  worthy of that affection.

Evelyn didn’t bother leaving her room again that night and skipped most of her nightly routine, only changing into her sleep clothes before wrapping herself in her sheets. Bruce joined her with a concerned whine, his nose pressing against her temple as she rested her head against the pillow. The sounds of the party quieted, as she stayed awake staring at the ceiling and even as she realized the last guests were leaving her mind struggled to shut off. Alistair didn’t need to know about the extent of  _her_  evening but it would take all of her effort to put on an appearance, to act as if nothing was wrong when she saw him the next morning. For the first time she dreaded seeing him again.


	9. Make Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW for sexy bits and features NSFW art by the talented feylen :)

Evelyn was startled awake by the sudden loud echo of thunder filling her room, her body snapping upright in alarm. Her hand flew to her chest as she struggled to regain her breathing, her heartbeat rapid and suffocating. Bruce perked his head up from where he was still snuggled at her side, his soft whine doing little to calm her anxiety. Lightening flashed and illuminated the walls and Evelyn braced herself, counting down the seconds it took for the thunder to follow. When the thunder came it was powerful enough to rattle her window and shake the mattress beneath her causing Evelyn to let out a short yelp as she scrambled to hide her face in her pillow. Evelyn brought the sheets over her body, curling up as she tried to focus on anything but the storm.

Bruce shifted and started to tug at the covers and at first she thought the dog meant to comfort her until he gripped the corner of the blanket in his jaw and jumped off the bed. Evelyn sat up but froze as lightning and thunder struck almost simultaneously. Bruce was already at her bedroom door, trailing her sheet behind him as he stood up to paw at the door handle.

“Maker,  _Bruce_!” She hissed before pushing herself from the bed, fighting through her fear.

All she wanted to do was huddle under her blankets until the storm passed; she had no other choice given the circumstances. Bruce opened her door with minimal effort and she chased after as he sprinted into the living room, struggling to keep her noise level down as to not disturb Alistair. While she didn’t want to think about it, he was probably content right about now, curled up in the arms of another woman. As thunder echoed around her again she closed her eyes, blinking back tears.

 _Alistair_. Any other time and she was sure he would already be comforting her in her ownbed, helping to fall asleep with gentle touches or distracting her with silly stories. But Evelyn knew she would find no such comfort tonight as she opened her eyes to find Bruce still dragging her sheet across the living room floor. Whatever game her Marabi was playing at she wasn’t interested. She continued to chase Bruce around the living room and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold back her frustration. A strangled sob fell from her lips as she simply gave up, falling to her knees in the center of the living room as Bruce ran past her in the direction of Alistair’s room.

Thunder shook the floor beneath her and she gasped in fright, bringing up her hands to cover her face. Evelyn sat there for a moment trying to build up the courage to go back to her own room. The fact she still carried this childhood fear embarrassed her as much as it crippled her emotionally. Every time it stormed and she closed her eyes all she could remember, all she could think about was the night her parents died—the night  _she_  almost died.

“Evelyn?”

She let out a sharp scream as a hand met her shoulder, startling her. Evelyn scrambled away across the floor before glancing over her shoulder to find Alistair standing behind her, one hand still outreached.. He held a surprised expression but it was slowly dissolving into one of sympathy and concern. She was breathing hard, both hands pressed to her chest as she felt her heart hammering so badly that it hurt. She didn’t expect to see him like this—rather—she didn’t want  _him_  to see  _her_  in this state.

“I’m sorry!” Alistair replied as he took a short step closer to her, his hands reaching out as he knelt down on the ground next to her.

Evelyn eyed him suspiciously, her heartbeat only increasing as she took in his appearance. His hair was disheveled and she could tell that he had dressed quickly; his boxers were hanging low on his waist so the cut of his hips were visible and his t-shirt was inside-out and riding up to expose more of his toned abdomen. Even if she wanted to push him away, Evelyn’s body betrayed her as thunder made her flinch closer. Alistair’s arms wrapped tightly around her as Evelyn became paralyzed with fear.

“The storm woke me up and I wanted to make sure you were okay, that you weren’t scared.” Alistair explained, his voice soft. Evelyn wasn’t sure what to think about his actions.

“I’m not…scared.” She quietly argued before shrieking as thunder boomed louder than before, making the whole room shake from the impact.

Evelyn’s hands flew to Alistair’s shoulders, her fingers clenching his t-shirt as she turned her face towards his chest. One of Alistair’s hands moved to smooth the hair along the back of her head, a few fingers threading through her hair. While the action calmed her, she knew his presence was temporary; he had better things waiting for him in his bedroom.

“It’s alright. I’m here.”

His nose nuzzled against the top of her head as his other hand ran along her back. Evelyn could feel his heartbeat echoing in her ear and was trying hard to ignore the way she was already relaxing in his embrace. She swallowed the lump of nerves in her throat before slowly pulling away so she could glance up at him.

“What about…” Evelyn trailed, glancing back to his bedroom door. When Alistair raised his eyebrow in confusion she fumbled a little over how to ask. “That… _woman_  from—”

“Oh.  _Oh_!” Alistair caught on and Evelyn knitted her eyebrows together as Alistair first awkwardly grinned before shaking his head, relaxing as he adjusted his arms around her. “You don’t actually think I…” He seemed to frown for a moment, his eyes scanning her face. “Nothing happened.”

“What?” Evelyn was surprised to hear it. Alistair nodded once and his thoughtful expression had her nervous.

“I couldn’t do it—don’t ask why but…” Alistair gulped, his eyes darting away from her face and his arms fell away from her momentarily. “I should’ve  _never_  even let her into my room.”

Evelyn blinked before feeling her stomach flip over in horror at all the thoughts she had earlier that night and the jealousy she felt over an event that never happened. At first she wondered if she should apologize before realizing that meant telling Alistair that she wished  _she_  were the one he had taken to his room instead.

“Oh.” It was the only thing she could say. Alistair’s eyes met hers and she wished his expression wasn’t so serious.

“I erm…” Alistair seemed to flush but it was hard to tell in the darkness of the room. “Tried to find you after she left but you…” His hands twitched at her sides and one of his fingers accidentally brushed against a patch of exposed skin where her camisole had ridden up causing her to shudder. Alistair snapped his eyes back to her face and Evelyn wasn’t sure why he was stalling.

“Nate.” He simply said.

The name froze Evelyn in place more than any amount of thunder could do to her in that moment. She felt her skin go cold and her mind race in fear of what Alistair was thinking. He had come looking for her and where was she? Alistair’s amber gaze made her want to disappear—he probably thought the  _worst_  of her.

“We only talked.” She started and felt herself tremble as her emotions threatened to spill over. “He left.”  

Silence fell over them and Evelyn lowered her head to avoid his stare out of shame. She didn’t need to tell Alistair she had desperately tried to fill the void in her heart by seducing Nathaniel; she feared it would only drive him away. She was still so unsure of Alistair’s feelings and of his intentions. If she would’ve stayed and he had found her…she wanted to know what could’ve happened.

“This is all just a huge misunderstanding, isn’t it?” Alistair sighed and Evelyn lifted her head to see him offering a small smile. Evelyn felt her heart calm as she realized, for the moment, the tension between them seemed to fade. She was about to pull away to create some distance when the silence was filled with another loud  _boom_  and Alistair tightened his grip on her as she closed her eyes. It would never get easier for her, it seemed.

“Come on.” Alistair moved his arms so one wrapped around her back, the other scooping her knees off the ground. Evelyn gasped a little as he suddenly moved from his kneeling position, lifting her with minimal effort from the ground as he simultaneously stood up. She held him tight in fear of falling and found herself taken aback by his strength.

“Alistair, you don’t have to—”

“Hush now.” Alistair interrupted, adjusting her in his arms before walking slowly towards her bedroom. He flashed her a lopsided grin. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

Upon his suggestion Evelyn felt her mind register the words with a different meaning for a moment. Her whole body warmed, a tingle sparking through her spine as she studied his face. There was still a void within her aching to be filled and between that and the swirl of unknown feelings for her  _best friend_ all Evelyn could focus on was his touch. Alistair seemed a little concerned as he stepped into her bedroom, Bruce following behind them with the bed sheet still wedged in his mouth.

Evelyn could only force a smile as he looked at her before focusing on his footwork in the dark. She couldn’t tell him, not when she was still unsure of what her true feelings were; not when she couldn’t describe what she wanted beyond a simple  _you_. Maybe it was just infatuation from all the attention he had been giving her  _especially_  after the kiss they shared weeks ago now. Maybe it true what Nathaniel had said to her; that after a break-up she had to fill the emptiness within her by re-bounding with someone else but  _no_  she wouldn’t use Alistair in that way.

“Is something wrong?” Alistair asked and she braced herself as he slowly placed her on the ground next to her bed.

Evelyn left her hands resting on his shoulders as she tried to form something,  _anything_  to say to him in her head. Suddenly Bruce let out a sharp bark, startling the two before the Mabari was jumping up on his hind legs, his front paws pushing on Alistair’s back until he bumped into Evelyn. Bruce repeated his actions, this time with enough force to propel Alistair forward into Evelyn, the two crashing onto the mattress.

The mood seemed to shift into something entirely different as they both laid still, Evelyn’s hands still on his shoulders as the weight of Alistair’s body pressed against her filled her belly with a delightful sort of heat. Alistair adjusted himself so his arms framed her sides, pushing himself up just enough to see her face. Evelyn saw the flash of an amused smile disappear as soon as he shifted his lower half, his hips brushing against hers.

Against her own volition she rolled her hips upwards, her legs moving to intertwine with his. Alistair’s lips parted in a barely audible gasp, his eyes snapping shut as she arched her back slightly to keep herself as close to him as possible. Her body knew what it wanted and it would be hard to fight it, especially now. Evelyn made to repeat her action before she felt one of Alistair’s hands meet her side, his eyes snapping open and stilling her.

“Evelyn…wait—”

Lightning filled her room and for a moment she saw the way his eyes had darkened, expression lustful as he stared down at her. As she counted down the seconds before the thunder erupted Evelyn couldn’t hold back any longer; she needed it—she needed  _Alistair._  The thunder crashed just as she leaned up, her lips finding his in a passionate kiss. The storm was forgotten as Alistair kissed her back, lips parting simultaneously for their tongues to meet.

Evelyn squeezed his shoulders, tugging him closer to her until his body was pressed against her before trailing her hands down to the hem of his shirt. As Alistair rolled his hips against her she moaned her approval into the kiss, sliding her fingers beneath the fabric to feel at the taught muscles of his abdomen. His hand at her side slid further down to mimic her movements, his fingers playing with the fabric of her camisole as he hitched it up to expose her stomach.

Alistair shifted his weight for his other hand to meet the side of her face, angling her head so her lips were slanted against his. His tongue ran over her bottom lip before dipping back into her mouth eagerly. The kiss was heated and fervent as their hands continued to roam, Evelyn’s fingers tracing higher up his chest, taking his shirt with her movements. His hand on her waist moved upwards, his thumb brushing the skin over her ribs right beneath her breasts. It lit her skin on fire, a strangled groan getting caught in her throat as she tugged his shirt higher until Alistair was forced to pull it over his head and toss it away.

The brief pause in their kiss allowed Evelyn to gaze at his expression, her heart wedging in her throat at the desire in his eyes. When Alistair leaned his head down to kiss her again it was softer and slower than before but still electrifying. She shifted her legs so her knees framed his thighs, allowing Alistair to sink against her in a way that brushed his growing arousal against the apex of her thighs. The two gasped in reaction and Alistair rested his forehead against hers as he barely pulled away.

“Evelyn.” Alistair whispered her name against her lips and she could only close her eyes at the sensation that washed over her. He said it like a prayer, like a  _promise_  and it ignited the fire within her. “Is this what you want?”

She stared up at Alistair through a half-lidded gaze and nodded once. “ _Please_.”

Alistair was watching her now as he pulled his head further away, surprise on his features and something else she couldn’t decipher. He parted his lips as if to speak but he said nothing, only the sounds of their bated breaths filling the space around them. His pause had Evelyn worried it wasn’t what  _he_  wanted and that he’d leave just as Nathaniel did earlier.

“Alistair.” Her voice was thick with want and she slid her hands from his shoulders to his back, one cradling the back of his head as she eased his face closer to hers again.

She threaded her fingers in his hair as they kissed, lips moving languidly as their tongues molded around each other. She swept her other hand along his shoulders, fingers tracing the line of his spine until she could press on his lower back, bringing his lower half closer to her again. Evelyn gripped his hip to keep him wedged where he was, the sensation of his hardness pressed against her only encouraging her to continue.

“I want you.” Evelyn could barely hear herself as she spoke between heated kisses, but the moment it left her lips Alistair let out a low groan, one that was primal and had him pressing his weight harder against her, his erection rubbing against her center in a way that had her arching her back towards him. The sound itself was something she had  _never_  heard, not from him.

Alistair’s lips moved away from hers and for a moment their eyes met, her breath catching in her throat as she noticed his wide pupils, the amber color of his irises darkened with an unspoken need. One of his hands cupped her cheek again and Evelyn could only watch him as his eyes scanned her face, his thumb running a soft line across her lips. She noted the way one of his eyebrows twitched upwards and she understood his silent question of permission. Evelyn nodded slowly, moving her fingers through his hair in a soothing motion while her other hand slid up his side to the flat of his back.

His other hand returned to where it had been earlier, his palm warm as it curled around her waist. Alistair lowered himself again, his breath fanning across her cheek as he pressed a chaste kiss on the corner of her mouth near his thumb. His lips trailed away then, ghosting across her chin before pressing against the skin below her ear. Evelyn turned her head just enough to give him more access, Alistair’s tongue sweeping across her neck before his lips wrapped around her pulse point. He alternated between little licks and nips of his teeth as he kissed her throat, focusing on that one spot for a moment.

Evelyn let out a small whimper, enjoying the feeling but knowing there’d be some kind of mark left by his actions. Alistair blew a soft puff of breath over his work and she shivered, closing her eyes as his lips moved lower to the curve of her neck. His nose nudged the strap of her camisole until her shoulder was bare, tongue trailing a sensual line with his kisses down until his lips were following the lace hem of her top.

Alistair’s hand swept across her stomach as he pushed her camisole up and Evelyn felt her muscles contract as a few of his fingers traced the very familiar outline of her scar. She peeked open her eyes and glanced down to find Alistair watching his own actions, his touch slowing as he met the band to her sleep-shorts. His eyes slowly raked over the exposed flesh and Alistair shifted again, this time lowering his body so his face was level with her abdomen. Evelyn whimpered at the loss of pressure but immediately sighed her delight as his lips met her navel before following the soft ridges of her scar up and then down to her shorts.

“You are so beautiful.” He breathed along her skin.

She fluttered her eyes open at his remark, lifting her head to glance down at him as he littered her stomach with small kisses, his fingers pushing her shirt up higher until he was touching the curve of her breasts. Alistair’s eyes snapped up and Evelyn inhaled sharply, her fingers on the back of his head sliding to his neck. She nodded when she noticed his hesitation and held her breath, raising her arms to allow him to remove the garment all together. The cool air of the room met her chest and she couldn’t help but shiver, goose-bumps appearing on her skin as Alistair’s eyes scanned over her exposed chest.

Evelyn suddenly felt embarrassment creep over her and she lowered her hands over her chest, closing her eyes to avoid his stare. She could feel Alistair shifting until his lips were grazing hers again, his kiss soft as his hands gently caressed her sides. Slowly Evelyn moved her hands, curling them around his shoulders until her arms were locked around his neck, bringing him closer until their chests were touching. Alistair hissed at the sensation, his lips falling away from hers for a moment.

“Touch me.” Evelyn encouraged, feeling her heart rate spiking as Alistair instantly responded, his hands sliding up her sides and over her ribs until his palms cupped her breasts.

He circled them in his grasp, fondling and gently squeezing the flesh. Alistair’s hands were warm and it was growing harder for Evelyn to concentrate as her pleasure grew, leaving her in a haze. His lips followed the same trail he set earlier, kissing down the column of her throat to the top of her breasts as he shifted until he replaced one had with his lips.

“ _Ah_!” Evelyn arched forward as Alistair took a nipple into his mouth, her fingers digging into his shoulder at the wave of pleasure that washed over her.

One of his hands held her side while the other continued to massage her breast, his lips suckling her nipple until it was pert. He kissed the valley between her breasts before moving to the other, repeating his actions until Evelyn was panting, her chest rapidly expanding beneath him. Alistair took no time in trailing his kisses away from her chest, his hands sliding down her sides as his mouth followed her scar downwards.

Evelyn lifted her head to watch his actions, stretching her arms so she could keep hold of his shoulders and head. His fingers dipped past the band of her shorts and she lifted her hips slightly, shuddering a little as he pulled the fabric down, catching her panties in the process. Alistair moved back onto his knees as he removed the rest of her clothing and it allowed Evelyn to glance down and see the outline of his arousal pressed tight against his boxers.

Again she was distracted by his appearance, momentarily confused by the  _man_  that Alistair had become. She felt inadequate, nervous that she wasn’t worthy of his touch and attention until his fingers slowly ran up her legs and then her torso before he was cupping her face between both hands. The way he looked at her as he leaned over her had her heart racing and when he kissed her she could only moan. Their bodies molded together again, and Evelyn rolled her hips up as he settled between her legs, his clothed erection sliding against her exposed sex.

“ _Maker_ …” Alistair mumbled, and Evelyn could only repeat the action, throwing her head back as he met her movements with his own, his length pressing against her most sensitive of areas. His hands snapped to hold her hips as his lips wrapped around her throat, this time his teeth scraping a little harder as he nibbled the flesh down to her shoulder. “ _Evelyn_.”

Alistair seemed to slow down as he moved down her body again and she wondered just how many times he planned on repeating the cycle. As he shifted further down than before she shifted one arm up to lean up on an elbow, her other hand threading through his hair. His concentration made Evelyn anxious and yet excited—she honestly didn’t know what to expect when they first started but now as his lips trailed across her hips and down her thighs she wondered where  _this_  Alistair had come from. It was naïve of her to think that he would be inexperienced, that it would be just like their first time all those years ago. No—he was older now, and so was she and Evelyn knew he had time to learn and explore the plains of  _another_  woman’s body. A part of her wished she had been the one to teach him how to please a woman and that she had been able to learn with him. Then again, it wasn’t much of a surprise to her that Alistair was a natural at being a lover and an  _amazing_  one at that.

He kissed the inside of her thigh as his hands parted her legs, fingers sliding to cup her knees so they were bent and framing his face. Evelyn continued to watch him as he kissed up her thigh before gasping as his breath fanned over her sex. His eyes met hers and Evelyn was sure she could melt into the bed right then. Alistair kissed her, his lips finding the sensitive bundle of nerves with minimal effort. Her arm buckled beneath her and she fell back, her body arching against him as his tongue darted out to circle her clit before his mouth closed around her to suck.

“A— _Alistair_!” She threw her head to the side as her other hand gripped his hair, unprepared for amount of pleasure that struck through her in that moment.

Alistair only continued his movements, his hands moving to her sides before sliding to the curve of her ass. He lifted her hips this time, scooting her closer as his tongue swept down across her sex, opening her to him and his mouth. Evelyn thought about asking him where he had learned to do this, thought about telling him he was better at it than any man she had ever gone to bed with but could only pant as he continued, tongue lapping up her arousal. One of his hands moved towards his face and she let out a strangled moan as a few of his fingers traced her slit before one long finger dipped past her folds to her entrance.

“Evelyn…” She could feel her face heating,  _still_  amazed that it was  _Alistair_  doing this to her, making her a writhing mess with just his mouth and hands. She could feel herself pulsing, her thighs clenching around his head as her fingers tightened their grip on his hair and the bed sheets.

“ _Evelyn_.” Alistair repeated her name as he lapped at her and she threw her head back, keening as the sensation had her orgasm hitting her like a strike of lightning.

As if on cue the room lit up with blinding white light and she shut her eyes as she clenched around him, Alistair not stopping even as thunder shook around them. Evelyn’s breath came out in short staccato puffs as she fell from her high, Alistair’s hands caressing her thighs and sides as he placed softer kisses against her skin. It took her a moment to catch her breath and when she finally opened her eyes she found Alistair softly gazing down at her, his eyes full of wonder as his fingers traced her outline.

Evelyn breathed a smile even as she felt her cheeks flush, still embarrassed by the intensity and unspoken words between them. Alistair seemed content with waiting for her approval, the movement of his hands calming her. She wasn’t sure what to say, all potential words getting stuck in her throat. Instead, she shifted, leaning until she was sitting up with him kneeling between her legs. The angle put her right in front of his clothed erection and when she met his gaze it was Alistair’s turn to flush with color.

Evelyn raised her hands to his waist, closing her eyes as she leaned forward to press a kiss to his navel. Alistair made a small sound of approval, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders as she moved further down, following the trail of soft and fine brown hair. Her fingers tugged at the band of his boxers and she felt his fingers tighten into her flesh as she lowered her head to kiss the tip of his cock as it became exposed.

“Y—you don’t have to—”

“Alistair…” She tilted her head back to find his bottom lip wedged between his teeth, eyes dark but expression concerned and it was easy to tell he was holding back. Evelyn only blinked slowly as she pulled his boxers down further until they fell around his knees. “I  _want_  you.”

His eyes snapped shut as one of her hands cupped his length and Evelyn had to take a moment to acquaint herself with his size; he was certainly  _bigger_  than she remembered and it sent a tingle down her spine. Alistair’s groan stuck in his throat as he kept his mouth clamped shut, her fingers wrapping around him as she pumped him a few times. She noticed the tremble in his thighs and she paused, scooting herself to make space as she pushed at his abdomen. Alistair took the hint, his eyes finding hers as he moved to rest against the mass of pillows along her headboard. Evelyn pulled his boxers off the rest of the way and it was the last thing she could do before Alistair’s hands were at her sides, tugging her up so her body rested over his.

Evelyn adjusted her weight as he cradled her close, his hand tilting her chin up so their lips could meet in a passionate kiss. She could feel his erection throbbing against her stomach as they kissed and she was suddenly  _eager_ , desperate to know the extent of pleasure he could give her. Alistair seemed to pout as she pulled away only for his eyes to widen as she straddled his lap, pressing her sex against his length before reaching down to stroke him again.

Alistair’s arms encircled her, his hand pressing on the flat of her back to bring her closer as he lifted his knees slightly. He was breathing hard, his eyebrows knitted together as her thumb brushed against the sensitive head, her fingers squeezing around his length as she rolled her hips forward. Alistair pulled her as close as she could be, his forehead resting against hers as his other hand fell to rest on her waist.

“Maker Evelyn.” He whispered. “I  _need_  you.”

Evelyn felt her heart skip a beat and her movements faltered as their eyes met. There was something new in his gaze but she was too afraid to ask. Words failed her again as she simply stared back at him, holding her breath as his hands lifted her up so his cock could slide against her folds. She gently gripped him again, this time aligning him before snapping her hands to his shoulders as Alistair lowered her onto his length.

It was a slow descent, Evelyn’s breath shuddering out as he stretched and filled her. Immediately she could feel her heart pounding, her pulse pumping strongly in her throat as she struggled to collect her bearings. It was all  _too_  much and yet too little at the same time. She wanted more,  _all_  of Alistair and yet didn’t want to move from that spot. One of his hands cupped her cheek and she opened her eyes, unaware that she had even closed them. His amber eyes were calm even as she could see his chest expanding in rapid breaths.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his other hand massaging her side and filling her in warmth. Evelyn nodded before leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

“ _Yes_.”

She moved then, rocking her hips forward and gasping as Alistair rose to meet her. His hand was on her back again, his other threading through her hair as they continued to slowly kiss and rock their hips together. Evelyn couldn’t help but moan as she felt her pleasure rising quickly, reaching one of her hands back to grip his knee as she leaned back to see his face. Alistair raised his legs further and she whimpered as he slid against the pillows to provide a better angle for her. Still he held her close, hand falling to the curve of her bottom as she held the back of his head. With their eyes locked she pressed up on her knees, pulling herself from him only fall back down a moment later.

They continued like that for a few long moments until it was too much for her, Evelyn’s legs quivering as she bit down on her lip. Alistair moved his hands to hold her legs to him as he shifted, Evelyn holding him close as in one swift movement he had her pinned beneath him, her back flat to the mattress. All the while they stayed connected, the new position allowing Alistair to push deeper into her still. Evelyn locked her legs around his waist as he withdrew from her, his arms framing her sides to keep most of his weight from her.

Alistair found a steady rhythm; slowing down occasionally to pepper kisses along her lips and neck and speeding up when Evelyn tugged him closer. She was unwinding by the minute, her mind a haze of ecstasy and  _never_  did she think she could ever feel this good. It was still unbelievable to her to think that it was Alistair doing this—that he was able to read her body in a way no man ever had before. She was clinging to him, not bothering to hold back her frequent moans and calls of pleasure, his name falling from her lips in little gasps as his forehead fell against her shoulder.

His movements became more sporadic at time dragged on yet with every thrust he made sure to fill her, to hit a spot within her that had her seeing stars. Alistair’s hands slid around her as he practically lifted her from the bed now with each thrust, his lips pressed tight against her shoulder as he started to rut. Evelyn dug her nails into his back as she tightened her legs around his waist and felt her inner walls contract around him as her climax approached.

Alistair’s head nudged against hers and she turned her head, not caring how sloppy their kiss was as their lips met in a frenzy of heavy breathing and whispered names. She slowly slid open her eyes to find his already open and locked on hers and she felt the string within her snap, the fire in her belly explode as he plunged into her again. Evelyn threw her head back as the first wave hit, Alistair’s lips pressing hard against her throat before trailing to her ear.

“Come for me.” He whispered through quick pants. “Come  _with_  me, Evelyn.”

Right then a loud cry fell from her lips, her eyes closing tight as her body trembled all at once. Alistair copied her sound with a guttural moan and she arched her body against his as he crashed into her one last time, holding her body close as he came. Their hips rolled together in languid circles as they seemingly melted into the mattress, still clinging to one another as their orgasms faded and their pleasure waned.

Evelyn ran her hands down his back before lifting one to comb through his sweat-lined hair. His head lifted from her shoulder and she could barely turn her head in time for his lips to meet hers again. They both shuddered as he pulled from her body, her legs quivering as he unhooked them from his waist to settle her along the bed. Alistair practically collapsed next to her then, exhaling loudly as he worked to settle his breathing. Evelyn did the same, resting her hands on her chest as she closed her eyes and counted to calm herself down.

She wasn’t sure how long they lay there in silence before Alistair’s arm slid around her waist and she peeked open her eyes, turning her head to find him on his side with a lazy smile on his lips. His thumb was running slow circles on her hip while his eyes scanned her face with a hidden desire she wasn’t sure of. Hesitantly Evelyn turned to face him, curling against his chest but leaving a little bit of distance between their legs and her still sensitive core.

“Here.” Alistair voiced and Evelyn watched as he rested on his back, tugging the sheets around them before pulling her to his chest once more. Evelyn could still hear the rapidness of his heartbeat as she snuggled close, their legs intertwining. She rested her arm across his stomach, curling it upwards so her hand was near her face. “Comfortable?”

Evelyn silently nodded before closing her eyes as his arms circled around her, providing a warmth she couldn’t describe. One of his hands started to rub her back in a soothing rhythm and it wasn’t very long before she could feel sleep calling her. She was content, for now, but deep down her heart was still aching with an unanswered question. As she fell asleep she couldn’t help but wonder if what she heard was just her imagination or wishful thinking but it had her dreaming of a better situation.

“ _I love you Evelyn_.”


	10. Something Stupid

Alistair could count on one hand the amount of times he had slept so wonderfully. As he slowly entered the waking world he smiled to himself, mind quickly registering where he was. He could smell strawberries and when he peeked open his eyes all he saw was dark ebony waves. Alistair instinctively leaned his face closer, nuzzling the back of Evelyn’s head as he adjusted to being awake. Memories of the previous night flooded into his mind, warming his body as his smile widened—he never wanted to leave this bed.

Evelyn was still curled up in his arms, her back flush against his chest and arms curled around his as she used his bicep as a pillow. She was quietly snoring and Alistair could feel a small amount of drool on his skin but he didn’t mind in the slightest. Gradually, as to not wake her, he pulled his head away, eyes still heavy with sleep as he gazed down at her body. She was still just as nude as they had been when they fell asleep; the sheet pressed to her chest the only thing covering her. Alistair pulled away even more, sliding the arm that had been tucked around her waist back so he could run his hand along her side. His cheeks burned as he stole a glance of her bottom as the sheet rustled, and scooted his hips back a little so his morning arousal wouldn’t startle her awake.

Instead he gently ran his hand against her back, fingers trailing the length of her spine as she steadily breathed.  _Maker_ , she was beautiful and Alistair was sure he would never be over that fact—that Evelyn had shared herself in a way he didn’t think would ever happen. A small part of him knew it wasn’t the ideal situation; if he had it his way he would’ve told her his feelings first but figured what he couldn’t say with words he had told with his actions the night before. He had worshiped her through and through and he could only hope he would be able to do it again.

Alistair closed his eyes as he leaned close to her again, inhaling her sweet scent as he pressed a soft kiss to her back. He trailed his lips upwards, brushing away her hair to leave another kiss to the back of her neck before settling on her shoulder. There was already a small mark from last night, the sight reigniting his want for her all over again. Alistair continued to press his lips along her skin, smiling when Evelyn sighed in her sleep before pressing her body closer to his. 

“I love you.” Alistair couldn’t help but whisper it against her shoulder, his hand continuing to rub small circles on her side and back. Evelyn hummed in response as her body shifted and he realized she was waking up. He slowed his movements, pressing one final kiss to her neck as she slowly rolled over with her eyes closed to face him. Evelyn pressed her head against the crux of his shoulder, her hands clutching the sheet to her chest as she nestled close.

“Too…early.” She mumbled and Alistair had to remind himself that she wasn’t always the best at being a morning person.

He moved his free arm between them, resting his hand over one of hers as he kissed her forehead. Evelyn’s bangs and hair were disheveled, her makeup a little smeared and when she yawned Alistair could smell the alcohol they had drunk the previous night on her breath and yet he found all of it endearing.

“What?” Evelyn’s eyes were still half-closed. “You’re staring…”

“You’re beautiful.” Alistair replied, smiling softly at the light dusting of a blush on her cheeks as she flicked her gaze away. He tried to blame it on her being tired and not fully awake but there was a small part of Evelyn’s expression that was hard to read. She seemed guarded and almost skeptical of why he was still in her bed to which Alistair only had one automatic response. “I love you.”

Alistair dipped his head down as he closed his eyes, lips ghosting over hers for a moment before he felt Evelyn pull back slightly, her hands pressing against his chest. He lifted his gaze from her lips to her face and felt his heart wedge in his throat at the shock that filled her features. Evelyn’s emerald eyes were wide and dark with a  _fear_ he didn’t expect, her lips trembling as she parted them in the softest of breaths.

“ _What_?” Evelyn was scanning his face, her hands pushing at him some more when Alistair didn’t budge from his spot. He was hesitant to give her space but after a moment he shifted away, making sure the sheet covered his lap as they sat up. He wasn’t sure what was happening or  _why_ she was reacting in this way—didn’t last night mean…

“Evelyn.” Alistair tentatively reached across them only for Evelyn to lean away from his hand as he tried to touch her. “I—I’m in  _love_ with you.”

“ _No_.” Evelyn rasped out, petrified by his words.

Alistair felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach as he slowly realized that perhaps he had gotten ahead of himself and not for the first time in his life either. He didn’t regret his words or actions but if he knew Evelyn would respond this way he wouldn’t have said them, wouldn’t have allowed the two of them to end up in this situation.  

“No, no, no.” Evelyn repeated as she shook her head, hands rising to cover her face as tears began pooling at the corners of her eyes. “Alistair, you  _can’t_ —”

“But I do.” He argued, frustrated by what was happening. What they shared had spoke volumes in his mind and heart and now she was taking it all away and he needed to know. “I don’t understand. I thought last night…” Alistair frowned as his words failed him. His tongue was burning—hell—his whole  _body_  was aflame with emotions he had never experienced before.

“Was just  _sex_.” Evelyn snapped before coving her mouth to hold back a sob. Alistair widened his eyes at her claim, desperate to know her reasoning.

“Just  _sex_?” Alistair yelped, not caring at the way his voice cracked as his own emotions surfaced. He blinked back tears, closing his eyes for a moment as if willing himself to wake up from this  _nightmare_. “You didn’t feel  _anything_  more? That wasn’t just…” Alistair sighed, unable to hold back his own cries. “We made love, Evelyn. I  _made love_ to you.”

“It shouldn’t have happened.” She shook her head, unable to meet his gaze as she trembled. “I—I  _used_ you and…I’m so sorry.” Her words were so soft, so broken and Alistair had no choice but to believe her. No matter how desperate he was for this all to be fake it was  _real_  and happening to him.

“You don’t…” Alistair hated how he just had to cling onto any hope; any chance that Evelyn might change her mind if he gave her a few moments. Perhaps she was just surprised, overwhelmed by his emotions. Did what happened between them truly mean  _nothing_? “ _Love_ me?”

Alistair’s question hung between them, silence speaking more than any response she may have had. Even if he wasn’t nude he felt naked—his whole soul bare for her to see. Evelyn’s gaze slowly lifted and what hope was left in his heart snapped at her crestfallen expression. An outsider would assume  _her_  heart was the one being broken; the thought that it might be happening only hurt worse.

“No.” Evelyn breathed, closing her eyes as she hugged her arms around her body. “Alistair I’m so—”

“Don’t.” He muttered, snapping his gaze away to focus on the way his hands were clenching and unclenching as his emotions threatened to boil over.

He wouldn’t break down in front of her; not when the only person who could make it better was also the cause. Alistair shifted, reaching down for his clothes and quickly dressing, not caring that his shirt was inside out. He took one last glance back at Evelyn, her body broken as she clung to the sheet still wrapped around her chest. All he wanted was to hold her, to  _be_ with her but Evelyn had made it very clear what  _he_ wanted wasn’t what she wanted.

As he closed the door behind him and the world started to crumble around him Alistair felt that he need to get out of the apartment or he’d never survive the emotions threatening to pull him under. He didn’t want to abandon Evelyn in this state but as he dressed he figured she wanted,  _needed_  to be alone. At first Alistair was unsure of where to go but it didn’t take him long to realize there was only one person who could help him come to terms with what had happened.

* * *

 

It took Evelyn a few hours to fall out of the haze of her emotions and realize it was almost noon. Storm clouds continued to linger in the sky leaving the apartment dark and she found it very fitting for the mood she was in. She couldn’t believe how long she had stayed in bed, her mind racing and unable to cope with what had transpired in such a short amount of time. A handful of hours ago she was so  _content_ , so amazed that it was Alistair who had made her feel that way.

She should’ve listened to her conscience, should’ve taken Nathaniel’s words more to heart—she never should have slept with Alistair, not when she was so unsure what her feelings for him were. Even now as she sat in her bed,  _the_ bed where they had…her heart was aching, mind a blur. Evelyn was sure she hadn’t lied to him; she wasn’t in love with Alistair but there was something lingering  _deep_ down within her. Otherwise, she wasn’t sure why she would’ve gone through with it.

He wasn’t lying either; he had made love to her, worshiped her body and soul and opened his heart to her only for Evelyn to crush it and any hopes he might have had. She was disgusted with herself for leading him on, for making him think that it meant anything more to her than filling a void she had since coming back to Denerim. Alistair was simply in the right place at the wrong time and she took advantage of his comfort and his love. Problem was, the void was still present and larger than before. Evelyn wasn’t sure if it could be fixed, not after what had transpired.

Evelyn knew she couldn’t stay in her bed the rest of the day; she needed to make herself busy and perhaps distract herself until she was ready and able to cope. She knew Alistair would eventually be back and when he returned there would be an exchange of words; she couldn’t ignore or run away from the problem even if she wanted. Evelyn couldn’t even begin to think about what she could say to make things right or to even make things better; the more she dwelled on potential conversations the more she wondered if their friendship would be salvageable.

Finally Evelyn pushed herself from the bed, holding back her tears of frustration as she stood. She brought the sheet with her as she crossed to her bathroom, flicking on the light only to wince at what she saw reflected back at her. Whatever make-up she had been wearing the night before was completely wiped away by her tears, only smears of mascara left behind. Her eyes were bloodshot, the green of her irises darker than she had ever seen them. Evelyn’s hair was disheveled, her bangs out of place and sticking out—leaving her overall appearance rather embarrassing to look at. To think it was the same face Alistair had been doting on a few hours earlier.

She raised a few fingers to her neck, turning her head to better see the trail of marks left by Alistair. Evelyn frowned, clenching her jaw to hold back the tears that welled in her eyes at the mere thought of him and how  _thorough_  he had been in marking her. A small part of her had enjoyed it, couldn’t wait to show off the  _love_ he had bestowed on her but that  _small part_  disappeared with his confession.

_I love you—I’m in love with you._

Evelyn could still hear Alistair and the desperation in his voice, could still see the devastation in his eyes when she told him she didn’t feel the same way. Of  _course_  Alistair was in love with her—the more she thought about it the more obvious it became. He had always been there for her, his loyalty unwavering as long as they had known each other. Alistair had seen her at her worst, at her best and despite being separated for a few years the bond between them remained strong. Evelyn was terrified that she had ruined it, destroyed over 20 years of friendship just because of her mistakes.

She showered and stayed beneath the stream of water until it turned cold. Reluctantly Evelyn dressed, gathering up her sheets and discarded clothes from the ground into a laundry basket before leaving her room. All evidence of a party had been cleaned up, the only reminder a large birthday card that guests had scribbled in on the kitchen counter. Evelyn could only assume that Alistair had taken the time to clean up before he had gone to sleep and before he— _they…_  She shook her head to clear her mind of any lingering memories; to dwell on them only made her chest ache.

Evelyn was halfway through loading the washing machine when she heard noise at the front door, her heart wedging into her throat in fear—she wasn’t ready to see Alistair, not yet. When there was only a knock she held her breath, wondering if it might be somebody else. Regardless, she didn’t exactly feel up to having  _any_  sort of company. A few more knocks and then a voice, one Evelyn was surprised to hear.

“Evelyn? It’s…Aurelie.” There was a pause and the distinct jingle of keys. “Can I come in?” Evelyn didn’t respond and wondered if she just ignored Aurelie she would go away. More muffled noises came through the door before the handle started to wiggle. “Cullen gave me his old key and—”

“Alright!” Evelyn yelped, taking long strides to the door to unlock it and open it. She kept her body wedged in a way so the other woman couldn’t come in and it wasn’t hard to read Aurelie’s concerned expression. Evelyn frowned, wondering if she knew something. “What are you doing here?”

“Alistair showed up at our apartment this morning. I can only assume Cullen and him are having a lengthy chat.” Aurelie explained, eyeing the way Evelyn was standing in the doorway.

It was still storming out and Evelyn was suddenly embarrassed for allowing her friend to stay out in the cold. After a moment she finally relented, stepping back and silently waving Aurelie in. Evelyn led them to the couch, avoiding Aurelie’s stare as the other woman sat down next to her, leaving a little bit of space.

“Is it safe to assume you know what happened?” Evelyn asked, unable to hide the shame in her tone.

She was angry that Alistair had gone to  _them_  of all people but simultaneously saddened by the fact as well. Obviously he wanted some perspective—given that  _Evelyn_  was usually the one to do that, it only made sense he had to seek advice elsewhere and from people he trusted. Aurelie nodded but her expression remained neutral, if apologetic.

“Hey, I’m not here to judge.” Aurelie remarked, offering a small comforting smile. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Give you somebody to talk to.” She shrugged. “If you want.”

Evelyn glanced to the woman she had become fast friends with over the last few months. It had been a long time since Evelyn had a  _female_  friend to confide in and it was still so strange to her. For most of her life her closest and only friend was Alistair and well, now…

“Evelyn?” Aurelie leaned over to get Evelyn’s attention. “ _Would_  you tell me what happened? Exactly?”

Evelyn was hesitant to go into details, wringing her hands in her lap as she glanced nervously at Aurelie. “We…had sex.”

“I know that.” Aurelie flatly replied. “How did that happen?”

Evelyn carefully explained the events of the night, glossing over specifics like the involvement of  _Bruce_  and how utterly  _amazing_  it had actually been in the moment. She wasn’t even sure where her mabari had gone to—perhaps he was hiding away from all the screaming and commotion. It seemed so simple the way Evelyn explained it; “It was storming, I was scared and Alistair comforted me.”

“With his dick?” Aurelie halfway teased, her mouth snapping shut the moment Evelyn glared at her. “ _In-appropriate_.” Aurelie mumbled under her breath.

Evelyn knew she meant it as a light-hearted jab in an attempt to find humor in the situation but the timing wasn’t the greatest. Evelyn waited a few moments, trying to find the right words to say to explain what had occurred.

“It shouldn’t have happened.” Evelyn started, blinking back her tears; she hated crying in front of people. “I was… _am_  emotionally vulnerable and…I took advantage of his feelings. Alistair isn’t at fault. I used him and I don’t know what to do.” She paused and sighed before turning to look at Aurelie who was frowning as she furrowed her brows together.

“This is what I think: I think you two waited too long.” Aurelie held up her hand when Evelyn made to protest. “ _Listen_. Alistair has been holding back and suppressing his feelings for…longer than he probably realizes. You said you slept together before?”

Reluctantly Evelyn nodded. “Our first time…after prom, a few weeks before I left to Highever.”

“Did you ever stop to consider how each other felt?” Aurelie asked. “Why did you want Alistair to be your first? Why did he agree to it?”

“Because…” Evelyn could feel her skin warming at the memory and embarrassment at mentioning her reasoning,  _especially_  to Aurelie. “We trusted each other and cared for one another. I didn’t want to go to college and make the mistake of sleeping with somebody I’d only regret later on.”

“You never regretted sleeping with Alistair?” Aurelie asked and Evelyn shook her head. “So what’s different now?”

Evelyn frowned, starting to suspect that Aurelie was trying to trick her into admitting something she wasn’t ready to admit yet.

“I think Alistair fell in love with you long before that first time. He just didn’t realize it until you came back into his life.” Aurelie smiled a little more but it did nothing to make Evelyn feel better. “What’s that whole saying? If you love something set it free…”

“ _Aurelie_.” Evelyn groaned, clamping a hand over her eyes as if to block out the conversation. “None of that matters. What’s in the past is in the past. I don’t feel the same way, not then, not now. I don’t know what to do.” Evelyn repeated.

“Are you  _sure_  you don’t feel the same way?” Aurelie asked. “You obviously care a great deal about him. I know that’s not synonymous with  _love_  but…” She paused, expression faltering as her gaze fell away.

“What?” Evelyn prompted. Aurelie seemed thoughtful.

“Are you afraid of…falling in love?” She finally asked. Evelyn widened her eyes and gulped when she felt her heart begin to hammer in her chest.

“T—that’s absurd. I…” Evelyn frowned when she couldn’t even muster enough emotions to convince herself. She couldn’t believe Aurelie had seen right through her and had the audacity to point it out. “It’s…none of your business.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Aurelie apologized, surprising Evelyn even more. Silence fell over them for several minutes before Aurelie rested her hand over Evelyn’s on her knee. “You need to talk to him. You both need to work  _something_  out.”

“I don’t know if I—if  _we_  can do that.” Evelyn maintained. Aurelie sighed, squeezing Evelyn’s hand supportively.

“Isn’t your friendship worth it?”

Aurelie was right, no matter how much Evelyn didn’t want to admit it. It didn’t matter how confused Evelyn was about her own emotions, she had to at least tell Alistair about them. She owed it to him and to herself to make sure their friendship didn’t fall apart over a few unspoken words and uncertain feelings.

* * *

 

Alistair didn’t  _immediately_ end up at Cullen’s apartment. When he first got into his car he was surprised to find it was still  _very_ early and disrupting his friend before a normal time would only end in more disaster. Instead Alistair drove around town until the storm became worse, heading towards his friend’s apartment when it was finally closer to noon. He didn’t want to be on the road when it was raining so badly; it wasn’t for his own fear, but for the one Evelyn harbored. Even now he couldn’t keep her out of his thoughts.

He could hear rustling when he approached the front door, little giggles and yelps of excitement that only made his gut churn. It was  _obvious_  what the inhabitants were up to and for a moment he felt guilty for even showing up at their front door. The prospect of returning home didn’t seem any better so after a moment of building up some courage Alistair finally knocked. The noises quieted into hushed whispers and Alistair waited until he was sure that they were simply ignoring him to knock again.

“I can  _hear_ you guys.” He shouted, suddenly not caring if he had disrupted their peaceful morning. Truly, he was sure there was nowhere else for him to go. It only took a few more moments for the door to creak open and Alistair glanced through the small sliver to see Cullen’s irritated expression slowly melting into one of worry as he stared back at him. He was half-dressed, and used one hand to fix his disheveled hair as he opened the door a little wider.

“Alistair? What’s wrong?” Cullen asked, silently waving for him to come inside. Alistair avoided staring as Aurelie appeared in the entranceway, similarly half-dressed and wearing the same concerned expression as her fiancé. Finally, Alistair sighed and lifted his gaze to stare at his friends.

“I slept with Evelyn.” He said bluntly. Immediately the two widened their eyes before wordlessly shuffling Alistair to sit on the couch.

“Just…” Cullen held up his hand as his expression slipped into one of confusion before the couple disappeared into their bedroom.

It wasn’t a few moments later that they immerged; both dressed more appropriately for the conversation. Alistair lifted his head in time to see Cullen and Aurelie exchanging soft-spoken words near the front door. After a moment they softly kissed, an action that had Alistair feeling more jealous than he wanted to be. Aurelie left after the exchange and Cullen approached where Alistair sat on the couch.

“Where is she going?” Alistair asked to which Cullen shook his head as he sat down across from him on the coffee table.

“Don’t worry about it.” He assured. “Just tell me what happened.” Cullen was bewildered. “You can’t just walk in and  _say_ that unless…”

“It actually happened.” Alistair replied. “We…” He gulped, avoiding the words he  _wanted_ to say. “We had sex. Last night, after the party ended and everybody had gone home.”

Cullen stared at him blankly for a few moments as he silently processed what Alistair had said. A few silent moments passed before Cullen regarded him with creased eyebrows and a concerned expression.

“I’ll assume it didn’t end well?”

“No.” Alistair answered, avoiding his friend’s intense and questioning stare. “I…this morning I told her…I was in love with her.”

Cullen tilted his head to the side as his eyes widened a little in surprise. “Wait,  _after_  you had sex? So…wait. Now I’m even more confused about how any of this happened.”

“It was…spontaneous. I didn’t have a chance to tell her before.” Alistair shook his head, not wanting to think about how happy he had been making love to her. “It just sort of happened.”

“So you told her this morning.” Cullen reiterated. Alistair nodded and hung his head as he stared at his hands in his lap—the same hands that had brought Evelyn so much pleasure the night before.

“I thought it was only natural to tell her. It didn’t—it wasn’t just  _sex_  to me.” Alistair closed his eyes tight and shook his head. “When I told her she  _freaked_ out. Pushed me away. Told me she didn’t love me.” Alistair groaned as his head swirled with a stirring of emotions and thoughts. “I—I’m sorry, I’m not in the best of emotional states right now.”

“Well…you’re emotions are understandable.” Cullen slowly spoke, nodding at Alistair. “You’re going to go through some grief.”

“ _Grief_  is an understatement.” Alistair muttered. “It feels like my chest has been hollowed out. Like my stomach has been twisted up into a thousand knots. She tore my heart out and threw it in the  _trash_.”

Cullen seemed to notice the way Alistair held back more words. “Yet…”

“I love her. I love Evelyn. Just because she doesn’t feel the same way doesn’t mean I’m just going to  _stop_.” Alistair explained, his heartbeat increasing. “I’ll never stop.”

“What if it gets in the way of your friendship?” Cullen asked somberly. “What if the only way to stay friends is if you fall  _out_  of love with her?”

“Impossible.” Alistair argued, frustration boiling to the surface. Perhaps Cullen  _wasn’t_  the best choice for advice. Weren’t friends supposed to support you? “I can’t imagine ever  _not_  loving her.”

“Even if she  _never_  reciprocates?” Cullen questioned before raising an inquisitive brow. “Do you honestly think you can just… _wait_  for her?”

“I…” Alistair frowned when he realized that  _no_  he couldn’t—it wasn’t fair to her. If she didn’t love him now, he shouldn’t push the issue. The last thing he wanted was for her to be guilt-tripped into any sort of emotions. “No.”

“Alistair, to be honest, the only thing you can do is try and mend your friendship.” Cullen’s tone turned sympathetic and he leaned forward to rest his hand on Alistair’s shoulder. “I know she means a lot to you—”

“The world.” Alistair interjected. “I don’t want to lose her again.”

“Then don’t.” Cullen said firmly. He stood, pacing for a moment as he ran a hand through his hair before rubbing at his neck. “I don’t know if this is any of my business but you two…were at least safe, right?”

Alistair blinked. “Safe?”

“ _Maker’s breath_.” Cullen was staring at him like Alistair had committed some sort of crime. “A  _condom_. Did you use a condom?”

This time Alistair froze completely, eyes slowly widening as realization dawned on him. His silence and shock seemed to be enough for Cullen to swiftly approach, his hand meeting Alistair’s shoulder again to give him a slight shove into the couch.

“Maker’s  _balls_ , Alistair!” Cullen shouted. “What in the void is wrong with you?”

“I—” Alistair chocked on his words as his throat closed up with anxiety. “I wasn’t thinking straight and—”

“Do you  _ever_  think straight?” Cullen snapped before shaking his head, sighing in frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m sure the last thing I need to give you is a lecture.”

“You’re right though.” Alistair pouted, his heart and mind racing for completely different reasons now. “It was...I got caught up in the heat of things.” He blinked. “We were in her room.”

It wasn’t a very good excuse to Cullen. “Maybe if you paused to consider it, you could’ve stopped.”

“You don’t have to be such an _ass_ , Cullen.” Alistair glared at his  _friend_. “Voice of reason, fine. But you’re making me feel even worse than I already am.”

Cullen sighed and sat back down on the coffee table opposite Alistair. “I’m sorry. I just…can’t believe this happened, that it’s  _happening_  to you.” Cullen offered a sympathetic smile. “You need to talk to her Alistair. If not about your feelings then at least about…” He trailed off but Alistair knew what he was alluding to.

“I know.” Alistair released a large breath of air before hesitantly standing. He ran a hand over his face as he tried to mentally prepare himself for what he needed to do. “Thank you…Cullen. For  _this_.”

Cullen wordlessly nodded and Alistair moved to leave the apartment, completely unsure of what he was going to say to Evelyn. He wasn’t even sure if she’d still be there when he returned and the thought of her disappearing only spurred him to get home as soon as possible.

“Alistair.” Cullen called for him as he approached the front door. Alistair turned to find Cullen nodding at him. “Good luck.”

Alistair sighed a quiet thank you as he finally left—he was going to need more than luck.

* * *

 

The apartment was quiet when Alistair returned, though he was surprised to bump into Aurelie as he approached the staircase that led to the front door. Cullen’s fiancé seemed concerned, apologetic as she nodded at him, offering no explanation as to why she was there. It didn’t take Alistair long to figure out she had most likely come to check up on Evelyn. At least he knew she was still home, if she was still calling it that.

Hesitantly he walked up the stairs, feeling foolish for knocking before pushing open the door to find the apartment dark, the only light the small streams of sunlight spilling in from behind storm clouds through their windows. Alistair slowly stepped into the main room, a mix of emotions hitting him when he saw Evelyn standing at the kitchen counter, her hands busy with brushing over the bouquet of roses he had gotten her  _days_  ago now.

He approached, keeping his distance even though all he wanted to do was scoop her into his arms and hold her close. His mind was telling him two things; Evelyn, his best friend, was upset and he needed to do something but because  _he_  was partially to blame, he had no right to even speak to her. She looked at him first, her eyes shaky as they scanned his face.

“You’re back.” She whispered.

“Yes.” Alistair replied before closing his eyes at how lame of a response it was. He didn’t want this to be awkward but knew there was no avoiding it now. It would be awkward, painful and most likely the hardest thing he had ever done. “We…need to talk.”

“I know.” Evelyn nodded and she chewed on her bottom lip in an act of nervousness. “What you said, Alistair—”

“Wait.” He interrupted, Cullen’s question and revelation still fresh on Alistair’s mind. As much as he knew their feelings needed to be discussed, he also knew that it was imperative he clear the  _other_  elephant in the room. Evelyn was staring at him expectantly, if not a little worried about why he had cut her off.

“What is it?” She asked nervously, confusion in her features. Alistair waited a moment, struggling to gather his nerves.

“Evelyn, we—we didn’t.” Alistair could scarcely believe he was about to ask this question. “Do you…are you—?”

“ _What_?” Evelyn encouraged and Alistair groaned before throwing his hands in the air.

“ _Condom_!” He shouted before making a small  _meep_  sound at the alarm that was instantaneously present on Evelyn’s features. “We didn’t— _Maker_ , Evelyn what were we thinking?” He lowered his hands and clenched his fists to keep them from shaking. “And now you…you could get—”

“There’s nothing to worry about.” Evelyn responded, rather stoically. It did nothing to still Alistair’s racing heart and mind. He thought of her growing large with his— _no—_ that wasn’t appropriate to think about in the  _slightest_. He couldn’t have found himself in a worse situation.

“What do you mean? Like you’re on the pill?” He asked tentatively. Evelyn’s expression faltered and her eyes fell away from his. Alistair waited on bated breath for her explanation. He understood that the risk of pregnancy was unknown—it all depended on Evelyn’s body. Several minutes passed and Evelyn looked more petrified as the silence dragged. Alistair creased his eyebrows together in worry. “Evelyn?  _Please_  tell me this is something we don’t have to deal with—not  _now_.”

“Not  _ever_.” Evelyn suddenly snapped and Alistair froze in his spot at how loud her voice had grown, at how suddenly her eyes had welled with tears. “I—I  _can’t_  get pregnant, okay?” She shouted, hands flinging out in front of her. Alistair nearly doubled over at her admission. “Not—not so easily.  _Maker_  why am I even…”

“Evelyn…” Alistair whispered her name, compassionately and grief-stricken. “What do you mean?”

“The car accident.” Evelyn began, tone evening out as she tried to calm her emotions. “It took more away from me than you realize.” She rested a hand over her abdomen where he knew her scar traced across. “Damaged me so that the chance of reproducing naturally,  _to the void_ , even carrying to term would be nearly impossible.”

Silence fell around them as Alistair processed what she was saying. He blinked several times before closing his eyes tight. Without realizing it his mind instantly drifted to their first time and he snapped open his eyes at the memory.

“But—when did you find out?” He asked. Evelyn seemed to understand why he had asked and moved her arms to wrap around herself as she refrained from breaking down. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Evelyn? I—” Alistair wanted to say that he would’ve supported her, helped her through her grief but knew he couldn’t rewrite the past. Evelyn glanced away from him again.

“I found out in college.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “I didn’t tell you because…you don’t have to know  _everything_  about my life.” Evelyn lifted her gaze to stare at him. “Its not just scars that chase men away.”

Alistair wasn’t sure what she meant and Evelyn only shook her head, growing quiet. He wasn’t sure  _what_  to feel or what to say but he was  _hurt_  she hadn’t told him sooner. All the times he had joked about children and asked if she wanted them and  _all this time_  she knew that it would be highly unlikely for her to do so.  _What an ass you are, Alistair_ , he thought as he watched her fold her hands in front of her and hang her head in shame.

“I am…so sorry Evelyn.” He hesitated to move any closer to her and understood when Evelyn moved away from him, her body language guarded.

“So you don’t have to worry about any unplanned offspring.” Her words were bitter and Alistair couldn’t help but feel his heart ache even more as he carefully regarded her. “There’s nothing for you to worry about.” She repeated solemnly.

“I wouldn’t mind.” Alistair spoke softly, carefully. Evelyn’s eyes darkened, her gaze slowly lifting to meet his as she realized what he meant. “Knowing… _that_ , now. Evelyn, if I…if  _we_ …beat the odds.” He tripped over his words, knowing what he was saying was  _highly_  fanatic. Alistair shook his head as Evelyn stared at him, bewildered with a fearful expression. It wasn’t his intent.

“What happened last night—” Evelyn started, swallowing hard to try and hide her nerves. Alistair was still processing what she had just confessed to him. “Won’t happen again.” Her voice was shaky but he could hear the firm tone she was trying to set. She  _meant_  her words. “I don’t…want…”

Alistair watched as tears clouded her vision once more and he creased his brows together. “Are you afraid, Evelyn?” He asked timidly. Evelyn pursed her lips together and he gasped softly at the small way she nodded her head.

“I would  _never_  hurt you, Evelyn.” Alistair breathed, clenching his teeth and shaking his head when he couldn’t hold back his sob. “I would  _never hurt you_.” He repeated.

Evelyn’s lips trembled as she nodded her head once. “I know that.”

“Then why?” Alistair stepped closer to her, watching as she pressed her back into the kitchen counter when she moved away from him. “What are you afraid of?”

“Hurting  _you_.” Evelyn whispered, her voice cracking as she blinked and tears spilled down across her cheeks. Alistair felt his breath leave him in shock. “I can handle being hurt. I’ve been dealing with it for years but the thought of causing you pain.”

“ _Maker,_ I already have and it  _kills_ me.” Evelyn brushed her fingers across her eyes, trying to stem the flow of tears but it was pointless as they continued to steadily stream. “Alistair, you don’t want this. You don’t want me in that way. I’m no good.  _Please_. You don’t love me.”

“I do.” Alistair responded almost instantly. He knew it was pointless to keep telling her but he wouldn’t allow her to erase his emotions like that.

“Then  _stop_  loving me.” Evelyn spoke, desperately. “We’ve been friends for how long now… _platonic_  with  _nothing_  else. We can go back to that. Nothing more than close friends.”  

“It’s not that simple.” Alistair argued but could feel the fight leaving him. He wasn’t sure what else to say, how else to put it. Even Cullen had told him he’d have to consider this. “I fell in love with my best friend and I don’t know what to do.”

Evelyn sighed, shaking her head in disbelief as she turned away from him. “Find a new best friend.”

“What?” Alistair felt panic at the words she had mumbled beneath her breath. “Evelyn you can’t mean…”

“I don’t know if we can be friends after this, Alistair. Not if you can’t…” She wouldn’t meet his gaze and Alistair didn’t hold back from reaching out to grasp her shoulders. Evelyn stared at him with wild eyes, her hands rising to press against his chest.

“Don’t say that.” Alistair warned, not caring that his own tears were now flowing freely. “You’re my best friend  _first_ , above all things Evelyn. You’re my  _Couscous_  and…I won’t let that be tossed away.”

Evelyn’s eyes scanned over his face, her hands on his chest sliding a little as she stopped trying to push him away. After a moment he dropped his hands from her but remained close, staring down at her as he struggled to regain his breathing. His whole body was breaking down, soul crushed beneath the weight of their words. Alistair felt his shoulder slump in defeat as Evelyn’s gaze finally broke, staring straight at the ground.

“I’m so sorry Alistair.” Evelyn was barely audible. “For everything. For coming back to Denerim, for leading you on and using you for my own selfish needs.” He continued to stare at her features as they first softened before going stoic as her stream of tears slowed. “I thought that if I…slept with you I might figure out what the feeling in my gut was.”

Alistair perked up his head at her words.  _What_? “You knew?” Alistair asked, stomach churning as she anxiously nodded. “You knew how I felt and yet you still…” He couldn’t believe it, but she was right. “You took advantage of my feelings.”

“I was— _am_ —so confused, Alistair and… _damaged_.” A strangled, sarcastic laugh left her. “Aurelie…Nate…my friends are right when they say I’m afraid of falling in love.” Alistair was so unsure of what she meant and if it was foolish of him to feel hopeful. “Trust me when I say I’m sparing you from a world of trouble.”

Alistair didn’t know what to say at first until she shifted away from him, tugging her sweater tighter around her frame as she grabbed for her keys on the counter dish. He widened his eyes. “Where are you going?”

“I…don’t think I should stay here for the time being.” Evelyn explained, her emerald eyes briefly meeting his amber stare. Alistair was sure he had never seen her so sad, so  _broken_ —not since her parents had died. He was undeniably guilty for causing it and it tore his heart apart anew.

“You don’t have to—”

“We both know it’s for the best, for now.” Evelyn instantly rejected his argument and turned away again, this time facing the front door. “I’m sorry Alistair. Maybe Aurelie was right. Maybe we…”

She never finished her sentence and Alistair could only wonder what she meant to say. He wasn’t sure if he was still breathing as he watched Evelyn gather a small bag that was already by the door, as if she had planned this from the start. Bruce was waiting there too, Alistair’s only solace the fact the mabari seemed unwilling to go with Evelyn. After a small fight the dog barked before bouncing over to where Alistair was still standing in the middle of the room. Evelyn frowned but Alistair nodded, silently agreeing to watch over her beloved companion.

And then…she was gone.


	11. Love Of My Life

A few days passed without any word from Evelyn. Her silence was understandable and Alistair did everything he could to make sure she got the space she wanted—he didn’t text, didn’t call and didn’t ask any of his friends if they had seen her. It was troubling not knowing where she was or if she was okay but he didn’t want to push her away any further by being pushy. As long as they had known each other they had relied on each other for comfort but  _never_  did Alistair think that they would be the cause of each other’s misery.

When a few days turned into a week Alistair grew more concerned—especially considering he had no idea where Evelyn had run off. One week turned into two and as the days continued to pass Alistair was struggling to keep himself together, determined to let her return on her own time; that was, if she ever planned to return at all. The thought that he might never see her again plagued his dreams; not that he was getting much sleep to begin with.

Alistair knew he was letting his emotions get the better of him though he was sure he had never felt so low in his life. He thought he had experienced heartbreak from the failed relationships he had in college but nothing compared to the way he felt after Evelyn left. It wasn’t even about her rejecting him romantically; it was the fear that their friendship might be at jeopardy that had Alistair so upset. He could deal with her not  _loving_  him—eventually—but he wasn’t sure if he could ever let go of the bond they shared as friends.

Eventually Alistair realized he couldn’t keep moping about and threw himself into his work, trying to distract himself with paperwork and all the duties he needed to catch up on. He still kept his phone close to him, just in case, though the longer Evelyn remained silent the more doubtful he became that he’d be hearing her ringtone any time soon.

“There you are.”

Alistair glanced up from one of his reports, surprised to see Cullen approaching the security desk. It was late and Alistair had to wonder how he had managed to be let in when the mall itself was already closed. Cullen seemed a little frazzled, his tone a mix of worry and anger as he spoke. Alistair didn’t say anything as his friend stared down at him, though he had  _some_ sense to understand this wasn’t a normal visit.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Cullen snipped before sighing as he shook his head, frowning. Alistair glared at his attitude and glanced back down to his work—he didn’t have time for this. “ _Sorry_. It’s just— _Alistair_.”

When Cullen didn’t say anything else Alistair finally groaned as he lifted his head up, throwing aside his pen as he gave Cullen his full attention. Cullen knitted his eyebrows together in frustration, his fingers tapping against the wood of the desk as he seemingly contemplated his next words.

“Aurelie and I have been trying to reach out to you.” Cullen started. “With hardly any word back from you. I just wanted to make sure that you were—”

“What?” Alistair cut him off, scowling a little. He didn’t need pity from his friends. “If I’m  _okay_?” Alistair rolled his eyes when Cullen gave a little shrug. “Oh, I’m just  _great_. Wonderful—flowers and bunnies and sparkles everywhere.”

“Cut the bullshit.” Cullen muttered and Alistair sighed, feeling only  _slightly_  guilty for his behavior. It was true he hadn’t allowed anybody in after Evelyn left, but it was mostly out of embarrassment. Alistair didn’t need to be reminded that he had screwed up; even if they didn’t tell him directly, he knew it was what they thought.

“Did you come here to rub salt in my wounds or is there another reason why you’re berating me like some  _child_?” Alistair grumbled and Cullen frowned, shaking his head some more.

“I didn’t—” Cullen closed his eyes for a moment. “I needed to know if you are still able to help…with the wedding. It’s only a few months away and Aurelie and I are scrambling.”

Alistair couldn’t blame him for asking and for the doubtful expression he held. To be honest, helping Cullen with wedding plans had become a low priority while he sorted out his personal affairs; he wasn’t exactly worthy of  _best_ man. After a long pause Alistair could only shrug.

“That all depends on when— _if_ —Evelyn comes back.” Alistair explained and watched as Cullen’s expression twisted into annoyance. “I’m not exactly in the cheeriest,  _wedding_ -type mood.”

“You’re a shit friend, Alistair.” Cullen spoke and part of Alistair knew he was half-joking but it resonated deep within him.

“I…I know.”

“You know what?” Cullen suddenly snapped slapping his hands down in a huff. Alistair watched as his friend took in a breath before sighing. “I’m sick and tired of listening to you mope.” Cullen motioned to Alistair’s phone. “I’m not happy with Evelyn either and…and…”

“ _And_?” Alistair asked, not pleased with being reprimanded like he was some sort of child. Especially when it was at his workplace where anybody could see and hear them. Cullen shook his head and raised his hand to cover his face before running his fingers back through his hair.

“Aurelie and I decided that if you two can’t get your act together…find some kind of truce to whatever is going on that…” Cullen trailed off and Alistair raised his eyebrows up in confusion. “We don’t want you— _either_ of you—as part of the wedding.”  

Alistair blinked once before the realization of Cullen’s words hit him. “Wait— _what_?”

“You heard me.” Cullen answered. “You two are acting ridiculous. Either make up or go your separate ways.”

“It’s not that easy,  _oh voice of pragmatism.”_ Alistair sneered, glaring up at Cullen. His friend only shook his head.

“I’ve given you my advice, Alistair.” Cullen’s tone softened a bit but his expression remained annoyed. “I don’t know what else to tell you. Either take it, or wallow in your own sadness.” He paused to point to where Alistair had placed his phone in case Evelyn decided to call out of the blue. “Just do  _something_.”

Cullen left after that, shooting Alistair one last sympathetic look. Alistair sighed, knowing it couldn’t have been easy for him to play the bad guy—his advice, as cruel as it sounded coming out, struck a chord within Alistair. Cullen was right; Alistair couldn’t afford to just sit around and wait for Evelyn but he also couldn’t force their relationship to be mended. At this point he wasn’t even sure if it  _could_  be mended. He didn’t know what frightened him more.

His phone suddenly blurted out an annoying string of sounds and Alistair’s heart leapt at the thought that Evelyn was calling, texting— _anything_. But when he grabbed his phone he frowned when his screen was simply flashing a notice for an incoming storm and a warning for a flash flood. Winter was approaching and yet the rainy months  _still_  persisted. Alistair felt a sense of dread come over him, when he realized he still had no idea where Evelyn was—he could only hope that she would be safe and sound during the storm.

Alistair knew he was being foolish for hoping she might reply but after weeks of silence perhaps Evelyn would take the time to say something back. He quickly typed a message to her and before he could erase it he pressed send, turning away from his phone and back to his work to distract himself. Alistair only prayed she would receive it.

_Please let me know that you are okay_

* * *

 

Guilt. It was all consuming and heavy in Evelyn’s heart, her body and soul regretting everything she had ever done to hurt Alistair—not just recently but also anything she had ever done in their past. The more she thought about it the more she recognized that Alistair’s feelings stretched further than she could possibly understand and she had abused them. She was still trying to figure out her own motives, thinking that a few days spent away from him would help her come to terms with what had happened.

The first night Evelyn slept in her car but when she awoke feeling even worse than before she decided there was really only  _one_  place for her to stay while she deciphered the situation. Fergus still lived in Highever and while he was surprised to see her showing up out of the blue he didn’t ask any questions and Evelyn found herself in her childhood home.

Her room was still the same as it had been when she lived there during her college years, though many of her belongings from before her parent’s death also littered the room. For days Evelyn wondered if the nostalgia was helping or hindering her thought process. Fergus left her alone that first week but after that Evelyn felt she owed him an explanation. Admitting what had happened between Alistair and her was surreal and had her emotions spiraling all over again.

Evelyn had no idea  _why_  she had allowed herself to act so selfishly or how she had even gotten to that point. She had been feeling… _strange_  around Alistair since they had reunited and the thought that she might have been developing romantic feelings for him made her feel  _that_  much guiltier. Evelyn had interpreted her emotions as lust and when Alistair responded to that she thought it was as simple as that. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

She had simply  _acted_  before fully understanding the ramifications—it wasn’t just some  _guy_  she could forget about. This was Alistair—her best friend.  _Friend_. It was another thing Evelyn mourned over. She was so convinced she had severed that special bond they had and no amount of time or apologies would mend it. So, instead of facing her problems Evelyn did what she had done so many times before and hid away, hoping that they would simply disappear. It was foolish of her, but she hardly cared when the outlook was so uncertain.

Evelyn was surprised that Alistair had not reached out to her, even as the weeks passed. Either he was also choosing to ignore the problem, or he was respecting her need for space. Though, it didn’t stop her from wishing that he would try and contact her or that she was brave enough to call  _him_. It only made her more confused; wasn’t she supposed to be ignoring any thoughts of him? Instead the more time she spent in Highever, the more she longed to go home, even if it meant facing the situation head on.

To distract herself Evelyn started going through her belongings, sifting through box after box that had been stored in her room over the years. Many held childhood toys and memorabilia and while others held pictures—some of her family which made her long for happier times and some of her and Alistair which made her heart feel even more hollow.  There were more boxes than she realized that held objects and gifts from him, things she had collected over the many years of their friendship.

Evelyn continued to rummage through the boxes until she found something she had practically forgotten about—a mix-tape Alistair had made for her years ago. It was one of the many presents he included in her going away care package and yet she couldn’t quite recall if she had ever listened to it. Her stereo was still propped up on the bureau and it only took her a few moments of tinkering with the old technology before music started to fill her room.

Soft piano notes and harps? She didn’t recognize the song at first and nearly laughed to herself at why she was even  _listening_  to the mix-tape when she was trying to forget about Alistair for the time being. She turned the case over in her hand looking for a playlist written down but when she saw nothing she simply listened.

 _Love of my life, you’ve hurt me_  
You’ve broken my heart and now you leave me  
Love of my life can’t you see?   
Bring it back, bring it back—don’t take it away from me because  
You don’t know what it means to me

 

Evelyn swallowed down the hard lump that had developed in her throat at the words that were hitting her hears. A  _love_  song; a love song on a mix-tape from  _years_  ago. A sudden realization came over her that Alistair had developed his feelings much earlier than she cared to notice. How many years had he kept them hidden from her and how many more had she ignored his not-so-subtle hints?  _Maker_ , she felt like a fool. Instantly she reacted, tears welling in her eyes as the song continued. Even if she wanted to she lacked the strength to stop the music, simply sitting in the chair as the mix-tape played on.

“Evelyn?”

She turned to see Fergus entering her room and frowned, wondering if she had ignored his knocking as the music filled her room. His expression was soft and sympathetic as he approached sitting down on the edge of her bed that was nearest to the chair she sat in. Evelyn sighed and it was only then that she noticed the tears that had begun to slip onto her cheeks, her brother reaching out to catch a few with his fingers.

“Oh pup, what are we going to do with you?” He tried to tease though Evelyn only frowned at the sentimental nickname.

“Don’t…call me that.” She softly replied, glancing down at the cassette case in her hand. Fergus simply sat in silence and she appreciated that he was unwilling to push her for information. Though, she was starting to feel that she needed to talk to  _somebody_  about what had happened. Evelyn took in a large breath as the mix tape continued to play, more words with hidden meanings of love singing out to her.

“Do you think Alistair…had feelings for me when we were younger?” Evelyn asked, shrugging to herself as Fergus raised a curious eyebrow.

“Yes.” He answered almost too quickly. “Of course. You were always so blind to it, though…I’m not sure  _he_ knew either.”

“Thanks.” Evelyn responded flatly, frowning. She should’ve expected that—Aurelie had told her something similar; that Alistair had probably been in love with her for years and only just recently realized it. “What do I do?”

“How do  _you_  feel?” Fergus asked and Evelyn felt her heart clench at the question. She honestly didn’t know. She felt terrible and guilty and  _devastated_  but she figured the real question was  _why_. She wrapped her arms around herself, mind racing.

“I—I don’t want to lose what we have.” Evelyn explained. “As  _friends_.”

“Is that all?” Fergus seemed to be hinting at her, his eyes glancing between her expression and the stereo behind her. Evelyn felt herself scowling a little. “I think  _you’re_  in denial as well.”

“I’m not—” Evelyn froze as a wave of emotions settled over her.

Perhaps there was something more after all; her heart fluttered at remembering the way Alistair had told her he loved her. He had been telling the truth and she had questioned him, unable to believe that their relationship could be anything more than what it was. Deep down in her heart she could feel her emotions churning and while she wasn’t ready to admit it out loud, she wouldn’t have acted that way if there weren’t something within her that reciprocated his feelings. Evelyn loved him too. She loved Alistair; and she had thrown it all in his face, rejected him…for what? The hardest part was admitting that Alistair was right—she was  _afraid_.

Fergus smiled at her knowingly and Evelyn only frowned, raising her hands to cover her face as she tried to steady her breathing and heart rate. She had made the biggest mistake of her life and she had  _no_ idea how to fix it.

“You should talk to him, Evelyn.” Fergus spoke. “You can’t keep ignoring each other. Talking is a great place to start.”

“But—”

“No.” Fergus stopped her and she felt his hands pull at hers so she would be forced to look at him. “No more excuses. If your friendship is  _that_  important to you, then you need to do something about it.” Fergus offered a tiny grin. “I’m sure the rest will follow.”

Evelyn considered what he said and the hidden meaning. She hated that he was right though she still felt that she could argue with him for another week over  _when_  to return to Denerim. As if on cue her phone rang out and she flinched, reaching for where she had left it on the desk nearby. Her eyes danced across the screen, heart racing at the sight of a text message from Alistair.

Fergus was watching her intently as she suddenly stood up, her mind instantly making the decision for her. She had to go—she had to go to him. Evelyn looked to her brother and wordlessly he scooped her up in a hug, instantly understanding what was happening. She gathered what little belongings she had brought with her and as an afterthought grabbed the mix tape before it had even finished playing, shoving it into her coat pocket. Just as she was out the door she could hear Fergus calling after her.

“Good luck!”

Evelyn knew she was going to need it.

* * *

 

It was well past midnight when Alistair finally left work, his mood just as gloomy as the weather that awaited him outside. Even as he walked the hallway that led towards the back exit and parking lot he could hear the storm raging, thunder cracking in quick succession and lightning flashing through the small window on the door. Before he stepped outside he took one last glance at his phone, frowning when he saw no response—it would be another night spent alone and considering the weather, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to sleep not knowing if she was safe.

Alistair tucked his phone into the inside pocket of his jacket before securing his hood, though he was sure it wouldn’t matter with how far he had to walk to his car. He burst through the door and was about to dart straight for the parking lot when he saw a figure standing just a few feet away beneath a small awning, his body going numb when he realized who it was.

Evelyn snapped her head up at the sound of him exiting the building and their gazes met, Alistair overwhelmed by the fact that she was really standing there in front of him. He blinked hard before taking careful steps closer to her, his breath leaving him as she offered the tiniest of smiles before letting her expression drop into one of uncertainty. The rain seeping through his clothes had him moving faster towards her for the shelter of the awning and the closer he got the more his heart rate picked up. He reached out for her but instantly snapped his hands back to his sides. Alistair had to remind himself that snatching her up into his arms for a hug was perhaps not the best idea, no matter how much he wanted to hold her close.

He paused in front of her, frowning slightly at the way she was drenched with water, hair sticking to her forehead and lips quivering slightly as she tried to hide her shivering. Evelyn’s expression was hard to read as she avoided his stare, though he noted the way her face flushed with color even in the cold. Was she…embarrassed? Alistair wasn’t sure what to say. Her hands were buried deep in her coat pockets, arms pressed tight against her chest as she fought the cold. How long had she been standing out here waiting for him?

“You must be freezing.” Alistair frowned, not believing of all the things he  _could_  say he chose to use  _those_  words. He watched his own breath form puffs of white between them and his heart sank a little when Evelyn tried to deny it by shaking her head.

“N—no, I’m not.” Her lips trembled and finally she twisted them up into a bashful smile. “A little?”

Alistair copied her small grin, amazed by her stubbornness even now. He knew any type of reunion between them would be awkward, but he wasn’t expecting this. He reached up to tug at the buttons of his jacket, ignoring the way she shook her head in protest.

“Alistair, you don’t have to—”

“Here.” He removed his jacket quickly, wrapping it around her shoulders and tugging it closed around her before pulling his hands away. Even though the chill of the night instantly hit him, he didn’t mind as long as she was even just a little bit warmer. Evelyn seemed ready to argue with his actions but instead audibly swallowed, her hands reaching up to hold it tightly around her.  

“What are you doing here?” Alistair asked after a moment. He searched her expression, resisting the urge to reach his hands up to brush away the damp hair that was plastered to her face. Evelyn’s eyes fell to the ground as she tucked her bottom lip between her chattering teeth.

“I wanted to— _needed_ to—talk to you.” She clarified and slowly her gaze lifted to meet his. “If…you’re willing, that is.”

Alistair nodded, trying to ignore the way his heart warmed a little, hopeful for what might come of this. “Of course.”

They stood there for another long moment, silence filling the space around them as they simply stared at one another. Alistair wanted to know what she was thinking—he wanted an explanation and knew he ought to appear more upset with her but he could only feel joy that she was back, even if it was only to talk and disappear again. He wordlessly pointed out his car before the two moved quickly towards it, the rain soaking straight through his clothes almost instantly.

The drive back to the apartment was spent in silence, Alistair blasting the heat to combat the chill that was starting to settle in his bones. He could only imagine how Evelyn felt, though he was surprised to find her seemingly unfazed by the storm, her eyes staring at her hands in her lap as she twisted her fingers around nervously. The situation became even more awkward when they arrived to the apartment, only to find the power was out on the entire block.

Shivering and drenched from head to toe the two separated, silently slinking away to their own rooms to change before they were to meet again in the living room. Alistair swapped out his clothes quickly, making sure to bundle himself up in something warm, unsure of how cold it would get as the storm continued. He waited for Evelyn on the couch, sitting practically on the edge as his heart raced. She wanted to talk and he would let her but there was also so much  _he_ wanted to say.

Alistair was fumbling with some matches when she came out from her room and he nearly burned his finger from staring at her as she slowly approached. He lit the few candles on the coffee table nearest to them, mostly for light as they talked. Evelyn sat down on the opposite side, tucking her knees up to her chest as she loosely held her arms around them. She had every right to be guarded but it didn’t mean that Alistair had to like seeing her like that.

“Evelyn, I—”

“I’m sorry.”

They spoke at the same time, eyes going wide as they both realized how eager each other sounded. Alistair nodded for her to continue and she shifted in her spot, one hand reaching up to push through her hair.

“I’m sorry for not calling.” She started before clearing her throat and meeting his gaze. “I guess for a lot more than that too.”

Alistair studied her for a long time, unsure of how to respond. “I’m…also sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize—”

“I  _do_.” Alistair interrupted and filtered through the hundreds of thoughts racing through his mind. He couldn’t help but think back to the last conversation they had. Alistair opened his mouth to speak but found that his words were failing him. Evelyn seemed to be waiting for his explanation but he couldn’t think of anything else to say that wasn’t  _I love you_  and he knew that was the last thing she needed to hear.

“I owe you an explanation.” Evelyn offered and moved her legs to sit properly, though she kept her arms wrapped around herself. “For my behavior.”

“What do you mean?” Alistair asked.

He was still struggling with what she had admitted to him all those weeks ago—that she had used him and taken advantage of his feelings. He knew that it was exactly what she had done and yet he couldn’t blame her, not completely. Alistair still felt partially responsible; in some way he had also taken advantage of her without knowing what her feelings were.  _Takes two to tango_ , or so it seemed.

Evelyn flashed him a confused expression. “I  _hurt_  you, Alistair. I didn’t mean to but I did.”

Alistair made to argue with her but she held up her hand to silence him. He watched as she pulled her lips back into a flat line, brows creased in deep thought. It wasn’t going to be easy, for either of them.

“I’ve been hurt before and…that’s no excuse but…” Evelyn’s throat tightened as she swallowed hard. “It left me guarded and I thought for the longest time that I wouldn’t be able to open my heart again.”

Alistair’s ears perked up at her words. What was she saying? Evelyn’s bright emerald gaze slowly lifted to meet his face and he ached at the anguish that was shining in them. He remained silent, simply listening to her explanation.

“My parents dying…everything that happened with Nate in college and—” Evelyn trailed and Alistair noted the way a hand fell to rest over her abdomen. He understood without her having to say anything. “When I first got to college, I easily fell in love— I only know now that I was trying to fill a void in my heart that had opened after leaving Denerim.”

Evelyn gave him a knowing look and Alistair widened his eyes a little when he caught her meaning—she was trying to replace him. “I thought you dated Nate?”

“ _After_ …” Evelyn corrected and she shifted uncomfortably, hands twisting in her lap. “I met a guy, we fell in love. I had a pregnancy scare that led to me finding out that it wasn’t even possible anyways.”

“Don’t tell me—”

“He thought I was broken.” Evelyn finished, her tone curt and it was obvious admitting all this hurt her. “For a long time I thought the same thing. I filled the void with Nate. It worked, or it sort of worked.”

“Evelyn, I’m so sorry.” He reached over without thought, a few of his fingers brushing over one of her hands before he sharply took them back to his side. Evelyn shook her head, glancing away again.

“I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed.” Evelyn scoffed under her breath but he knew it was directed at herself. “I thought I could handle it on my own.”

Alistair was furious at the thought that Evelyn had spent years dealing with such a horrible problem, alone. He knew it was in the past and yet he wished he would’ve been there for her more but instead he was doing the same thing back home in Denerim—replacing her.

“ _That_ ’ _s_ no excuse either.” Evelyn concluded with a large sigh. “You were right, Alistair.”

“Right?” Alistair’s heart skipped a beat, not knowing what she meant. He searched her expression but it didn’t tell him anything new.

“I  _am_  afraid.” Evelyn’s voice was shakier than before and as her eyes lifted to stare up at the ceiling he noticed the glaze of tears threatening to burst free. “I’m  _so_ afraid of  _love_.”

Alistair hated the way her face twisted to keep back her tears and his chest tightened. He  _loved_  her, yes—he was certain of that but he didn’t want to force her into anything she wasn’t willing to accept or able to return. He slowly shook his head at her.

“It’s not about—” Alistair knew he had to remind her and yet ask at the same time. “Evelyn, what about our  _friendship_?”

Evelyn gasped a little, surprised by his question. One of her hands lifted to stem the flow of tears before they started. “What?”

“I mean…” Alistair hoped it came out right. “I don’t care about—well I  _do_ , but it’s not important right now.” Alistair shook his head at his own rambling. Evelyn’s brows knitted together as she waited for his explanation. “I just want to know if we can still be…”

“Friends?” Evelyn finished for him and Alistair held his breath as he nodded. She responded at first with a frown before her lips quivered into a smile as she nodded in return. “I would really like that, Alistair.”

Alistair resisted the urge to scoop her up into a hug, elated to hear her words. “Are you sure?” He could feel his own tears stinging the corners of his eyes. “ _Maker_ , Evelyn. You are the most important person in my life; my  _best_  friend. I don’t want to lose that—to  _anything_.”

Evelyn seemed to be considering his words, expression softening but there was still a lingering sadness in her eyes. “I—you—” She laughed nervously under her breath before lifting a hand to press over her lips.

“I don’t want to lose that either.” Evelyn finally responded and Alistair felt relief wash over him.

Yes, they would have to work past the awkwardness of what they had allowed to happen but Alistair was willing to try to ignore his feelings if it meant he got to keep her as his friend. He knew their bond was damaged but he wasn’t going to rest until it was as strong as it had been before. He figured it was all she had to say but when he glanced back to her he noticed the way her eyes were scanning his features.

“We need to apologize to Cullen and Aurelie.” She smirked a little and Alistair copied her, the two nodding in unison. “After the wedding—”

“Yes?” Alistair prompted when she fell silent for a few moments. Evelyn’s cheeks flushed with color and Alistair felt his heart skip at the way her eyes sparkled for the first time with something that  _wasn’t_  sorrow.

“After the wedding, when we don’t have any responsibilities to share that involve our friends…” Evelyn started again though her voice lowered as she trailed off again. Alistair was confused where she was going with all this. “We should talk about… _us_.”

“ _Us_?” Alistair squeaked, his mind one-tracking to what she could possibly mean. Evelyn dragged her teeth over her bottom lip as she shrugged a little. Alistair widened his eyes when it hit him. “Oh!”

“But only  _after_  the wedding.” Evelyn quickly reiterated and Alistair had to hold back from grinning like an idiot. Just what was she admitting—that after some time she might come around to the idea of him loving her? He shook the thoughts away, trying to focus on the positivity that was their friendship being mended first.

“I—” Alistair nodded a few times and felt his lips curling up into a grin even as he fought it. “I can do that.”

Evelyn sighed and softly smiled in return. “Good.”

Evelyn gave him a small nod before easing off the couch to stand. Alistair followed her, though the two stood awkwardly for a moment before he felt brave enough to take a step closer to her. He gulped before flashing a nervous, crooked grin.

“Is it ok if—” Alistair felt his chest tighten when Evelyn looked at him skeptically. “Is it ok if we, if I hug you?”

Evelyn breathed out a short puff as her smile grew a little, though she seemed a little skeptical. Still, she nodded and Alistair held his breath as they stepped closer to each other, raising his arms to circle around her shoulders while her own looped around his waist. He resisted from holding her  _too_  tight, but couldn’t resist as Evelyn’s grip tightened suddenly, her fingers clutching the fabric of his sweatshirt on his back.

Alistair cupped the back of her head with one hand and rested the other on her shoulder as he held her close, her nose buried in the crook of his neck. He rested his head atop hers, closing his eyes as he inhaled her scent.  _Maker_ , he had missed her and even the simple action of  _hugging_  had his emotions threatening to bubble over. He wasn’t expecting to be able to hold her so soon. Alistair could feel his heart pounding in his chest but the more he focused the more he realized he could feel  _her_ heart racing as well.

“I missed you.” Alistair knew it was risky to say, given the agreement they had just come to but he had to tell her. Evelyn shifted slightly, her head lifting from him for a moment.

“I missed  _you_.”

They pulled away from one another but didn’t fully part, gazes locking in the dim lighting. It was going to be a struggle to resist the urge to kiss her—not when he suspected that beneath all her worries and reservations she just might feel the same way as him. It wasn’t what Alistair wanted, not by a long shot, but he supposed it really wasn’t about his own selfish needs. Their friendship came first and the hope that it might be mended gave him reason to be happy for the moment. Evelyn was home—it was a start.


	12. Tell Her About It

Evelyn settled back into the apartment as well as she could, considering the circumstances. She was grateful that Alistair and her had come to an agreement and was relieved that they had decided to put their friendship first. There was still, of course, a large part of her that was also coming to terms with her own feelings. As the weeks passed and they established a steady routine she found that it was easy for them to slip into situations where the line between friends and lovers was blurred. It wasn’t going to be easy—not for either of them.

Unspoken boundaries were set and while it was frustratingly awkward to abide by them, Evelyn knew they were for the best to avoid any mishaps that could risk what work they had achieved on mending their friendship. Whatever  _touching_  they thought was appropriate in the past was tossed aside in favor of an occasional hug and even then it was only in situations that warranted one. There were no more tickle fights or platonic cuddling in blanket forts and on stormy nights as the monsoon season raged on, Evelyn had to face her fears alone.

It got easier as winter approached, as they were being tested by their duties as Cullen and Aurelie’s unofficial wedding planners. After proving to the couple that they had made-up they were reinstated as best man and maid of honor and fairly quickly were wrapped up in the upcoming nuptials. They would be taking place near Wintersend—only a month away—and while Evelyn found the date a little cliché, she wasn’t about to tease her friends over their choice of wedding date. She only wished it wasn’t so cold.

It was particularly cold on the morning Evelyn was supposed to prepare for Aurelie’s bachelorette party. The boys would be off celebrating that night as well, but that was  _Alistair’s_ job, not hers. She knew she needed to get up and start on her busy day but all Evelyn wanted to do was wrap her blankets around herself and never leave her bed. She continued to shiver beneath her blankets for several moments until her bedroom door creaked open and for a moment she thought it was Bruce until she peeked open her eyes to find Alistair staring at her with an amused expression. How he could be so cheery so early in the morning she would never understand.

“What time is it?” She groggily asked, adjusting the sheets a little higher around herself to protect her modesty but also shield herself from the chill of the apartment. Why she thought a camisole would be warm enough to sleep in was beyond her. Alistair only smiled a little brighter and finally she heard Bruce trot in behind him. It took her a few more moments to fully realize what was going on and notice the small white flakes that were dusted across Alistair’s shoulders and her mabari’s head.

“It’s snowing!” Alistair finally announced and Evelyn yelped as Bruce barked, jumping with full force onto the bed.

Her dog Bruce rounded her body before nudging the edge of the blanket up to slither beneath, causing Evelyn to shriek again at the cold and dampness of his fur. She sat up in a hurry before remembering her state of undress, tugging the blanket around her to hide her bare skin from Alistair’s gaze. His eyes seemed to flick away as he realized that he had been staring and he shifted slightly in his spot.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to…intrude.” He frowned a little and Evelyn felt a pang of guilt—no matter how easy it might be to mend their friendship she figured there would always be awkward moments that were unavoidable. Bruce barked beneath the sheets, startling her once more and she shook her head, waking herself up in the process.

“It’s okay.” She assured, though Alistair didn’t seem convinced. “Is it really snowing?”

Alistair hesitated before reaching up to ruffle his hair with his fingers, shaking loose a few intact snowflakes as he chuckled. “I took Bruce out for a walk this morning and it started snowing. He’s been excited to show you since then.”

Bruce shifted out from beneath the blankets and she found herself amused as her mabari ran out of her room again, barking at the front door. Alistair smirked, throwing a thumb over his shoulder as if proving his point. Evelyn felt a shiver run through her as the cold of the room met her body and again she reached to tug her blankets around her.

“I think I’d rather stay in bed, where it’s warm.” She mused. Alistair pulled an unimpressed expression.

“Is it  _really_?” His tone was a little  _too_  snarky and his grin faltered as he second-guessed his words, hand flying up to scratch at his temple before rubbing nervously at his neck. Evelyn offered her own uneasy smile as a certain kind of awkward silence fell between them, her mind racing to come up with  _anything_  to say.

“I—”  _Woof!_  Evelyn flinched a little at the loud bark that echoed from the living room, Alistair turning away from her as Bruce started up again. She shook her head in disbelief, unsure if her dog was trying to  _help_  or hinder their progress.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join us?” Alistair asked. Evelyn glanced up and chewed on her lip as she considered her options, though the way Alistair was slightly pouting was reminding her of simpler times. “Just for a little bit?”

She couldn’t resist his puppy-dog stare and her  _literal_  dog waiting at the front door. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Evelyn dressed quickly and warmly, bundling herself up in her pea coat and wrapping a thick scarf around her neck before leaving to meet Alistair below in the apartment plaza where most people walked their dogs. It was still relatively early and being so  _cold_  it wasn’t surprising to find it empty save for Alistair standing with Bruce jumping excitedly in the snow. The sight amused her though she was surprised to see such a thick layer of white already blanketed across the courtyard, a steady snowfall falling from the skies.

As she approached she shoved her hands into her pockets, shivering at the brisk wind that was hitting her face. She made the mental note to buy more gloves if this was how cold it was going to be the next few months. Bruce yapped at her as she drew closer, tugging on his leash that Alistair held loosely in one hand. She smiled at him, reaching down to pat her beloved dog on the head and she swore the mabari grinned up at her as he wagged his tail excitedly.

“Enjoying the snow?” She asked.

“Yes.” Alistair answered at the same time that Bruce barked his enthusiasm.

She laughed a little, eyeing Bruce as he glanced between Alistair and her. Suddenly she felt suspicious of her dog and with good reason—before either of them could realize what Bruce was doing he darted around them in a quick circle, tying the leash around Evelyn and Alistair’s legs, forcing them closer together before snapping his collar off and running away.

Evelyn could feel herself losing balance even as Alistair’s hands met her shoulders to try and steady her. The uneven snow made it impossible and soon they were both toppling over, Evelyn landing flat on her back with practically the full weight of Alistair pressing against her. It was more delightful than she had remembered and the thought had Evelyn’s mind filling with lewd thoughts she didn’t think she was capable of. She could feel her cheeks heating— _Maker_ —her whole  _body_  heating at the very immediate familiar feeling that radiated through her.

Evelyn didn’t move her hands from where they rested on his arms and for a moment she thought about holding him in place; that thought alone had her feeling even more embarrassed that she wasn’t necessarily  _mad_  at Bruce for making this happen. For a moment she wondered what  _Alistair_  must be thinking and dared herself to speak or to even make some sort of move. Before she knew it, however, Alistair had rolled off of her, his hands quick to reach down and free his ankles and calves from hers as he nervously laughed. She continued to lie there, staring up at the sky, blinking as snowflakes gathered on her face and lashes hoping that they would cool her down. Alistair shuffled to stand and she could still feel her heart racing. She closed her eyes— _Andraste preserve her_ —she was  _hopeless_.

“You’ll freeze if you stay like that.” Alistair’s voice rang out above her. Evelyn hesitated before fluttering open her eyes, blinking a few more times to shake loose the snowflakes that had gathered. He was smiling warmly at her though she could tell he was just as flustered by what had just happened.

“Maybe I find the ground comfortable?” Evelyn didn’t mean to be overly witty but Alistair’s grin only widened as he outstretched his hand to her, offering her help up.

She stared at it for a moment but it only took one shiver up her spine to propel her hand into his if only to avoid encasing herself in her own snowy grave. Alistair hoisted her up, his hand surprisingly warm in comparison to the weather surrounding them. With his other hand he brushed the snow off her shoulder and back before she found herself staring at Alistair with an uneasy smile. Since she returned there had been several moments like these—unspoken words where she was sure she could guess what Alistair was thinking but at the same time didn’t want to assume. The more they worked on mending their friendship the more her romantic feelings were starting to rise to the surface as well but she didn’t want to risk anything when there was so much at stake. Evelyn also wasn’t sure if Alistair was even still willing to entertain that notion. It wouldn’t be fair of her to come back to him after rejecting him expecting his feelings to still be as strong and it was what kept her up at night; wondering and hoping they could last until after the wedding to resolve their personal problems. She was glad that the event was close but it couldn’t come fast enough—any more moments like these and she was sure she would break.

Evelyn went to speak when she noticed Alistair was still holding her hand and the two glanced down at his fingers tightening around her own instead of letting go. She didn’t mind, though she knew she should have pulled away. She was going to do something very stupid. Alistair’s expression went blank as he leaned in a little and she felt her heart skip a beat, knowing that what they were about to do was nothing remotely what they had agreed to.

 _WOOF!_  Snow smacked both their faces and Evelyn flinched back in alarm, bringing both her hands to her face to wipe it away. She turned to find Bruce frantically digging a hole in the ground next to them, his paws kicking white flurries up at Alistair and her faster than the sky. Alistair was sputtering as he tried to combat the attack, shielding his face with his arms. Evelyn noted the way Bruce was aiming most of his snow at Alistair and a thought came over her, a sly smile pulling at her lips as she gathered some snow into her hands, compacting it quickly as Bruce paused his movements. Just as Alistair thought he had a reprieve she chucked the snowball, widening her eyes as it hit him square in the nose.

Almost out of instinct Bruce ran to hide behind her legs but she shooed him away as Alistair slowly stalked towards them—it was every man, woman and dog for themselves. “Oh, you’ll pay for that.”

Soon enough it was all out warfare, snowballs and snow flying across the courtyard as they chased one another, Bruce happily barking along with their laughter. The more time that passed the more stress she could feel melting away and for once she sensed the old  _‘Alieve_ ’ friendship. It was all so natural and freeing to laugh and listen to Alistair do the same and for a little while forget everything that had transpired between them in recent months—everything they had done to hurt each other.

It was Bruce who was the first to collapse into the snow, exhausted and panting, rolling onto his back as he continued to wag his tail into the snow. Evelyn was covered with little dusts of white and while she hated the cold she had enjoyed this little moment of fun, something all too rare in her life. She bent over breathless near Bruce, hands on her knees but still smiling as she scanned the field for Alistair only to yelp in surprise when he snuck up behind her, arms wiggling around her with fistfuls of snow in his hands.

“Do you surrender?” He asked and Evelyn playfully shrieked as she struggled to get away from him, nodding and accepting her defeat.

Alistair chuckled as he let her go and she whipped around to face him, smiling brightly even though he had technically won. Alistair’s expression softened a little as he observed her and she slowed her movements as she brushed the snow from her clothes and hair. “What?”

“I haven’t heard you laugh like that in…” Alistair’s gaze turned wistful as he trailed and the warmth before started to creep up her neck and cheeks as she tucked her hair back into place. “I love it when you smile, Evelyn.”

The use of her name and the word  _love_  had her heart in her throat and though she tried not to over react she could feel herself close to that breaking point once again. Alistair seemed content in the moment, however, so she forced herself to ignore the overwhelming need to topple him into the snow and perhaps kiss him for his words. Evelyn shook her head, heart racing even more and smiled even as her lips trembled a little bit. She glanced down at her watch for the time, at first needing a distraction from his intense gaze but then realized it was almost the afternoon—just how long had they been outside?

“We’ll have to start getting ready soon.” Evelyn mentioned and when Alistair seemed confused she could only laugh; it seemed he had forgotten as well. “The bachelorette and bachelor parties tonight?”

“Oh, right.” Alistair mumbled before clearing his throat awkwardly.

Evelyn didn’t want the moment to slip away from them, not when she felt so… _right_. Hesitantly she reached out, lifting her fingers up to brush away the snow that was still gathered along his temple, lingering along his brow before retreating.

“I’m glad I came outside.” Evelyn voiced and finally Alistair’s smile returned though much more bashful than before. It was far from where they were before but in a way Evelyn almost didn’t mind the new parts of their relationship as awkward as they could be at most times. All she had to do was remind herself of what they had decided— _friendship first_ —and that the rest would fall into place…eventually.

* * *

 Alistair spent a significant amount of time locked away in his room getting ready after they returned to the apartment and it wasn’t just for the sake of the special event that was Cullen’s bachelor party. His heart hadn’t stopped pounding against his rib cage since the exchange between Evelyn and him downstairs and he took a while to analyze every detail of their movements and conversation in his head, wondering if he was reading too much into it. If Alistair didn’t know any better, he could’ve sworn there were multiple chances for either of them to make a move and yet neither of them did. Was it for the sake of the friendship?

He still remembered the words Evelyn had told him when she first came home.  _Us_ —but what did that  _mean_? Alistair wanted to be optimistic, hold onto the hope that  _maybe_  Evelyn felt the same way as he did and that it just took her a little extra time. It wouldn’t surprise him if that were the case, considering how backwards their relationship had been from the start, romantically or otherwise. Alistair didn’t realize that unloading his heart to her would result in such a reaction but he couldn’t agonize over what was said and done, especially when it had been practically forgiven and perhaps forgotten. But not knowing for sure was still eating at him and her actions in the courtyard, or lack thereof, only made Alistair more confused.

At least he didn’t have to wait  _too_  long to find out with Cullen and Aurelie’s wedding fast approaching. The only problem was keeping focus until then and Alistair was sure it would be the hardest task he’d ever have to do. He reminded himself that it was worth it; that Evelyn’s friendship was too valuable to him to risk anything else before they had agreed. He was lucky in the first place to have a second chance at rebuilding that sacred trust before—he would not break it.

Evelyn’s laughter continued to echo in his mind while he got dressed for the evening; semi-formal for a night on the town in Denerim’s upscale bar district. Cullen was against the idea at first but even  _Aurelie_  thought he needed to loosen up and live a little. It would be mostly Alistair’s treat as best man, but luckily for him the group of guys Cullen had also invited from their college days had agreed to chip in. Alistair smiled to himself in the mirror as he fastened the last button of his shirt, trying to remember the last time he had paid so much attention to the way he was dressed. As almost an afterthought he popped the collar slightly, flashing himself a sideways grin before snatching the casual blazer from his closet.

He was sliding one arm through the garment as he stepped out from his room but froze as he watched Evelyn appearing from her room at the same time. Alistair tried not to look so dumbstruck as she turned towards him from across the apartment but it was hard to when he was sure he had  _never_  seen her in something so…

“It’s not  _too_  revealing is it?” Evelyn asked quietly.

Alistair swallowed hard as he tugged his blazer completely on, heartbeat echoing in his ears as they approached one another, converging at the kitchen island where their belongings were. He stared at the dress, speechless. It was dark green with thick straps that dared to fall off her pale shoulders a deep yet curvy  _v_ accentuating her cleavage. It nipped just a little at the waist but instead of flaring out like many of her other dresses, this one contorted to her body like a second skin, showing the exact shape of her hips and thighs. It was certainly something Evelyn wouldn’t wear any other night.

Alistair had to gulp down the fluttering feeling in his chest once more as Evelyn looked at him expectantly, her eyebrows knitting together a little as he remained silent. He fumbled a little bit and before he knew it; “Are you from the pizza place? Because you look Hot ‘n Ready.”

Evelyn’s expression faltered a little before she burst into laughter, hand rising to cover her mouth as the other reached out to playfully push at his shoulder. Alistair breathed a sigh of relief but it didn’t help the embarrassment he felt at how he still couldn’t  _think_  straight around her. But she was laughing and it was music to his ears.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.” Evelyn voiced as she calmed and Alistair froze as her hands reached out, adjusting his blazer before she quirked a brow, her fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. “Except you are  _not_  a frat boy in college—you never were.”

Alistair chuckled at her as she flatted it before taking a step back to admire her work. He glanced down at himself before reaching back up; opting to undo the top few buttons of his shirt for a more relaxed feel. When Evelyn pulled a confused look he only smirked before gathering his keys and wallet from the countertop. He would meet Cullen at his apartment and from there they would take a cab downtown to meet with the rest of the group and if he wanted to make it on time he needed to leave soon. Evelyn steadied herself against the counter as she slipped into her heels though when she wobbled Alistair couldn’t help but reach out to help her find balance.

“Are you going to be okay in those?” He asked but then frowned when he noted her stunned expression. Only then did he realize she hadn’t stumbled because of the shoes she was wearing but the sound that echoed through the apartment.  _Thunder_. Evelyn was a little shaky as she pulled away from him, securing her thicker coat around herself before grabbing her purse.

“If  _that’s_  not foreboding…” Evelyn mumbled. Alistair frowned a little and brushed his hand against her arm again, catching her attention.

“It’ll be alright.” He tried to encourage and Evelyn pushed a smile though he could tell she was still worried. They would be going off to different places and Evelyn hated driving alone  _especially_  when it was storming. He could only hope that she would try to have some fun and ignore the lingering fear and allow one of the girls in Aurelie’s party to take care of her when he was unable to. “Call me if you need me, okay? For anything.”

Evelyn nodded and after a moment she softly laughed to herself as she leaned a little into his touch. “Be safe then,  _Alibear_.”

“You do the same,  _Couscous_.”

* * *

The storm had Evelyn unsettled as long as it took her to arrive at the club and while there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind it was quickly forgotten as soon as she met up with Aurelie and the rest of her girlfriends. Leliana and Josephine were the few that she recognized but she tried to not let it stop her from being social and having fun—she owed Aurelie and perhaps Alistair that much so that they would not worry about her.

Evelyn could feel the pounding bass of the club’s music with every step she took though she was sure her senses had been heightened—or dulled, she couldn’t tell—by the amount of alcohol she had already ingested. It was liberating once she allowed herself the freedom to forget about her troubles, dancing with a much more intoxicated Aurelie and laughing about random subjects the other women would bring up. For the first time in a long time she felt at ease.

“This dress is  _so_ …” Aurelie didn’t finish her sentence right away as she paused to hiccup and Evelyn could only laugh as she hooked her friend’s arms around her neck as they danced in their own little circle on the club floor.

“Yours?” Evelyn asked over the music. Aurelie shook her head before making a pained face at her own action.

“ _Yours_.” She slurred a little and snapped one of Evelyn’s straps. Evelyn eyed her friend understanding in any other situation the woman wouldn’t be so brazen. But this was her bachelorette party and she was sure that her fiancé couldn’t be any less sober wherever  _he_  was. “I’m sure Alistair liked it too?”

Evelyn rolled her eyes though she couldn’t help the tingle that crept over her skin at the mention of it. The way he had stared at her—drank in the sight of her—she had never had a man look at her like that before and feel  _beautiful_  rather than a walking piece of meat. Aurelie wiggled her eyebrows when Evelyn took longer than expected to respond, her face flushing in embarrassment.

“I know that  _face_.” Aurelie teased and Evelyn sighed a little, silently warning her friend not to bring up anything  _too_  sensitive. Aurelie’s eyes shined in realization and she blinked heavily before leaning forward to rest her chin on Evelyn’s shoulder as they danced a little slower. “I just want the two of you to be  _happy_.”

“We are…” Evelyn responded though she hated the way it sounded hollow. She  _was_  happy but not completely. There was still a large part of her that was missing…something when it came to her relationship with Alistair and no matter how many times she thought about it she couldn’t deny her feelings any longer.

“Alistair loves you  _so_ much.” Aurelie snuggled her nose into the crook of Evelyn’s shoulder and she glanced down as the weight of her became a little more obvious. She was still listening, a little mortified by her unusual bluntness but was also growing concerned that she was moments away from passing out. Perhaps they had filled the bride-to-be with  _too_  much alcohol.

“I—I know.” Evelyn replied and smiled a little because  _Maker_  did she know. Alistair may have not said anything about it since she came back but she felt it radiating off of him in every stare, small touch and word he spoke. She felt her heart pounding—or was it the music? “I—I love him too.”

“You  _do_?” Aurelie was beaming as she pulled her head away in a sharp movement and Evelyn had to hold tight to Aurelie’s waist so she didn’t topple backwards. “Oh that’s  _great_  news.”

Evelyn frowned as Aurelie’s eyes drooped a little more, glancing around the dance floor for any of her other friends. Leliana was the first to notice, rushing over from her spot near the DJ booth. She helped Evelyn lean Aurelie against a nearby banister before laughing.

“She didn’t last very long.” Leliana didn’t even seem  _tipsy_  and Evelyn had to wonder how when she had drank just as much as everybody else. Aurelie shook her head in defiance and muttered incoherently. “I think you’ve had quite enough, Aurelie.”

Evelyn hated to admit it when she was having so much fun but she needed to make sure Aurelie’s safety and health came first. “I think I should take her home but…you girls should enjoy the rest of the night considering the booth was already paid for.”

“We’ll drink to you!” Leliana smiled brightly giving only the slightest hint of her intoxication. “ _For_  you too!”

Evelyn smirked a little before looping Aurelie’s arm around her neck, holding her close as she walked them from the bar. The bouncer gave them a strange look as they exited, one that had Evelyn shuffling as fast as her feet could take her to her car at the back of the lot.

“You—you should tell Alistair.” Aurelie mumbled as Evelyn half carried the woman to her car, though she wasn’t really certain she wanted to drive either of them home quite yet—not when she was still feeling a little inebriated herself. There were still storm clouds lingering above, and while it had yet to rain she could see lightning in the distance and the echoing of thunder wasn’t too far away.

“Tell him what?” Evelyn whispered as she settled Aurelie into the passenger seat, securing her carefully.

She grabbed both of their coats from the backseat, draping Aurelie’s over her lap before closing the door on her when she didn’t respond. Evelyn took the time to wrap her coat around her, shivering at the brisk cold that had already gotten to her bones. Quickly she walked around to the driver’s side pausing for a moment to dig for her phone and keys. She knew it wasn’t a  _huge_  emergency—she could sit with Aurelie for a while until she felt sober enough to drive…though it made her feel extremely guilty for a number of reasons. But Evelyn only trusted a handful of people to drive her and it included herself, her brother and  _Alistair_  who was currently on the other side of town. Still, she dialed his number as she slid into the driver’s seat only to find it went straight to voice mail.

“You should tell him you love him.” Aurelie mused as she shifted in her spot, leaning her head against the windowpane. “Is that who you’re calling?”

Evelyn rolled her eyes before starting the car to get the heater running before trying Alistair again—after all, he had said to do so if she needed him. When it went to his voicemail  _again_  she tried to justify it on the fact that he was probably having  _fun_  and that she shouldn’t see it as any sort of slight…though she couldn’t help but feel a little worried and a little upset that she would now have to take care of this situation herself. Evelyn exhaled sharply in annoyance then, reminding herself that she didn’t always have to rely on other people, even if it was somebody she thought she could trust. For good measure she dialed Cullen and while it rang there was no answer. As she hung up in the middle of his voice mail message Aurelie smiled brightly.

“That’s my… _almost_  husband.” She cooed and Evelyn took a moment to calm herself trying to focus on how much fun she had with her friend. “Oh  _Cullen_ …I’m marrying the best pussy eater in all of Thedas.”

Evelyn nearly choked on her breath, whipping her head in disbelief that she had even said something so outrageous. Before she could even come up with something in response, Aurelie’s head clunked against the window and within moments, soft snores were spilling from her lips. Evelyn was amused, content to sit and wait for a little bit until her phone buzzed in her hand. She didn’t recognize the number and while in any other circumstance she would have ignored it something in her gut told her to answer. Perhaps it was Alistair or Cullen calling from a different phone?

“Hello?” She glanced up at the night sky through the window as a soft trickle of rain started to fall, meeting the light layer of snow on the ground.

“Mrs. Theirin?” Evelyn widened her eyes at the unfamiliar voice— _who_  were they asking for. She didn’t respond, glancing at her phone screen for a moment trying to place the number. “ _Evelyn_  Theirin?”

“This—this is Evelyn.” She answered, though she was thoroughly confused. Before she could ask who was calling the voice called out again, sending her into a small trance as the weight of the words settled in her gut.

“This is Denerim Mercy Hospital—you’re listed as next of kin for one of our patients, Alistair Theirin.”

Evelyn rapidly blinked before closing her eyes as her heart began to flutter—she was sure it was going to burst out of her chest and she even placed her hand over it in a lame attempt to calm herself. “W— _what_? I don’t understand—”

The next words sent her spiraling.

“There’s been an accident.”


	13. Only You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mild violence. This chapter features art by froschkuss ! <3

Uptown Denerim was a place Alistair wasn’t familiar with—it was glitzy and far too upscale for his tastes, not to mention his wallet. Though when it came to deciding on a place good enough for a bachelor party that didn’t involve driving to Orlais, he figured it would be a good enough substitute. He wasn’t necessarily  _comfortable_  in the city either; there were a lot of uptight rich kids that Alistair recognized from grade school and college, which bordered on the embarrassing.  _What have you done lately, Alistair?_

Cullen didn’t seem to mind, however, and being that it was  _his_  night Alistair pushed his worries to the back of his mind and loosened up as best as he could. They bar-hopped down the main stretch until they found a decent place that had a booth large enough for their party that consisted of old and new faces. Zevran had joined in on the fun as well as a few mutual friends from college; Dorian and Bull, who Alistair was still a little intimidated by. He tried to keep his drinking to a minimum, remembering his promise to Evelyn to be available in case of emergencies. That changed when the others took notice and fairly quickly Alistair could feel himself losing track, the world around him getting hazier by the minute.

“What was that joke you told me?” Cullen asked— _yelled_ —over the booming music of the bar. Alistair blinked hard, not realizing he was being spoken to. Cullen laughed as he reached over to shake his shoulder. “You alright there Alistair? The best man can’t fall first!”

“The  _best man_  feels a little—” Alistair hiccupped, bringing his hand to his mouth to refrain from retching. He didn’t feel  _that_  sick but the burn of alcohol was stronger than usual in his gut. It didn’t help that the guys surrounding him only seemed to find it amusing.

“It’ll do a little good to drink yourself into a stupor.” Dorian teased and Alistair shook his head even as he lifted his glass to his lips, if only to wash the taste of bile from his mouth.

Zevran smirked at Alistair while shaking his head at Dorian. “I told him the same thing after Evelyn but he didn’t take my advice.”

“Hey now.” Alistair warned and the two went silent even though their expression were still very much telling of their opinions. Cullen shrugged as he regarded Alistair.

“They kind of have a point.” He started and Alistair groaned as he closed his eyes, tossing his head back so that it hit the back of the booth. “You need to forget about her for a little bit. Forget about the whole… _situation_.”

“These guys have it  _all_  wrong.” Bull interjected and Alistair whipped his head up.

“ _Thank you_!” He sighed in relief.

Bull only chuckled. “I say you just fuck her and get it over with!” He flashed a knowing grin. “ _Again_ , or so I hear.”

Alistair glared at the large man before deciding to down his drink in one large gulp. Much to his annoyance Zevran and Dorian cheered him on and Cullen only laughed as he patted him on the back, perhaps out of encouragement. Alistair frowned a little—he was starting to wonder how he ended up the butt of the joke when it was meant to be the night they roasted  _Cullen_.

“Maybe we should get more drinks for the table?” Cullen suggested and Alistair was going to protest until he realized that Cullen was trying to  _save_  him from more drunken taunting, even if he  _had_  contributed to it. Alistair scooted from his spot before standing, taking a moment to find his footing and hating the way his vision blurred for longer than normal. If Evelyn was to call…

“Hey, I’m sorry but—” Cullen’s voice cut into his thoughts as they walked towards the bar, finding an empty spot while they waited for the bartender. Alistair shook his head, contemplating what the guys had said.

“Joking aside, they are a  _little_  right.” Alistair mumbled. Cullen seemed a little amused but then again he had been wearing a smirk since he started drinking and Alistair wondered if it was the alcohol that was fueling this entire conversation. “We need our space or—or  _something_.”

“Right. Then who knows?” Cullen’s grin grew and Alistair shifted a little as a few more guys came to the bar, one brushing against him slightly. He ignored it though he did glance over his shoulder for a moment before looking back to Cullen. “Maybe you’ll end up like Aurelie and me and tie the knot.”

Alistair couldn’t help but smile at the thought. His naïve and drunken mind  _didn’t_ mind the mental image of Evelyn and him getting married and everything that followed. He continued to daydream for as long as it took the guy behind him to suddenly laugh out, leaning over into their conversation.

“Did you say  _Aurelie_?” He asked and Alistair blinked at Cullen as his expression darkened a little. “As in Trevelyan?”

Alistair turned a little and took a better look at the men at his side; sure that he recognized a few of them but they were people he and Cullen had  _never_  associated with. How would they know Aurelie, let alone them? Cullen didn’t really respond with anything except a low grumble.

“ _You_ married Aurelie Trevelyan?” The stranger laughed some more and Alistair wondered if he was just drunk, stupid or a combination of the two. Alistair could sense Cullen’s fury bubbling next to him and he very lightly shook his head even as the idiot continued talking. “What a shame. Would’ve liked to hit that once or twice before it went off the market.”

The sound that escaped Cullen was something close to a lion’s growl as he nearly leapt across the space towards the hecklers, Alistair barely able to hold him back from doing something stupid. “Let me at them, Alistair!”

“It’s not worth it!” He consoled. Cullen seemed to relax even though the group of drunkards continued to laugh.

“Wait?  _Alistair_?” A voice called and when Alistair turned to face the man he didn’t recognize him. He seemed to fit in with the high-rolling tightwads, however and he could only assume it was another forgotten face from his past. The man smirked as he glanced Alistair up and down. “You were talking about  _Evelyn_  as well, weren’t you?”

Alistair’s blood went cold as he stared at the man and he could feel Cullen tense at his side as well. Just who was this guy and how did he know Evelyn?

“Evelyn used to talk about you all the time. It was kind of annoying. One of the many reasons I dumped her ass.” The guy eyed him a little carefully as he stepped closer. Alistair felt his mind snap at the realization that this was the man that had broken Evelyn’s heart all those years ago in Highever; who had left her so vulnerable and afraid.

“Figured you’d become sloppy seconds.” His group laughed with him and Alistair felt Cullen clench his shoulder after he inched forward a little. The  _jerk_  only sneered. “Word of advice,  _Alibear_ —she’s not worth the effort.”

“Evelyn?  _She’s damaged goods_.”

Alistair didn’t even let the guy finish his sentence before swinging up his fist, catching him square in the nose. Practically the whole bar erupted into chaos after that and while Alistair felt particularly guilty for starting a brawl in a public place he wasn’t about to let Evelyn’s name get dragged through the dirt  _especially_  by the biggest  _ass_ he had ever had the displeasure of meeting.

“Can’t fight your own fight?” Alistair taunted as he noticed the jerk rushing away from the bar as he nursed his bloody and probably broken nose.

His ‘friends’ or  _goons_  remained as other patrons joined in, Alistair struggling to keep Cullen out of the fray so he wouldn’t wind up with an injury that would interfere with the wedding. Alistair noticed one of the larger opponents rushing towards Cullen and he thought fast, practically throwing himself in front of his friend and wincing as a fist hit his temple. He felt dizzy almost instantly and swayed before collapsing against the bar but that didn’t seem to be enough for his attacker.

“You break something of his?” They threatened and Alistair gulped to himself, wondering just how deep of trouble he had gotten himself into. Cullen was flagging down the bouncers to try and stop the scuffle but it was too late for  _him_. “We break something of  _yours_.”

Before Alistair could react he was lifted from the ground and yelped—wondering just how strong this other person could be to lift him—before he was slammed into bar. The was a deafening  _crack_  that echoed in his ear as his arm took the full weight of the impact and just as he expected when he tried to move his arm, pain shot straight up to his shoulder.

“Alistair!” He heard Cullen shouting for him but he couldn’t tell where from as his vision was even more blurry than before. The man continued to beat him while he was, for the most part, down. He knew he had made a mistake as the world started to slip away from him, and all he could remember was the promise he had made to Evelyn to stay safe—a promise he had now broken. Alistair only hoped Evelyn could find it in her heart to forgive him a second time.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 At first there was  _beeping_ —shrill, loud beeping that seemed to grow louder even as Alistair tried to ignore it and will himself to fall back into the darkness he had been in for who knows how long. Why was he sleeping to begin with? The last thing he remembered was having fun in uptown Denerim with Cullen, Zevran, Dorian and Bull and— _oh_

“Ugh…” Alistair groaned as he remembered everything else that followed and as pain radiated through practically his whole body.

“Oh good, you’re alive.”  _Cullen._

Alistair winced at the ringing in his ears before very carefully trying to open his eyes. Thankfully the room was dim, but even so he wondered why his vision was still hazy. He glanced to Cullen who was standing next to the bed with a slightly amused expression and it only took a few more moments for Alistair to realize they were in a hospital.

“You look like shit.” Alistair remarked motioning to the cut on Cullen’s upper lip; no doubt would it leave a scar. Otherwise he was roughed up but seemingly unharmed. Cullen laughed before hissing, reaching up to wipe at the blood with a pad of gauze.

“ _I_ look like shit?” Cullen shook his head and Alistair shifted uncomfortably as he took in his injured state. He was in a hospital gown, which was embarrassing to think about who had undressed him. His hands were covered with little bandages but the worst sight was the cast around his left forearm. “You— _they_ —fractured it. Nothing too major but you’ll be wearing that for a month or so.”

Cullen smirked a little as he motioned to the mirror that hung on the wall. “You should see  _your_  face. I don’t know what you were thinking, Alistair.”

“I wasn’t.” Alistair mumbled as he caught a glimpse of his reflection, though he couldn’t help but smile at the black eye that was forming and the various scrapes across his temple from hitting the bar. “Though I suppose it’s better  _me_  than  _you_.”

“What?” Cullen didn’t understand even as he studied the blood from his wound on the wipe. Alistair sighed as he relaxed as best he could back into the hospital bed.

“The groom can’t walk down the isle looking like  _this_.” Alistair explained.

Cullen chuckled for a moment as he pointed at Alistair. “But the best man can?” He hissed as he pressed at the injury on his face. “I think the nurse was right. I need stitches. Aurelie is going to kill me.”

Alistair’s breath caught in his throat at the mention of the girls. How long had he been unconscious? What  _time_  was it and—Alistair pat at himself before remembering he wasn’t in his clothes. Where were his belongings? He needed to call Evelyn and let her know what had happened, to let her know that he was okay. The last thing he needed was for her to wait up all night for him at the apartment, in the middle of a storm. He hoped she wouldn’t be  _too_  mad.

“Do you have your cell?” Alistair asked and Cullen seemed to wince in realization as he moved to pat at his back pocket. “You  _didn’t_  call Aurelie or Evelyn?”

“Not…yet?”   
  
Alistair didn’t know if he should laugh or be irritated but the whole event had been chaotic. Cullen pulled out his phone and began to dial, stepping out of the room as he did so, leaving the door ajar. Alistair leaned back, trying to relax but nothing seemed to work; couldn’t he get any pain medication? He sighed but closed his eyes and focused once again on the sounds around him. Beeping, which was annoying. Voices, which he knew were Cullen’s and nurses chatter. And then there were rushed footsteps that didn’t sound like doctor’s sneakers and more like…high heels?

“ _Cullen_?”

 _Evelyn_. Alistair snapped open his eyes at the sound of her panicked voice and leaned forward as the door practically slammed open, Evelyn rushing in with Cullen and what looked like a very drunken Aurelie following.

“A— _Alistair_?” Evelyn’s voice cracked and Alistair could see even in the darkened room her tear stained face and blood shot eyes.

It became even easier to see her expression as Cullen turned up the lights and closed the door behind him but it only confused Alistair, wondering why or how she was even there. Evelyn lifted both her hands to her mouth to choke back a sob and Alistair sat up a little more, his chest aching with a guilt he wasn’t sure of—did she know what had happened?

“Evelyn I—”

“ _Maker_ , what  _happened_?” Evelyn breathed, her eyes going a little wide as she stepped closer to him, her expression shifting from worry to anger. Alistair flinched back as her hand flew out, smacking him weakly in the chest a few times as she finally let a sob leave her, fresh tears trickling down her cheeks. “Do you even  _know_  what I—”

Alistair’s breath left him as he took in the sight of Evelyn completely—she was almost soaked to the bone with snow and rain from the storm that had undoubtedly settled over the night. Her coat was hanging open slightly and he could see that she was still dressed from what she had worn out to the bachelorette party. Her hair was tousled, makeup smeared and her bottom lip was raw; he had to guess from her nervously chewing on it.

“I—I don’t understand…” Alistair frowned, eyes scanning over her features as she wiped at her face, struggling to find composure.

Evelyn took in a shaky breath. “The hospital called me. Told me there had been an accident. I expected—I  _thought_ —”

Alistair understood immediately. Evelyn’s fears accumulating all at once. To be told somebody she cared about had been in an accident on a stormy night; the last time that had happened she had lost half of her family. His guilt suddenly became much larger and harder to swallow—this could’ve all been avoided.

“I’m…” Alistair shook his head, knowing an apology may not be what she wanted to hear. Still, he reached out as far as his good arm would stretch, fingers brushing against her wrist. “I’m so sorry, Evelyn.”

“How did the hospital know to call you?” Cullen asked and Alistair and Evelyn both turned to see a rather amusing sight, considering the mood that currently filled the room. Aurelie was practically straddling Cullen’s lap, a blissful look on her face as she dozed in his arms. Evelyn wrung her hands in front of her momentarily and Alistair noted the way her face had flushed with color.

“They said I was listed as an…emergency contact.” Evelyn eyes fell away from Alistair’s while he processed the information.

He watched her continue to twist her fingers against her chest, bottom lip wedged tightly between her teeth. Alistair knew the  _truth_  of the matter but could tell Evelyn was uncomfortable enough with the entire situation—he wasn’t about to embarrass her in front of Cullen and Aurelie, if she was even awake.

Alistair leaned forward again, desperate to try and comfort her regardless of the pain that was radiating throughout his body. Evelyn took notice and flinched away at first before reaching out to ease him back against the incline of the bed. He obliged, and tried not to look  _too_  pathetic as he gazed up at her but couldn’t help it as remorse pulled his lips into a frown. Evelyn was wearing a similar one, eyebrows lightly knitted together as she brushed her fingers across his brow.

“What happened?” Evelyn’s voice was barely a whisper, bottom lip trembling with the threat of fresh tears. Alistair struggled with telling her the  _entire_  truth, knowing it could very well possibly make matters worse.

“I stubbed my toe.” He spoke flatly, managing a weak smile at the way Evelyn’s expression flattened—she wasn’t expecting him to be sarcastic. Behind them Cullen cleared his throat and it was all the hinting Alistair needed to know that this wasn’t going to be easy to explain. Evelyn didn’t seem even the slightest amused by his remark, though she shifted closer to his bedside so she could continue moving her hand softly across his temple. With a groan, Alistair continued.

“It…was a bar fight.” He said in a breath and immediately Evelyn’s eyes went wide and her gentle petting of his head stopped.

“ _What_?”

“A bar fight.” Cullen reiterated, and Evelyn turned away from Alistair to listen to the other man. Alistair glanced to his friend, though it was hard to take him seriously with the passed out woman in his lap. “Some  _guys_  at the bar recognized us, recognized  _me_. Said something… _unmentionable_ …about Aurelie so I punched him.”

Alistair couldn’t believe Cullen was covering for him. Could this backfire? Evelyn didn’t need to know about him confronting the man who had broken her heart…did she? He wasn’t sure how to respond. Aurelie stirred a little before lifting her head up to stare at Cullen.

“How  _romantic_.” She slurred, turning her head a little to glance over at Alistair and Evelyn. “Did you hear that?”

“Is that true?” Evelyn asked, turning back to Alistair. He hoped his beat up face hid his inability to hide his tell when he was lying.

“Yep.” He responded quickly, pointing to his face. “I intervened. Did what any best man would do. Couldn’t let the groom get married looking like  _this_.”

Evelyn stared at him, scrutinizing his every word for a few moments as he nervously smiled. She still seemed unsure even as she nodded, eyes scanning across his body and injuries as if she was trying to piece together the whole story.

“Luckily all I have is this scar.” Cullen commented leaning back slightly when Aurelie blindly reached up to cup his face with her hand, though it sounded more like she had slapped him.

“It’s  _sexy_.”

“I think I need to get the  _future Mrs. Rutherford_  home.” Cullen suggested as he shook Aurelie awake enough to stand. At first Alistair was hesitant to be left alone with Evelyn without any form of support but he figured there was no real reason for Cullen to stay. Before Cullen could even move a nurse entered the room, pausing the doorway as she regarded the extra bodies in the small space.

“Visitors are restricted to family members  _only_.” Her tone was far more threatening than Alistair wanted to deal with. Cullen rolled his eyes as he helped Aurelie take a few steps.

“We were just leaving.” He muttered. Aurelie grinned back at Evelyn.

“You should tell Alistair—” Cullen hushed her before she could continue and they were soon gone from the room. The nurse looked at Evelyn expectantly and she shifted uncomfortably and looked as though she was about to follow before Alistair reached out for her hand.

“Have you met my wife?” He squeezed Evelyn’s fingers when he felt her hesitation and quickly she shifted to be closer to him, her expression softening a little. “Evelyn Theirin. I believe you called her?”

The nurse looked skeptical but she glanced through the chart in her hand before nodding. “That’s correct.”

“So…when can I go home?” Alistair asked as the nurse checked over his chart and his vitals. Evelyn was being patient with the whole act, returning to her earlier task of touching her fingers to his head. The nurse made an unimpressed shrug as she suddenly turned off his monitor.

“They were only waiting for you to wake up.” She explained and eyed his hospital gown. “So as soon as you get dressed, I’m sure Mrs. Theirin would be pleased to play nurse to you.”

Evelyn’s cheeks flushed with color at the name and Alistair tried to ignore the way it made his heart swell just the tiniest amount. The nurse finished unhooking him in silence but he suddenly couldn’t stop looking at Evelyn—he had a lot of apologizing to do. When the nurse left he made sure she stayed by his side and held her hand as he regarded her.

“I really am sorry, Evelyn.” He locked eyes with her, hating the bloodshot look of them when they were usually so vibrant. “For making you worry and putting you through all this.”

“You’re an idiot.” Evelyn suddenly deadpanned and Alistair honestly felt the sting in his heart before she softly smirked, reaching for the bag of his belongings the nurses had left on a nearby chair. “But I suppose you’re  _my_ idiot.”

Alistair felt a little relieved but knew there was still tension lingering between them as she helped him first sit up and then stand. He grabbed the bag from her as he made his way to the small bathroom in the corner of the hospital room albeit slowly as his legs were much shakier than he remembered.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Evelyn asked and Alistair shook his head confused by her bright blush when he realized the back end of his hospital gown was hanging open revealing his naked bottom. At least she seemed amused by his embarrassment as he quickly shuffled into the bathroom, dressing as quickly as his pained body would allow him. Alistair was struggling, but the last thing he wanted to admit to needing was help, especially from Evelyn when she had already done so much.  

When Alistair returned he found Evelyn fastening the tie of her coat before plucking her keys from one of the pockets. Silence fell around them as they left and Alistair’s chest ached with a guilt he never wanted to feel again for what he had put Evelyn through as they walked through the snow covered parking lot. At least it had stopped raining—but he supposed the damage had been done.

“Are you ok to drive?” Alistair asked before biting his tongue. Evelyn flashed him a bewildered look and frowned but ultimately said nothing, ignoring his idiotic outburst.

The drive home was even more awkward; all Alistair wanted to do was hold her hand or fill the silence with words or music but he knew it would only make matters worse. Evelyn hated driving to begin with and even if he meant well it wasn’t a good idea to distract her. He kept thinking about how bright her smile had been just a few hours before they left for their own parties, how her laugh had warmed him and reminded him of much he valued their friendship—of how much he  _loved_ her. Alistair wondered if all of this had erased what progress they had made.

He thought about telling her the truth about who he had run into at the bar but the words never found purchase on his tongue the entire trip and it only made the knot in his gut worse. What would Evelyn even think? Alistair was sure she wouldn’t be too pleased either way; not by his actions or by his choice to lie about what had occurred.

“Come on.” Evelyn ushered Alistair inside the apartment and it was only then that he realized he was dragging, his energy draining. Evelyn was locking the door as he hobbled towards his bedroom and just as he nearly toppled over her arms circled around his middle to keep him upright. “Just…a few more feet please.”

Alistair smiled a little at her teasing words as she struggled to support his weight, helping him into his bedroom and setting him carefully on the edge of his bed. Pain shot up his side and then through his arm at the movement and Evelyn must’ve caught the change in his expression because soon enough she was holding a look of concern, eyebrows knitted as her eyes scanned his face.

“How bad is it?” She asked as she leaned over him. Alistair pursed his lips in thought, thinking to defuse the situation with humor but decided against it as he shook his head.

“ _Bad_.” He winced as he moved his cast-bound arm before giving up completely, reaching up with his other hand to tug his blazer off his shoulders. Evelyn faltered at first before her hands covered his, offering a small smile as she took the garment from him the rest of the way. “You don’t have to.”

Evelyn’s gaze was hard to read in the darkened room but he was silenced by the return of the shine of her eyes. “I want to.”

Alistair was reluctant to allow Evelyn to help him undress, wondering if the intensity of the situation would lead somewhere it shouldn’t. However Evelyn seemed focused on the task at hand, slowly unbuttoning his shirt before pushing it from his shoulders as gently as she could.  She paused, eyes scanning over his naked chest as her fingers tightened around the fabric in her hands. Alistair followed her gaze to see several bruises already forming along his left side.

“Was Cullen telling the truth?” Evelyn asked carefully. Alistair felt  _more_  than strange with her standing in front of him as he sat half naked on his bed. He shifted his feet a little, reaching down to untie his boots as best he could. Evelyn crouched down to help him and he couldn’t help but blush at the way their fingers brushed together.

“A few guys I recognized from college overheard us talking about Aurelie and said something only a drunken idiot would.” Alistair explained as Evelyn removed his socks, tucking them away with his boots behind her.

He scooted to the edge of the bed, fumbling for a moment with his belt before Evelyn’s hands joined his again to help him shift out of his jeans. He took a sharp breath in at the strange intimacy of it all—the fact Evelyn was still willing to care for him even with all that he had done. Alistair could feel his whole body warming under her careful stare when he was left in just his boxers and thought about pulling the sheets over himself to hide his embarrassment.

Evelyn handed him one of his sleep shirts from his dresser and he clutched it in his hands as he stared up at her. “I stopped Cullen before he could start anything.”

“I thought…Cullen said that—” Evelyn knitted her brows together in mild confusion. “Then how did  _this_ …?”

Alistair held his breath for a moment as he searched her face and then swallowed hard. “Another… _guy_  recognized me—I didn’t know  _him_ —not at first, not until he started talking...” He gulped down the persistent tightness in his throat as Evelyn continued to stare at him with a bewildered expression. “About  _you_.”

“Me?” Evelyn arched up a brow, her eyes falling away as she tried to process what he was trying to say.

“He knew who I was…because he knew you. From college.” Alistair almost stopped when he saw Evelyn’s jaw clench. Her gaze lifted back up to his and he sighed frowning as he shook his head with remorse. “He started talking and—”

“Stop.” Evelyn choked out, her voice shaky and on the verge of tears. Alistair clamped his mouth shut and waited. She glanced over him, focusing on his injuries as she pressed her fingers to her eyes to stem the flow. A sharp breathy laugh suddenly fell from her lips. “I can  _guess_  what he might’ve had to say.”

Alistair could sense the cynicism in her tone but still offered a small smile. “I wouldn’t have started a bar fight under any other circumstances.”

“I believe you.” Evelyn took in a large breath to steady herself, her hand hesitantly reaching out for his good one.

He tried not to grab it  _too_  eagerly but found her squeezing his fingers tightly as she softly smiled. Alistair could still see the traces of her worry and exhaustion from the nights events etched into her features. He still felt the urge to comfort her—to make up for all the chaos he had put her through that night. Alistair wanted to make sure that their friendship was still intact and that his decision hadn’t been in vain.  

He couldn’t stop himself from asking. “Will you stay with me?”

Evelyn’s eyebrows twitched up in alarm and her fingers tightened around his before she very faintly frowned. It was all Alistair needed to understand that he had pushed passed what was acceptable behavior for their relationship. He guiltily took his hand away from hers and fumbled with his t-shirt a little, trying not to look too dejected. Evelyn sighed, her hand lifting to brush against the side of his face before she leaned closer.

“Please get some rest, Alistair.” She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and he closed his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t say something ridiculous in an effort to make her stay. He understood that Evelyn needed her space. She pulled away from him though her fingers lingered against his cheek and he leaned into her touch to savor it. “It’s been a long night.”

Alistair listened to her leave, his bedroom door closing behind her with a soft click before he opened his eyes. His heart felt heavy—he was still so unsure of where they stood after today’s events and it was eating him up from the inside out. Alistair struggled to get himself under his own sheets and even then found no comfort in his own bed; sleep was most likely out of the question. What he wanted was just out of reach and now he had a much more physical pain to match the mental exhaustion he had been feeling the past several months. Alistair wanted to heed Evelyn’s words—he wanted to rest—but when he closed his eyes all he could see was  _her_  grief-stricken face when she had arrived in the hospital. He wasn’t sure what hurt more; his fractured arm or the fact he couldn’t comfort her. Either way, at least for tonight, he was alone.

 

 

 

* * *

Evelyn watched the slow snowfall through her window for what seemed like hours as she struggled to fall asleep. Bruce was snuggled close to her beneath the blankets, though even  _his_  companionship couldn’t keep her from feeling lonely. Her chest felt heavy with every breath, mind swirling with doubts and confusion about what the night had put her through. For starters, Evelyn felt guilty for driving in the rain, partly intoxicated—her parents would be ashamed. She was angry with Alistair for starting a fight but a part of her was also…thankful that he had stood up for her. There was another strange paranoid side of her that was still worried that there was something wrong and putting distance between the two of them was the last thing she should be doing.

The more Evelyn uncovered about her feelings for Alistair didn’t help the situation either. She did… _love_  him, but she was still so afraid to admit it to him and tonight had set a fire underneath her in more ways than one. When she received that call regret had filled her for not saying anything earlier in case something terrible really had happened. When she saw that Alistair was  _mostly_  alive and well she felt the urge to say it again, not wanting to take anything in their relationship for granted. But she didn’t and she berated herself for it—why was she forcing herself to wait like they had agreed? What was she so afraid of?

Before she could change her mind she pushed herself out of bed and contemplated bringing her blanket with her for warmth when she realized that would involve waking Bruce up. Evelyn walked quietly across the apartment to Alistair’s door before pausing, suddenly questioning what she was doing—was she simply checking up on him or more? With a deep breath she entered his room, tiptoeing towards his bed to avoid waking him up. She frowned when she noticed he was on his  _bad_  side with his back towards her, his cast-wrapped arm hooked beneath his pillow as he softly snored. Evelyn felt even worse at the sight of his t-shirt left at the foot of the bed; she was foolish to think he was able to put it on himself.

Evelyn sighed as she leaned over him, meaning to tug the covers up so he wouldn’t freeze while he slept. It was then when the urge to lie down beside him came over her and she could feel her whole body warm over.  _This_ was why she had left when he had asked her to stay. She wanted to, for a number of reasons—to make sure he was safe, to give herself comfort and to make sure he knew she cared in some small show of affection. Hesitantly she pulled back the sheets instead, giving herself enough room before very carefully slipping beneath them.

“Hmm?” Alistair reacted almost immediately to the shift in the mattress and Evelyn pressed a hand to his back to prevent him from turning around to face her. “Evelyn?”

She pulled the sheets around them as she settled next to him but kept a small distance between them, for a multitude of reasons. “I—I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me either.” Alistair shifted a little. “Not…well, at least.”

Evelyn traced her hand along his back, pressing along the line of his shoulder blade as she thought about what she wanted to say. Her mind was cloudy, heart racing and she was sure she had never felt so unsure in her life—but why? “You scared me tonight.”

“I know.” Alistair answered in a breath. Evelyn lightly clenched her fingers, lifting her other hand so it rested against his lower back.

“I was so  _worried_ , Alistair.” She had to pause when her voice shook. Evelyn didn’t want to break down into another fit of tears; especially  _now_. “I thought something terrible had happened and that I—” She stopped herself short. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

Alistair tensed next to her, craning his head as much as he could to try and look back at her. “I’m so sorry, Evelyn, truly.” His tone was desperate. “I wasn’t thinking. I just  _acted_. When that…that  _ass_  started saying all those terrible things I let my emotions get in the way. You know that I lo—”

Alistair’s words broke off and his body trembled slightly. Evelyn already knew what he was going to say and a small part of her almost wanted to hear it again even if it was selfish of her to think so. Silence fell between them when she couldn’t think of a proper response, though she supposed they had both said enough on  _that_  subject. She leaned forward a little, pressing her forehead against where her hand was.

“Why…why did the hospital call me?” She closed her eyes, focusing on the way she had missed the warmth and comfort of his bed. “They called me Evelyn  _Theirin_.”

“You’re my emergency contact in case of emergencies…my  _wife_  because...” Alistair let out a nervous chuckle. “You care for me, Evelyn…More than I deserve and in a lot of ways the only family I have left.”

Evelyn chewed on her bottom lip in thought; she understood where Alistair was coming from and was overall touched by the idea. She hooked her arm loosely around his middle, shifting herself a little closer. Alistair moved his arm over hers, his hand finding hers before he threaded their fingers together.

“When I got my security job I had to list you in case anything bad happened to me.” Alistair lifted their hands to his mouth and she softly sighed as he brushed his lips over her knuckles. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

Evelyn didn’t reply and instead of an awkward silence, a calmer quiet filled the room and she focused on the way Alistair’s breathing and heartbeat was evening out. He was falling asleep, and perhaps so should she.

“I’m an idiot for thinking I could sleep on my arm like this.” Alistair suddenly remarked and Evelyn felt herself grow a little anxious as he resituated himself, slowly turning over so he was now facing her. He kept his distance at first. “Is this okay?”

She scanned over his face, her heart racing at their close proximity and yet she couldn’t will herself to scoot away. Evelyn nodded and the two carefully readjusted themselves; she rested her hands against his chest at first, head on the pillow near his so she could observe his features. Alistair softly smiled before tucking his fractured arm around her middle, bringing their bodies just a fraction closer together.

Alistair was the first to doze off, his eyelids drooping with every blink even as he tried to keep them open to stare at her. Evelyn tried not to blush at his actions, even though she was doing the same thing to him. She lifted one of her hands to his cheek, brushing her fingers along his jaw before gently pushing through the hair along his temple. He sleepily smiled, his hand on her back tracing a lazy line down her spine that almost made her shiver.

“What…” Alistair turned his head to yawn into the pillow and kept his eyes closed. “What did Aurelie want you to tell me?”

Evelyn felt her breath hitch as Alistair’s question triggered her mind rattle off an immediate response and she had to bite her tongue to avoid immediately shouting it out to him. Her silence didn’t seem to affect Alistair, however, as he had quickly fallen asleep almost as soon as the words fell from his lips and Evelyn couldn’t help but smile at the situation. Her heart continued to pound in her ears she snuggled closer, pressing a soft kiss to Alistair’s cheek before resting her head against his shoulder as she closed her eyes. Evelyn didn’t want to wait anymore.

“I love you, Alistair.”


	14. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter-scene- that didn't fit well with any other content but didn't feel right being filed away with in "All Your Affection". Enjoy this extra chapter before the last four!

When Alistair awoke the next morning, the events of the previous night made him think it was all part of some strange dream. Reality came crashing down upon him when all too quickly the pain of his injuries kept him from getting any more sleep. He tried pulling his pillow closer to his body when he remembered that it wasn’t a  _pillow_  but a  _person_. Alistair fluttered open his eyes, smiling softly to himself at the sight of Evelyn—she had stayed with him the entire night.

It was comforting to him even though he still felt immensely guilty for all that he had put her through the previous night. The fact that Evelyn was still willing to care for him even after he had done something so  _stupid_ made him feel a little more confident that their relationship wouldn’t be too affected by this situation. Alistair watched her sleep through hazy eyes, wondering if it would be acceptable to just sleep for the rest of the morning. If she were to be by his side, he didn’t want to leave the bed at all.

A small distance had formed between them as they slept, though Alistair’s cast-bound arm was still wrapped loosely around her waist. The pain that jolted through his body was worth it as he scooted closer, just wanting to be near Evelyn for as long as he could. He knew that this was probably a one-time event and that she wouldn’t be sharing his bed anytime in the foreseeable future. Even if their relationship was mending, they weren’t in any type of situation that allowed them to slip back into the comfort that their friendship once was.

The moment her hands made contact with his bare chest he nearly yelped out in surprise at how cold her skin was, pulling his other hand between them to cup her fingers between his own. It was only then that he noticed a slight tremble on her lips as she breathed and when he pulled her closer with his other arm a shiver rolled through her entire body.

“A—Alistair?” Evelyn’s eyes opened briefly as she trembled and Alistair frowned at the panic that was reflected in her expression. Her gaze darted frantically across his face for a moment before she shifted her body closer, relaxing slightly even as she continued to shake.

Alistair held her close, wrapping both of his arms around her body to keep her wedged against his chest. Evelyn’s head pressed into the crook of his shoulder, and Alistair tried to ignore the way her lips brushed against his throat as she sought out his warmth. He laced their legs together, wincing at the coldness of her toes as they touched his feet.

“Maker Evelyn, you’re freezing.” Alistair ran his hand along her back as best he could, trying to generate some heat so she would stop trembling.

He didn’t understand why she woke up this way when they had fallen asleep tangled together with the blankets tight around them. Then it hit him, bringing back all the guilt he had been trying to push away since the night before—Evelyn was most likely sick from all the running around she had done the previous night. After all, when she had first arrived in the hospital she had been soaked to the bone with rain and snow and had remained that way until they returned to the apartment hours later.

Alistair tightened his arms around her, pressing a kiss against her temple before resting his head against hers. “I’m so sorry.”

“S—okay.” Evelyn mumbled against him, curling her body in an attempt to get closer.

Alistair smiled a little at her stubbornness and continued to rub small circles down her back even as pain radiated through his fractured arm. At this point  _her_ comfort mattered more than his, especially since it was his fault for her being sick.

“It’s not.” Alistair contended, holding back his grunt of discomfort as she pressed against the bruises along his side. He needed to make this situation better somehow—needed to make it up to her. He pulled away slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of her face. Evelyn protested his movement, her hands weakly trying to keep him close.

“Where are you going?” Her voice was quiet, and as he leaned back to glance down at her he still found her lips trembling with a shiver. Evelyn’s eyes were hazy with sleep and yet still a vibrant shade of green, giving him pause as he brushed lose strands of her hair from her brow.

“You took care of me.” Alistair smiled as he eased himself out of her embrace, even though he it was tempting to stay a while longer. “It’s my turn to take care of  _you_.”

Evelyn seemed confused as Alistair pushed himself out of the bed—not without struggling at finding the strength to do so first. He made sure to tuck in the blankets around her, grabbing another spare blanket from atop his dresser and spreading it out as best he could. She flashed a weak smile at his efforts though when she went to speak Alistair held up his hand in protest.

“I’ll be  _right_  back.” He assured.

Alistair grabbed his house robe as he left his room, feeling a little cold himself as he walked out into living room of the apartment. It took him a few tries to get it on but the task became easier as he reminded himself that he could rest  _after_  Evelyn was feeling better. First, he made sure the heater was turned on, not caring about the extra electricity bill expense. After he heard it kick on he shuffled towards the kitchen, set on making her a good meal—or at least something that would make her warm.

It took Alistair a little longer than he wanted to gather all of the ingredients and necessary silverware with his injuries. He decided to save himself time and to avoid burning the house down he heated the soup up in the microwave. The  _main_ meal, however, was a different story as he stood over the stove he began feeling more and more unsure of this plan to make Evelyn feel better. Even though Alistair had made  _thousands_  of grilled cheeses in the past he was ashamed of the small burn marks along the edges of the bread as he struggled to flip the sandwich onto a plate.

When Alistair situated the food on the tray he felt disappointed in his lack of culinary skills but hoped that his efforts were enough to show that he had tried. He steadied the tray is his arms, taking careful steps back towards his bedroom as to not drop it. In his bedroom Evelyn was right where he left her, albeit a little more awake and alert to her surroundings. He flashed a large grin at her as she eyed the tray of food.

“Oh, Alistair. You didn’t—”

“Hush now.” Alistair placed the tray on the nightstand before turning his attention towards her. “I wanted to.”

Evelyn bashfully smiled and Alistair slowly pulled the blankets away to help her sit up and lean against the pillows along the headboard. He leaned over her, fluffing the pillows around her until her soft laugh made him falter and glance down to find a small blush on her cheeks. Their close proximity had him feeling warm in the face as well and he copied her with a nervous laugh of his own.

“Comfortable?” He asked. Evelyn nodded and he sat on the edge of the bed, facing her as he brought the tray between them, resting it on her lap. “I hope this is okay.”

Evelyn was giggling again as she regarded him and the meal before her. “Isn’t it typically chicken noodle soup for the sick?”

“Not in  _this_  house.” Alistair scoffed. “You get  _cheesies_  and tomato soup.” He explained before giving a little shrug. “Especially when anything else would have burnt down the kitchen.”

“Point taken.” Evelyn teased. Alistair noted the way her hands were still trembling from the cold and grabbed the spoon from her with a soft smile.

He gathered a large amount of soup on the spoon before lifting it, cupping his hand beneath it to catch any stray drips as he led the spoon towards her mouth. She breathed a small laugh before accepting the gesture, her eyes closing as she hummed her approval at the warm soup. Alistair didn’t think his face could get any hotter.

“I think I can feed myself.” Evelyn remarked and Alistair nodded, letting her take the spoon from him as he simply sat and watched.

For once it was a comfortable silence between them and Alistair was thankful given the circumstances—it could be  _much_ worse. He idly played with the bandages on his right hand, flexing his fingers until he realized it hurt too much to do so. It was foolish of him to have ever gotten out of bed in his condition but for Evelyn, he was willing to break every bone in his body as long as she was happy.

“How do you feel?” Her voice was soft and Alistair lifted his eyes to hers to find her glancing over the injuries that were more apparent with the morning light spilling through his window. He shrugged a little before smirking as she offered him the last few bites of the sandwich—something he  _couldn’t_ pass up.

“I wish cheese made everything better.” Alistair joked as he chewed. Evelyn smiled at that as she relaxed against the pillows, pausing to sniffle a little bit into a napkin. “I’m still a little tender.”

Alistair moved the tray from her lap back to the nightstand but before he could move to tuck Evelyn back under his covers she was shifting, pushing back the blankets and patting the empty space next to her for him to lay next to her once more.

“You should rest, Alistair.” Evelyn explained as she settled against the pillows, a yawn escaping her as her eyes dropped slightly. “We both should.”

Alistair felt his chest tighten slightly and it took him a few moments to slip under the sheets next to her, biting back his frustration as to not concern her any further. He faltered anyways, his arm giving out and prompting him to practically crash into the mattress, emitting a low grumble as his side radiated with pain. Evelyn pushed herself up onto her elbow and worry set into her expression as she leaned over him.

“You overdid it.” She chastised. Alistair winced a little as he adjusted himself on his back, resting his head against the propped up pillows before glancing at her.

“It was worth it.” He reasoned, smiling even as Evelyn’s expression maintained a sense of apprehension. “As long as you feel better.”

“I’ll be fine.” Evelyn argued and finally her features softened as she sighed. Alistair lifted his arms away from his torso, silently beckoning her to lie against him. She was hesitant at first but slowly lowered herself, resting her head on his chest while keeping the rest of her body weight off of him. “I’m still going to worry about you.”

Alistair was about to protest when her head turned slightly, lips pressing against his sternum in a soft kiss before Evelyn rested her hand there, right over his heart. The action calmed him even as it set his skin aflame and he hoped she couldn’t hear just how fast his heart was pounding against his ribs.

He nervously laughed. “That…felt nice.”

Evelyn perked her head up a fraction and he felt his pulse increase even more at the way her eyes shined up at him. She shifted a little, leaning up but keeping her body close. “Where else does it hurt?”

“Hmm?” Alistair felt a  _meep_  get stuck in his throat and he swallowed hard as he felt his face flush with color, even more when she flashed a tiny smile.

What was happening? Was he still dreaming? Or was Evelyn sicker than he realized and stuck in some delusion where she didn’t think that any of this wasn’t inappropriate? He blinked hard, ignoring the pessimistic thoughts and instead focused on the teasing tone of Evelyn’s question. He slowly pointed to his right hand where the smaller bandages were covering up the busted knuckles he had received after punching  _that ass_  at the bar. Evelyn lifted his hand between them and Alistair watched her with curious eyes as she pressed another gentle kiss over his fingers and wrist before setting his hand down where it had been before.

“Anywhere else?” She whispered and Alistair steadied his breathing as he bit the inside of his cheek in thought. How far would this go?

He nervously pointed to his forehead. “Here?”

Evelyn breathed a soft laugh before leaning up and Alistair closed his eyes at the warmness of her lips against his skin. This wasn’t right—this went against everything they had promised each other wouldn’t happen before they talked about  _whatever_  was happening between them and yet he didn’t want Evelyn to stop. Alistair lifted his arm to hold her loosely against him while he used his other to point to his cheek, right below where he knew the bruise of his black eye was forming. Evelyn’s breath caused gooseflesh to sprout along his skin as she hovered over the spot a moment and Alistair peeked open his eyes just in time to find her pressing a gentler kiss there. Her eyes locked with his after that as she stayed  _close_  and Alistair took in a deep breath before he hesitantly pointed to his lips.

Evelyn’s eyes widened a little and Alistair frowned a little at his stupidity—he had been naïve to think that Evelyn would indulge him in their flirtatious game and tried not to grow too frustrated at their situation. His chest ached with the familiar pang of rejection, wondering why he had to have fallen in love with his best friend.

Alistair softly, nervously chuckled as he glanced away from her. “I— _sorry_ , I was only joking—”

Evelyn cut him off swiftly, her head dipping down and her lips pressing against his before he had a chance to realize what was happening. It was far too soft, far too chaste and over before Alistair could reach up to keep her in place against him. He had closed his eyes, trying to savor the moment all while cursing himself for not paying attention. It took him a few moments to open them again, finding Evelyn regarding him with a bashful smile. The longer they stared at each other in silence the more he could feel his face heating and he wondered if he should say anything.

“We should…” Evelyn trailed a little as she shifted to rest against him again, her body warmer than before as she settled against his chest. Alistair glanced down at the top of her head as he adjusted his arms around her, deciding that saying something would most likely backfire—just as it had in the past. Right now he was content with…whatever this moment was between them.

“Rest.” Alistair yawned as he agreed.

As long as the next month leading up to the wedding would be this calm Alistair could push aside his feelings just as he had been doing before. He didn’t want to read into Evelyn’s kiss  _too_  much but it still left him hopeful for what her true feelings might be. Alistair just hoped he could make it until after the wedding to find out if they were the same as his.   


	15. Friends, Lovers or Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by feylen!!! <3

It was the week of Wintersend and with that Cullen and Aurelie’s wedding was now days away and as the date approached Evelyn could feel the unresolved tension between Alistair and her rising to unbearable heights. The past month had them both walking the fine line of friendship with Evelyn caring for Alistair as he recovered from his injuries sustained in the bar fight. More than once she had found herself falling asleep in his bed, unsure if she was there to comfort  _him_  or herself. Some days she wondered if it would be easier to just admit what she was feeling but a large part of her was still frightened of the consequences. While she was  _mostly_ sure Alistair still loved her, a nagging part of her brain wondered if she had made a mistake by suggesting they  _wait_  to broach the subject. What if he didn’t feel the same way any longer when it came time to talk?

Her time spent away from the apartment at work hardly distracted her from her worries and almost every day she would have to pull herself from some wishful thinking fantasy where her life wasn’t so complicated. Evelyn didn’t know if she was ready to face the reality of the situation after the wedding but knew they couldn’t continue the circling around each other either. She had rejected Alistair in the past and was still living with the regret—it only seemed fair that now  _she_ was the one who was going to get hurt.

Evelyn hid her doubts from Alistair, however, since his mood had increased even while dealing with his injuries. The personality she had remembered from before—the one she had fallen for—returned stronger than ever. Much of her time spent with him was in laughter and from the outside looking in one would never know there was something wrong with their relationship. Evelyn cherished those moments the most, wondering very faintly if they would be the last ones she would share with him before their friendship undoubtedly fell apart again.

“You are moping.”

Evelyn blinked, shaking away her thoughts and suddenly realized she had zoned out at work yet again. It took her a moment to figure out where the voice was coming from and whom it belonged to, swiveling in her chair to find Aurelie leaning over the desk. She held a very curious stare and Evelyn frowned a little at her intrusion—what was Aurelie doing here? Evelyn had not expected to see Aurelie until later that night at the wedding rehearsal and dinner. Her presence made Evelyn a little nervous.

“I wasn’t…” Evelyn trailed off, knowing her expression was probably a  _little_ melancholy. Before she could say anything else another person coming towards her desk caught her eye, pulling her attention away from Aurelie.

“Are you…?” The man was holding a large bouquet of red roses and the sight had both women exchanging surprised glances. Evelyn felt her emotions bubble over as the deliveryman inspected the card. “Mrs. Theirin?”

Evelyn’s face heated over in embarrassment as Aurelie’s grin widened. She fumbled over an accurate response as the flower-man stood awkwardly next to Aurelie before finally the other woman plucked the vase from his hands.

“She is!” Aurelie answered and Evelyn widened her eyes, mortified by what was happening. Aurelie sat the vase down on the desk and the man left, leaving Evelyn to her fate of being  _teased_  over whatever this gift was. Aurelie’s eyebrows wiggled suggestively and Evelyn looked away from her friend, focusing on the large display of flowers that were now taking up much of her workspace.

“Don’t.” Evelyn warned though she figured Aurelie would continue with whatever she was doing.

As much as she loved the friendship she had with Aurelie, it wasn’t very long before she realized that she and Cullen were perhaps the  _worst_ when it came to giving Alistair and her the space they needed to resolve their issues. She understood their  _pushing_  came from a place of love but still—why did her friends have to be so intrusive?

“I just wanted to check up on you and see how  _things_  were going.” Aurelie offered a small smile. Her smirk from before was quick to return, however, and Evelyn almost rolled her eyes into the back of her skull. “But it seems this answers  _all_  my questions.”

When Evelyn didn’t respond, Aurelie leaned into her field of vision, head peeking over the bouquet of flowers. “They’re from Alistair, right?”

“They—they might not be from…” Evelyn felt her mouth fall agape as she struggled for a response. She fumbled with the small envelope to read the card before feeling her face flush with heat all over again at the words inside.

 _To my ‘wife’—for helping a broken man become whole again._ It was clearly Alistair’s handwriting and Evelyn smiled briefly at the tinier handwriting below the first sentence.  _And for hand feeding me cheese cubes._

Aurelie snatched the note from her hands much to Evelyn’s displeasure. Her expression lit up even more as Aurelie quickly read it and Evelyn wanted to sink under her desk to hide. Why couldn’t she have gotten the roses when she was by herself? She would’ve lost herself in another one of her fantasies where Alistair delivered a fresh bouquet every week with a card that read  _I love you, Evelyn_.

“When did you two… _make up_?” Aurelie’s tone was full of excitement and for a brief moment Evelyn felt reality crashing around her as she realized this was just another one of Alistair’s kind gestures and nothing for her to read into.

“We haven’t  _made up_.” Evelyn assured with a frown and Aurelie finally seemed to relax. “Not in  _that_  sense, at least.”

“Oh.” Aurelie seemed unsure of what to say and Evelyn didn’t blame her. This entire situation had dragged on long enough and had unwittingly involved people that didn’t deserve to be roped into her and Alistair’s personal problems. “But  _things_ are okay, right?”

Evelyn glanced at Aurelie’s hopeful smile and she sighed, unable to resist telling the truth, even if it worried her friend. “We’re working on it.”

“What does that mean?” Aurelie stubbornly asked. “You should’ve seen your face when you read that note, Evelyn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so  _happy_.” Her friend exhaled in a quick puff of frustration. “I don’t understand why the two of you haven’t just—”

“We’re waiting.” Evelyn suddenly cut off Aurelie and widened her eyes in disbelief at herself for revealing that information. It wasn’t necessarily  _secret_  but it was something she wanted to keep between Alistair and herself.  When Aurelie raised a curious eyebrow Evelyn knew she had to elaborate. “We’re waiting until after the wedding to… _talk_.”

“About…?” Aurelie asked when Evelyn fell silent for a few long moments. With a long exhale Evelyn organized her thoughts and steadied her racing heart to the best of her abilities.

“Whatever is happening to our friendship—to our relationship.” Evelyn still felt so nervous admitting it. “Talk about  _us_  and the fact that we…fell in love with each other.”

For once it seemed that Aurelie had nothing to say, her expression hard to read at first as she silently processed what Evelyn had told her. Evelyn continued to stare at the flowers and absentmindedly brushed her fingers over a few petals as she thought about the truth—that she had fallen in love with Alistair, her best friend. Admitting it still wasn’t easy for her but she had come to terms with the feelings, knowing she couldn’t ignore them any longer. It had happened so suddenly but once Evelyn was faced with those emotions she had to wonder what had prevented her from acknowledging them  _years_ ago.

“You and Cullen…” Evelyn swallowed nervously as she glanced back at Aurelie. “Was it this difficult for the two of you?”

Aurelie frowned a little as her fingers toyed nervously with a few pens that were on Evelyn’s desk. “Not…particularly.”

“But that doesn’t mean we haven’t struggled to get where we are.” Aurelie added quickly when Evelyn slumped a little. “Did you know  _I_ was the first one to say the big ‘I love you’?”

“No.” Evelyn answered, wondering where Aurelie was going with her conversation.

“Well I was. I didn’t want to have any doubts or regrets about not saying it when I was ready to.” Aurelie’s smile softened as she reflected on her relationship. “I was terrified and nervous and thinking it would backfire but I still took that risk—”

“It certainly paid off.” Evelyn remarked while Aurelie nodded. “I don’t think I’m as brave as you are.”

“The wedding rehearsal is tonight.” Aurelie suddenly reminded Evelyn. “The  _wedding_  is tomorrow.” Aurelie flashed a supportive smile. “You’ll have to find some bravery sooner or later.”

Evelyn hated that Aurelie was right. Time was running out and no matter how afraid she was of facing her feelings head on, Evelyn would have to do so sooner than she realized.

* * *

 

Evelyn felt guilty that she didn’t get very much work done after her talk with Aurelie. Even after Aurelie left, Evelyn found herself trapped with even more thoughts and worries than she had before stuck between being afraid to go home and wanting nothing more than to see Alistair immediately. The reminder was in the forefront of her mind— _tomorrow_  they would talk and she would have her answers. Until then Evelyn would have to pretend that nothing was troubling her for the sake of her role in the wedding. Still, it didn’t prevent her from feeling nervous as she traveled back home that evening.

“Couscous, is that you?”

Evelyn smiled to herself at the sound of Alistair’s voice echoing from his room as she entered the apartment, balancing the roses in her arm as she closed the door behind her. She didn’t answer him right away, shrugging off her winter coat and heels before crossing over into the kitchen. She was busy dropping her belongings on the island when he poked his head around the doorway of his room, a bright grin on his face.

“You got the flowers!” He spoke excitedly. Evelyn felt her face heat up, her emotions already so quick to come to the surface—she was worse than a school age girl with a crush.

“Yes. They’re beautiful, Alistair.” She remarked as she situated them on the counter, turning away from him if only to hide her flustered state. “Thank you.”

“No, thank  _you_.” Alistair’s approached and Evelyn forced herself to turn to face him. He was still half-dressed in his work uniform, but his button up had been pulled from the waistband of his slacks and hung open, exposing the tank top beneath. It wasn’t until she noticed his rolled up sleeves that she realized his cast was gone.

“How is your arm?” She tentatively asked. Alistair’s smile faltered a little as he wiggled his arm, flexing his fingers as if to show off the improvement.

“It’s a little sore and the mobility isn’t  _completely_  there but…” Alistair laughed a little. “No cast for the wedding. That’s the important part.”

Evelyn watched him carefully as he rounded the kitchen counter, stepping closer to where she was. She held her breath for a moment, suspicious of his movements when he simply walked towards the sink to fill a cup with some water. She didn’t quite understand what he was doing until he moved closer to her and she had to resist the urge to back away as her nervousness returned. His hand was still a little shaky as he carefully filled the flower vase with water but he seemed pleased that he could perform the task without too much strain on his hand and arm.

“Just don’t overdo it.” Evelyn warned. Alistair playfully rolled his eyes as he placed the glass in the sink before turning back to face her. Evelyn felt her heart pounding in her chest at their close proximity and tried desperately to read any sense of the same anxiety in Alistair’s features. When she found nothing but a calm expression she had to wonder if he was better at hiding his emotions or if he simply didn’t feel the same way any longer and was just stringing her along in some form of payback.

“I won’t.” Alistair softly chuckled as he stretched the fingers of his left hand again. “Now if only I could use my hand for the  _important_  things.” Alistair lamented with a teasing tone. Evelyn raised a curious eyebrow only to lightly smack Alistair in the chest as he made a lewd gesture with his hand. He laughed, growing louder as he undoubtedly noted the way Evelyn’s face had flushed with color. She felt relieved at the joke, it was distracting her from her troubled thoughts as the two shared in their laughter.

“You’re  _right_ handed, Alistair.” She reminded him. Evelyn continued to smile even as she observed his expression carefully, looking for the warning signs. This entire conversation was just another instance of the two walking that fine line—unsure what was appropriate talk for friends and what crossed over into flirtation and Evelyn didn’t want them to break that rule  _again_ , especially the night before the wedding.

“Have you  _never_ heard of the stranger in the shower?” Alistair questioned in mock offense. Evelyn’s laugh turned into a nervous chuckle as she glanced away from him, ignoring the way her whole body warmed over as she couldn’t help but  _think_ about what he was suggesting. When she finally lifted her gaze back to him, Alistair was sporting a blush of his own, radiating across his ears and down his neck. She was about to suggest that they continue getting ready so they could leave on time for the rehearsal dinner when Alistair’s expression turned slightly more serious.

“So…” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped and again Evelyn held her breath in anticipation. “ _Tomorrow_.”

Evelyn swallowed her own nerves, struggling to calm the erratic beating of her heart. “Y—yes.”

Alistair didn’t say anything else for a long moment, his eyes scanning over her face before pausing for a moment on her lips. Evelyn didn’t move away as he inched just a fraction closer, watching him as she tried to decipher his intense expression. Alistair’s brow furrowed in thought and his lips twitched into a small frown as he exhaled. Evelyn felt her concern heighten and then falter as his small smile from before returned, his honey eyes shining over as he lifted them to hers.

“I—sorry.” Alistair breathed, his good hand lifting to rub the back of his neck in a nervous twitch. “ _Off subject_.” He nervously laughed and Evelyn wasn’t sure what to think anymore as she felt the all too familiar tension surround them. “I really did mean to thank you properly for all you’ve done to help me this past month.”

Evelyn glanced over her shoulder at the flowers as Alistair motioned to them. “It isn’t much, but I know you like flowers so—”

“Alistair.” Evelyn stopped his rambling before he even got started and offered a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. I told you, they’re beautiful.”

“Just like—” This time Alistair cut himself off, his eyes widening a little as he caught himself before saying something he shouldn’t. Evelyn didn’t know how much longer she could handle this situation. She was half worried her heart would give out before she even got a change to say what she needed to.

Alistair cleared his throat, resting his hand at the base of his skull again as he continued to hold her gaze. “Just… _thank you_ , Evelyn.” He spoke softly. “Thank you.”

Evelyn nodded at him, unable to think of anything to say in response. She was about to shift away when his arms reached out, lips curling into a hopeful smile as he silently gestured for a hug. Evelyn was hesitant at first but a bigger part of her couldn’t resist and soon she was circling her arms up and around his neck, resting her head against his shoulder as Alistair looped his own arms around her waist. She closed her eyes as he gently squeezed her closer, one hand trailing up the length of her spine to rest between her shoulders. Evelyn could feel Alistair’s breath circling around her ear as he nudged his nose against her temple and more than ever she could feel her heart hammering in her chest, threatening to burst.

“Alistair, I—” He pulled away only slightly and Evelyn felt her breath get caught in her throat at how close his face was to hers. She loosened her grip a little, suddenly feeling faint at the intensity of the moment. Alistair held her steady and with only the faintest hint of hesitation he dipped his head down to press his mouth against hers in a soft kiss.

Immediately Evelyn was pulled back to reality and while every sensible part of her brain was screaming for her to push him away, she found her hands clutching onto the fabric of his shirt as she tugged him closer. Very quickly the kiss became heated, Evelyn humming her approval as Alistair’s tongue swept across her bottom lip. One of his hands snuck up to hold the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair to keep her head angled the way he wanted while the other gripped her hip, tugging her so their bodies crashed together.

Evelyn couldn’t help but think back to another time when Alistair had kissed her in this very spot and how it was so unlike the way he was kissing her now. Their breaths were ragged as they molded their lips against each other, kissing feverously and only pausing for quick inhales of air. Evelyn could feel her entire body tingling with the pleasure that came with his skillful kisses and yet she wanted  _more_. Her fingers tugged at the collar of his button up until Alistair got the hint, tugging it off without ever breaking away from her.

She curled her hands around his shoulders, fingers dipping beneath his tank to feel at the taught muscles of his back before softly sighing as his lips suddenly descended from hers, landing on her neck. His mouth worked the flesh there, alternating between kissing and sucking with the occasional nip of his teeth—undoubtedly leaving a mark. Evelyn watched through hazy, half-lidded eyes as Alistair slid his hands upwards, a moan getting caught in her throat when they brushed over her chest before plucking at the buttons of her blouse. He left her shirt half-buttoned before his fingers pushed back the fabric over her shoulders, exposing her lacy scarlet bra.

If Alistair liked what he saw he made it known only through the kisses he littered across her collar, tongue darting out to taste the skin as he traced the outline of the lace garment. Every moment was heated and fast, driving Evelyn closer to the edge of no return and yet she still could not force herself to stop him. His mouth was on hers again as Alistair nudged her backwards, Evelyn gasping softly into his mouth as her back hit the kitchen countertop. Almost immediately Alistair’s hands reached down to her hips and after a generous squeeze Evelyn got the hint, hopping a little to give him the leverage needed to hoist her upwards.

The kiss never broke as Alistair sat her down on the granite and Evelyn loosely hooked her legs around his waist to bring him closer. A groan fell from his lips as he settled between her legs, Evelyn quivering at the feel of his arousal pressing against her through their clothes. Alistair moved his hands down her sides, his warm touch igniting her skin as his fingers grazed over the skin of her thighs where her skirt had ridden up. His grip became firmer as he hooked his hand under her knee, tugging her closer to the edge of the countertop as he rolled his hips forward.

“ _Ohh_.” Evelyn couldn’t help her moan of pleasure, fluttering her eyes shut as Alistair’s lips wrapped around her pulse point. She craned her neck to the side to give him more room, lifting her hands to hold his head where it was so he wouldn’t stop. Alistair held his other hand against her back and Evelyn arched herself against him, needing him to be closer.

Alistair’s hips continued to buck up against her and she tightened her legs around his waist, leaning back slightly as he followed the hem of her bra once more, taking the time to kiss and mark her skin with his teeth. Evelyn clamped her teeth over her bottom lip as she fought the urge to cry out in pleasure, whimpering as Alistair’s hand slid beneath her skirt, fingers splaying over her thigh and close to where she needed his touch the most.  

“Evelyn.” His lips still moved across her skin and she nearly came just from the rumble of his voice against her and the adoration in his hushed tone. Instead she threw her head back as his thumb darted out to swipe the front of her panties, a strangled moan turning into a gasp as she hit her head against something hard.

Not a moment later the sound of glass shattering pulled the two away from each other, startled by the sudden interruption. Evelyn struggled to catch her breath as their eyes met and very suddenly reality came crashing back down upon them as they realized what they had done—what they were dangerously close to repeating. Alistair fumbled as he pulled away from her, his expression showing nothing but guilt, as he looked everywhere else but her face.

Evelyn felt the heaviness in her heart return though it was now much worse than it had been before. More than ever she was confused and frustrated and was reminded  _again_  that they needed to figure out what  _they_ were. Before she could allow her mind to betray her once more she tugged her blouse back into place, glancing over her shoulder to find the vase of roses missing, no doubt scattered on the ground on the other side of the countertop. Alistair moved away first and Evelyn hesitantly followed, wanting to help clean up the mess.

“I’ve got it.” Alistair spoke, but it was obvious that he was still recovering from their heated moment. He crouched over the mess, using his earlier discarded shirt to mop up the water.

There was nothing Evelyn hated more than the awkward silence that fell between them before she couldn’t handle it any longer and lowered herself to help pick up shards of glass, not caring that he had dismissed her. As quick as they had found themselves in the throes of passion they now found themselves avoiding each other’s touches and gazes and as they worked to clean up the mess of flowers and glass Evelyn swore she could see Alistair’s demeanor breaking down. Gone was the bright smile she had seen when she first arrived home, replaced now with a frown and distant look in his eyes. It pained Evelyn, reminding her of the same expression he wore when she had told him she didn’t love him.

“Alistair?” She couldn’t let this happen to them now—not when they were so close.

He slowly lifted his eyes to look at her but it was fleeting as he shuffled back into the kitchen to throw away the broken shards. Evelyn clenched her jaw to fight back the tears prickling the corner of her eyes, not wanting to cry in front of him. She gathered the roses in her hands before lifting herself off the ground, avoiding the way Alistair was watching her as she placed the bouquet in a drinking glass, creating a makeshift vase for now.

“Evelyn, I—”

“We should get ready.” Evelyn cut him off, heart fluttering in her chest at what he might have said. She wasn’t ready for it—still too terrified to face the overbearing truth. She heard Alistair’s dejected sigh from behind her and for a moment she thought about allowing him to continue but knew it would only make matters worse. She gestured to the clock on the wall, not bothering to meet his gaze. “We can’t be late.”

Alistair didn’t say anything else and his lack of an argument surprised Evelyn. She was upset that his mood from before was now gone, but she supposed it was  _her_ fault. All the pain she was feeling was because of her selfish desires and the mistake she had made months ago. Evelyn didn’t regret sleeping with Alistair, not in the slightest, but she did regret not realizing her feelings were the same as his until it was too late. It wasn’t until Alistair had disappeared into his room again that his words resonated in her mind.

 _Tomorrow_. Perhaps Alistair was just as nervous, just as  _terrified_  that the day had finally come. While Evelyn’s emotions continued to cloud her mind and weigh down her heart she knew that first they had to make it through  _tonight_ —and then she would have to be brave.

* * *

 

The dining hall was filled with all sorts of people from the wedding party and yet the only person Alistair saw in the crowd was Evelyn. She was sitting with Aurelie across the room at the wedding party’s table, the two idly chatting and while Evelyn smiled at Aurelie’s words it was still easy to spot the sadness in her eyes. It pained Alistair to know that he was the cause of her dejected mood that evening, easy to see even as Evelyn pretended nothing was troubling her. The entire evening he had been dealing with his own grievances with the guilt over what he had done leaving him distracted and heavy-hearted.  

The kiss had been a foolish act but at the time it had seemed so natural. He had kissed Evelyn not just because he wanted to but also because it seemed like the most logical thing to do in that moment. Alistair had been sick of the tension lingering between them for the past few months and he had simply reached his limit. Why his mind or heart couldn’t wait  _one more day_  was his biggest regret. One more day and they would’ve talked, just like they had promised each other and now he felt like he had ruined that possibility. Worse yet, the awkwardness between them was now ten times worse than it had been before the kiss, making their duties as maid of honor and best man easier said than done.

Evelyn was better at  _faking_  it than he was, her sullen demeanor in the apartment disappearing as soon as they arrived at the chantry to rehearse the wedding. It was difficult for Alistair to match her forced joy, especially when they were forced together by the proceedings. The rehearsal only took an hour but it seemed to drag on forever, clouding Alistair’s mind with uncertainty and fear of having to repeat these same steps the next day  _for real_.

As much as it terrified him he had to remind himself that if he made it through the next day he would have his second chance—if Evelyn allowed it. He didn’t want to think that the kiss in the kitchen might have thrown out the  _last_  opportunity to make things right or worse, that the kiss would be the last he’d ever give her. Alistair wanted to believe that Evelyn felt the same way as him and he had several instances that backed up his theory but every time he thought to tell her he would falter and flashback to the time when she had thrown it back in his face. He was worried that it would happen again, even if it were just a subconscious fear.

Alistair knew he needed to have more faith in Evelyn and yet his emotions were so out of control it was difficult to keep his thoughts in order. All he wanted was to be with her, to tell her he loved her and for her to want the same things—he wasn’t sure he could handle being rejected once more. It would surely mean the end of their friendship and the thought of losing her  _completely_  was much more frightening. He could handle unrequited love but to never have the chance to be her friend—her  _best_ friend—ever again left him feeling empty.

That feeling stuck with him the entire evening and the more the night dragged on the harder it was becoming to mask his true emotions. Alistair distanced himself from the crowd of people when he felt a frown pulling at his lips, not wanting anybody to grow suspicious of his melancholy expression. It wasn’t fair of him to bring down the mood; not when everybody was celebrating the joyous occasion that was to take place the next day. He wanted to talk to Evelyn about what had happened but couldn’t muster the courage to pull her aside, knowing it would be easy for the others to notice and thus making the exchange wildly inappropriate. To make matters worse, after tonight they would be splitting up; Evelyn and Aurelie would stay at one apartment while Cullen and Alistair stayed at another. It was a  _tradition_ Cullen and Aurelie wanted to honor and it left Evelyn and Alistair with the task to make sure they stuck by the rules of separation, leaving them apart as well. He always ended up with the same conclusion—if he wanted to talk to Evelyn, he would have to wait.

It took Alistair some courage to move from his spot at the bar and slowly walk back to where Aurelie and Evelyn were seated. Cullen had joined them while Alistair was lost in his thoughts and he couldn’t help but feel envious as he openly doted on Aurelie. Alistair wished he could do the same to Evelyn but knew that was wishful thinking. Instead he lingered nearby, feeling a little awkward as he stood next to his chair. Evelyn’s expression softened when she noticed him, but still offered a small encouraging smile as she handed him a glass of champagne.

“Speech?” She reminded him in a quiet voice so that Cullen and Aurelie wouldn’t hear.

Alistair perked up his brows, momentarily forgetting that he had prepared one for the rehearsal dinner to surprise the happy couple. He cleared his throat, nodding once as he grabbed the drink from her, his heart skipping a beat as her fingers grazed his. He tapped the side of the glass with a fork from the table, his anxiety rising a little as the guests quieted to turn their attention towards him. He swallowed again, glancing down at Evelyn before switching his attention to Cullen and Aurelie who were anticipating what he had to say.

“I met Cullen in college several years ago.” Alistair paused to collect his thoughts and cursed the fact he hadn’t written any of his speech down. He figured he could  _wing it_ and speak from the heart but he found it much harder than he had imagined. His brain defaulted to humor. “Back then he was uptight and cautious and had what looked like noodles for hair.”

Thankfully the crowd laughed and when he glanced to Cullen he saw his friend shrugging and nodding with an amused expression as Aurelie giggled. Alistair chuckled to himself. “Nowadays Cullen isn’t so wound up, thanks to Aurelie, but…I still have better looking hair.”

Cullen rolled his eyes and Alistair grinned a little as Evelyn laughed, her eyes sparkling as she glanced up at him. He fumbled a little bit afterwards, distracted slightly by how much he wanted to keep Evelyn laughing. Alistair cleared his throat again, nervously laughing as he focused.

“What I  _want_ to say about them— _to_ them—is that I’m very glad that they found one another.” Alistair smiled at them, suddenly overwhelmed by how much emotion was flowing through his body. “The love they have for each other is something all of us should strive to find in this crazy world.”

Alistair couldn’t help but flick his eyes back to Evelyn whose cheeks seemed to tint with color the longer he stared. “I uh—I hope that one day I can be as lucky as they are.”

Evelyn’s eyes widened a little, emerald gaze shining over with an emotion he couldn’t pinpoint. She wasn’t upset but she wasn’t smiling like she had been just a few moments before. When Alistair realized he had paused for an awkward amount of time he cleared his throat, blinking hard as he forced himself to look at Cullen and Aurelie.

“A toast!” He raised his glass of champagne and breathed a sigh of relief when the crowd copied his movements, ignoring his strange moment of silence. “To Cullen and Aurelie and their big day!”

The guests erupted into clapping and cheers, growing a little louder as Cullen and Aurelie kissed for the onlookers. Alistair didn’t get a chance to take a second glance at Evelyn as a few members of the wedding party pulled him aside to thank him for his speech but it didn’t stop him from wondering if he had been too forward with his words. He hadn’t meant for them to be  _so_ obvious but the way she looked at him had Alistair wondering if he was really that transparent. He wanted to talk to her before she slipped away.

“It’s going to be difficult not seeing Aurelie until the wedding.”

Alistair was about to correct the voice in his head—it would be difficult not to see  _Evelyn_  until the next day at the ceremony—when he realized it was Cullen speaking. He quickly forced a smile but the curious way his friend was staring at him made Alistair realize it didn’t really matter if he faked it or not. Somehow, Cullen always knew if there was something wrong.

“Thank you for what you said.” Cullen started. “It means a lot, coming from you. Though I’m surprised you didn’t add more jokes.”

“I can be serious when I need to be.” Alistair lamented as he felt his smile waver the longer Cullen looked at him suspiciously. “I meant it.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Cullen asked. “Aurelie knows something but won’t tell me.” He softly chuckled to himself. “ _Girl’s code_  or something.”

Alistair debated telling Cullen the truth, but didn’t want to distract his friend from what he needed to be focusing on: the wedding. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, I’m going to.” Cullen laughed before offering a sympathetic smile. “You are my  _best man_ for a reason, Alistair. You’re my friend and I care about what happens in your life.”

“I appreciate it.” Alistair mumbled and when he realized that Cullen wasn’t relenting he tried to gather his thoughts. He still didn’t want to reveal  _everything_. “It just…hurts.”

“Have you told her?” Cullen asked and Alistair shook his head. The closest he had come to telling her how he felt— _again_ —was in that speech of his. “Why not?”

Alistair wasn’t sure how to answer that himself. “We were waiting until after the wedding.”

“I hope not for  _our_ sake.” Cullen spoke and Alistair was surprised at that. “Aurelie and I contemplated pushing back the date if it helped the two of you see reason.”

“We didn’t want to steal your thunder.” Alistair halfway joked before sighing out as he scanned the crowd, looking for Evelyn when he noticed she wasn’t in her seat any longer. “I’m hoping everything will be fine…tomorrow night.”

“I hope so too, Alistair.” Cullen responded, reaching over to give Alistair’s shoulder a supportive squeeze. “For both of you. You deserve some happiness. You deserve each other.”

Alistair nodded, softly smiling at his friend’s encouraging words. He was about to respond when Aurelie appeared next to them, her arm hooking into Cullen’s as she leaned against his side. “Did he thank you already?” She asked.

“Yes.” Alistair flicked his eyes between the two, his mood lifting a little at the comforting aura that surrounded them. “Did you see where Evelyn went? I wanted to talk to her before we uh—”

“Oh don’t remind me I have to spend a night away from this man.” Aurelie jokingly complained, tightening her hold on Cullen as he laughed. After a moment she nodded, gesturing towards the patio exit of the restaurant they occupied. “She stepped outside for some fresh air. We’ll join you two after we say good night to everybody.”

Alistair didn’t waste any time leaving the establishment, tugging on his winter coat as he pushed open the door leading outside. The night air was brisk against his cheeks and as he sighed out he could see his breath in front of his face. Evelyn was standing a little ways away on the patio, leaning over the railing with her hand outstretched to catch the slow fall of snow in her palm. He didn’t want to seem overly eager as he approached Evelyn but at the same time wanted to get in as much as he could say before they were forced to wait to see each other again. She noticed him as he stepped up next to her and he frowned at the way she tensed before calming, eyes falling to the ground.

For all that Alistair wanted— _needed_ —to say to her, he found all the words getting caught in his throat, his mind going blank as he stared at her profile. He felt like a fool, and yet after a moment he was the one flinching as Evelyn turned towards him, her hand reaching out to brush against his. He arched up his eyebrows in surprise of her actions but quickly threaded their fingers together, giving her hand a squeeze when he felt how cold they were.

“You’re freezing.” He couldn’t help but tease, hoping to bring back some normalcy to the relationship. Evelyn’s lips curled up in the tiniest of smiles as she shook her head, bright green eyes briefly flicking up to meet his gaze.

“I’m okay.” Her voice was meek, and Alistair wished she would say something else so he could better read her mood. “Your speech…”

When she trailed a little Alistair brushed his thumb over her knuckles, causing Evelyn to finally meet his eyes. “I meant everything I said.”

“I—I know.” Evelyn whispered and Alistair could feel his heart beat picking up, throat tightening as he racked his mind for the right thing to say and do. He didn’t want to mess this up  _again_. Evelyn had gotten his hint and Alistair wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or even more terrified of what that would mean.

He shuffled himself a little closer only to nearly double over as Evelyn’s arms wrapped around his middle, her face pushing into his chest as her hands pressed tightly against his back. Alistair returned her embrace, cradling her close as confusion swept through him. What was  _this_ for and why did it almost feel like a  _goodbye_? He hesitated to let go when Evelyn pulled away with one of her hands darting up to her face where he noted tears were glazing over in her eyes.

“Evelyn?” Alistair was even more unnerved, his heart getting stuck in his throat at the sight of her. Why was she crying? He reached up a hand to wipe at her cheeks but Evelyn breathed out as she gently pushed his hand away.

“I’m  _okay_.” She reiterated. Alistair relaxed his expression but couldn’t stop himself from furrowing his brows in worry. “Just… _nervous_.”

“About?” Alistair breathed, though he was certain he knew the answer.

“Tomorrow.” He barely heard her with how softly Evelyn was speaking.

“Tomorrow.” Alistair repeated her words and the two locked eyes again as a different kind of silence fell over them. It wasn’t exactly what Alistair had planned and he certainly didn’t feel one hundred percent comfortable with the lingering tension that filled the air. Evelyn seemed expectant, however and so he steadied his breathing and swallowed hard. “Evelyn, I—”

“Wait.” She hushed and Alistair nearly fainted, almost yelled out in frustration until her eyes flicked over his shoulder and he slowly turned to find Cullen and Aurelie looking guilty as they walked in on their moment.

“I  _really_  hope we aren’t interrupting something.” Aurelie mumbled, clearly upset. Alistair sighed, turning back to find Evelyn already morphing her expression into one of forced cheerfulness. She moved away from him, her hands pressing into the pockets of her coat.

“Not at all.” Evelyn assured, though Alistair could tell by the looks on Cullen and Aurelie’s face that their friends didn’t believe them. Still, he also knew they wouldn’t pressure them—on any other given night Alistair wasn’t sure he’d be as lucky.

“Are you ready to go?” Alistair asked, digging through his coat for his keys. Cullen broke the tension with a small laugh.

“No, but if we don’t go I suppose that means we’ll never get married.” He hugged Aurelie closer to him as she matched his laughter.

“You’re the one that wanted to follow this tradition.” Aurelie argued before breaking away. The couple shared a small, tender kiss and Alistair fought the urge to glance at Evelyn’s lips, as he wanted nothing more than to be able to kiss  _her_  goodbye as well.

“Until tomorrow?” Cullen asked as he stepped to Alistair’s side. Alistair had to wonder if he was referencing  _more_ than just the wedding. It was safe to say the four of them all knew it was a turning point for them  _all_. Aurelie nodded at her fiancé, giving Evelyn a quick glance before looking back at Cullen and Alistair.

“Until tomorrow.” Aurelie responded before walking away with Evelyn in tow.

The men watched them disappear into Evelyn’s car and Alistair had to remind himself that as hollow as he felt in that moment it wasn’t quite over. He would still have one more day, one last chance to prove himself, to show Evelyn all the love he had to give before they met again the next evening. He knew it wouldn’t be easy but it would be worth it— _one more day_ , Alistair repeated in his mind and in his heart.  

One more day.


	16. Lady of Love

The snowfall had slowed to a stop the morning of the wedding, leaving nothing but clear skies and oddly warm weather for Wintersend. Cullen and Aurelie had chosen the winter holiday as another celebration of tradition and it seemed that even the Maker was willing to calm the weather for their special day. Alistair also took the calm as a sign, wanting to be optimistic about the day’s events. He felt selfish for focusing on his own worries but today would determine all that was important to him in his life.

 _Evelyn_ —Alistair couldn’t stop thinking about her and just the thought of seeing her again had kept him up the entire night. He practiced what he would say to her and went over every possible outcome and variable the wedding day would bring. They had promised to talk but he still was uncertain what it would entail. Alistair hoped it would mean a stop to all the tension without risking their relationship. He wanted to confess his love for her but was still afraid of rejection and worse yet, the end of their friendship.

The decision to wait until today had been torturous—for a long time Alistair didn’t understand Evelyn’s desire to do so. He knew she had been hurt in the past and it was what made her unsure but he had made it clear that hurting her was not his intention. Over the last few months they had crossed over that boundary several times and through it Alistair started to believe that perhaps Evelyn  _did_ feel the same way.

At first it made him angry—why would she deny him to begin with and continue to do so after knowing the truth? Alistair knew he was partly to blame for her confusion. They had been  _friends_ for years and his admission of love had blind sighted the both of them. In the end, he realized, they both needed time—for him to forgive her and for Evelyn to come to terms with her feelings. It wasn’t easy or practical but the more Alistair thought about  _them_  the more he realized they never were destined for simplicity.

Alistair continued to let his mind race as he paced up and down the chantry hallway, the soft music echoing from the cathedral doing nothing to calm his nerves. Any moment now the wedding would begin and Alistair was struggling to remember his role in the ceremony. Cullen would be at the altar with the chantry priestess while the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked in together before Aurelie made her appearance. That would mean walking down the aisle with Evelyn. Alistair paced in shorter strides then, hoping he would remember how to walk when the time came.

“Alistair.” Cullen’s voice broke through Alistair’s thoughts and he nearly tripped as he stopped to turn around to face his friend. Cullen seemed the picture of composure as he stood at the side door leading to the cathedral, seemingly unfazed by what was happening. “You’re going to burn a hole in the floor if you keep doing that.”

“Sorry.” Alistair continued to fidget, ignoring Cullen’s amusement. “I just…have a lot on my mind. Shouldn’t  _you_ be the nervous one?”

Cullen shrugged. “I think you’re taking care of that for me fairly well.”

“Aren’t I the best, best-man ever?” Alistair laughed before reaching up for what felt like the hundredth time to adjust his collar and bowtie. “You aren’t even a  _little_  anxious?”

“Sure.” Cullen admitted. “But I’ve been waiting for this day since I met Aurelie. I’m ready.”

“I’m not.” Alistair mumbled

“For the wedding or…” Cullen trailed but didn’t push the subject when Alistair shot him a warning glance. Now was not the time for a pep talk or a reminder of what needed to be done. Instead, Cullen changed the subject entirely.

“Do you have the rings?” Cullen asked and Alistair froze as fear gripped him. He pat at his chest, feeling for the boxes in his pockets. What had he done with the rings?

“ _I_ have them.”

Both men turned to see Evelyn approaching, a small smile on her face as she glanced between the two of them. Alistair knew his mouth had fallen open, his eyes widening as he looked her up and down. It was silly to think that he would miss her after being apart for less than a day but seeing her now made the heartache worth it. Her eyes were shining, makeup expertly applied and enhancing the natural beauty of her features. While her hair was too short for any kind of up-do it was still styled with light wavy curls framing her face. Alistair trailed his eyes further down, looking over her bare shoulders before taking in the rich dark blue of her strapless dress. It cut in at the waist before flaring out, the length modest and true to her typical fashion. He had seen her dressed up so many times now and yet she continued to surprise him and leave him breathless.

She stepped right up to Alistair, her eyes scanning over his face. He struggled to read past her neutral, almost peaceful expression. “You gave them to me for safe-keeping.”

“Right.” Alistair breathed out, feeling only slightly relieved. Seeing Evelyn was both comforting and nerve-wracking as his heart hammered against his rib cage. There was so much he wanted to say to her but he knew it would have to wait.

“Your bride got your  _secret_  note.” Evelyn flicked her attention to Cullen, offering a bright smile. “She asked me to tell you that her feet are perfectly toasty.”

Cullen chuckled at her words before she gestured to the chantry doors. “Shouldn’t you be at the altar? The bridal party is ready to walk.”

“Oh!” Cullen yelped and for once Alistair caught the small glimmer of nervous excitement in his friend’s features as he straightened his posture. “Is it time?”

“Yes.” Evelyn beamed before stepping over, flattening the lapels of Cullen’s blazer. “Try not to faint when you see her.”

“Y—yes.” Cullen floundered and Alistair had to join Evelyn in laughing at the groom’s sudden anxiety, his eyes widening a little as he flicked his gaze down the hall.

Evelyn shook a disciplinary finger at him, pushing him to the side door. “No  _peeking_. You’ll see us soon enough.”

Cullen disappeared into the cathedral and the lighthearted moment quickly fell away when Alistair realized he was alone with Evelyn. She was standing so close to him that he had to wonder if she could hear his heartbeat. He wanted to reach out and scoop her into his arms but he didn’t want to startle her with affection—not when she seemed so at-ease.

 _Why is everybody calm but me?_  Alistair mused to himself, struggling to meet Evelyn’s eyes. They held a certain kind of sparkle as they flicked over his appearance and yet Alistair couldn’t tell what it meant. Evelyn had always been an expert at hiding her true emotions—if she wasn’t he was sure they wouldn’t be in this mess at all. She offered him a small encouraging smile before handing over the small velvet box that contained the rings.

“I’m glad  _past_ me was thinking straight.” Alistair joked as he pocketed the box.

Evelyn ‘s smile grew as she lifted her fingers to his neck, fingers straightening out his bowtie. She had moved even closer and it took all of Alistair’s focus not to rest his hands on her waist. Evelyn chuckled softly and Alistair knitted his eyebrows together in confusion.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Evelyn remarked as she flattened his collar before stepping back and gesturing to his bow tie. “I thought it was a clip-on.”

Alistair flashed a lop-sided grin, appreciating the small moment before silence fell over them again. He looked at her, hating the awkward tension that was still lingering between them. How were they supposed to go through today pretending nothing was wrong? Even Cullen and Aurelie knew about the situation—they weren’t fooling anybody. Hesitantly, Alistair reached out for Evelyn’s hand and was relieved when she didn’t pull away. Her eyebrows jumped up in surprise and he finally caught a glimpse of her nerves as she took in a shaky breath.

Alistair brushed his thumb over her knuckles and tried to form the right words to say. “Evelyn, last night…I—we—“

He sighed when it didn’t come out the way he wanted. In his head, everything he wanted to say made sense but when it came to actually  _speaking_  them to Evelyn he made a fool of himself. It frustrated Alistair—he never used to be so emotionally compromised, not before he realized he loved her. Evelyn’s smile faltered slightly but she kept her composure, her fingers tightening around his in a supportive squeeze.

“Not now.” She whispered and Alistair reluctantly nodded.

They stood like that for a few more moments before the sound of shuffling in the hall made them pull away from each other. The rest of the groomsmen with their paired bridesmaid came around the corner, cheerful chatter causing Evelyn and Alistair to find their joyful expressions once more. They trailed behind the group to the chantry doors, as they would be the last ones to walk before Aurelie.

The bride appeared behind them just as the music started and Alistair had to admit that Aurelie looked gorgeous. “Cullen is going to faint.”

“That’s the plan.” Aurelie grinned before shifting her eyes between the two. “Is everything okay?”

It was a loaded question and Alistair almost went on the defensive before Evelyn nodded. “It will be.”

A sense of hopefulness filled his heart as he took in a deep breath, Evelyn turning them towards the chantry doors. The other pairs had already gone ahead of them and it was now their turn. Alistair offered his arm to her and breathed out as she hooked her hand around his elbow and stepped close. He continued to observe her profile before he was forced to look ahead, growing nervous when all eyes of the guests turned to them. Evelyn’s hand tightened around his arm as they neared the dais and it was only then that Alistair realized he was hesitating to let her go so she could stand with the rest of the bridesmaids. His face flushed with heat as he finally moved to stand next to Cullen, smiling nervously when the groom flashed him a knowing grin.

The music changed as Aurelie made her way down the aisle and while all the guests and wedding party turned their gazes to the bride, Alistair couldn’t help but stare at Evelyn. She was smiling brightly now, hands clutched around a bouquet of crystal-grace another maid had handed her. Alistair’s imagination flicked back to a recurring dream where it was  _their_  wedding, Evelyn wearing the same dress he had seen her in all those months ago. He wanted to believe that it could happen for them—that they would find their happy endings with each other. It was easier to be optimistic than to think of the alternative where he ended up alone, always pining for something he couldn’t have.

Alistair wasn’t sure how long he had continued to stare at Evelyn with a lopsided grin as the wedding continued around him. He was distracted by everything—her beauty, her shining emerald eyes and the fact that in a few short hours he would have his answer. Suddenly, Evelyn’s gaze shifted to him and he noted the way her eyes widened a little as a blush crept up her neck and cheeks. His smile grew before somebody nudged him and he turned to see Dorian making eyes at Cullen and Aurelie. The couple was looking at him expectantly and Alistair felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

Taking one glance at Evelyn he found her mouthing something. “ _The rings!_ ”

“Oh!” Alistair yelped, growing even hotter as the guests laughed at his fumbling.

He handed Cullen the velvet box before taking his spot back, avoiding Evelyn’s stare as the bride and groom exchanged their rings. As soon as they began exchanging their vows Alistair was compelled to lift his eyes, a strange yearning washing over him. He found Evelyn nervously staring back, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. Their gazes remained locked as Cullen and Aurelie spoke and a small part of Alistair imagined  _they_  were the ones promising their eternal love.

“I swear unto the Maker and Andraste to love this woman the rest of my days.” Cullen spoke.

Alistair very faintly nodded his head, hoping that Evelyn understood that he felt the same way. It was…forward of him and yet he felt like he had been telling her he loved her through his actions for months. There was no way she didn’t know by now that regardless of that night’s outcome he would love her forever. Evelyn’s eyes held a different kind of shine to them as she looked at him from across the dais and Alistair only wished he could know what she was thinking.

The chantry mother’s voice echoed out, pulling Alistair from his daze. “May I present, Aurelie Jeanette and Cullen Stanton Rutherford—”

Before the mother could continue Cullen had pulled Aurelie towards him, the entire crowd erupting into applause as they kissed. Alistair laughed at their brazen public display but couldn’t blame them—they deserved this happiness. Evelyn shared in their joy, happy tears forming in her eyes. She reached up to pat them away when she noticed Alistair staring at her, mouthing that she was okay.

As the bride and groom proceeded to walk back down the aisle as man and wife the other members of the wedding party followed. Alistair and Evelyn stepped towards each other and he was surprised when one of her hands reached to grab his. He quickly threaded their fingers together before moving them to follow the others, his heart racing. The possibilities of what was to come continued to rush through his mind and the only thing grounding him to the moment was the way Evelyn’s fingers squeezed his. They would still need to get through the reception, their duties as maid of honor and best man not quite over. After that came the rest of his life.  

* * *

 

The reception took place in a large banquet hall of a nearby hotel, the entire room decorated in shades of blue and gold. There were flowers  _everywhere_ , hanging from the ceiling and on every guest table. Evelyn had helped prepare for the wedding and yet seeing it firsthand was breathtaking. She had to take a moment for herself when she arrived with the others when she became overwhelmed with emotion. At first it had been for her friends on their big day but throughout the ceremony it began to morph into something else.

Alistair hadn’t taken his eyes away from her for more than a few moments since she met him the hallway, his expression full of hope and wonder and amber eyes shining with a desire she was all to familiar with. It was difficult for Evelyn to keep her composure, wanting to make sure the wedding continued as smoothly as possible before even thinking about pulling Alistair away to talk. She was still undeniably nervous about  _that_ , as well.

Evelyn had begun to second-guess herself, wondering if waiting was the biggest mistake of her life. She had come to terms with her feelings so long ago and yet she was still so  _terrified_  that Alistair didn’t feel the same way even if she had so much evidence that said otherwise. She wished it was easier to just  _let go_ of her lingering fears but she had spent most of her life thinking  _love_  was out of the question. To be so overwhelmed with the emotion was foreign to Evelyn, though she figured she had felt this way for Alistair longer than she realized. She only hoped when it came time for her to confess what she should’ve said  _months_  ago that it wouldn’t be too late.

They hadn’t said a word about what was to come but Evelyn could feel the tension, feel the want to say something in every lingering gaze and touch. Alistair wasn’t the best at masking his emotions but he had surprisingly held back. Evelyn knew that just like her, he was on the edge, the two waiting for the right opportunity. In the reception hall they had separated from each other and Evelyn distracted herself by mingling with guests and, true to her duty as maid of honor, making sure the night went as smoothly as possible.

She was standing near the dance floor when Cullen and Aurelie made their entrance, unable to hold back the joy she felt for her friends. The music switched to a slower tune, one the couple had chosen as their first dance. Evelyn continued to watch from the sidelines as they moved, Aurelie’s dress sparkling under the soft spotlight. After a few moments other couples started to join them and Evelyn contemplated moving away and retreating to the wedding party table until Aurelie needed her for something. Just as she turned around she found Alistair behind her, his hands raised to prevent them from crashing into one another.

Evelyn let out a nervous laugh as she righted herself. “Oh, sorry.” She eyed him and the way his gaze flicked between her and the dance floor. “I was just heading—”

“Will you dance with me?”

She had barely heard Alistair’s question with how quietly he asked, the music drowning out his words. Evelyn felt her heart skip at the sincerity in his expression and the way his eyes shined as they scanned over her. She wanted to take his hand and yet there was something still holding her back. What was she so damn afraid of? Alistair had offered his hand to her but was now lowering it, his hopeful smile fading into a disappointed frown. It was an expression she was tired of seeing—tired of causing.

Evelyn took in a deep breath, forcing herself to shake away her hesitation and caught Alistair’s hand in her own. “Of course.” She smiled when he looked at her skeptically. “I’ll dance with you.”

“Are you sure?” Alistair asked even as he gripped her hand and stepped closer.

Evelyn nodded and didn’t hold back her enthusiasm. “I wouldn’t want to dance with anybody else.”

The music had changed into another slow tune, one that Evelyn recognized. It was the song Alistair and her had danced to  _years_ ago—the night before…the first time. She almost froze, glancing up at Alistair and unable to hide her suspicion. Alistair faltered a little, a blush creeping up his neck and cheeks. Still, she allowed him to lead them, one arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close while he held their linked hands in the air. Evelyn swayed with him, her heart racing as memories of the song started flooding back.

“You requested this?” She nervously asked.

Alistair hesitated but he knew he couldn’t lie and keep a straight face. When he nodded she felt her own face heat with color. Evelyn softly laughed, forcing herself to keep eye contact. It was difficult but she needed to be brave, just as Aurelie had reminded her the previous day.

“It was on your mix tape.” It was the first and only words that came to Evelyn’s mind as she stared at him, Alistair’s eyes shined in realization.

“You…you listened to that?” He asked, his hand squeezing hers slightly. His surprise made her wonder if he had gone the last few years thinking she had received it and… _ignored_  it. Alistair was frowning and Evelyn felt an extreme guilt wash over her. She hadn’t meant to spoil the moment but it seemed she was always good at that. No wonder they were in the situation they were in.

“Only just recently.” Evelyn explained and shifted closer when Alistair’s expression fell into one of doubt. “I’m sorry I didn’t get your message before now.”

Alistair opened his mouth to speak but quickly snapped his lips shut, his eyes closing tight. He brought their linked hands to his chest, holding her palm flat over his heart. “Is that why you came home?”

Evelyn could feel his heart thumping, the pulse strong against her hand. Alistair slowly opened his eyes and she softly gasped at the glowing intensity of his amber gaze. When she had left his life all those years ago he was already in love with her and his gift had been an attempt to confess and bring her home where she belonged. Evelyn had to wonder if she had heard it back then she would’ve realized her feelings sooner. The fact she had even come across it  _now_  had her thinking this was always destined to happen—that fate had them tied together from the start.

“Yes.” Evelyn finally answered and she gripped the fabric of his jacket between her fingers, trying to find some kind of purchase to ground her in the moment. She needed to remind herself that this was  _real_  and that she had nowhere else left to hide. There was no reason to deny what she was sure he already knew. Alistair was still staring at her with a ferocity that had her whole body growing hot.

“Evelyn, I—” He paused and Evelyn felt a panic rise in her even as he continued. “Tell me.”

She understood what he meant—her confession was on the tip on her tongue and her body froze in his arms. Evelyn could feel her eyes going wide and after a moment she could swear her heart stopped beating. Alistair was waiting and the more time that passed the more she knew she was only disappointing him further.

The song stopped and applause rang out all around them, pulling them both from the moment. Alistair kept her close to him even as they looked to see Aurelie and Cullen smiling brightly, waving to the crowd of spectators. The married couple sent a knowing look in their direction and finally Evelyn pulled herself from Alistair’s embrace. His hand still had hers pressed to his chest, keeping her in place as they eyed each other.

“Not now.” Evelyn raised her voice a little as louder as more upbeat music filled the room. All the couples around them were laughing as they danced, their uninhibited joy something Evelyn envied. Alistair’s jaw set in frustration and Evelyn nearly lost herself if it weren’t for the way the bride and groom approached.

“Not  _yet_.” Evelyn whispered as he dropped her hand from his.  It was a promise she wanted to keep, for both their sakes.

Alistair didn’t seem completely satisfied but forced a sense of neutrality to his features before flashing a small smile at Aurelie and Cullen. Evelyn hated how easy it was for her to feign cheerfulness, though she  _was_ happy for her friends and didn’t want to take from that. Her smile was genuine as Aurelie hugged her first, followed by Cullen. They hugged Alistair too, their expressions elated and for a moment Cullen squeezed the other man tight to his chest.

“We just wanted to thank you.” Aurelie started, pausing as Cullen returned to her side and linked their hands.

“Again.” Cullen finished with a laugh. “For everything you’ve done to help.”

“We couldn’t have done all this without you.” Aurelie continued and Evelyn noted the way her eyes were glazing over with emotion as she flicked her gaze between her and Alistair. “I’m so thankful to have you both as friends.”

Evelyn wasn’t sure what to say and she took a quick glance to find Alistair just as speechless. “I—I’m glad too.” She finally replied. “Thank you for including us.”

Cullen chuckled, motioning to Alistair. “Without him I would’ve never asked Aurelie out.” He continued to grin. “Of  _course_  we would include you.”

“Keep talking like that and I’ll make another embarrassing speech.” Alistair joked. They shared in the laughter before Aurelie reached over, grabbing Evelyn’s hands.

She was confused for a minute as the bride pulled her away. “Come on, I’m going to throw the bouquet!”

“Already?” Evelyn asked, tossing one last glance over her shoulder to Alistair. He seemed content enough to be left with Cullen but she could still see the uncertainty lingering in his expression.

Aurelie pulled Evelyn’s focus back towards what was happening. The DJ had made the announcement causing many to flood the dance floor but it had Evelyn digging her heels in place to prevent being pulled in. Aurelie ran ahead but before Evelyn could make a break for it she found herself boxed in by the crowd of women. It wasn’t exactly the situation she wanted to be dragged into, especially after leaving a rather tense situation with Alistair.

It was going to be hard to spend the rest of the evening pretending nothing was wrong and more than that she needed to prepare what she wanted to tell Alistair—what she should’ve told him  _months_ ago. Evelyn wasn’t paying attention when Aurelie threw the bouquet over her shoulder, too focused on her inner turmoil. The ladies in front of Evelyn all grabbed for the flowers but the bundle simply bounced off their hands and heads. Out of some kind of weird instinct or reaction Evelyn reached out and before her mind could catch up to what she was doing the bouquet was in her hands.

“Oh.” Evelyn mumbled to herself before widening her eyes at what had happened. The women around her were staring and straight ahead Aurelie was beaming, looking overly pleased with the outcome. “ _Oh_.”

Evelyn knew how the tradition went and felt her throat tighten as a new wave of anxiety washed over. Aurelie rushed back over to her and Evelyn forced a smile as her friend hugged her.

“If that isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is.” Aurelie spoke into her ear, twisting her around slightly. Evelyn wondered if she had done it on purpose so she could see the grouping of men on the sidelines. Her eyes instantly found Alistair, surprise etched into his features as Cullen laughed next to him.

The guests returned to the dance floor when the music started up again, a more upbeat song setting the mood for the rest of the evening. Cullen swept Aurelie up into his arms almost instantly and Evelyn watched as they faded into the crowd. She half expected Alistair to be nearby but when she turned she couldn’t spot him. After a moment of standing awkwardly on the dance floor she moved away, returning to her chair at the wedding party table.

Evelyn was content to stay there and observe the party, thinking it was the best place to be just in case Aurelie needed her help with anything. She ate her meal and chatted with the occasional guest but for the most part she was by herself. She wondered where Alistair had disappeared to, a nagging part of her wondering if he had retired to his hotel room early. Evelyn shook the thought from her head and continued watching the night unfold, her fingers absentmindedly brushing over the flowers of the bouquet she had caught.

“Mind if I join you?”

Evelyn wondered how long she had been zoning out to not notice Cullen’s approach. She politely smiled and silently agreed, eyeing him as he sat down in the chair next to her. He took a moment to adjust himself, shedding his tux jacket and loosening his bowtie. Evelyn had to laugh at the obvious exhaustion.

“You can’t let yourself get  _too_  tired.” Evelyn joked. “Save some energy for the honeymoon.”

“Okay  _Alistair_.” Cullen teased right back with a wink. Evelyn rolled her eyes, knowing she had deserved that. All her time spent with the man had made her better at wisecracking.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” Cullen asked next and Evelyn shrugged. She scanned over the floor once more, smiling when she finally found Alistair dancing with Aurelie. They seemed to be engaged in a conversation of their own, their expressions hard to read. “And don’t tell me it’s because you don’t have a partner.”

“You two have a lot of faith in us, don’t you?” Evelyn suddenly asked, knowing where the conversation was going. She kept her smile, not wanting to make Cullen think she was being confrontational. “That we’ll be okay.”

“I hope you two are  _more_ than okay.” Cullen corrected her, a soft laugh behind his words. “Alistair deserves it…you deserve it…” He glanced at her as he took a long pause.

“What?” Evelyn questioned.

Cullen shook his head a little. “When I first met Alistair, I swear I learned more about you than him at first.”

That made Evelyn smile and warmth started to radiate in her heart. Cullen reached his hand to place it over hers. She eyed the interaction but didn’t protest.

“He wouldn’t stop talking about you and for a long time I thought you were his sweetheart—a girlfriend he was in love with but separated from.” Cullen explained. “I didn’t learn about the truth of your relationship until you came back to live with him but even then it was hard to ignore the love he felt for you.”

Evelyn nodded. “I know.”

“Do you?” Cullen argued. “Evelyn, he’s been in love with you since—”

“I know.” Evelyn repeated and flipped her hand to squeeze Cullen’s before pulling it to her lap. “I just didn’t know until now.”

“You’re going to tell him, right?” Cullen questioned.

Evelyn hesitated before nodding her head faintly. “I’m still…unbelievably nervous but…I want everything to be—”

“It will be.” Cullen interrupted with an encouraging smile before flicking his gaze over Evelyn’s shoulder. At first she thought it was Alistair before Aurelie came into view, leaning over to kiss Cullen’s cheek.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Aurelie said but the two shook their head. “It’s your turn,  _husband.”_

Cullen laughed as he stood and the two left Evelyn once more. “Yes,  _wife_.”

Evelyn sat confused for a moment before the DJ made another announcement. She chuckled to herself as she watched Aurelie sit down in a chair, the spotlight on the bride and groom as Cullen knelt down before her. The groomsmen and other male guests joined them on the dance floor, the group of them hooting suggestively as Cullen slowly lifted Aurelie’s wedding dress up her legs.

Alistair was among them though his enthusiasm seemed forced but Evelyn could still tell he was enjoying the humor of the situation. The crowd continued to urge Cullen on, a low whistle echoing through the room as he bared more of Aurelie’s leg. He inched her garter belt down with his fingers before leaning forward, much of the crowd gasping before laughing as Cullen pulled the fabric down the rest of the way with his teeth.

Evelyn almost fell from her chair in laughter, knowing that the very  _male_ tradition didn’t necessarily call for such a brazen act. Still it was fun to watch Aurelie nearly melt in her chair, her hands flying to her face as Cullen finished his task. He held the prize in his hands for a moment, showing it off to the crowd before hooking it around his fingers, meaning to shoot it towards the gathered men. Evelyn continued to watch and was amused by the way some of the guys seemed more eager than others…particularly Alistair.

Cullen aimed his shot before releasing and while Evelyn didn’t mean to she held her breath as it flung high up into the air before landing…right on Alistair’s head. She felt her mouth fall open in shock, and almost forgot to take a breath when he plucked it from his hair with a dumbfounded expression. Cullen was doubled over in laughter, as were most of the other guests but Aurelie was looking directly at Evelyn from across the short distance.

For Evelyn to catch the bride’s bouquet was  _one_ thing but this? This was far beyond coincidence. If Evelyn didn’t know any better she’d say the whole situation was planned from the start. She couldn’t find it in herself to get mad or even annoyed, the embarrassment winning out when she found Alistair staring at her as well. He offered a very nervous smile, one that Evelyn copied until the crowd surrounded him.

The music picked up again and the DJ signaled it would continue until the party was over. Evelyn watched the bride and groom comingle with their guests for a little while longer but it didn’t take them long to return to where she sat. They were struggling to hold back their excited grins and Aurelie wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Evelyn.

“You know what they say—”

“Don’t start.” Evelyn stopped them before they could say anything, Cullen and Aurelie sharing a laugh as they simply gathered their belongings from the table.

“Don’t worry.” Aurelie leaned over to give her a hug and Evelyn found comfort in the embrace. “We’ve decided to let the universe take care of the rest.”

“Since it already seemed to be working for the two of you.” Cullen added before giving her a hug as well. “We’re going to…”

“Go have wild, passionate sex in our honeymoon suite.” Aurelie finished, causing Cullen to flush with color and Evelyn to laugh.

Just before they left her Aurelie gave her an encouraging smile. “It will be alright.”

“Thank you.” Evelyn appreciated her words, her eyes following them as they snuck out from the party unnoticed.

A relief came over her when she realized she didn’t need to worry about her friends or her duty has maid of honor any longer. The relief was quickly outgrown as her anxiety from before returned, this time stronger than ever. With Aurelie and Cullen gone, it was now time for her and Alistair to resolve…everything. She looked for him on the dance floor, continuing to scan the room when she couldn’t spot him. A worse fear than before returned when she wondered if he too had left. Was he not ready to face her? Was he saving her the embarrassment of rejection by abandoning her now instead of later?

Evelyn shook the doubt from her head, hating the way her heart and mind continued to fight her. She tried not to blame herself  _too_ much, knowing full well there were a multitude of reasons why she was so guarded and afraid of love. But this was Alistair and his love and his heart was pure—far more than she had ever expected to find in her life and yet it had been right in front of her the entire time. He wouldn’t leave her now, not ever.

She continued to gather her thoughts, mustering the courage to get up and find Alistair. Even if he  _had_ left, she wasn’t sure if he had checked into his hotel room or returned to the apartment. She figured he didn’t have his cell-phone as they had left their belongings in the hotel earlier that day to avoid losing anything important. Evelyn began rehearsing what she wanted to tell him, tasting the words on her tongue and forming the words under her breath.

 _I love you—I’m in love with you_. Simple and yet the hardest thing she was sure she would ever had to say or do. Finally Evelyn pushed herself from her spot, grabbing the bouquet before slowly searching through the room. It was getting late and other guests had started to retire for the evening, thinning the crowd and yet she did not see Alistair anywhere. Had he really left?

Evelyn could feel herself giving up, her chest becoming heavy as she neared the exit. She exited the ballroom, throwing one last glance at the party behind her before turning around. Evelyn froze in place when she instantly found what she had been looking for. Alistair was sitting in the hotel lobby, his tux jacket hooked over an arm and hotel keys in hand. As soon as she entered the area he was staring right at her and she wondered how long he had been waiting.  _Too long_ , she surmised—in more ways than one. It didn’t matter if she still was still terrified, unsure of what to say—they needed to talk and it was happening tonight, just as they agreed.

It was time.


	17. Sweetest Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> art by feylen! <3

_“After the wedding, when we don’t we don’t have any responsibilities to share that involve our friends…we should talk about…us.”_

 

Alistair had agreed to her terms even though he was certain he had done enough waiting to last several lifetimes. His patience had started to grow thin during the wedding with how skittish Evelyn was behaving. One moment he swore she was on the verge of pulling him away to pour her heart out and the next he thought perhaps she would be admitting something different when they found themselves alone. It caused a flurry of emotions—irritation followed by guilt for being angry with her and his ever-present anxiety. Beneath it all was what was present from the very beginning—he was irrefutably, undoubtedly  _in love_ with Evelyn and would be forever—regardless of tonight’s outcome.  

Alistair sat in the lobby of the hotel as he waited for Evelyn, unable to focus on anything but the sound of his beating heart. The tightness in his throat caused him to loosen his bowtie, his fingers shaking as he popped open the top buttons of his shirt to let in some air on his skin. Nothing had happened and he was already a wreck. He shook his head as he reminded himself that  _everything_ that had occurred over the past few months gave him cause to feel so jumpy.

He had just gotten his breathing under control when the ballroom doors opened and Evelyn practically froze for a moment where she stood as their eyes met. Alistair’s heart seized up before pounding rapidly against his ribcage, forcing him to stand up. Evelyn slowly walked towards him, her eyes darting away repeatedly but in the end always meeting his. It was obvious to tell by her shaky steps and expression that she was just as nervous about what was about to happen.

She flashed a tiny sideways smile as they finally stood face to face. “So…here we are.”

 

“Yes.” Alistair answered, clenching his jaw to prevent himself from saying anything stupid. He glanced around at their surroundings—this wasn’t where he expected to have their  _conversation_. Evelyn seemed to take notice and glanced down at the hotel keys in his hand. He handed her one of the cards with his own uneasy expression. “We’re on the same floor. Across the hall.”

“Let’s talk upstairs.” Evelyn suggested and Alistair nodded, waiting for her to move ahead of him before following.

He had to wonder if they were not in this situation what tonight would be like. More joking about how she had caught the bride’s bouquet and how he had caught the garter belt and teasing each other about what it  _meant_. Alistair couldn’t stop looking over at Evelyn as they took the elevator up, wondering what his life would have been like if they had never been friends…if they had never met. His chest felt hollow at the thought but at the same time he wasn’t sure if he could deal with being rejected  _again_. Alistair liked to believe that he could be her friend without anything else but their actions since his confession proved otherwise. He still couldn’t determine what hurt worse—the thought of losing her friendship or her love.

Evelyn walked ahead of him down the hallway and only stopped when they were outside their respective hotel rooms. They shared a knowing glance and Evelyn fumbled a little with her keycard as she unlocked the door, choosing a room for them. She held the door open and silently gestured for Alistair to enter before her and he did, flicking the lamp on so there was at least  _some_ light before setting his blazer down. Evelyn leaned against the door as she closed it and continued to keep her back to Alistair even after she secured the lock.

He could see that her body was trembling, movements shaky as she slowly stepped away from the door. Evelyn kept her head down, one fist securely gripped around the bouquet she had caught just hours ago. Her other hand brushed across the petals and the longer the silence dragged on the more Alistair was growing frustrated. He understood she was scared but at the same time he had told her time and time again she had no reason to be. He didn’t want to have to be the one to say something first—he already  _had_ when he confessed his feelings all those months ago on that stormy morning. Evelyn stepped further into the room but kept her distance and continued to stare at the floor.

Finally Alistair sighed out in a disgruntled tone. “Evelyn.”

At the sound of her name she shot her head up. Her eyes were wide, the green of her irises shining with an emotion Alistair couldn’t pinpoint. Evelyn’s chin wobbled a little as she moved closer, outstretching her arm to rest the flowers on the nearby table before crossing her hands back across her chest. She stepped closer, but still hadn’t said anything and her gaze struggled to stay locked on his.

“ _Evelyn_.” He was firmer this time, taking a step towards her. Evelyn flinched upright but didn’t move away, her alarmed gasp giving him pause but only for a moment. “You wanted to wait until after the wedding to talk.”

“Yes.” She finally answered meekly and for once her eyes didn’t leave his. Alistair relaxed his posture, not meaning to or wanting to alarm her. Why was this so difficult? Why was this turning into something it didn’t need to be?

Evelyn remained quiet and he urged her again. “So talk.”

“I—” Evelyn’s voice cracked with emotion and her cheeks flushed almost instantly. Alistair nearly choked as his heart pounded forward again but kept his composure. “Maker Alistair, I’m so sorry for all this.”

He closed his eyes in disbelief and his body went numb, heart dropping into the pit of his stomach.  _Of course_. He clenched his teeth as hot angry tears stung the corner of his eyes but he held them back; he wouldn’t cry in front of her.

Evelyn seemed unashamed of how her emotions were spilling over as she continued. “For everything that has happened that last few—”

“Just stop.” He cut her off, lifting a hand to run down over his face in exhaustion. “I get it.”

Hesitantly he met her gaze and the look of confusion on her face. “Alistair?”

He shook his head and frowned. “You’re sorry because you don’t feel the same way—you don’t love me like I love you.” He dropped his eyes to the floor. “I don’t know if we can be friends, Evelyn. I can’t—”

Alistair faltered a bit and moved past her, needing to get away for the time being…or perhaps, forever. Evelyn didn’t let him get very far, her arm reaching out and fingers grasping his wrist in a light hold. It stopped him for a brief moment but it was all she needed.

“Alistair!” Evelyn’s hand yanked on his, turning him around. She pulled her hand away but stayed right in front of him. “I—I’m telling you that I love you.”

He heard Evelyn’s words but the full realization of what they meant didn’t hit him until several moments later. Alistair blinked and focused his vision on Evelyn’s face and her sparkling emerald eyes that he had fallen in love with… _who knew_  how long ago. They were shining over with unshed tears as they scanned over his face. There was the smallest tint of pink to her cheeks and for a half-second Evelyn dared to flash a hopeful nervous smile.  _Maker_ —Alistair thought—he had been a fool to jump to such a conclusion.

Evelyn stepped closer so there was almost no distance between them and Alistair could almost see her walls crumbling as she dared herself to be brave. She had already taken the first step and now  _he_ was the speechless one. Her hand moved to his, a few of her fingers hooking around his own. Evelyn lifted her other hand to the side of his face, her palm hovering over his cheek as her fingers rested against the hair behind his ear.

Alistair never took his eyes from her as he threaded their fingers together, lifting his other hand to gently rest on her waist. Evelyn pressed her hand on the side of his face, her thumb softly brushing over his cheek. Her gaze suddenly dropped and Alistair hated the way he had created a tense moment after all she had said. It wasn’t what he wanted—not in the slightest.

“Evelyn.” He whispered, squeezing her hand when she continued staring at his chest. “Look at me.”

Evelyn took in a shaky breath but slowly lifted her eyes to his. The unshed tears were now dusting her eyelashes, and her apprehension was apparent. Why had he doubted her? That wasn’t what tonight should’ve been.

“Say it again.” Alistair spoke softly, lifting his arm so he could rest his hand on the middle of her back. He scooted her closer to him, leaning his head into her touch with a small encouraging smile. “Say it.”

Evelyn took in a sharp and quiet breath though she seemed willing to copy his expression. “I love you.” If he weren’t standing so close he wouldn’t have heard her words. “Alistair, I love you.”

The joy Alistair felt was indescribable, the warmth that filled his body something he had never felt before. Sure he had felt something similar when he first realized his feelings for Evelyn but to know she felt the same and to hear it from her lips was something  _entirely_ different. His emotions came bubbling up to the surface but instead of angry tears spilling over onto his cheeks they were ones of sheer happiness.

Evelyn was quick to wipe them away with the pad of her thumb, her expression knitting into one of guilt. “I’m so sorry for taking so long to say it.”

“No.” Alistair breathed a small laugh and took his hand away from hers so he could lift it to her face. “No more apologies, okay?”

He pushed his fingers back through her hair, cradling her head and tipping her chin up slightly. He was reminded of their first kiss and couldn’t help the grin that pulled at his lips—how backwards they had gone about this whole relationship and yet still ended up at the same conclusion. Evelyn kept her eyes on his even as he dipped his head down, struggling to hide her own smile. They kept their eyes open until the last possible second, only closing them as their lips met.  

It was like falling in love all over again with the rush of emotions that came over him. Alistair thought that when your life flashed before your eyes it meant you were dying but perhaps it happened in good times as well. He saw them as children meeting for the first time with their parents, going to school together, the hospital when he thought he had lost her…

Alistair pulled her closer—the arm around her waist tightening so there was no space between them. Evelyn copied his movements, hooking both her arms around his shoulders as they continued. He deepened the kiss, sweeping his tongue along her lips and sighing when she immediately opened to him. They stayed like that for as long as they could and only pulled away when breath became a necessity.

Evelyn’s face was flushed with color when Alistair peeked open his eyes to look at her and he smirked, taking a moment to steady his breathing. He rested his forehead against hers.

Unable to hold back his delight he asked her again. “You love me?”

“Yes.” Evelyn answered. “I—I don’t know why I was so…afraid to say it before.” She was smiling and it gave even more truth to her words. “I should’ve said it so long ago, that’s why I was—”

Alistair shook his head, silently reminding her that she didn’t need to say that she was sorry. He lowered his arms so they were wrapped around her waist. “You don’t know how happy you’ve made me Evelyn.”

“You’re an idiot for thinking I was going to say something else.” Evelyn responded with a soft chuckle. “I guess I could’ve started with a better sentence.”  

Alistair laughed as he squeezed her closer, burying his face into the crook of her neck. “Yes, I’m a fool. But I’m  _your_  fool.”

“I suppose I am stuck with you now.” Alistair pulled away slightly to catch the teasing glint in her expression, her soft smile growing the longer he gazed at her. “Alistair, you’re staring.”

“I love you.” He finally whispered before bowing his head down to kiss her again. The elation of being able to do so without hesitation or fear of being pushed away made Alistair feel like never stopping. He realized he hadn’t said it enough times yet. “ _I love you_.”

“I love you.” She repeated back with a giggle and they shared the same knowing look as they flicked their eyes to the bed.

Alistair’s cheeks flushed and he wondered why he suddenly felt so nervous. This was everything he had ever wanted—the outcome he had been dreaming about but this was still  _Evelyn_  and Maker did the woman know how to make him turn into a bumbling fool. It made sense for the sequence of events to follow to include the two of them to end up in bed together but he didn’t want to rush. Now that they were  _here_ —now that she was in his arms he wanted to take his time and take the right steps. If Alistair could only remember what those steps were.  _Andraste preserve him_ ; it was going to turn out to be worse than their first time.

Shaking that thought from his mind he captured her lips in another kiss, keeping it light and chaste as he thought about how to proceed. Evelyn seemed content to allow him to lead—waiting to follow his cues or at least was comfortable with the pace he was setting. Alistair briefly smiled against her mouth as he adjusted his arms around her waist, one dipping a little lower to hoist her up into his embrace.

His grip on her slipped when his arm gave out and he cursed under his breath, not believing he had forgotten about his injured arm. She clung to him, jumping a little to wrap her legs around his hips. Evelyn laughed against his mouth as he let out a small-disgruntled noise.

“Don’t drop me.” She teased and he shook his head.

“I won’t.” Alistair voiced as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “Not intentionally.” Alistair mumbled between kisses.

Evelyn shifted a little so she was more comfortably straddling his lap, her thighs on either side of his. She framed his face with both her hands, thumbs wiping away the last of his tears as her fingers combed through his hair. Her grin was coy as her eyes scanned over his face.

“What next?” She asked.

“Right now?” Alistair rested his hands on her sides, running his fingers over the fabric of her dress. “I just want to hold you and kiss you.”

He did just that, bowing his head down and smiling when she met him halfway. Evelyn slid her hands down to rest on his shoulders as the kiss intensified for only a brief moment before they pulled away to gaze into each other’s eyes.

Her laugh came out in a small puff of breath. “And then what?”

“And then…” Alistair felt his desire for Evelyn spark alive, his entire body igniting with warmth. Her eyes lit up in recognition and Alistair gently squeezed his hands along her hips. “And then I’m going to make love to you.”

Evelyn’s lips fell open slightly in a small gasp, her chest expanding in a deep breath as his words washed over her. There was a small blush on her cheeks—something that amused Alistair but also gave him comfort. It seemed that the nervousness would take some time to get past. Tentatively he tilted his head down to kiss her again, his pace just as slow as before.

When Evelyn’s finger’s clenched at the front of his shirt he took it as his cue, sliding his hands around her waist. One scooted her further into his lap while the other went to the back of her dress, tugging a little on the zipper. The kiss grew more passionate as he worked, Evelyn leaning closer into him. Her fingers slipped underneath the collar of Alistair’s shirt, her fingers splaying over his skin and further stoking the flames within him. It made him impatient to do the same to her.

“Hmmph.” Alistair pulled away from their kiss when the zipper of her dress didn’t budge. He glanced over her shoulder at it, frowning when he couldn’t get it to go down.

“Alistair.” Evelyn snickered and he felt a moan get caught in his throat as she leaned down to kiss the exposed column of his throat, her fingers slowly working loose the buttons of his shirt. She spoke his name again against his skin before pulling away, flicking up to gaze at him from under her lashes. “Let me.”

Alistair hesitantly let Evelyn leave his lap, his head tilting back to stare up at her as she stood between his legs. She started with kicking off her heels, the two sharing a soft bout of laughter at how short it suddenly made her. When she brought her hands behind her back she shot him a confused expression.

“What is with you and zippers?”

Alistair rolled his eyes, his face warming in embarrassment as he thought back to their first time and how he had fumbled so much they had skipped over so much. He didn’t want that tonight. Evelyn wiggled it free but reached for his hand, silently urging him to finish the task. She turned a little to give him better access and inch-by-inch Alistair watched more of her alabaster skin come exposed. With no straps to hold the dress up it fell into a puddle of dark blue at her ankles, Evelyn kicked it out of the way.

Beneath she wore an ensemble he had never had the  _pleasure_ of seeing before—delicate lace in an emerald green that matched her eyes and was very simply…Evelyn. Alistair smiled as he trailed his eyes up the length of her body until they were locked on hers, but faltered when he noted her body language was a little guarded. Her hands hovered over her stomach right over her scar and he could tell that her nerves were beginning to outshine his. He knew that regardless of how anxious he felt he needed to have enough courage for the both of them.

Alistair cupped her hands in his and pulled her a few steps closer, holding her arms out at her sides. Evelyn brought her bottom lip between her teeth as her blush increased, perhaps from the close proximity of his face to her thighs. As tempted as he was to kiss her skin and thoroughly worship her he held back for the moment.

“Evelyn.” He kept his eyes fixated on hers. “I love you. I’ve been in love with you for…” He trailed and breathed a laugh when he couldn’t think of the right thing to say next.

Evelyn flashed a bashful grin, tilting her head to side a little. “For…?”

“For as long as I can remember.” Alistair continued. “I’ve dreamed about this.”

Alistair moved his hands to her sides, sliding them up and down her soft skin. Tiny speckles of gooseflesh appeared beneath his fingers as he leaned forward to kiss her flesh, starting below her navel. Evelyn’s breath hitched slightly as he followed the trail of her scar upwards with his lips. He moved higher until he was forced to stand, dipping his head down to press a new trail of kisses along the hem of her bra.

Evelyn lifted her hands to his chest, pushing her hands upwards to his shoulders beneath his open shirt. She pulled it down his arms until he shrugged it off, the rest of the fabric hanging out from his pants. Her fingers roamed his chest as he continued to kiss along hers, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin of her neck before soothing it over with sweeps of his tongue. Alistair slid his hands to her back as their lips met again and decided right then that regardless of how much he enjoyed teasing her body with kisses he would always enjoy kissing her on the mouth the most.

She giggled beneath her breath as they parted. “You  _are_ a good kisser.”

“ _See_?” Alistair flashed a sideways grin and Evelyn’s laughter grew as she nodded, pressing her own trail of kisses down his jaw and neck. Her hands moved too—nimble fingers working on undoing his belt.

Alistair wiggled his feet out of his loafers, kicking them away from where they were standing. It was just in time for Evelyn to unzip his pants, the loose fabric falling from his hips and falling to his feet. He pushed that away with his foot as well before focusing his attention  _her_. He pulled her closer to her his body, the lack of clothes making his arousal obvious, allowing her to feel the way it was beginning to strain against his boxer-briefs.

“What you do to me.” Alistair groaned as they embraced, rolling his hips against hers as Evelyn hummed her approval in a kiss pressed against the shell of his ear. He hooked his fingers into her bra, glancing over her shoulder to make sure he got it undone in one go. He let it fall and pulled back to drink her in, his hands sliding over to cup her breasts.

Evelyn moaned as his thumbs brushed over her nipples, her head rolling back as he applied more pressure. Alistair bent his body over to copy his fingers’ movements, his tongue caressing the pebbled skin into small peaks. Her sounds only spurred him on—Alistair sucking and nipping at her breasts until Evelyn was crying out to the Maker. He was not yet satisfied.

Alistair lowered himself to his knees before her, glancing up to catch the way her expression nearly melted in realization of his intentions. A shiver ran through body as he kissed her hipbone, hooking his fingers into her panties so he could work his mouth lower. Evelyn’s fingers combed through his hair as he placed open mouth kisses to the top of her thighs, a shaky breath leaving her as he tugged the fabric down across her knees. He never broke his gaze from hers and when the lace undergarments were out of the way he ran his hands up the length of her legs starting at her ankles.

“You are…the most beautiful woman.” Alistair whispered as he peppered kisses against her shin and the inside of her knee. He moved higher, nudging her legs apart slightly to make room for his head.

Evelyn took in a sharp breath before gulping. “Alistair I—”

“I want you.” He nuzzled the side of his face against her inner thigh, still looking up at her shining eyes. “ _This_ …if you’ll let me.”

She quivered under his touch as he slipped one hand higher up, his erection growing when he felt the heat radiating from her. Evelyn finally nodded and Alistair advanced, practically moaning with her when his fingers breached her folds. She was already wet, her arousal coating his fingers as he teased her entrance. He withdrew to swipe upwards to her clit, circling a few times if only to hear the sweet sounds of her voice echoing in the room around him.

Before Alistair continued he lifted her knee, hooking it over his shoulder to spread her wider and give him better access. Evelyn let out an alarmed gasp as she hobbled on one foot but Alistair balance her with his arms so she wouldn’t fall. “I’ve got you.”

Her fingers gripped into his hair to steady herself some more as he inched his face closer and Alistair took one last glance up at her before pressing his nose to her clit. Evelyn writhed against him at the contact and he braced her against his face as he continued, licking a slow stripe against her slit before focusing on her nub, wrapping his lips around the sensitive bundle.

“ _Alistair_.” The way she sighed his name—he wanted her to say it again and again—tonight, tomorrow morning… _forever_. There he was—kneeling before the woman he loved and worshiping her body like the perfection she was and Evelyn was calling his name out to the Maker above. He was a lucky man.

Evelyn jerked her body against him and he could tell she was losing her balance, regardless of how hard he tried to keep her steady with his arms. Even though he didn’t want to stop he pulled away and quickly scooped her up, placing her onto the mattress. Evelyn was staring at him with a breathless smile, her body wiggling a little from his previous ministrations.

“I wish you didn’t stop.” She sighed, eyeing him as he stretched out to lie next to him.

“I didn’t want to.” Alistair assured “I didn’t want you to fall though.”

Evelyn smiled when his eyes started to roam over her nude body. She was flush with color, various spots of her skin marked from his teeth and kisses. Alistair knew his skin probably looked just as similar. The moment seemed to settle down as they lay facing each other but Alistair didn’t mind. He leaned in to kiss her when Evelyn lifted up her hand, pressing on his chin.

“Will you turn off the light?” Evelyn suddenly asked, causing him to pull away.

Alistair perked up a brow. “What?” Didn’t she want him to see her? “Why?”

“So you don’t have to leave the bed after…” She laughed and Alistair grinned as he stole a kiss from her.

“ _This_ is why I love you.” He exclaimed before moving from the mattress, rushing over to the light switch and flicking it off.

Even with the room darkened the outer curtains had been left open, letting open just enough moonlight for Alistair to see Evelyn laying in the bed waiting for him. The sight had him speechless, feet frozen at the foot of the bed—how long he had waited for this moment…he wanted to take a second to memorize the details. His eyes scanned over the room before landing on her body once more.

He took the liberty of shedding his boxers–Evelyn’s eyes darting over his body and making the fire in his gut burst. She smiled as he crawled over her body, her feet sliding up so her knees frames his hips as he hovered over her. Alistair steadied his hands near her shoulders as he stared down at her, his eyes baring into hers and looking for any sign of remorse. He wouldn’t go through with this unless he was sure it was what Evelyn wanted.

Her hands lifted to his face, her soft skin soothing his nerves as she slowly blinked and tilted her head up to kiss him. “I’m not going anywhere, Alistair.” She reassured. “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

It was all Alistair needed.

He lowered himself between her legs, pressing his body as close as he could be without crushing the weight of himself on top of her. Evelyn welcomed him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and spreading herself further to accommodate the width of his hips. Alistair leaned his weight onto one forearm as he reached down between them to grip his length, aligning himself at her entrance before pressing his hand back into the mattress near her head.

Alistair gradually pushed into her, his chest tightening at the overwhelming sensation of finally being inside of her. He eased himself until he was fully seated, pausing to collect his bearings—he wanted to last,  _especially_  tonight. Evelyn pulled him closer, her legs lifting to hook around his hips and ankles crossing over his lower back.

“I—I’m okay.” She rocked her hips up against him, urging him to start moving.

Alistair turned his head to steal a desperate kiss from her lips as he finally started a slow rhythm. His movements were precise but their kiss was sloppy, tongues writhing and mouths trailing off to different patches of skin. Alistair focused on making sure he filled her with every thrust, her pleasure his number one priority.

When he felt himself coiling up he clenched his teeth, shaking his head in disbelief. It was too soon and he needed to make sure  _she_ found release first. Evelyn made a low sound disapproval when he pulled away from her embrace, but he only leaned back on his knees to gain a better angle.

“Oh— _Alistair_!” Evelyn’s nails dug into the skin of his backside as he thrust sharply against her, one hand meeting where they were joined to make quick circles around her swollen nub. “Ah!”

Evelyn continued to cry out as he worked her, his thrusts becoming sporadic and harder to control as she contracted and tightened around him. Her body was shuddering and after a moment her back arched with the first wave of her orgasm.

Alistair loved the sight of her undoing and it only brought him closer to his end. He tightened his grip on her as he quickened his pace. “I love you Evelyn. I love it when you come for me— _with_ me—I love you…”

Evelyn’s whole body seized beneath him as she cried out, his name coming out in pants as she pulled him down on top of her again. Alistair didn’t last for very much longer—snapping his hips against hers one last time as he came. Her body continued to tremble beneath his as they rode out the waves of their pleasure together, slowly rolling their hips until it became too much to bare.

Reluctantly Alistair pulled away from her, using the last of his strength to care for her shaking limbs before collapsing onto the mattress beside her. It took a long time for his breathing to return to a pace in which he could speak but he found it very difficult to move from his position facedown in the sheets.

He turned his head to find Evelyn on her side face him, a bashful grin and small blush tinting her cheeks. One hand reached out to cup the side of his face, her fingers brushing through his hair. “Are you okay?”

“Doesn’t the chantry say we should be struck by lightning for that kind of behavior?” Alistair mused in a delirious tone, wondering if the wedding reception had anything to do with his added exhaustion.

Evelyn softly chuckled at his words. “Not for that performance.”

“Is that so?” Alistair wiggled his eyebrows and finally rolled himself over, prompting Evelyn to snuggle up beside him. Alistair lifted the sheets around them before settling again, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her tight against his chest. He kissed her forehead, smiling against her skin. “Will…will you say it again?”

Evelyn raised a curious eyebrow before flashing a knowing smirk. “I love you Alistair.” Her smile grew. “Will  _you_  say it again?”

He didn’t hesitate. “I love you Evelyn.”


	18. The Way You Make Me Feel

Evelyn was never a morning person—she always dreaded the moment she felt the waking world start to pull her from her dreams. Part of her wondered if it had something to do with liking what the Fade had to offer more than what reality did. This morning seemed to be completely unlike any other in recent memory as she woke up feeling more content and at ease than ever before. Memories of the night before came flooding back and Evelyn smiled to herself as she became more aware of her surroundings and who was next to her—she _never_ wanted to leave this bed.

Alistair’s arm was loose around her waist beneath the sheet, his thumb tracing a small line across her stomach. His movements told her he was awake and she wondered how long he had been lying there waiting for her to wake up. Evelyn breathed out as he slid his hand back across her hip before tracing up her spine, his fingers brushing the hair away from her neck.

She felt him lean in close and kept her eyes closed as he kissed below her ear. Alistair lingered there, his nose nuzzling her temple as he breathed in. His hand continued to trace up and down her back—feather light until she felt goose bumps prickle her skin. Evelyn hummed a little as he continued his trail of kisses where he left off, following the column of her neck before pressing his lips to her shoulders.

Whatever he mumbled was lost on her but she shifted closer, leaning into his embrace as she stretched out her legs. Evelyn opened her eyes just enough to take a glance at him over her shoulder before slowly rolling over to face him. Alistair’s eyes were still closed but his expression was calm and for that Evelyn was glad. She couldn’t help but think of the last time they were in this situation—it hadn’t ended well and…

Evelyn shook her head—that was the past and right now she felt wonderful. She didn’t want to dwell on her mistakes when the future seemed so bright. Alistair’s eyes peeked open a little and he smiled at her.

“Good morning.” Evelyn felt her body warm as Alistair’s gaze flicked down to steal a glance of her naked body beneath the sheets. She breathed out a laugh at the way he nodded.

“Yes.” He sighed. “A good morning.” Alistair shifted his arms around her again and twined his legs with hers. “A  _great_ morning.”  

A comfortable silence fell between them but Evelyn didn’t mind. She could feel herself falling back asleep with the way his hands gently ran up and down her back but fought the feeling if only to stay with him in that moment. Alistair’s eyes were still heavy with sleep as he blinked, a lazy sideways grin on his lips. He placed a slow kiss to her mouth and kept his lips there as he spoke. “The way you make me feel…”

Evelyn smiled, peeking open her eyes to stare into his. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“I know.” Alistair responded, his arms tightening around her waist to bring her closer to his body. He kissed her again before moving his lips to pepper kisses along her face—nose, jaw and eyes. “I love you too.”

They continued to kiss, their movements unrushed. Evelyn couldn’t stop smiling…did this morning ever have to end? “What time is checkout?”

“Hmm?” Alistair shrugged before rolling his body over hers. “Eleven?”

Evelyn felt a moan get caught in her throat as he rolled his hips against hers in one languid motion. Alistair seemed willing and ready to continue and Evelyn was just as eager. “What—what time is it now?”

Alistair paused and lifted his head up to glance at the clock on the nightstand. He chuckled and Evelyn craned her neck to take a look for herself. “Two.”

She joined him in laughter and very quickly their passion melted into humor as Alistair fell onto his side next to her again. Their laughter was infectious—when one of them would calm the other would start up again and for a long while they stayed like that just lost in their own little blissful world. Evelyn kept herself tucked close to him, unwilling to think that they would have to eventually leave the comfort of each other’s embrace. Neither of them seemed willing to move, however.  

“We’re hopeless.” Evelyn sighed as she rested her head against his chest. The steadiness of his heartbeat was calming and she hoped every morning from then on would be like this one.

Alistair shifted them so they were leaning against the pillows and headboard, pulling the comforter up to keep the cocoon of warmth around them. “We’re  _happy._ ”

Evelyn couldn’t argue.

Eventually— _reluctantly_ —the two pulled themselves out of bed and shared in the amusement of their shattered clothes as they retrieved them from the floor. Evelyn knew Alistair was watching her as she dressed and admittedly she felt rather silly putting her bridesmaid dress back on. She turned away from him but Alistair was quick to step close, his hands on her back and fingers pulling the zipper back into place.

“As much as I don’t want to leave…” Alistair wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. “I can’t  _wait_ to go home.”

Evelyn turned to face him and smiled as she buttoned up his shirt but stopped short at the sudden serious expression that Alistair held. “What is it?”

“I—I wanted to…” Alistair seemed uncertain at first before continuing. “I wanted to ask you something.”

Evelyn was a little hesitant at first and wondered if Alistair was about to drop to his knees. “You aren’t…asking me to marry you are you?”

“What?” Alistair yelped, his eyebrows arching in surprise. “ _No_! Maker I’m not—” He stopped and gave her a questionable look. “Why would you think that?”

“You got all serious!” Evelyn struggled to hide her amusement. “What is it Alistair?”

“I just wanted to make sure that…” Alistair made a small gesture between the two of them. “This.  _Us_.” The uncertainty in his eyes had Evelyn worried for a moment. “ _This_  is real. That we’re…together.”

Alistair gripped her hands tightly in his own. “I want to know that you are mine and I am yours…for as long as you’ll have me.”

“For as long as—” Evelyn shook her head at him and couldn’t hold back her smile. Why would he think otherwise? “ _Alistair_ , don’t you mean forever?”

The excitement in his expression had her heart racing. His grin was bright, eyes shining as they locked on hers. “Does that mean…?”

“You’re the one for me.” Evelyn was nodding as she kissed him, tears welling in her eyes and arms wrapping around him tightly. Alistair was quick to return her embrace and eagerly kissed her back, his chest swelling at her words. He understood her meaning loud and clear, grinning against her mouth even as she pulled away.

_“You’re the one for me.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end of this amazing journey. This story has been a labor of love since I started it back in May and I’m a little heartbroken that it’s all over (or is it?). This is the first long-chapter fic I’ve finished in years so I am feeling quite accomplished but I didn’t do it alone. 
> 
> First I would like to thank my amazing beta and friend and cinnawife @anon-omis who would stay up late brainstorming with me over the tiniest of details and encouraged me on days where I struggled to get even a sentence written. The story wouldn’t exist without her. 


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